A Trip to the Moon (1902, George Melies)

"A Trip to the Moon" is a 1902 french film ("Le Voyage dans la Lune") that is credited as cinema's introduction to science fiction. Film magician and innovator, George Melies, definitely put together one hell of an odd 14 minute film...

A crowd of people, all dressed like wizards, are dancing around while a guy scribbles some kind of simplistic blueprint on a blackboard. This wide shot continues for far too long before it cuts to them constructing a large capsule. Once it's complete, some dudes get inside, it's loaded into a giant, cylindrical chamber - much like that of a gun - and fired at the moon. This is, of course, where the iconic moon-face gets shot in the eye. The guys jump out of the bullet and dance around while breathing sweet, sweet moon-air. After a few seconds, they have blankets and are off to sleep while some images appear above them - such as people's heads in stars and planets n' shit. It starts snowing (moon snow, I presume) and the party retreats to an underground moon-cave full of giant mushrooms. One of the mushrooms grows and they stand back, flailing their arms at it (silent film miming). A scrawny acrobat in some kind of mask appears and crawls around before one of the guys smacks it with his umbrella and it combusts into a puff of smoke. Another jumps out. Same outcome. Then a whole herd of moon-monkeys burst on screen and capture the space travelers, leading them down to their moon-emperor. They make a swift getaway (again with exploding moon-monkeys) and retreat back to the ship...

This film was certainly full of new concepts for the mesmerized public of the early 1900s. Transitional dissolves, animation, and nicely blended painted set designs. Other than the technical aspects, "A Trip to the Moon" is fun to watch due how goddamn strange it is. Quite a proverbial acid trip. Of course, film historian types will get a boner from the significance of it's influence on the evolution of cinema.

Hellraiser (1987, Clive Barker)

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Rocktober Blood (1984, Beverly Sebastian)

As a fairly obscure 80s slasher, I found "Rocktober Blood" to be better than I anticipated. That's not to say it's not stupid, cookie-cutter and a bit boring at times, but the slasher sub-genre is the one offshoot of horror that I am relatively undemanding towards.

A stuck up asshole rock n' roll vocalist snaps and kills some folks, resulting in him being executed for his crimes. Cut to two years later (by the way, the details this film glosses over are immense!), his fellow female singer - who just barely escaped his rampage - is invovled in the awaited tour of his former band Rocktober Blood and finds herself being terrorized by the supposidly dead front man who is still as murderous as before...

There's a few decent kill scenes. Many of which are subject to lingering (and somewhat tedious) suspense involving people wandering around cautiously calling out "Hello" and all that kinda cliche shit. Little bit of rear view nudity of a tan-lined lady buttocks as well as some surprisingly catchy rock musical performances that are as laughable as they are awesome. Killer on the Loose and Rainbow Eyes are definatly my new "favs". The sorry thing is, they really phoned in the very end. Fucking pitiful.

Still, I urge slasher fans to peep this one. It's goofy and stupid, but enjoyable.

Red (2008, Trygve Allister Diesen/Lucky McKee)

 

"Red" is a terrific revenge story based on the novel by the provocative horror writer Jack Ketchum.

A reclusive old man and his dog are accosted by a trio of juveniles while fishing. Their demands for the man's money prove unsatisfactory so the situation ends in a sudden burst of cruelty, leaving the old man's dog, Red, blown apart by the kid's shotgun. This senseless act of violence leads the man to the home of two of the boys where the uninterested father adamantly claims his son's lack of involvement. From there, he calls upon a lawyer and a reporter is involved, yet the concept of justice is vastly limited. The old man's frustration eventually reaches it's breaking point, resulting in some heavily provoked vigilante schoolin'...

The film is incredibly intense and heart breaking with a great cast, especially Brian Cox. His performance brings out that strong feeling of loss that makes the story as impactive as it is. His plight for retaliation is consistently hindered due to his immense powerlessness and it is all well conveyed through the character's tragic background and sorrowful demeanor. Cox emphasizes all of this near perfectly. Definitely read the book and check out the flick.

Sex: The Annabel Chong Story (1999, Gough Lewis)

"Sex: The Annabel Chong Story" is possibly one of the best documentaries on the porn industry, yet it also sums up societal indiscretion. Annabel Chong represents the forefront of a generation dependent on making a name for themselves via debauchery and long-term bodily harm to appease the reactionary public.

Chong is a now retired, unattractive former Singaporian porn actress who became famous throughout America and most of Europe for performing in the world's largest gang-bang scene at the time. She fucked 70 men - most of which were off the streets - 251 times in 10 hours; a record that has since been broken. This rather tedious documentary covers the before-and-after of this new feat of exhibitionism in the most exploitive way possible.

It doesn't take the viewer long to realize that Annabel Chong, as a fully clothed individual running her yap, is an awful subject for a documentary. Though, listening to her attempts at making sense of her mission of over-the-top sexual degradation I found interesting, yet, at the same time, repugnant over time. Weak females yearning for some kind of notoriety in a typically last-ditch resort of someone with no real passions or personality is something all-too prevalent in today's society. It's become all too common for both males and females in today's culturally deprived, deteriorating, and directionless society to avoid contributing an actual skill by simply nailing your testicles to a table like Steve-O or fucking some brain dead mook on night-vision camera like Paris Hilton. I saw no redeemable qualities behind Annabel Chong's forced and empty sex babble and inane lack of reasoning behind what she was trying to accomplish by having 300 dicks (her initial goal) in her. Frankly, she's retarded.

Of course, throughout the entire the movie, the possibility of Chong enduring some type of sexual abuse as a child seemed fathomable and, as it turns out, low and behold, she was gang-raped in the storage room in a subway station. Contributing factor? Seems like, in this age of Jackass pranks, professional party girls, and ridiculous viral videos, it no longer takes an unbalanced mind to conceive the notion to attempt and/or pull off "outrageous" behavior for the sake of fleeting public "respect". The 22-year old Chong claimed, almost hesitantly, that the possibility of contracting HIV during the gang-bang was not a concern.

Throughout the film, Chong shows many instances of being a naive dolt with a habit of dressing like an intellect when featured in certain interviews, as if wearing glasses and a dress suit will add any kind of credibility to her embarrassing ambitions. Her look shifts from mousy women's rights activist, to slovenly bull dyke, to simply wearing T-shirts that read "SLUT". Again, her points on the subjects of socio-political ethics are vague and clearly recited rhetoric. At one point she claims she's trying to bring "a more unified view to human sexuality". Good stock comment. I'm sure no other person in the porn industry has ever used that line. Chong was also obsessed with tired notion that female sexuality is a socially bastardized concept. She also considers her porn to be a form of "art". Obviously, she's delusional.

Like I mentioned, "Sex: The Annabel Chong Story" is, overall, a nice look at the inner workings of the porn industry. After Chong's 251 cock gang-bang, she was refused payment of the negotiated ten thousand dollars of which she claimed wasn't the point of her record setting sex session. Clearly, honesty or loyalty within the porn business is not a primary concern, yet teenage runaways with no attributes other than ample pussies flock to Hollywood to make these fat miscreants more wealthy.

Bone Sickness (2004, Brian Paulin)

"Bone Sickness" was my introduction to indie-horror 'do it yourselfer' film maker Brian Paulin. I first saw it a few years ago when Unearthed Films first released it and, upon re-watching it, I still find "Bone Sickness" to be quite a triumph in the way of micro-budget horror film making.

