Thursday, January 26, 2017

Schoolgirl Report: Volume 2 (1971)

The second installment in the "Schoolgirl Report" series was a little better than the first - taking on a little more of a 'darker' pitch with some of its segments. Don't get the wrong idea, though; "volume 2" isn't a far cry from the first in many ways, but the more 'down-beat' approach to some bits worked in its favor for me.

Much like before, 'part 2' claims to be dramatizing real-life accounts of teenage schoolgirl promiscuity that are being kicked around by a roomful of concerned, tight-assed old-schoolers. Again - in episodic fashion - we get these select stories of sex, ranging from a science class full of sluts baiting their teacher into boning them for photographic blackmail, which ultimately results in his suicide. Also, there's some runaways who come close to entering the world of prostitution, some barn-sex being broken up by a repressed cop, some guys doping a girl up and raping her and a chick trying to kill herself after being shamed by her parents for fucking her teacher...

Once again, we're talking pretty tame, soft-core 'sexploit' material here so ultra-sleazy filth definitely shouldn't be expected outta this one. That said, I did end up liking "volume 2" a little more than the first one, but honestly, that's not saying too much. It gets pretty repetitive and the interviews (many of which seeming 'put on'...) get pretty boring. So, I'm still not all that 'sold' on the "Schoolgirl Report" series.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Under the Shadow (2016)

After reading some positive reviews on "Under the Shadow", I decided to check it out for myself and, while in no way would I call it a BAD film by any means, it pretty much hit me as a Iranian version of "The Babadook". It's definitely better than that over-rated flick, but along the same lines from what I saw.

In war-torn 1980s Iran, a mother has to watch after her daughter on her own when her husband is drafted. After a scud-missile crashes through the apartment above theirs, her daughter's cherished doll goes missing which leads into more troubling apparitions coming through a crack in the ceiling to terrorize them - all on top of war devastation they have to dodge...

The setting for this film was definitely its strong point; the supernatural material akin to the combat zone of Tehran made for a pretty original and interesting back-drop for this type of film. That said, I didn't find all that much original going on with the general premise, which was pretty much your standard, slow-burn supernatural horror flick. Again, that's not to say I hated "Under the Shadow". There's a few somewhat 'creepy' moments and some possible subtext paralleled with the Iranian culture I thought I detected in a few spots, but overall, I wasn't blow away. If you're into ghost-movies you may dig this more.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Silver Bullet (1985)

Obviously, not a whole lot of serious consideration was given to the source material, here (being Stephen King's 1983 'novelette', "Cycle of the Werewolf"; notably illustrated by the great Bernie Wrightson...) resulting in a substantially WEAK film adaptation with "Silver Bullet". The shit they came up with to keep the movie more of an undeviating narrative turned the story into just a silly, anti-climactic joke, I thought. Was that the point? Eh, maybe.

A wheelchair-bound 11-year old comes face-to-face with the lycanthrope that's been killing the residents of his small town and, with the help of his sister and 'cool uncle', attempts to put an end to its reign of terror...

Unlike the book, this movie only takes place in spring through autumn, hence "cycle" pretty much HAD to be stricken from the film's title. It also sticks primarily with a few main characters - striking the 'vignette' structure of King's initial story, which was pretty much just a literary string of werewolf murders. Aside from these differences, "Silver Bullet" is just a overtly cheesy and boring '80s horror flick. I guess it's more "dated" than anything, so perhaps I'm being a little 'rough' on it, but I really just couldn't stomach the cheap-ass looking werewolf effects and all the goofy, souped-up wheelchair material that makes up the movie. Also, the wolf kills way too many people with a baseball bat... Having read the book numerous times since I was a kid (being the short read that it is...), I can safely say the movie version is highly disappointing.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Black Christmas (1974)

In no way is "Black Christmas" a GREAT film, although I've always thought it was well-deserving of some serious accolades as a very innovative and suspenseful proto-slasher for the time. This Bob Clark horror flick far pre-dates many of the popular slashers of the '80s and, to this day, holds up in numerous ways as a pretty damn 'unique' and creepy forerunner to the popular sub-genre that was soon to follow.

The simple premise finds a sorority house around the holiday season whose girls are receiving bizarre, threatening phone calls from a multi-personality (as presented in his wide range of unsettling voice-changes...) pervert. The viewing audience is made aware that the mysterious caller is actually hanging out in the attic where he is hiding the body of one of their friends, who was just the first to be murdered...

