Friday, December 30, 2016

The Sister of Ursula (1978)

"The Sister of Ursula" is a decent 'erotic giallo' that could have certainly strengthened its overall impression on me had it upped its game on the violence factor a bit. Still, one can't complain too much with a flick so loaded with incredibly sexy naked ladies.

Two sisters - one seemingly normal and one exhibiting behavioral problems (both hot...) - arrive at a ritzy Italian hotel in search of their estranged mother to divvy up their father's inheritance with. Shortly after they show up, people around the hotel begin turning up murdered - mostly slutty women who make the mistake of paying the killer to watch them have sex from the closet before the looky-loo emerges with, what appears to be a giant hard-on (seen via shadow silhouette on the wall...). They're eventually found with mangled lady-parts and the police investigation is weighing heavy on the hotel owner. There's also some shit going on with Ursula (the mentally troubled sister...) and her apparent psychic powers and a heroin addict trying to hook up with the hotel's lounge singer...

The storyline here is a little hit-and-miss; tending to drag in spots and get a little long-winded, while throwing in a decent curve-ball here 'n' there. The kill scenes are pretty rushed, non-gory and few and far between, which definitely adds to the movies slowness at times. As I mentioned, however, the saving grace of "Ursula" is in the nudity and 'soft-core' scenes that are frequent enough to give this flick a solid recommendation.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

A Woman Possessed (1975)

"A Woman Possessed" is an entertaining French 'sexploitation' sleaze-fest with a suitable amount of gore and weirdness to keep things interesting.

An artist is trying to earn his way into a faction of witches by going through a series of painful initiation rituals. Turns out, in order to become one of them, he has to get his diffident wife involved in the process. She ends up taking the brunt of the abuse as her hubby begins fucking one of the head witches in hopes of spawning an offspring that will fully indoctrinate him into their coven...

First off - as other reviews I have read have confirmed - the subtitles to this one shouldn't be read too intently as they really don't make much sense. This I noticed as well, but I would say it doesn't really matter. The movie comes across just fine based on it's visual merits with plenty of newd dancing, rape and whippings. You also got a chick being groped by a lizard-man in a cave and ceremonial human cum/chicken blood drinking. This one does NOT disappoint. Definitely recommending "A Woman Possessed" to 70s sleaze-hounds!

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

31 (2016)

I'm actually kinda torn on this one. On one hand, it's Rob Zombie's most shamelessly gore-charged, 'violent-music-video' style movie since his debut, "House of 1000 Corpses" - a flick I've always admittedly dug for that particular 'tone'. On the other, "31" appears to be his most phoned-in film to date. Zombie made it abundantly clear in an interview about this movie where he basically says that this was just a money-maker to help fund his next passion project. In all fairness, I can't say I care too much in the end, but compared to most of his other movies (good or bad...), his candid apathy DOES resonate on-screen with this one.

The set-up is that of your usual -  RV of people traveling the rural back roads (this time it's a group of carnies...) are ambushed by a gang of goons after finding some creepy scarecrows blocking the road. Half of the carnie crew is killed, the other half are kidnapped and whisked off to a factory where some "Eyes Wide Shut" creeps in powdered wigs force them to play "31". The annual Halloween-set 'game' involves placing their captives in a "Most Dangerous Game"-type of situation for 12-hours and forcing them to fight for their lives against a series of armed clown sadists while 'odds' are stacked on the likelihood of their survival...

That's essentially the movie. Very little time is put into character development or establishing any kind of 'build-up' or suspense. It's essentially just showing you the soon-to-be victims long enough to know you don't give a fuck about them and then clown carnage. Think "Battle Royal", just dumbed WAY down. Zombie simply rehashed that extremely familiar concept, hyped it to his fans to get crowd-funding and then just jammed in everything he has become known for during his film-making career: clowns, Sherri Moon Zombie, over-the-top redneckery, colorful/graffiti-covered sets and gore. And, I must concede, it's hard to totally hate something like this. Unless of course you hate everything Rob Zombie has done or dislike violent/'vulgar' films in general. Perhaps I'm being too 'nice', but picking apart a movie like "31" is redundant because it's just there to serve as mindless, wacky eye-candy of chainsaw-vag mutilation, Spanish Nazi-clown midgets, throat-slittings, skull-crushings, etc. It's a 'funhouse' flick of visual 'flash'. That said, my most major gripe with "31" would be that it could've gone a bit 'harder' with the gore. Based on the hype, I was expecting quite bit more 'graphic' shit outta this one. Also, that shaky-cam bullshit got in the way of some of the 'action', which was annoying. But in all... fuck it. I thought this flick was entertaining enough. I liked it a lot better than that bore-fest, "Lords of Salem".