A guy who is dying from some rare bone disease is revived by ingesting bone marrow from corpses his friend is stealing from they cemetery. Next thing you know, the angry dead are rising and going after those that desecrated their remains...

Pretty silly premise and the acting is downright atrocious, which is the primary reasoning behind most people's adamant dislike toward the film. Thing is, "Bone Sickness" does not derive it's strength from the performances of it's cast of non-actors, but from it's extensively intricate and prolific array of ultra-splattery gore effects. Literally wall-to-wall zombie gore and make-up effects is what "Bone Sickness" should be viewed and enjoyed for since that was clearly the main objective of Brian Paulin who single-handedly assembled the on-screen carnage.

Due to many people's harsh take on the film, I must express that I am in no way affiliated with Brian Paulin nor have I met him or received bribery for any kind of positive "fluff" review. My personal inference on independent film making is based on numerous components, rather than just one or two less-than-satisfactory aspects, such as piss poor acting from non-actors. I've seen many rancid, digitally shot back yard films with such a lack of aesthetic prowess that something like "Bone Sickness" - involving laborious make-up and prosthetic effects - is somewhat reminiscent of the days of Sam Raimi and Peter Jackson's earliest horror films.

If you like zombie flicks with tons of sick gore, "Bone Sickness" is not one to pass up

Bloody Moon (1981, Jesus Franco)

Decent enough slasher re-tread from Jess Franco about a Spanish language teaching boarding school full of European broads who are being killed off by a mystery wacko. There's some shit about a red herring with a disfigured face who's released from a mental hospital into the hands of his greedy sister, whom he shares an incestuous relationship with. Also got a full-blown retard grounds keeper and a guy who is inexplicably irresistible to women...

"Bloody Moon" ain't too bad - just standard slasher material with some hot ladies who are occasionally topless, though I really expected a little more nudity considering this IS a Franco film. The gore factor is okay. Had to chuckle at that phony fucking circular saw lopping off that cheezy mannequin head. It does drag on a little and that awful musical score really wore on my nerves.

Mildly recommended for die hard slasher buffs.

The Funhouse (1981, Tobe Hooper)

 

Back before Tobe Hooper's career hadn't completely derailed, he managed to coast through a few years with a couple of decent flicks. Hooper's "mistake" was having started off strong with a monumentally successful and universally iconic horror masterpiece as his main jumping-off point. Unfortunately, he was left with no choice but to coincide with the horror "norm", more or less.

"The Funhouse" was Hooper's more "traditional" approach to the slasher genre (I couldn't and WOULD'T consider "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" a traditional slasher film) in the post-"Halloween" and "Friday the 13th" craze of the early 80s (look for the not-so-subtle nod to "Halloween" AND "Psycho" in the opening scene).

A group of teens are bumming around a seedy carnival and think it'd be a NIFTY idea to jump off the funhouse ride and spend the night inside. They end up peeping in on one of the masked carnies paying the haggard old fortune teller for some saweet lovin'. And not unlike my first prostitute encounter, he has "bad timing" and chokes out the snotty bitch after she refuses to give his money back. While Sticky Pants is mulling over it with his carnival barker father, the sneaky kids are discovered and, from there, your slasher formula takes off...

I've always really liked "The Funhouse". The atmosphere plays a big part in building some nice suspense. The entire carnival setting is tremendously filthy and has a completely unwelcoming, unclean vibe. The effects by Rick Baker - namely the unnamed killer freak - with his fangs, cratered face, and late David Carradine hair are neat looking. Like Leatherface (the original, of course), he is given no real back-story and comes at his victims fucking HARD. Also, the interior set design of the funhouse is well done and creepy. If Hooper had one thing pegged, it was incredibly detailed sets.

"The Funhouse" is very fun flick that certainly goes along well with the Halloween holiday 'watch list'. If you haven't seen it, see it.

Splinter (2008, Toby Wilkins)

I put off seeing this one for a quite a while. Not sure why - I guess the idea of this one didn't really peak my interest and to be honest, given all the positive buzz I had heard on it, I was kinda let down...

A reasonably hot chick and her stereotypical nerd boyfriend's camping trip fails so on their way to a motel they are unlucky enough to pull over for another couple who take them hostage. They end up hitting some unidentifiable animal in the road. Eventually, they make their way to a gas station where they are attacked by a mangled body that comes flailing out of the restroom, covered in porcupine-like spikes. Seems that whomever is stuck with one of these spikes loses control of their body, causing them to bend and break and go nuts...

"Splinter" isn't the worst thing I've ever seen, it just followed too closely with other more recent flicks like "The Ruins", "Cabin Fever", and the "Feast" movies. There's a few splattery moments and the effects are rather good from what I could see, but the fucking overuse of shaky-cam was absolutely enraging! Every time the goddamn contorted creature was on screen the fucking camera bounced around so much there was no way to tell what was happening.

A little entertaining, but one you could afford to skip.

Phantasm: Oblivion (1998, Don Coscarelli)

The way I see it, to call any film "flawless" or "perfect" is an outrageously brazen and simple minded statement to make and would most commonly be uttered by someone with very little knowledge of the art of cinema. Not that I would ever call myself an expert of film, in general, and I understand that it's typically a matter of opinion and personal preference. Hell, some of the most beloved films of all time soar far over my comprehension as to how they have become so highly rated among the general movie-going public over time. However, I feel that the horror genre, in itself, is a category of film that I have a pretty solid grasp on, having seen a good portion of it and continuing to do so. Don Coscarelli's 1979 surrealistic horror drive-in nightmare is one that I have always outspokenly referred to as a "perfect" horror film. Without going too far in-depth (that will happen at a later date), "Phantasm" was a low-budget film that used every ounce of it's creative grass-roots potential to it's utmost advantage - challenging the audience with incredibly bizarre ideas from a film maker who was so goddamn far ahead of his time. Now that modern horror has been reduced to a stale, repetitive, childish, and creatively brain-dead means of generating profit to Zionist Hollywood ghouls, it's likely that films of a similar artistically driven magnitude as "Phantasm" are surely lost.

Unfortunately, Don Coscarelli's progression into the studio circuit resulted in the budding film maker being, as they say, chewed up and spit out and due to the relative absence of Coscarelli over more recent years, it's safe to say his "drive" ain't what it used to be. When the long awaited "Phantasm II" was butchered in the pre-production stages and thoughtlessly shat out in theaters for it's immanent box-office bombing, Coscarelli deemed the "Phantasm" concept over with. But, like anyone, he had to keep his head afloat, thus, a second sequel, mindlessly dubbed "Lord of the Dead" (1993), was released straight-to-video. At this point, Coscarelli made it clear that it was strictly a "make a quick buck" type of situation.

Seeing as how the "Phantasm" franchise was developing a serious base of hardcore fans, it seemed only right for there to be a satisfying conclusion to the Tall Man saga. Five years after the embarrassingly comedic third installment, "Phantasm: Oblivion" was released - again, straight-to-video. As it happens, "Oblivion" was meant as a precursor to a fan-written script that Coscarelli no doubt approved as a respectable ending to his series. Turned out, the fan script required too much of a budget and since studios most definitely had no faith in the project, it was shelved there are no talks of it being made any time in the future.