"Black Christmas" is definitely high in atmosphere and contains quite a few notably unnerving scenes - predominantly the glimpses into the (mostly) unseen killer's crazed meltdowns in the attic and a few effective - yet relatively non-gory - death scenes. I always loved the movie's "fuck you" attitude to the viewer as to the identity of the killer - which leads you on with a 'sure thing', but pulls the rug out from under it in the end, just leaving you hanging. Can't help but appreciate that shit. That said, there's a quite a few scenes that drag on WAY too long - namely some drawn out 'baby-mamma-drama' and shit having to do with John Saxon tracing the creepy phone calls, which really makes the movie feel slow in spots. Regardless of the more 'laggy' sections, I always loved drunk, in-your-face bitchy Margot Kidder, crystal unicorns being used as deadly killing tools and a genuinely unsettling 'tone', overall. Many may be a bit divided on "Black Christmas", but it's on my "good list".

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Hunter's Blood (1986)

"Hunter's Blood" is just okay as far as "Deliverance"-inspired, 'backwoods survival' movies go. There's nothing too ground-breaking about it, though I honestly didn't have a hard time deriving some enjoyment out of it, as a whole.

Some "city-slickers" cruise out into the woods to do some hunting, but not before encountering a group of local poachers whom they have a hand in apprehending along with a pair of game-police. The fight is on when the criminal 'good ol' boys' break free from their chain-gang - killing the cops - and go after the hunters with a score to settle...

There's a few decent scenes - one of which involving a guy shown twitching after getting the majority of his head blasted off and Clu Gulager kicking a surprising amount of ass for a man his age. The performances are all good and it supplies some adequate suspense but, in all, "Hunter's Blood" didn't really come across as anything all that notable in my book. For a 'backwoods-thriller' it was entertaining enough, but isn't the best I've seen as far as these types of movies go but is far from the worst. Moderately recommended for fans of 'hillbilly-horror' or survival flicks.

Monday, January 16, 2017

Muzan-E (1999)

"Muzan-E" is a very dark and 'disturbing' pseudo-doc that definitely may not 'sit well' with all audiences. The tone of the film is pretty damn realistic and goes about covering some very "heavy" material involving violent perversions and sexual torture - making for a pretty memorable watch if you're like me and dig super-fucked up kinda stuff.

A young female reporter is doing some investigative journalism on the mysterious disappearance of a popular porn actress, known for her work in menstrual-rape fetish films. Apparently, a snuff tape featuring her kidnap and murder showed up at the AV production offices so the reporter attempts to track it down and does so, successfully...

You got a good deal of bloody vag-sucking/fucking, pretty convincing/sadistic "snuff" footage and an interesting "turn" toward the end that I didn't see coming. "Muzan-E" (aka. "Celluloid Nightmares"...) is definitely not one to pass up for fans of 'extreme' Japanese cinema. Highly recommended for 'filth' and gore lovers who want to delve DEEP into some depraved kind of shit.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Day of the Dead (1985)

"Day of the Dead" has always been my favorite of Romero's "dead series", by far. Nothing against "Night" and "Dawn" which are two flicks I have a strong fondness for, as most horror fans do - I just usually find myself more inclined to throw in "Day" because I just typically remember it being the most bloody and memorable of these films.

During the undead uprising established in the previous entries of this apocalyptic saga, we find a group of scientists and military personnel holed up in an underground base that they're using as a research facility. Their purpose, mainly, is to round up zombie 'specimens' to be dissected in order to find out what makes them tick. Controversy rises over how the experiments are being conducted and what the general 'end game' is they're trying to reach - one being to reverse the zombie infection and the other to train the undead into behaving more 'human'. This friction between the scientists and the short-fused army captain and his men reaches its breaking point as the zombie hordes above them thicken...

It always felt to me like everything was just done right in this one - from the underground bunker setting, down to the inclusion of a mad scientist with his "brainy" zombie-pet and, of course, Tom Savini's masterful FX work which is the nastiest we've seen in a Romero "dead" film. Entrails are spilling left-and-right, mouthfuls are chewed from peoples flesh and the zombies look significantly more "rough" and decrepit this time around. Just an all-around awesome flick! Again, not to take anything away from the first two films in the franchise, but "Day" fucking OWNS. Feel free to disagree, as I know a lot of people favor "Dawn", but if you ask me, they nailed it here and, as far as I'm concerned, this was where the series ended. For me, at least...

