Saturday, March 3, 2018

Things (1989)

Sorry, but in no way does this one fall into the "so bad it's good" category for me. "Things" is about as amateurish and ponderous as you could possibly imagine and I failed to find even the slightest glimmer of a redeemable quality behind it.

Failing to impregnate his wife, a guy apparently allows a mad doctor to perform fertility experiments on her which prove disastrous when a vicious insect-like creature erupts from her abdomen. At the time, he has a couple of drinking buddies over who, along with him, are forced to slay what becomes a horde of killer bugs.

Not only is this movie poorly shot and acted - many scenes are so horribly edited that you literally can't tell what's going on; such as when a guy has his fingers chopped or chewed off. I can only assume it was a bug creature, but no indication of it is shown on screen. On top of that, there's an abundance of incredibly drawn-out, go-nowhere scenes of walking around a house with flashlights, paper-mache effects and unintelligible dialog, thanks to some top-notch sound recording. Perhaps this one works better when seen with a group of people and a hefty supply of liquor, however, I watched it alone and was kinda tired so I'm ruling this one a total bomb of a low-budget horror effort that is irritating, headache-inducing and completely BORING.

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