Hence, we're left with "Oblivion", which I must say, despite it's seemingly unfinished dues, wraps up the series with remarkably haunting nuance.

It picks up where the third left off with Mike attempting to escape the Tall Man through the desert, via hearse, and Reggie trying to find him, via Cuda. There's still some inane bullshit involving Bill Thornbury popping up here and there; no doubt just to include all of the original main cast. Mike still has a sphere in his skull and Reg still applies some skilled dwarf killing know-how that never ceases to entertain. Scrimm is, of course, back and has more dialog than ever.

Though the storyline has gotten a bit overly complicated and silly at times (i.e. the sphere tits), all seems fairly well with this fourth film. They've nixed the action/comedy shit seen in the last two movies and stuck to a bit of a slower, horror-based tone.What really makes "Oblivion" stand out for fans of the series are the occasional cut scenes from the original that were apparently lost for years up until that point. It's actually amazing to see some of these scenes that were obviously not scrapped due any pointlessness of including them, but because several appeared to be alternate concepts for where the original could have gone. One looks as though it were a possible alternative ending involving Mike and Jody hanging the Tall Man from a tree and the Tall Man convincing Mike to cut him down. Plus, there's a brief glimpse of Jody's previously unclear fate and the ending scene is, in my opinion, a phenomenal way to end the franchise.

That alone is reason enough to check out "Oblivion". As far as fans wanting more explanation and closure, fuck it. The way I see it, dreams (or phantasms) never seem to have any known beginning or end. I mean, yeah, it would always be cool to see more "Phantasm" films as long as Coscarelli stays somewhat committed to directing them, but dragging the series on too far would only wear out it's proverbial "magic". Plus, Angus Scrimm doesn't look like he's in any shape to play the Tall Man anymore and anyone else in that role would be completely unacceptable. So, I vote to leave it alone from here. Let poor Coscarelli make more unamusing Bubba Ho Tep movies until he finds that special inspiration that he found back in the 70s and decides to catch lightning in a bottle, once again, and throw one more horror masterpiece our way. I'm not holding my breath.

The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl & Incest Boy (2007, Richard Taylor)

"The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl & Incest Boy" is a neat little 15 minute short shot on Super 8. It's about a sexy goth girl who simply walks around, killing and eating people. She comes across a seemingly abused young man (Incest Boy) who is dragged along on a leash by his pregnant mother (I assume). Cannibal Girl saves him from his sadistic mother by ripping her entrails out of her vagina and the two misfits fall in love - spending the day frolicking at a fair.

Quite a nostalgic old format - reminiscent of early John Waters. There's no audible dialog to go along with the vintage look. There's some simplistic splatter effects, such as Lloyd Kaufman getting his head stomped and a man getting his dick bitten off behind a dumpster of aborted fetuses. Awesome. "The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl & Incest Boy" is definately one for fans of oddballs shit...

Basement (2010, Asham Kamboj)

In my on-going quest for high-end or just plain notable cinema, I have seen some grade-A shit in my time. Honest-to-goodness, down-n-dirty, so-bad-it's-fucking-heinous flicks. Many of which belong to the horror genre, seeing as how horror remains my primary interest. Perhaps I'm just in an odd "funk" at this time, but I don't seem to recall having experienced a film as utterly worthless, non-structured, and just all-around cinematically incompetent as "Basement".

Basic plot set-up: a group of anti-war college protester shitheads take a pit stop in the woods during a trip and all find their way into an underground maze of leaky pipes and lurking creatures (?)...

The "hook" is that certain members of their party may be involved in some kind of secret experiment having to do with locking people in this subterranean labyrinth with hooded women dressed like ninjas. Sorta like a few other, far superior psychological horror films, such as "The Hole" and "Cube". Not only does "Basement" never come close to being one shard of a fraction as gripping as either of those films, but it goes stumbling SO ass backwards into nonsense, that when the abrupt and highly unexplained ending whisked by, I was almost in shock. It all falls under a relatively short run-time, consisting of undeveloped characters, an infuriatingly slow build-up, puny amounts of gore, repetitive dialog, and, AGAIN, a "twist" ending with a hilariously pro-war slant that HAD to have been blurted out on the spot during the last few minutes of production. There's NO WAY that this particular idea had been written down and approved, in some way, by others involved...

I can't express further my absolute contempt for "Basement" and legitimate confusion as how even a semi-functioning human mind could've went along with this. Absolutely atrocious.

The Countess (2009, Julie Delpy)

 

The story of Hungarian Countess Elizabeth Bathory is some truly interesting and opaque historical lore that definitely renders itself fittingly in cinematic form. Julie Delpy not only directed, but wrote, produced and stars in "The Countess" - a film that attempts to recount the life of Bathory from what little documentation is left.

The way in which Elizabeth Bathory is portrayed in Delpy's biographical drama piece is immensely sympathetic in what is shown to be an existence based solely on power, inciting fear, and lavishing in pitiful romantic obsessions. The magnitude in which she wields her power is mercilessly cruel, ultimately leaving her wallowing in loneliness and desperation. Her only solace lies in the preservation of her youthful beauty, best summed up in the line "time has no respect for beauty". As her womanly vanity reaches it's peak and morphs into mental weakness and psychosis, she assumes the only way in which to reverse the aging process and maintain a younger appearance is to wash her skin with the blood of young virgin girls. This vampiric ritual resulted in the deaths of well over 100 young women who were supposedly dumped around Bathory's castle and, naturally, devoured by animals. As the film shows, Bathory had a kind of steel iron maiden type of apparatus constructed as a more convenient method of blood siphoning. A journal containing descriptions of each murder was found and she was eventually imprisoned...

Delpy is phenomenal as Bathory. Her varying states of physical illness as well as mental are depicted skillfully, making her performance the definite high-point of the film. In fact, the events depicted in the film, as well as the overall tone, aren't carried out all that particularly grim or creepy, which is how Delpy's performance comes across as strong as it does. That said, there could've been little more "style" involved in the filming, as some scenes look a bit bland and conventional.

Overall, "The Countess" is a pretty well done take on the Elizabeth Bathory murders and the lead actress should definitely be commended for her role.

Crowbar: The Killings of Wendell Graves (2010, Scott M. Phillips)

Just another slasher film with potential that fucked it all up with hefty doses of unoriginality.

An inter-racially wed couple moves into a house where a young boy saw his parents brutally murdered on Halloween ten years prior. While wifey and the girls are getting tipsy on wine, a similarly dressed (if not the same...) killer breaks in and kills two out of the three with his crowbar. Apparently, the double-homicide investigation is able to wrap up within the night, but the couple is hesitant to go back inside immediately. So, they decide to do some detective work of their own and find out the origins of the house and who the killer could possibly be. Turns out, the towns people, themselves, may have something to do with the house's secretive past...

For a flick with an obviously MEGA-low budget, the camera work and atmosphere are all well done. That's about all there is for the "pros". Cons: awful acting, tremendous predictability, and clichés abound! Not to mention the killer's ensemble looks like it was designed by someone who had never seen a horror film before yet ignorantly compiled the outfit based on what they figured your average slasher antagonist WOULD wear; welder's mask and apron. Why wouldn't he wear a mask that is easier to see through?