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Suicide Dolls (1999)

This entry in the "Psycho: The Snuff Reels" series keeps the story aspect to a bare minimum and just dishes out the "extreme" material that Jap-gore fans of the genre are indeed after.

"Suicide Dolls" is four segments of people "offing" themselves and since I wasn't privileged with a version either subbed nor dubbed, I was forced to interpret the reasoning behind the suicides based entirely on visual observation. The first chick sits in a room full of boxes for a long time, talks on the phone, get bummed out over something on the phone, smokes some crack, and shoots herself. The second chick is talking to some dude who leaves, then she hangs herself. The third chick talks for a long time while a tarp is set up in another room, where she eventually commits some kind of ritualistic, snuff related suicide by disemboweling herself... The fourth is just a small little short with dolls, backed by some crazy Techno music that was pretty damn entertaining!

Overall, it ain't a bad little Japanese pseudo-snuff flick for you patient folks who can handle some "lag" here and there with plenty of blood in the long run...

Friday, January 13, 2017

Friday the 13th VII: The New Blood (1988)

"The New Blood" could've been so much more and I'm sure it WAS before those rating-board cocksuckers got a hold of it. It's a damn shame how butchered this one was by the MPAA, considering it served as the introduction of Kane Hodder to the franchise as Jason Voorhees in his most gnarled, decomposed physical state thus far in the series. This is also marks the first and only (until "Freddy vs. Jason, I guess...) cross-over into supernatural territory - often dubbed, "Carrie vs. Jason".

A teen girl is carted off to a psychiatric 'retreat' to get a handle on her telekinesis that stems back (as is directly responsible for...) to the death of her abusive father. In a nearby vacation home, the usual mix of partying kids are just waiting to be picked off by the newly resurrected Jason who comes lurching out of Crystal Lake with his trademark bloodlust...

The whole psychic-powers angle was a pretty ill-fitting, yet entertaining enough gimmick that, if anything, makes for a different type of lead-in that sets this one apart, considerably, from the rest of the series. It also allows for a multitude of sharp shit to be 'magically' thrown at "Zombie Jason" during the big climax which is undeniably fun. Speaking of whom, Hodder's Jason debut is cool as hell and the rotted design of him looks neat - what with the ribcage and spine showing. Despite this, however, "The New Blood" thoroughly suffers from its total lack of memorable death scenes. This thing was chopped to absolute HELL - worse than any other F13 entry and it is beyond annoying to watch because of it. The movie is virtually bloodless; a far cry from the slasherific "Part 4" that gave us such classic demises involving a spear gun in the balls and a banana-drooling-throat-skewering. It's impossible to get past how squeaky-goddamned-clean "Part 7" is. It's also considerably low on T&A! In all, it's one of the weakest of the series as far as I'm concerned.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

White Rose Campus: Then Everybody Gets Raped (1982)

Sufficiently sleazy 'pinku' outing here, though not the 'roughest' of its kind I've come across. Still, I've definitely gotta give it credit for being crazy and mean-spirited enough so you ain't going to hear me complaining too much. It must be noted that I wasn't provided a version with any subs, though I think I still got the 'nuts-and-bolts' of what was going on...

A bus-load of goody-good schoolgirls is hijacked by three pervs at a rest stop and subjected to sexual assaults along their field-trip.

"White Rose Campus..." is full of the rapey and misogynistic stuff you'd expect; including water torture, a guy who likes sucking on used tampons while jacking off in the ladies room and a guy getting his cum yakked up into his face. This isn't the harshest 'pinku' flick, violence-wise - compared to Kôyû Ohara's other films - but it keeps the sleaze flowing and concludes on a decent double 'twist', along with a rape orgy. Gotta give this one a solid recommendation.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Cheap Thrills (2013)

"Cheap Thrills" is another movie along the lines of "Would You Rather" and "13: Game of Death" that does the 'how-far-would-you-go-for-a-bunch-of-money' scenario. I enjoyed both of those films and ended up finding this one pretty decent as well, overall.

Two old friends cross paths in a bar after five years and, while catching up, are invited to party with a high-roller with a seemingly endless cash supply and his young trophy wife. The friends - both considerably down-on-their-luck - agree to participate in a night of increasingly difficult/dangerous/debasing challenges for various, yet large sums of money...