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Demon Wind (1990)

I can't quite go so far as to peg "Demon Wind" as a terrible movie, but it's definitely close to one. It's just a real disjointed - albeit, seemingly ambitious - "Evil Dead" knock-off that gets way too wrapped up in it's over-explained plot and poor pacing...

A group of young friends head up to the family farm of one of them who has been having bad dreams about the place and his family history and wants to know what killed his grandparents there, years ago. They find that the place was burned down, but still acts as a sort of 'portal' to a demonic spirit world where they become trapped and dogged by mobs of creatures.

The biggest problem I had with "Demon Wind" was the over-abundance of back story exposition that eats up a good portion of about the first two-thirds of the movie. It's really slow up until almost an hour in, then we start getting some gooey-faced demons which works, but never really takes the movie into any kind of exceedingly 'exciting' or interesting territory. It just becomes a "Night of the Living Dead" rehash, mixed with some "Evil Dead" and finishes off with a totally random, nonsensical, slapped-on ending. On the plus side, the make-up effects are pretty good. Not the worst flick, but far from anything you should go out of your way to try to hunt down...

Monday, December 26, 2016

Tenebrae (1982)

"Tenebrae" has been among quite a few Dario Argento movies I have been meaning to check out for a while, but just haven't been in the right 'mindset'. I am far from a seasoned 'giallo' viewer - never totally getting 'into' them like some people, but occasionally finding one that is entertaining enough and "Tenebrae" is definitely one of the best I've seen, despite a few flaws.

A New York crime novelist becomes involved in a murder investigation while on a book tour in Rome after a young woman is found slain with pages from his latest work crammed down her throat. More victims begin turning up and the hunt is on for the elusive, ruthless killer who seems to be targeting people the writer has connections with...

Aside from a few exceedingly implausible moments, I thought the story and 'mystery' element was solid enough up until the ending, that is, which I found to be kind of a convoluted cluster-fuck - containing flashbacks and hazy motives. Thankfully, the climax didn't skimp on the gore, so it gets a definite 'pass' from me. The rest of the prior kills are pretty bloody too - involving razor-slashing and gruesome axe mutilations. Argento even includes his 'trademark' of sending a girls bloody head through a pane of glass. Good stuff. Little bit of nudity as well to round out a pretty damn entertaining 'giallo' entry. Definitely one of Argento's best that I've seen.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

A Garden Without Birds (1992)

"A Garden Without Birds" is a gory slice of Japanese surrealist sleaze with, obviously, not much of a straight-forward storyline but for what it was, I guess it was okay...

Some yuppie freakos convene in a hotel room for a night of S&M and drugs, but things take a 'turn' when one of them commits suicide in the bathroom and the rest of the party descends into a violent, psychedelic-fueled mind-fuck stupor. There's several flashbacks and hallucinations a few of them have, involving a girl getting her head run over by a dump truck and a newborn baby being roasted over a fire... Then they all kill each other with various objects.

I'm not really sure how to go about summing this one up, but it's short and kept the gore and strangeness coming so, in that token, I'd say I enjoyed it for the most part...

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Amoklauf (1994)

I've made it clear in past reviews that I haven't hated everything that Uwe Boll has done like a lot of people (quite a bit of it IS shit, however...), but one of his earlier films, "Amoklauf", isn't what I would consider his crowning achievement. That said, it's immensely better than his bullshit video game adaptations that followed some years later.