Unfortunately, no nudity is included in the film and the gore is relatively tame. In all, it just seemed like the director wanted to make the most standard slasher film he could. Seems kinda lazy considering it's an indie effort and he most certainly had all of the creative freedom he could muster at his very fingertips, yet he decided to scrape by with the bare minimum which is "Crowbar: The Killings of Wendell Graves". Don't bother with it...

http://chemicalburn.org/

I Sold My Soul to Satan (2010, David Gaz, Alex Vazart)

Not entirely sure WHAT my take was on "I Sold My Soul to Satan". I haven't come across much info on it, but it's advertised and formated as a documentary, yet the basis for the film is so goddamn ridiculous that I refuse to believe it's 100% legit...

It follows a struggling rock musician who has agreed to partake in an extensive ritual that would result in his soul being granted to Satan in exchange for fame and wealth. The bulk of the movie is him discussing his decision with an overly enthusiastic occult store clerk and attempting to gather up supplies (herbs, satanic twigs, spells, etc).

"I Sold My Soul to Satan" is an occasionally funny "documentary", but for the most part, it's just rather boring. The fact that nobody in the film seems to be taking this demonic conjuration even the slightest bit seriously was enough to curb any earnestness behind whatever the fuck this guy was trying to accomplish. In my opinion, this film would've been better without such a "lighthearted" and ignorant approach (granted, if any of this shit was even REAL, which I highly doubt!) and maybe focused more on someone who was intensely serious about these rituals. Still, if you're even a moderately smart person, hopefully you'll realize that the outcome will amount to ZILCH no matter how the movie is done.

I can't strongly recommend this flick due it being pretty dull, but it's got one or two laughable moments. Not that any of it matters...

Worm Eaters, The (1977, Herb Robins)

You don't hear a lot of kind words about "The Worm Eaters", mainly because of it's inane indecipherability that even major B-movie fans find nearly impossible to tolerate. Call me crazy, but I found the flick oddly satisfying in it's absolute absurdity.

The premise is simple: A club footed hermit with a deed to valuable land is pursued by the town's mayor and some local thugs who want to build condominiums. The reclusive weirdo seems to have a soft spot for worms and hordes a box of them as pets; even talking to them. Apparently, for some inexplicable reason, the worms turn the lower half of a person's body into a worm if consumed...

"The Worm Eaters" was directed/written by and stars Herb Robins from Tobe Hooper's "The Funhouse", who clearly didn't know what the fuck he was doing here, neither in the realm of horror or comedy. The shear ludicrous nature of the film makes John Waters' earliest films appear to have an immensely structured narrative! Almost every frame of "The Worm Eaters" is nonsensical and poorly shot. Still, I LOVE this this type of shit. It's just so god awful that I couldn't help but just sit back and laugh like an idiot at the whole thing. It's a total exercise in atrocious film making with needless characters played out by THE most obnoxious actors who insist on shouting every one of their lines. The scene of the dimwitted campers barking for hot dogs was a complete waste of celluloid! Fuck, so was the scene involving the Jack Black-looking guy pretending to be a Playboy photographer, the town hall meeting, the worm dancing scene, etc, etc! When the people begin turning into human/worm hybrids, it's easily the worst effect ever put on film. Sleeping bags! Sleeping bags on their goddamn legs!

Don't expect to like "The Worm Eaters" if you have even a remotely picky attitude about B-grade horse shit cinema. If you can watch the first five minutes of the film and laugh at it, I'd suggest you stick it out through the entire thing.

I Saw the Devil (2010, Jee-woon Kim)

I can honestly say, without the slightest bit of uncertainty, that "I Saw the Devil" ranks as one of the sharpest and most absorbing serial killer films of the last 20 years - right up there with "Silence of the Lambs". I was fucking blown away with this wild South Korean flick!

After a secret agents fiancée is brutally murdered by a sadistic lunatic, he devises a complicated method of revenge. He manages to track down and corner the constantly active killer, shoves a small tracking device down his throat, breaks his arm and leaves him alive. The enraged boyfriend continues tracking the killer, assumingly enjoying how the tables have turned, as the killer maintains his vicious compulsion of random killing and raping. His problem, however, lies within the victim's avenger, whose hunting consists of barging in on the killer when he is about to harm another person and beating the ever-loving shit out of him, thus, throwing off his murderous activity throughout this degrading cat-and-mouse "game"! This bizarre pattern of on-going vengeance plays out until the deranged madman finally figures enough is ENOUGH and it's decided that retaliation is imperative...

Truthfully, I could fine no fault in "I Saw the Devil". It is completely satiated with gratifying heaps of savage violence and extremely strong performances (most notably, Choi Min-sik from "Oldboy"), all contained in an amazingly slick and immaculate bestowal of attentive film making. The cinematography is stunning and the effects are incredibly convincing - namely, the beatings with pipes and other blunt objects are fucking vicious looking! No punches are pulled in terms of misogynistic cruelty and fanatical torture.

Not only is "I Saw the Devil" an all-around entertaining mix of graphic horror and action, it also managed to strike a few chords in the way of some pretty affecting hints toward moral conscience and regret pertaining to vigilante justice and the victim becoming victimizer type shit. It all works very well in the way it's cinematically composed and paced. Plus, the ending is oddly tragic.

I guess if I were to nit-pick, I'd say the inclusion of the cannibal character was a bit over-the-top and felt kind of out of place. It's a small gripe, if you would even consider it one. Hell, it doesn't matter. For a flick that almost reaches two-and-a-half hours, it fucking flies by and kept me glued. Highly recommended.

Snowballs (2011, Harmony Korine)

"Snowballs" is yet another deeply haunting short film from master auteur director Harmony Korine. It centers around two women dressed in Native American garb with totally blank, inhuman facial expressions. They hang out around a tee-pee in the woods, drink from milk jugs, and dance down the street. Next, they are seen randomly sitting with an old, bug-eyed man who babbles pervertedly before laying down with an oxygen mask strapped to his face...

Like many of Korine's films, "Snowballs" has no narrative structure. It's a series of small "events" seen over a strange, chipmunk sounding voice that sings a bizarre song. Like I said, it's a haunting and mysterious short that is clearly interpretive of something Korine's fucked up brain felt the need to express. At least, based on the film maker's current body of work and unique, visionary outlook, that is what I believe. Do check this out!

Bad Dreams (1988, Andrew Fleming)

Cool little 80s nut-house horror flick.

A Manson-ish cult's commune blows up, killing all of the followers except for one, who remains in a coma for thirteen years. Once she's out of it, she's thrown into a mental hospital support group with hopes that she will regain some recollection of her experiences and learn to adapt to life in the wonderful late 80s. Not too easy when it appears that the scorched ghost of the cult leader is there to claim her and kill off all of her disturbed peers...

"Bad Dreams" is pretty enjoyable 80s nostalgia. It's got the ideal 'look' of the time, familiar music, and actually has some fairly atmospheric moments. Not a wall-to-wall gore-fest, but there ARE a few decent kills and some exceptionally good effects - namely, the skinless "entity" and the scene in which a room full of people all catch on fire. That shit was excellently done for the time! And, like every flick set in a psych-ward, you get a nice ensemble of wacky characters, which is why I typically dig asylum-set horror movies.