Like "Would You Rather", "Cheap Thrills" mixes in occasional slices of dark-humor along with more serious elements of self-torture and outward violence. Of the two very similar films, I'd say "Cheap Thrills" easily tops the few other aforementioned flicks of this 'category', what with the heavy emphasis on the desperation, greed and deception that consumes the two friends as they 'whore' out their dignity and well-being for fat stacks of C-notes. It's a fun, quick watch. Performances are all pretty convincing and the included 'stabs' at humor work well among the 'heavier' moments. Worth checking out...

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Green Room (2016)

I really liked Jeremy Saulnier's, "Blue Ruin", and his follow-up film, "Green Room", definitely kicks things up a notch on all counts. To be perfectly honest, I recently re-watched this flick after having initially attempted to sit through it a few months ago while much too tired so I was kinda in-and-out then and didn't think much of it. It's a shame it took me so long to get my ass in gear and give it a proper shot, cuz it ended up being a very cool flick.

So, a touring punk band is struggling to get a real paying gig and are given the opportunity to perform at some neo-Nazi compound venue. After their 'controversial' set - kicking off with the Dead Kennedys, "Nazi Punks Fuck Off" - they stumble across one of the headliner's band members murdered in the green room. From there, the bands barricade themselves while the 'head honcho' skinhead (Patrick Stewart) is called in to handle the ever-delicate situation of exposing of the witnesses, while they, in turn, fight for their survival...

It doesn't take too long for "Green Room" get rollin' and KEEP rollin' once the initial shit hits the fan. The violent confrontations between punks and Nazis is extremely 'gritty' and intense - far more than your standard Hollywood-horror violence for the most part. The manner in which Stewart and his white supremacist 'flunkies' map out their plans to thwart police involvement and ultimately 'remedy' the stand-off situation gives the film a very grim and 'realistic', visceral vitality. The dual standpoint represented between the bands and the captors made for an interesting sense of trepidation for the viewer, I thought, in knowing things the victims don't yet know, while still offering up some surprises. The performances are all pretty solid and the pacing is fast. You got plenty of gruesome kills, including dog maulings, shotgun-head blasts, box-cutter and machete slashings, etc. I'd put it up there with "Don't Breathe" as the best wide-theatrical horror release of 2016.

Monday, January 9, 2017

Train (2008)

The last time I saw "Train" was when it first hit DVD and I remember not really digging it all that much. Recently I gave it a spin just on a whim and I must say I actually ended up liking it a little more. I think it's mainly due to the whole "torture-porn" thing having since run its course, hence I've had some time to get over how burned-out I was getting on this type of 'over-played' shit back in the mid-to-late 2000s.

An American college wrestling team is competing in a European tournament where they end up boarding a train to their next match. Turns out, this particular train is a 'front' for a black market surgical business where unknowing American passengers' organs and other various bodily appendages are hacked off and sold to buyers. Needless to say, the Westerners are systematically harvested for their usable parts...

So, yeah, "Train" is a total and complete "Hostel" knock-off - right down to the 'tone'/greenish-brownish color-scheme, brutal torture scenes and, of course, the bald, sadistic Ruskies in aprons. Gotta have those. These movies were definitely not shy about painting Eastern Europeans as torture-happy mother fuckers. At least it took the stigma off the American south (another  region that's been branded "deadly" by the horror genre...) for a little while. Anyways, "Train" is a watchable enough flick with a healthy amount of gore - involving eyeball extraction, eviscerations, castrations and even some necrophilia. Again, expect "Hostel" on a train, but it's I still found it mostly enjoyable in a mindless, familiar sense, overall.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Blutgeil (1993)

So, I guess this Swiss gore-short landed the film-makers in some hot water following its release, thus leading to "Blutgeil" being banned in its own country. While many copies of it were apparently destroyed, one cut managed to survive and it's accessible to this day...

The version I saw had no subtitles so here's what I got out of it: two cops do a bust on a drug house - killing the scummy inhabitants before making their way to a second house where some associated criminals hang out. This time, the druggies seem to get the upper hand, killing the cops and ultimately cannibalizing them.