We basically see a day-in-the-life of a serial killer as he works as a waiter during the day and spends the night in his disgusting bedroom, watching German "Price Is Right", "Faces of Death" and porn. As he's masturbating, he gets a knock at the door from his attractive female neighbor, whom he attacks before continuing to jerk off while she watches during her last few moments alive. He then goes on a shooting spree in a park...

"Amoklauf" definitely has that German serial killer movie 'feel' - sort of like a more uneventful, less 'disturbing' take on Jorg Buttgereit's film, "Schramm". The 'tone' obviously is very much darker than anything else I have seen from Boll and his more recent, 'mainstream' stuff, though it just felt too padded out to me with the "Faces of Death" footage and porn. Overall, it's not a bad flick. Definitely watchable if you like nasty, austere serial killer movies. As far as Uwe Boll's filmography goes, I'd put it in the top three. It's got a scummy 'feel' and the end massacre was fairly well done.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Crawlspace (1986)

Not sure where it came from, but I recently felt I was long overdue for a rewatching of "Crawlspace" seeing as how it had been well over a decade since I'd last seen it. Plus, Klaus Kinski is fucking awesome and can pretty much make anything watchable... And that's pretty much what happens here.

Kinski plays the landlord of a apartment complex of which he only seems to rent to attractive young women. Reason? Well, he enjoys crawling around in the ducts and peeping in on them, preferably undressing and/or having sex. He also has little gizmo's rigged up around the building, such as a little trapdoor for which to allow rats into rooms as well as a few stabbing contraptions methodically placed here and there. When some guy beings sleuthing around, accusing Kinski of coming from a sadist Nazi background, the newest lady-tenant finds out some sinister shit and gets on the demented landlord's bad side...

"Crawlspace" is quite an unremarkable movie, overall. Not to say it's BAD, it's just kind of basic and one-note. Kinski is entertaining, of course - pulling off a pretty effective and creepy performance that keeps the movie rolling along. But, otherwise, there's nothing at all really stand-out about this. There's not much gore to speak of, very little nudity (some obligatory nips through specially cut bra-holes is pretty much it...) and not much emphasis is put on character development or 'growth'. Still, it's worth checking out for Kinski who acts as the saving grace for this flick...

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Don't Look in the Basement (1973)

"Don't Look in the Basement" (aka. "The Forgotten") is a very entertaining and remarkably well directed horror-exploitation flick. Not so much an ultra-sleazy 'gore film' or anything of that nature (though there's enough to satisfy those seeking such bloody 'perks'...), but what it lacks in that department, it makes up for in crazy fuckers acting all crazy and shit.

A rural mental facility becomes grossly understaffed when two of their doctors are murdered by a few of the more deranged patients so a new, attractive female faculty member is hired on. It doesn't take too long for the house full of wackadoos to unnerve the new arrival with their violent outbursts and dark little secrets tucked away in the basement (and elsewhere, too...).

Considering it clearly had such a minuscule budget and is pretty low on violence for the bulk of it's run-time, I still always find "Don't Look in the Basement" to be an immensely fun watch. The characters are well-portrayed (despite some so-so acting here n' there...) and interesting - sometimes in more funny ways; others more dismal - and the pacing is spot on. There's also a pretty solid 'twist' ending to top things off, along with some axe mutilation. This film is definitely a MUST for 'exploitation' fans or those who enjoy asylum-set horror movies and the like.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Don't Go in the House (1979)

"Don't Go in the House" is a very entertaining piece of dark, unapologetic 'trash' - acting as sort of a drive-in/exploitation take on Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho". It's also very much along the lines of another clasSICK from 1980, "Maniac".

A meek 'mamma's boy' completely snaps after the death of the overbearing hag and starts luring women back to his house and torching them with a flamethrower in a fire-proof room he has constructed. He starts hoarding the charred up broads, along with his mother's corpse while desperately trying to find more young women to add to his gruesome collection. While this is going on, one of his good-intentioned co-workers senses something is a bit 'off' about the guy and attempts to pull him out of his antisocial rut by developing more of a closer friendship with him...