By no means is "Bad Dreams" a GREAT film, but it's a fast-paced and amusing little psychological flick. Recommended.

Scarlet Fry's Junkfood Horrorfest (2007, Brian Crow, Scarlet Fry)

Anthology horror films are typically a well favored commodity for those looking for allegorical variety within the span of a normal length film. The beauty of the "anthology" is that you can almost always pick out your favorite segment (or, at least, the one you found sucked the LEAST). As far as "Scarlet Fry's Junkfood Horrorfest" goes - I can only describe it as the official anti-anthology horror film with absolutely NO discernible creativity or thought put into each of the 8+ shorts it contains.

Scarlet Fry - a guy who piddles around in the mega-low-budget horror scene - plays a backwoods zombie in the hacky wrap-around story, unamusingly introducing each bastardly "story". The first story, "Bloodthirsty Butcher", is simply about a morbidly obese man who is out of food so he lures a girl from a laundromat to eat her. Other stories are basically the same, in terms of brainlessness. Another story shows a man committing suicide in manner suspiciously similar to the beginning of Buttgereit's "Der Todesking". There's one about a satanist who kills his girlfriend/wife after she catches him in another ritual. My favorite segment, by far, has a bunch of over-aged skater punks who are offered drug money by an effeminate male prostitute in a parking garage. To be honest, I laughed my balls off at this scene.

Overall, "Junkfood Horrorfest" is just what the title suggests. Junky, micro-budget film making that anyone with a halfway decent (and ultimately immature) sense of humor and a six-beer buzz will get a kick out of simply based on how half-assed and LAZY the piece of shit is!

This Hollow Sacrament (2007, Greg Stechman)

A movie about a serial killer who preys on female rape victims sounds like a foolproof premise for which to base a film. Turns out, "This Hollow Sacrament" is an excruciatingly boring piece of shit that many misguided horror fans pictured as the be-all end-all of "cutting edge" film making.

An OJ Simpson look-alike police detective is on the hunt for a killer who is snatching up women around Northern California.

For some reason, the movie drifts into some indecipherable bullshit involving the detective's wife and her pregnancy complications. The film jumps around inanely to random scenes with very little explanation. The goriest thing about This is a pregnant woman's stomach being sawed apart. Other than that, there's really no memorable death scenes or "extreme" gore. All I can think to say about "This Hollow Sacrament" is that it is a horrendously dull, digitally shot, clumsily written and edited, disappointing MESS. I'd go so far as to recommend "Murder-Set-Pieces" over this... Avoid.

Bereavement (2010, Steve Mena)

"Bereavement" is, apparently, a prequel to director Steve Mena's 2004 slasher flick "Malevolence", which I saw back then and don't remember anything about it to this day. As downright deplorable as "Malevolence" was, I assumed Mena couldn't have improved as a film maker THAT much. I was right, but still, "Bereavement" is moderately better than the director's prior shit.

A young child with the inherited disease CIPA (Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis) is kidnapped from his yard by the former employee of a meat packing plant that has since become condemned. Five years after the initial kidnapping, the deranged madman sees the kid as an otherworldly entity, due his total lack of nerve sensation. He brings young women back to the factory and slaughters them in front of the boy, as some kind of sacrificial ritual for his cow skull "god".

There's an uninteresting sub-pot involving a teenage girl moving in with her uncle's family after her parents are killed in a car accident. The uncle doesn't want her dating the local boy because his mom's suicide messed him up... blah, blah ,blah. None of it matters in the end, that's all I'll say.

Firstly, "Bereavement" is really nothing all that "new" or exceptional in terms of serial killer-slasher flicks, especially those from recent years. There's a few decent gore scenes mingled into it, but everything involving Michael Biehn was a complete fuckin' snoozer with poorly written, schlocky dialog and didn't pertain to anything! The end is a total bloodbath, which was cool, but it was still incredibly predictable.

One thing, however. Brett Rickaby, who played the killer, should win a fucking Oscar for 'Best Serial Killer Performance'. Seriously. The dude pulls out all the stops in this role and knocks it out of the goddamn park! Watch the movie JUST for his performance. Otherwise, "Bereavement" is just okay.

Big Tits Zombie (2010, Takao Nakano)

 

a.k.a. "Big Tits Dragon" (for some stupid reason). Am I crazy for thinking that a movie called "Big Tits Zombie" would be, at least, moderately sleazy and, perhaps, entertaining? Boy, my hopes were dashed early on during this putrid shit heap of zero-budget Jap-horror garbage!

A group of exotic dancers find the Necronomicon and stupidly bring the dead to life. In horrible, Z-grade fashion, the girls fight back against the herd of undead while one of the broads learns how to control the zombies using the book...

What sucks about "Big Tits Zombie"? Well, the lack of tits is a good place to start. A total of two scenes feature brief glimpses of mediocre breasts. That's it. Tits are referenced in the title, thus I expect copious amounts of bouncing jugs on screen throughout the film! Not the case, as it seemed. What a gimmicky fucking title! Fuck this movie!

They also utilize some insanely awful CGI graphics that any dumbass junior high student could drum up in 5 minutes on their home computer. The extent of these effects, however, are strictly limited to blood spray and a pulsating sushi. Ugh. The rest of the not-so special effects are done with simple face paint (worn by a rather small cast of zombies who are all hacky, over-acting, Thriller video douches)  and strings (mind you, these strings are shown in close-ups for a total of, maybe, ten of THE laziest shots). Also, the sets at times are clearly covered in plastic sheets to avoid any possible messes that post-production blood may have made. What the fuck?!

 The only redeeming moment involved a zombie chick shooting fire out of her twat. Still, I couldn't get amused. Stay away from this banal piece of shit!

Hesher (2010, Spencer Susser)

 

"Hesher" is kinda like Takashi Miike's "Visitor Q" without all the weird shit. It's a more comprehensible and clear-cut version, if you will - not to say that was necessarily the intention, but the similarity is there. That said, I actually really enjoyed "Hesher" for it's tenebrous proclivity and the odd interpretation it reveals as up-lifting.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt terrifically pulls off the role of Hesher, a mysterious drifter and loner with a rough looking van and a serious liking for heavy metal who ensconces himself in the home of a father, son, and grandma who are all in a grief-stricken rut after the death of a close loved one. The kid is subjected to constant bullying, the dad is a depressed pill-head who sleeps all day, and the granny is seemingly oblivious to her family's extreme tribulation. As Hesher sits on their couch, eats their food, plays loud, shitty guitar riffs in their garage, he absorbs the apathetic routine of the pathetic household and begins helping them adjust in his own lawless kind of way. This tends to entail fully lashing out at those who wrong you...

All of the performances are stellar, namely Levitt who formulates a very compelling and enigmatic character who is clearly a mixed bag of unpredictable temperaments. He can be calm and reasonable, insane and frightening, or wise and cunning. The best thing about his character, for me personally, was the random metaphor usually pertaining to graphic sexual experiences in his past. Natalie Portman is also pretty good as a grocery store cashier who becomes involved in Hesher's antics every-so-often; however, her character is a bit pointless, if you ask me. Rainn Wilson once again pops up as the obvious "niche" character he was born to play: the depressed, wife-less suburban man. And, of course, that kid was amazing! I've never seen a child SO abused throughout a film...