Not sure what all the fuss was about concerning this 24-minute flick, but, then again, I'm not from Switzerland - nor have I ever been there - so I'm not all that familiar with the sensibilities of its residents. "Blutgeil" is far from the most 'graphic' or 'obscene' film in existence. Also, the production-values are weak and the overall premise isn't anything too interesting. In all, it's a forgettable indie gore-short with a more engaging story behind it, involving its anarchist film-makers, of which I'm not all that privy to...

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Tales of Halloween (2015)

"Tales of Halloween" is a strange and somewhat entertaining holiday anthology - the second one I've seen recently, following "A Christmas Horror Story". It's not quite up to snuff with that one or the 'top dog' of Halloween horror anthologies, "Trick 'r Treat", but it's not BAD.

You got ten stories all taking place on All Hallows' Eve - most of which are centered around a revenge theme. There's a ghoulish entity that rips the eaten candy from peoples stomachs, Satan, himself, presumably taking a trick-or-treater out on a crime spree, some people being terrorized by a gang of killer trick-or-treaters and a kid calling upon a demon to take care of some bullies that killed his parents. Lucky McKee has one of the more 'odd' segments about a witch dressing her wimpy-ass husband up as Hansel and handing out candy - followed up by a guys' Halloween decorations being one-upped by the headbanger neighbors, a "Friday the 13th"/"Evil Dead" combo-spoof involving UFOs and an evil Jack-o-lantern taking over the town...

For the most part this one is a straight-up horror-comedy, though its got a decent amount of gore and some fairly enjoyable, tongue-in-cheek moments if you're down for shutting your brain off for a bit. My one problem was how they threw in all the story titles during the opening credits, which didn't make much sense to me seeing as how it was nearly impossible to remember them (and who wrote/directed them...) once the story came around. In all, "Tales of Halloween" is no genre 'classic', but if you're up for something dumb it's worth a watch.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Punisher: War Zone (2008)

I'm not a fan of action movies, overall, and I know nothing about comic books or Marvel, but "Punisher: War Zone" is a rare one that, surprisingly, I ended up digging quite a bit. I'd say it definitely served its purpose of improving upon that 2004 piece of shit film adaptation of "The Punisher" with John Travolta, tenfold.

Frank Castle, a war vet whose family was violently murdered after witnessing a mob hit, enforces a take-no-prisoners brand of vigilante justice on the scum of New York City. When a prominent mafia figure slips from Frank's grasp and sets his sites on the wife and child of a cop that got caught up in some of Frank's 'friendly-fire', The Punisher pursues it as a personal vendetta...

I guess a bunch of Marvel nerds have voiced their dissatisfaction with the previous "Punisher" movie, thus "War Zone" was made to rectify the previous blunder. I had seen the '04 one a while back since I'm a fan of vigilante flicks and remember it having zero impression on me. "War Zone" ups the violence and scales WAY back on all the back-story and anything that makes Frank Castle anything more than a pissed off killing machine! People are impaled, hacked up with axes, heads explode in barrages of gun-fire... And more! Oh, the blood is flying in this one! Not to say it's the most violent thing ever. Not at all. But hell, for a mainstream action flick... from Marvel! They did alright.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Schoolgirl Report: Volume 1 (1970)

"Schoolgirl Report" was a German 'pseudo'-documentary 'sexploit' series that, I guess, was meant to 'blow the lid off' the sexual exploits of the average teenage girl of the '70s that ever-so terrified the repressed, out-of-touch parent of the time. Upon watching "volume one" of this saga, I must say that it's pretty much a bore.

After a high school girl is caught fucking the bus driver during a field trip to a power plant, a PTA meeting is held to determine whether or not she should be expelled so as not to 'corrupt' the other students. A teenage sex shrink attempts to reverse the concerned parents' and staffs' sex-hating call for action by describing for them a series of 'cases' he's encountered having to do with teenage promiscuity. You have a 17-year old girl giving a 'dirty' church confession, some bratty bitches boned by an authoritarian pool boy and others...

This introduction to the "Schoolgirl Report" series is incredibly slow, monotonous and ultimately very TAME. Yeah, there's nudity and sex, but it's all very light, 'soft-core' and dull. The stories also get repetitive and tend to go nowhere much of the time. Down the road, I may try out a few more entries in the "Schoolgirl Report" series, but for now I'm left quite unimpressed.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

The Bloody Video Horror That Made Me Puke on My Aunt Gertrude (1989)

When something really sucks... and I mean SUCKS, it's hard for me to go so far as to call it the worst thing I've ever seen. I've seen plenty of horrible films, but goddamn, I would put this one right up there with one of the most miserable attempts at film-making I've seen.