Not a lot of straight-up gore in this one - but you DO get a few scenes of naked babes going up in flames, courtesy of our tweaked out 'hero' and a few other fairly memorable parts. Like a little mishap in a disco (also fire-related...). The overall 'essence' of the movie is pretty mean and twisted so I guess that's where most of my appreciation for it stems. It's not the most well known film of it's kind or the best, but "Don't Go in the House" is definitely one to grab up if you're into 'trashy' slasher flicks.

Friday, December 16, 2016

Don't Stop My Crazy Love For You (1993)

Some more fun stuff from our HK friends! This one is done up right with some very entertaining violence and sleaze, as well as a good premise and topped with the usual CATIII strangeness for good measure.

A popular young female reporter is being stalked by a businessman who has an insatiable obsession with her. His apartment (wall-papered with pictures of her...) is adjacent to hers, where he watches her through a huge telescope and interacts with a mannequin that he has dressed like her. At one point he, himself, dresses up as her and interacts with the mannequin (which, I guess represented HIM...). When he becomes aware of her boyfriend, he amps up the 'crazy' and begins infiltrating her life - via, breaking into her home, sending threatening phone calls and eventually resorting to murder and rape...

"Don't Stop My Crazy Love For You" isn't the best I've seen of the CATIII variety (don't expect "Red to Kill" or "The Untold Story"...), though it IS very enjoyable if you're a fan of these types of films, which I very much am. Great pacing, well acted - with some decent suspense and a strong, erotic - as well as pretty violent - 'climax'. This one definitely comes recommended highly!

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Don't Breathe (2016)

There definitely seems to be a resurgence of higher quality American horror films hitting the theaters lately. "Don't Breathe" is a fantastic flick that's rife with suspense and throws in a pretty fucked up 'twist'...

Three petty Detroit thieves break into upscale homes and take just enough shit to avoid what would amount to a felony. Not scoring nearly enough cash to make it out of the God-forsaken, derelict city, they get word of a blind war vet who is sitting on a 300-grand settlement so they figure it'd be a cinch to break into his house and lift it. Turns out, what this guy lacks in sight he makes up for, ten fold, in stomping mud-holes in the asses of intruders. Once trapped inside his domicile, the petrified criminals are forced to take the film's title to heart and not let the gun-toting blind badass hear them breathe as they look for a way out.

I honestly can't find a whole lot wrong with "Don't Breathe". This is one suspenseful, well-structured and excellently paced horror movie. One of the best I've seen in a long time. The blind man character is terrifically merciless toward his trespassers and - during an unexpected turn of events - it becomes much more open-to-question as to whether or not he is totally the 'victim' or not. Definitely did NOT see that shit coming! I'll never touch a turkey baster again... Gotta hand it to Fede Alvarez as "Don't Breathe" knocks his previous "Evil Dead" remake out of the water. Hopefully he sticks with his own concepts from now on and keeps turning out shit of this caliber, cuz I'm certainly impressed. Along with "The Witch", I had two surprisingly enjoyable trips to the theater this year.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Don't Go in the Woods (1981)

Just to be fair, I lost interest in "Don't Go in the Woods" well before the halfway mark so this review is going to have to be only specific to the parts I happened to glance up at every so often...

An insane mountain man is running around the woods outside of a small town, murdering campers, hikers and whoever else happens to be around...

There's really nothing else going on, aside from a morbidly obese sheriff and his deputy wondering about the string of deaths occurring in their woods. Yeah, aside from that... it's just random people being stalked and killed off in cheesy, boring ways. There's really not much more I got on this one. It's a lame, cheapass, meandering piece of shit that isn't even fit to laugh at as far as I'm concerned.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Don't Torture a Duckling (1972)

While never being my favorite film from Lucio Fulci, "Don't Torture a Duckling" is definitely one of the better 'giallos' I have seen which I make a point to revisit from time to time. Not one of his 'funner' or 'sleaziest' movies, but there's enough here to sink one's proverbial teeth into, I'd say.

Dead, adolescent boys begin turning up around a rustic Italian village and the local authorities are rolling up their sleeves to find the killer. A plethora of suspects are brought into the picture, such as the town pervert, the town witch doctor and the hot rich chick that is laying low after recently turning up in a drug-related scandal. All while a determined journalist begins sifting through the accused in search of the real murderer and his/her motive...