I'd definitely recommend "Hesher". It's not a perfect film by any means, but those who like melancholy films, such as myself, will certainly get a kick out of it.

Red State (2011, Kevin Smith)

I consider myself a moderate fan of Kevin Smith's earlier brand of slacker comedies and the idea of the pudgy, stoner film maker conceiving a horror film left me fairly interested, though mostly skeptical. What I got out of "Red State" was a garbled attempt at low-budget horror from a director who was obviously FAR out of his element.

The idea behind "Red State" consists of a cult of religious wackadoos - led by a Fred Phelps type of "fag hater" - who lure homosexuals and perverts to their ritualistic demise, via internet message boards. A trio of high school boys begin as the focal characters who think they're headed to gang bang an old hag, but quickly find themselves in the clutches of a very deranged family of God fearing killers...

This portion of the premise seems promising enough, though Smith's intentions of straying from the norm in his pursuit of making an "unconvential" horror film ultimately led to disaster. With the inclusion of John Goodman's character, who appears about halfway through the film, things take such a ridiculous turn that my neck got sore from unthinkingly shaking my head in disgust. At this point, Smith attempts to wedge in a staggeringly rushed and banal amount of "twists", such as an endless shootout, FBI agents attempting a "no witness" type of cover-up, heavenly trumpets (??), and inane metaphors.

Other than that, "Red State" is an over-blown jumble of ignorance shown through stereotypical southern characters with that typical one-dimension that western culture likes to endlessly stigmatize. Smith's desire of illustrating religious fanaticism just made for a horridly laughable and shallow motif for the basis of the film. From what I saw, it all stemmed from the awful writing that actually failed at making Michael Parks and John Goodman's performances even remotely memorable. And I love those fucking actors!

Overall, it's clear to me that Kevin Smith is looking to do away with his lowbrow raunch comedies and wants to "grow" as a film maker. Unfortunately, "Red State" is FAR more disjointed and childish than ANY of the dopey comedies he has done in the past, showing that Smith has not yet found his footing in the horror genre, as much as he clearly wants to. Everything about "Red State" reeks of desperation and sloppy writing. Pass on it, folks.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2011, Troy Nixey)

I don't have a whole lot to say about this one. It's a remake of a 70s made-for-TV movie that I didn't like to begin with. Here's my brief overview.

Little girl moves in to a mansion that her dad and his girlfriend are restoring. The kid is lured to the basement by whispering voices and convinced to unbolt the sealed ash compartment, thus releasing tons of vicious creatures that are inclined to drag one living person down to their "world"...

"Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" isn't horrible, just nothing that blew me away. The little CGI hunchback spider monkeys are cooler looking than those bullshit teddy bears from the original. Still, it's pretty standard in comparison to most theatrical horror movies that have come out in recent years. Also, Katie Holmes has THE most bland on-screen presence I can recall witnessing on film. What an overrated twat!

You can probably skip "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark"...

Super (2010, James Gunn)

"Super" is one of the coolest, most aberrant 'vigilante' movies I have seen in a long time - gleaming with black comedy, harsh violence, and anomalous surrealism.

Rainn Wilson (from "The Office) plays a meek and quiet suburban man whose life has been perpetually unfulfilled aside from two key events: his wedding day and pointing a cop in the direction of a fleeing 'perp'. He notices his unsuitably hot wife is becoming more distant and he walks in on her, one day, smoking pot with some strangers in their living room. One morning, a sleazy looking guy comes around asking for her. Soon, her closet is empty and she has disappeared. Turns out, she's a recovering drug addict who was pulled off the wagon by a gang of scummy dope peddlers; one of which has lured her back into the dependence of heroin... The distraught husband's world collapses leaving him with nothing but loneliness. That is, until he has a "vision" of the finger of "God" touching his brain, instilling a new purpose... Becoming a real-life superhero and fighting actual crime. He creates his alter ego, The Crimson Bolt, and becomes a hot topic among the news media after tackling drug dealers, child molesters, and thieves, and beating them mercilessly with a wrench. Eventually, he accepts the help of a female comic book nerd as his kid side-kick and they soon go after the goons who have his wife...

"Super" is an extremely weird blend of dark humor as well as a seriously depressing portrait of insanity. The "drive" to commit violent acts for the purpose of pleasing "God" is an outwardly insistent theme surrounding the main character, which I found interesting since I truly believe that religious zealousness can play a big part in the deterioration of a person's psyche... It's something I have always found fascinating. It also seems that television plays a part in his delusions - for instance, a poorly made religious super hero show and hentai porn...

As far as the unique "mood" of the film goes - a scene that satirically depicts a man frantically and hilariously trying to change into his super hero costume in the backseat of his car is quickly accompanied by a vicious double-assault with a wrench. That's the best way to sum up the unconventional nature of this film's erratic balance. However, it all works very well and, by the end, becomes quite an ingenious and challenging study of a mentally unstable man's seemingly selfish need to be loved, overall. His entire killing/injuring spree is cloaked in uncertainty as to whether he truly believes what he is doing is right and ACTUALLY done for the good of society...

All of the performances are great. Wilson nails every aspect of his character, Kevin Bacon pulls off the role of the smarmy drug dealer perfectly, Liv Tyler does... what she does and I've always found her attractive, Ellen Paige is pretty entertaining, and Michael Rooker plays a thug! Yes!

In all, "Super" is an immensely enjoyable and highly interesting flick, albeit, one of the most depressing I've seen in a while.

The Ward (2011, John Carpenter)

 

Finally got to check out John Carpenter's "The Ward" after waiting, what felt like, forever and a day. As said over and over again, this was Carpenter's first feature length directorial outing in about ten years since that stupid Ice Cube movie from 2001. I assume, after a some soul searching, thousands of nicotine patches, and a few cool "Masters of Horror" contributions, the iconic horror director was ready to jump back into the game with this psychological/ghost flick.

Set in 1966, a girl is shipped off to North Bend Psychiatric Hospital after torching a farmhouse. Of course, she has no memory of her pyromania and is thrown in the Ward with a handful of other hopelessly crazy girls. Before long, she begins catching glimpses of a decrepit figure peaking through the door of her cell and is physically attacked in the shower by the grotesque woman. The hospital staff doesn't believe her (which prompts them to utilize electro-shock therapy) and the rest of the patients are unwilling to discuss what they clearly have some insight on. Eventually, the ghostly figure begins killing off the girls one by one with outdated surgical methods (labotomy, electricity...).

As you can expect, this all leads up to a hugely predictable "twist". Overall, "The Ward" didn't leave me with a whole lot of zealousness toward John Carpenter's big comeback. The film is far from BAD, and if you just take Carpenter's involvement out of the equation, it's a fine flick. The atmosphere is gray and creepy, the score is memorable, and certain effects are fairly effective. Despite all of this, if I hadn't known Carpenter was attached to this movie, I wouldn't have ever thought he were behind it... I'm sure people will disagree with that, but his 'stlyle' is far less palpable and a bit more ambiguous than his glory days...

Still, I would say that John Carpenter's "The Ward" is an above-average film done by a great director who brought something to the 'modern' horror table that eclipses a lot of the garbage that you commonly see vomited onto the "scene" these days. There's nothing all that NEW within "The Ward", and, again, the "twist" ending was pretty unexceptional and prosaic. It was a lot like the ending of another fairly recent film. I won't say the title, but I will say it rhymes with Butter Pieland.