Something about a guy in a fake beard who makes a snuff film and forgets to take the tape out of the camera before returning it to the video store he rented it from. Following this, the apathetic store employee gets mixed up in his boss' murder and the snuff-maker...

"The Bloody Video Horror..." is a blurry SOV piece of anally regurgitated fecal-coated, limp-dicked abomination with NO "bloody", NO "horror" and I don't recall an aunt Gertrude... The video store set looks was someone's living room, gore is strictly avoided - thanks to a 'milk money' budget - and the 80-minute runtime is heavily padded with meandering dialog that one can hardly hear due to the horrendously crackly audio. Fuck this movie...

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Humanoids from the Deep (1980)

Genetically mutated, anthropomorphic tadpole rapists is what I would call a stellar B-movie creature flick conception and, as one would guess, it doesn't fail to entertain!

The residents of a coastal fishing community are being sexually violated and/or murdered by ravenous and horny sea monsters...

"Humanoids from the Deep" does a pretty damn good job of keeping the sleazy creature fun rolling - with bikini's being violently torn off sexy beach-bimbos, followed up on with fierce amphibious, inter-species copulation. There are suitable doses of gore thrown in and the 'humanoid' effects by Rob Bottin (of John Carpenter's "The Thing" fame, of course...) look pretty cool, overall. The 'climax' kicks shit into high gear with a hefty amount of rapey tadpoles storming the town carnival. Good shit. That's pretty much all I got on this one, but I definitely advise popping this thing in over some drinks for added enjoyment. Kudos, once again, Roger Corman!

Monday, January 2, 2017

Waldo the Dog (2010)

"Waldo the Dog" is a strange and twisted "love story", of sorts, that pretty boldly goes about challenging the viewer into feeling sympathy for a rapist. However, it's not done in a 'exploitative' or boorish way, which really helps the film achieve a deeply weighty and tragic resonance.

A guy rapes a chick he's been 'cyber stalking' and falls into a state of self-hatred and regret. Cut to the following year, he is now homeless, non-speaking and constantly wearing a black rubber dog mask. We see his dismal, day-to-day life on the streets as he scrounges for food, willingly takes abuse from random people (seemingly as a means of contrition...), trains at a wrestling gym (where he obviously takes MORE abuse...) and continues to stalk the girl he attacked. When he ends up saving her from being assaulted by some other guys, they develop a friendship as he continues to withhold his true identity from her...

"Waldo" is a film that has its problems, but manages to 'work' really well in a multitude of ways. For instance, the way it's shot almost documentary-style gives the overall aesthetic look of the film a "rawness", without it actually being a faux-doc. There's an authenticity to it's look through the hand-held camera work and the fact that quite a bit of the public reactions to Waldo's presence appear genuine. Another unusual 'pro' is in the film's slowness, which is usually a gripe with me, but I actually found it to be a major strength with this one. The film benefits greatly from the way it takes its time establishing Waldo's dismal, guilt-ridden existence and the odd connection between him and his 'love interest'/prior victim without ever feeling extensively drawn out or groundless. What I felt didn't quite work was the very ending which I thought was too forced and seemed tacked on, needlessly. Seemed like it could've ended more effectively about 5 or so minutes sooner. In all, "Waldo the Dog" is a surprisingly unique and engaging indie- flick. Highly recommended.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Most Likely to Die (2015)

It appears the "Scream"-influence is alive and well... and it still sucks. I put this one on the other night on a whim and managed to stick it out for the duration, despite how miserably bored I was.

A high school reunion of slasher cliches is held at a mansion where a killer in a graduation gown and paper-mache mask starts killing them off, one-by-one. The way in which they're offed is based on their year book, "Most Likely To..." captions...

You know you're in for a real horror 'treat' when you got Jake Busey AND Perez Hilton as your 'stars'. That's right, impeccable casting. Busey, in particular, serves absolutely no purpose but to completely fuck up a scene where the hottest chick in the movie is changing into a bikini in which they keep cutting away to his huge-toothed mug as he's peeping in on her! The kill scenes/gore is mostly lame - aside from someone getting their throat cut and head ripped off which was alright. At the end of the day, "Most Likely to Die" dishes up the same tired, formulaic slasher shit. It's worth laughing at for the choices in casting, but other than that, it's just... there.