Thursday, January 17, 2013

Gorepump's Sewer of Short Horror #1

Figured I'd spotlight a few short horror films I've seen over time in 'mini-review' form. I'll probably end up doing a few of these. It's basically brief thoughts for a range of brief horror works of different budget scopes, countries, decades and sources (DVD, online, screeners, etc.). The only "catch" is that none of them surpass 15 minutes...

Cold Blood (2010)

Well, "Cold Blood" is the kind of thing you commonly expect when watching short horror films online. A woman wakes up in a warehouse and a masked killer walks in. He's wearing - what looks like - a hairless Michael Myers mask and prowls around searching for the hiding woman. While he lurks, a man attacks the masked lunatic from behind and, in turn, has his throat slashed with a box cutter. Not a bad looking effect, to be honest. The killer then bashes the fearful broad from behind and begins to stroke her neck, lovingly. She gains the upper hand and beats him repeatedly before sitting next to him and weeping... Stupid bitch. Why? He gets up and she fires a nailgun into his neck. Follow that up with boat propeller finale... Since you're launched right in, the suspense element doesn't quite work. It's the same as watching a random scene from a slasher film. Well shot, but totally standard stuff.

Directed by: Steve Looker
Runtime: 10 minutes

Kitchen Sink (1989)
Quite an aberrant short about a woman who curiously pulls on a strand protruding from her kitchen sink. As the strand gets thicker, a small, lanky creature emerges. It sort of looks like a fetal monkey with polio. The woman drops the seemingly dead thing in the garbage, but regretfully submerges it in running bath water. From there, it grows into a hairy man-beast and shit gets even stranger...

"Kitchen Sink" is a cool David Lynch-inspired film that is pretty dark and creepy. Definitely worth a look.

Directed by: Alison Maclean
Runtime: 14 minutes

Zombie Movie (2005)
"Zombie Movie" is one of the finest post-apocalyptic zombie comedies I have seen in recent years. It begins with and focuses solely on a group of three New Zealand buddies who are trapped in their car during an undead uprising. Out of food, smokes, and stimulating metal band conversation, the trio start getting nutty before the one noble retard of the gang offers up his body as a last food resort... I could've dealt with a bit of an extended runtime on this one. Seems like a flick that may have held up a bit longer had it maintained some clever dialog. Check this one out.

Directed by: Ben Stenbeck
Runtime: 15 minutes

Blinky™ (2011)

This 12-minute short is fairly amusing. It's set in some futuristic society where seemingly upper-class families are able to purchase robots to help them with household chores. A young boy's constantly bickering parents buy him Blinky, an egg shaped android who likes to play - that is, until the kid gets sick of his new "toy" and fucks with it's artificial intelligence so much that Blinky malfunctions and turns homicidal...

"Blinky™" looks pretty much like a Hollywood movie, in terms of visual quality. The CGI effects are good - kind of Pixar-ish, I would say. The only problem was that the 'payoff' was a bit of a letdown (... though still pretty funny, but mostly implied). You can pull this one up on Youtube and check it out...

Directed by: Ruairi Robinson
Runtime: 12 minutes

The Babysitting (2009)
Oh, another fucking babysitter horror flick! Jesus, send more babysitter themed horror films because we clearly don't have enough! Pour 'em on, motherfuckers! Okay, now that I'm through with the sarcasm, I can proceed. "The Babysitting" is SHIT. And yes, it is actually called "The Babysitting". Oooooooooo!! What a spooky title! And original, too! The fucking babysitting! Scary shit!

This Dutch short, directed by Jan Nanne, is about a young broad who goes to babysit a little girl and is chased and apparently killed (in typical "Blair Witch" fashion) by some crazed pint-size in the attic...

Well shot, for the most part, just intent on showing absolutely nothing new. Very cliche build-up and highly predictable ending. It's what shitty short horror tends to be, more so than not...

Directed by: Jan Nanne
Runtime: 10 minutes

The Cat with Hands (2001)
"The Cat with Hands" is as cool as you'd expect. A fucking stop-motion animated cat with functioning human hands that is methodically stealing other body parts in order to become human!

It's a really short one which was kind of a shame since it did have a unique ambience, sedulous production value, and very creepy images. The little kid with the death mask looking face was pretty 'tweak' worthy!

Directed by: Robert Morgan
Runtime: 4 minutes

Rubber Johnny (2005)

At this point, I think everyone has seen this one around the web. "Rubber Johnny" is an immensely bugged out short, directed by Chris Cunningham - previously known for his two off-the-wall Aphex Twin music videos "Come to Daddy" and "Windowlicker". Cunningham's work is predominantly notable for his tremendously nightmarish imagery, made effective by considerably mind-blowing practical effects work...

This experimental head-trip begins with a disfigured face, shown through a night-vision viewpoint, muttering inane gibberish while clearly being interviewed. The title "Rubber Johnny" is then seen written on a condom that is shown being pulled off a dick. Florescent lights flicker on and a nude, crippled mutant sits, breathing hard against a wall. Thus begins a wild laser show with a Techno music video format and psychedelic distortion that is both awesome and oddly disturbing...

Cunningham's talent as a visually tentative auteur leaves me wanting more, like, perhaps, feature films as opposed to 5 minute music videos that brand such lucid and interesting images into the viewer's mind. I would love to see what he could do with some kind of involved story to go along with his unique eye for visceral illusions of incredibly macabre nightmares.

Directed by: Chris Cunningham
Runtime: 6 minutes

More to come...

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