Carpenter fans, stifle your curiosity by checking out "The Ward". Just don't let your expectations get too high and limit you from enjoying the film for what it is. All we can hope is for Carpenter not to end his career on this note and REALLY blow us away with the next one!

The Machine Girl (2008, Noboru Iguchi)

I really tend to enjoy a good Japanese samurai-splatter flick every now and then and "The Machine Girl" is definitely some of the finest of it's kind. Personally, I liked "Tokyo Gore Police" a little more for it's twisted effects and pure off-the-wall attitude, but I did like the absolute silliness of this one and it's outrageous cartoon violence. It's a pretty straight-forward "revenge" movie about an average high school girl (who just so happens to fight like three steroid enhanced Bruce Lee's put together) out to avenge her brother's killers - a gang of young thugs led by a prominent ninja's son. She ends up losing her arm in a gruesome torture session, later replaces it with a custom machine gun prosthetic and sets out on her quest for bloody vengeance...

The effects range from practical old-school looking stuff and some CGI - all of which is decent enough and the action sequences, themselves, are well choreographed and exciting. I've never really been too into the whole blood-"mist" eruptions typically used in a lot of movies of this type, but for some strange reason, when it's used so frequently, it becomes MUCH more entertaining. I'm not sure why. There's also some noticeable tributes to classic gore flicks like "Evil Dead", "Bad Taste" and the kung-fu classic "Master of the Flying Guillotine". "The Machine Girl" is worthy viewing for fans of over-the-top Jap-action and gore hounds alike...

Dexter: Pilot Episode (2006)

Hadn't yet checked this show out due to an overall disinterest in television programs, but since the show had been recommended to me soon after it's initial debut, I figured it was worth watching the first episode at least... I can't say "Dexter" begins poorly, but I was bit disappointed after all the powerful hype from the devoted fan-base. Aside from a few decent elements here and there, it's pretty much another forensic show that tries to be 'off-beat' by throwing an unlikely character into the role of crime scene analyst/detective (like "Monk", kind of).

Dexter is a Miami serial killer, as well as a zealous blood-spatter expert working for the police. Apprantly, he moonlights as a vigilante murderer of murderers, currently searching for a puzzling madman who leaves his female victims dismembered and completely drained of blood. Throughout the first episode, Dexter is narrating his unusual "quirks" - such as sexual repression and being unable to feel emotion as well as providing brief information into his childhood. All of this is boringly STANDARD stuff. The Miami setting is far too vibrant and "CSI" looking to possibly make any of the sadistic material anywhere NEAR menacing or dark... The scenes in which Dexter actually kills people are the closest thing to "edginess", yet far too quick to have any real effect...

I will be checking out the next few episodes just because a show about a serial killer intrigues me and just to see if things build into something more interesting, but as far as the opening bit goes, I wasn't blown away...

Idiots and Angels (2008, Bill Plympton)

Bill Plympton's "Idiots and Angels" is much different than anything the animator has done in the past. Unlike his earlier full-length films like "I Married a Strange Person" and "Mutant Aliens", this one is a lot more "artistic" feeling as well as more of a refined quality. It's about a unlikable guy living a daily routine of sitting in a gloomy bar and acting belligerent, when he begins noticing growths on his back one morning. They soon reveal themselves as bird-like wings and, due to excessive ridicule from spectators, he tries immensely to remove them. Nothing seems to keep them from growing back and eventually, he has to fight off a conniving doctor and bar tender who want to cut off his wings and become renowned "heros"... I've been a big fan of Plympton's work for a long time and, having seen all of his short films and features, "Idiots and Angels" is probably my favorite. It's a good balance of many different styles - it's not as child-friendly as "The Tune" and not extremely crude like "Mutant Aliens". It's really the first feature he's done that actually has a legitimately serious 'storyline' and a very solid and surprisingly 'deep' one, at that. The animation is basically black-and-white pencil sketch, all done in Plympton's signature hand-drawn technique and there is absolutely no dialog. Plenty of bizarre humor and a creative "noir" tone that helps characterize Plympton's latest mastery. If you're a fan of independent animation you can't go wrong with Plympton!

Brain Damage (1988, Frank Hennenlotter)

The brutally wacky and remarkable - yet scattered directorial career of Frank Hennenlotter made it's second stop on the B-movie "gore" circuit with his eventual cult hit "Brain Damage", which is pretty much a bigger budgeted counterpart to his first film "Basket Case". The movies DO differ greatly, but the overall premise is still similar, though this one contains more flat-out humor and over-the-top 'splatter' sequences... I really do love this film, especially because of the infamous "blowjob" scene that reportedly caused a bit of outrage on the set! Frank's sexual input definitely seems to spark some people's views on the subject of "good and bad taste"...

The movie starts off with an old couple freaking out over the escape of something that was obviously living in their bathtub. Turns out, the little guy's name is Aylmer and he is a charismatic blue worm who needs to eat human brains to stay alive. So in order to find his necessary sustenance, he needs to find a human to transport him around, which just so happens to be an average teen. In exchange for the conveyance, Aylmer keeps the guy doped up on a strong liquid he injects into his brain through an opening in the back of his neck. When he decides to put a stop to the killing, the guy suffers excruciating withdrawal symptoms and is forced to take to the streets of New York with his smooth talking slug companion and drain more brains...

Apparently, the movie is based on a bad cocaine addiction Hennenlotter was struggling through at the time, which was what the underlying "message" the movie was clearly addressing and what the character of Aylmer represented (the "monkey" on the back, but with a 'gooey' Hennenlotter twist...). Again, the basic concept is pretty reminiscent of "Basket Case", what with a guy carrying around a savage creature that tests his own morality and causes chaos in his everyday life. Hell, even Duane and his basket make a show-stealing cameo in one scene... "Brain Damage" still completely stands alone as one of Hennenlotter's most favored films and rightly so. Not as good as "Basket Case" or "Frankenhooker", in my opinion, but there's some good practical effects, slightly improved stop-motion, and pools of gore that will certainly make for gripping eye-candy for fellow splatter-hounds. Check out "Brain Damage" as well as ALL of Frank Hennenlotter's films!

Phantasm III (1994, Don Coscarelli)

It's been close to ten years since I've seen either of the last two sequels to "Phantasm" - surely due to my still vivid remembrance of them not being very good. That being acknowledged to this day, I'm still a huge fan of the first two installments so I thought I'd go back and re-experience the 'final chapters'. Part three is definitely the worst of the series since it obviously takes itself less seriously and throws in a bunch of confusing stuff that doesn't make much sense... Again, kicking off right where the previous movie left us, Reggie saves Mike from the Tall Man who vows to come back for him later, but things aren't safe for long when they come across Jody who is inexplicably able to the take the form of a sphere. Apparently his soul is held prisoner by the Tall Man so Mike is then dragged into the sinister double-pronged Netherworld and Reg has to find him... Along the way, he meets up with a ten year-old kid and a nun-chuck wielding black chick named Rocky who assist him throughout his journey.

