Sunday, December 7, 2014

Deliver Us From Evil (2014, Scott Derrickson)

Can't say I needed another example of just how stagnant 'mainstream' American horror is these days, but it looks like I got one with "Deliver Us From Evil". This was another one that I had no intention of ever viewing, but it was around - via Redbox rental, as well as some fine Tennessee bourbon - so I figured "what the hell". Yeah, it pretty much epitomizes everything wrong with this kind of bland, Hollywood horror shit of recent years...

A Bronx cop and his partner begin uncovering a demonic entity brought back from Iraq by a couple of G.I.'s. One is a professional painter, the other a wife beater and the third turns up dead. They end up possessing a woman into tossing her young child over the wall of a lion's den and there's something to do with The Doors' music, which was lost on me...

It's basically the same shit you've seen a million times. I've never really been a fan of movies about demonic possession - having always found flicks like "The Exorcist" to be highly overrated. I'm not able to buy into the concept enough to find it 'scary' or 'disturbing'. And like everything else these days, it's "based on a true events"; apparently found in a book written by the now retired New York cop portrayed in the film. I'm sure no 'cinematic liberties' were taken... Ha. Overall, "Deliver Us From Evil" is more supernatural-horror fodder for the 'popcorn crowd', featuring an abundance of cliches, such as the seasoned NYPD cop who doesn't spend enough time with his family, the overly hip priest, and a chick with chapped lips crawling around on all fours and speaking Latin. It also must be said that this movie is 90% close-ups of Sony technology. It actually gets distracting! Boring, WAY too long and WAY too typical. Avoid.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

ReGOREgitated Sacrifice (2008, Lucifer Valentine)

I've expounded on my overall opinion of Lucifer Valentine's works before, so I'm going to keep this one relatively short. "ReGOREgitated Sacrifice" is the second installment in the gimmicky 'vomit gore' trilogy and it's the exact same thing as the other two flicks it is sandwiched between...

...And, once again, there is no story. The film is, again, simply a rapidly edited compilation of scenes featuring the one-note film-maker's adoration for seeing crack whores puke and piss on each other.

Like "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls" - which I will admit I found fairly interesting upon my initial viewing before I did my five minutes of research which was all it took for me to conclude that Valentine is a monumental douchebag and self-obsessed liar - "ReGOREgitated Sacrifice" would have hacked it better as a 5-10 minute short. Only, it clocks in at an incredibly SLOW 65-minutes (feels like 2 hours...) that consist mostly of drunk/stoned, haggard prostitutes hanging out in hotel rooms and spewing bile everywhere. You also got a lesbian three-way, featuring a pregnant woman, a fake snuff scene or two and a few prolonged sequences of excessive gore. Speaking of which, the gore is the only redeeming aspect of this piece of shit. Namely, there's a pretty gruesome disembowelment and the complete mutilation and desecration of a severed human head. They should have focused on that and cut out all of the other boring bullshit seeing as how they had a pretty decent FX crew at their disposal.

So, yeah, if you're 13-years old and find vomit and piss SHOCKING, then you'll definitely fit right in with Lucifer Valentine's fanbase and eat this shit right up. Personally, I've seen a LOT of fucked up fetish material so puke drinking doesn't have the strongest effect on me, honestly. Also, I'm not a Nirvana fan...

Monday, December 1, 2014

Cannibal (2013, Manuel Martin Cuenca)

"Cannibal" is a very slow-paced and non-graphic Spanish serial killer-drama film. Due to the little bit of info I had picked up prior to viewing this one, I wasn't entirely caught off-guard, though I must say, it ended up being a pretty unremarkable undertaking...

A highly introverted tailor takes to stalking and kidnapping women, whom he transports to his secluded cabin in the mountains where he butchers them for their meat. Keeping his freezer amply stocked, he dines solely on these human gobbets. He ends up falling into a casual relationship with the hot floozy neighbor chick, who goes missing one day after coming to his apartment for help. Her sister soon shows up looking for her, to which he offers his help - thus, their awkward liaison is sparked.

The performances are solid - namely the Carlos character, played by Antonio de la Torre - whom no background is given for, but you can only assume he has the old classic serial killer/cannibal-syndrome of never wanting a woman to leave him, of which, the intimate act of cannibalism satisfies. Speaking of cannibalism, the film doesn't expound on the topic much - just showing Carlos butchering a chick off-screen (just showing her leg and some blood-flow) at the beginning and failing to capture a skinny dipper later on. The movie plays out as more of a "pastel" conceptualization of a serial killer/cannibal lifestyle, with really no violence or 'horror' elements. That's all fine, but I felt that the movie missed it's mark with the painful tedium it demonstrates. I normally have no problem with 'character studies', but "Cannibal" just moved WAY too slow and amounted to way too little to appeal to me. It's well shot and acted, but the whole cannibal element was underplayed and is virtually meaningless in the long run. This movie could have left all that out and still have been the same, as far as I'm concerned. And it would have forced them to have picked a more fitting title...