Being one of his earlier forays into the 'giallo' market, "Duckling..." is far from his goriest work, but still has a nasty, mean-spirited 'tone' to it. Not much in the way of on-screen child killing, though the aftermath sequences are effective - involving battered kid corpses and baby remains. Not to mention the pretty 'rough' chain lashing of a woman. The extraordinarily sexy Barbara Bouchet offers up the eye-candy with an undeniably memorable nude scene (in which she sexually propositions a prepubescent boy, which was awesome...) which will certainly get your 'nethers' tingling. And, while not huge on gore and slaughter, the plot is solid enough to hold your attention with it's numerous twists and somewhat peculiar pay-off (sparks??...). For Fulci or 'giallo' fans, in general, this film is a must.

Monday, December 12, 2016

Don't Let Him In (2011)

"Don't Let Him In" is a terrific example of a film where nothing works. Clearly, zero know-how or tact was applied to every single component of this movie - be it, the story, acting, pacing, twist ending, etc - making for one truly unoriginal and ponderous horror/thriller piece of shit...

Two couples head to a vacation home in the woods where they learn that a serial killer, known as The Tree Surgeon, is on the loose. His 'thing' is dismembering people and hanging their limbs from trees. Turns out, one of their party is also a murderer who is on the run after offing his parents and when a wounded guy shows up at their door, it becomes apparent that the Tree Surgeon may be close by.

There's way too much wrong with this movie to fully get 'into', but if I were to point out a few select things - first, NO development of these characters, whatsoever. One's a slut and the rest are just unpleasant and dull. That's all we really learn. The CGI blood effects looked like shit and a particular scene of a maggot crawling out from under a guy's eyelid had me pretty confused. Also, the 'twist' at the end (or ATTEMPT at one...) was beyond obvious and ridiculously cliche. The level of incompetence it had to have taken to make something as vapid and devoid of 'style' as "Don't Let Him In" is actually the only interesting aspect of this flick. Avoid this...

Friday, December 9, 2016

A Christmas Horror Story (2015)

"A Christmas Horror Story" is essentially the Yuletide equivalent of 2007's Halloween anthology, "Trick 'r Treat" - featuring a series of interwoven holiday-themed horror stories. I'd say both films are definitely on par with one another, in terms of quality. They're both exceptionally entertaining.

Five stories are intertwined, simultaneously (as opposed to the more episodic movies of this ilk...) - with William Shatner as a radio DJ, acting as the wrap-around, more or less. As he's working and boozing it up during Christmas, some teens sneak into the basement of their high school - which used to be a convent-turned murder scene - to shoot a documentary. A cop who was on the scene of these murders has his young son swapped out with an evil changeling while trespassing on a demon-hoarders land, while another family is pursued by a Krampus and Santa Claus battles 'infected' zombie elves at the North Pole...

Like it's aforementioned counterpart, "Trick 'r Treat", "A Christmas Horror Story" goes about capturing the 'feel' of it's respective holiday considerably well. All of the stories are enjoyable - the best, I'd say, being a toss up between the changeling one and Santa Claus, mainly for the clever 'twist' attached to the latter. There's some gory moments, some silly ones involving crazed, self-mutilating elves and a few fairly creepy parts as well. It's got it's bases covered pretty well. Overall, "A Christmas Horror Story" is a surprisingly fun and "festive" movie that I could easily see becoming a genre favorite around the Xmas season. Recommended.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Toxic Zombies (1980)

"Toxic Zombies" (aka. "Bloodeaters") is a cheapass, but reasonably watchable horror film.

During an attempted drug bust out in the woods, a couple of federal agents are murdered by a group of pot-growing hippies. In turn, some seedy government officials hire a crop duster to drop a deadly chemical on the growers and their crops - failing to consider the poison has zombifying side effects. So the zombie hippies go on a killing/eating spree throughout the woods, mostly targeting campers...

This one doesn't play out as much more than your standard zombie flick. The acting is expectedly terrible and rigid and the gore effects leave a lot to be desired. It's not the worst thing I've ever sat through, however. In all, "Toxic Zombies" isn't worth tripping over yourself to track down, as it's pretty basic and uninspired.