There's really nothing memorable about "Phantasm III" other than how stupid and forcefully "humorous" it tries to be. Only one positive aspect that didn't even help the movie and that was the return of A. Michael Baldwin and Bill Thornbury who reprise their roles for the first time since the original 1978 classic. The problem is, they pretty much make cameo appearances... Reggie Banister is of course back in his starring role, but his bumbling, love-sick attitude makes his presence far too annoying to like. Angus Scrimm also just didn't seem entirely "into" his role. He talks too much here and is nowhere near as menacing and creepy in contrast with the "quirkiness" that the movie seemed to carelessly resort to. Most people's opinion on this flick seem pretty impassive and tend to think "it's still entertaining". Maybe I'm just too much of a nit picker but I just couldn't get into this one. I remember disliking it when I was a kid and after re-watching it - I can safely say - nothing has changed. Don Coscarelli rocked the scene with his original low-budget, nightmarish, legendary film "Phantasm", which I still rank as my top favorite horror flick and his respectable sequel kept things moving and darkly surreal and GORY, but "Lord of the Dead" (stupid title) just looked too rushed and slapped together to me... The inclusion of the two new characters, Tim and Rocky (the only thing missing was Scrappy Doo!!), was a strong indication of Coscarelli running out of ideas and seeing how far he could ride the franchise...

So, it's a "Phantasm" movie with very little gore, nudity, and quadruple-barrel shot guns. Need I say more?

Global Metal (2008, Sam Dunn, Scot McFayden)

Documentarian Sam Dunn's seemingly "official" follow-up to his past film "Metal: A Headbanger's Journey" is an exploration of the heavy metal culture in faraway countries, spanning from Brazil, to Israel, to China and more... Interviews are conducted with musicians like Tom Araya (Slayer), Bruce Dickinson (Iron Maiden), Max Cavalera (Sepultura), Lar Ulrich (Metallica) who explain their views and personal experiences in the globalization of the metal scene. Select bands from each country are also apt to relay their part in their country's need for metal in the midst of religious confinement and censorship. Groups like Orphan Land (Israel), Painkiller (Indonesia), X-Japan and Sigh (Japan), and Ritual Day (China) are among a few bands featured. I must say, this didn't really "grab" me like "A Headbanger's Journey" did, probably because it seemed far more impersonal and rigid, lacking the enthusiasm that Dunn's first Metal "outing" seemed to convey. Just seemed like the metal cultures of these country's wasn't really explored in depth or else there just wasn't enough interesting material to last for a feature length documentary... Some of the bands interviewed were just a little too 'off the grid'. I would've liked to have heard some comments from bands like Blood Stain Child (Japanese death metal), Nail Within (death/thrash band from Israel), Bellzlleb (Japanese black metal) and maybe a little extended chat with Sigh (they were included a whole fifteen seconds!). Anyway, Sam Dunn's "Global Metal" is a pretty forced cultural anthropological look at worldwide metal and is nowhere near as absorbing as his first flick...

Terrifying Girls' High School: Lynch Law Classroom (1973, Norifumi Suzuki)

Solid installment in the "pinky violence" genre - or even specifically, the "Terrifying Girls' High School" series. The plot follows your typical 'female bent on revenge' formula and accompanies it with liberal amounts of sex and violence.

After a student at a reformatory for delinquent girls is tortured and killed, a newcomer who happens to be the murdered girls former friend, forms an alliance of other 'bad eggs' to take down the corrupt school staff. There's a gang of girls called The Disciplinary Committee that is supported by the school administration to physically torture and/or humiliate any student who gets out of line. Turns out The School of Hope - as it is ironically christened - is also in cahoots with seedy politicians who are blackmailed with the help of a crafty sleuth...

There's some off-the-wall shit going on all over this one. Vaginal light bulb insertion, blood draining, pubic electrocution, and piss humiliation. I wouldn't go so far as to call "Terrifying Girls' High School: Lynch Law Classroom" the BEST of the Japanese sexploit category (check out Norifumi Suzuki's "Sex & Fury" or "Star of David: Hunting for Beautiful Girls"), but it definitely has it's "moments" and is consistently entertaining...

Suicide (2004, Raoul Heimrich)

I've seen a lot of these "mockumentary" fake snuff/POV films such as the "August Underground" series, "Tumbling Doll of Flesh", "Suicide Dolls", etc, though Raoul Heimrich's "Suicide" is easily the most convincing approach to this particular cinematic form that I have seen. While most of this type of shit goes for blatant "shock" value like hardcore violence, sex, gore and other such selling points, "Suicide" consumes you in an aspect of realism that neither bores you, nor affronts you with forced facades of outrageous on-screen carnage (all of which I typically LOVE). The means in which this flick goes about it's straight-forward idea of communicating the extremes of online reality "shock" sites focuses on segmented variations of people intent on ending their lives...

A couple is apparently requesting the permission of suicidal people to show up at their home (or desired location) and record their last moments and death on video...

There's not a whole lot more to the film than that. The couple are shown in their car in between locations commenting on what was just shot. The rest of the film is a series of bleak and entirely disturbing simulations of various suicides conducted by different types and classes of people. Some explain in depth their reason for self-destruction - some are eerily silent about it. Eventually, it gets to the point where the couple become so warped by their new occupation that they become far too involved in what they are meant to record, obviously from an uninvolved perspective.

The most disturbing scene, in my opinion, simply involves two young women desperately attempting to overdose on pills. The scene is almost completely without dialog which makes it so absorbingly powerful that it's almost painful to watch. Other effective scenes include a harsh looking wrist-slashing, a heroin overdose, and a failed air-injection...

"Suicide" is one that's tough to recommend unless you can get into these "tougher" kinds of horror films. It's a fucked up, yet harrowing film that I urge you to check out!

Tenderness of the Wolves (1973, Ulli Lommel)

It's definitely odd watching a film like "Tenderness of the Wolves" and knowing that Ulli Lommel actually made respectable and cinematically competent films at one point. If you've seen anything fairly recent from the German film maker, you would find tedious, low-budget serial killer riff-raff released straight-to-DVD by the half-dozen yearly! Now I DO dig his older stuff, but at this point, I feel it would be best if Mr. Lommel was raped by AIDS infected bears and fed to sharks...

Anyhoo, "Tenderness of the Wolves" is a pretty classy, yet highly uncomfortable serial killer film from the young, THEN auteur based on the crimes of Fritz Haarmann. A German con-artist and black marketeer who gained police trust as and "inside" man as far as infiltrating criminal organizations. Still, the crafty thief enjoyed luring young run away boys back to his apartment by enticing them with offers of money and food. He would kill them by biting their necks, dismembering them, and selling their meat to restaurants. The unusable parts would be dumped in a river.

The film, while not violent, blatantly depicts Haarmann's homosexual behavior, deceitful criminal exploits, and behind-closed-doors sadism very well. The setting is amazing - showing Germany at it's economic low point and the acting is top-notch. Kurt Raab (who also wrote the film) is as sleazy and unlikable as you could ever hope for a portrayal of such a psychotic madman to be. Highly recommended.

Sex & Fury (1973, Norifumi Suzuki)

In terms of the 'pinky violence' genre, "Sex & Fury" is as high-end as you can probably get when it comes to this kind of Japanese 'sexploitation' material. It's definitely a favorite among fans of this particular 'pink' category and I don't disagree, though I personally prefer Norifumi Suzuki's other film "School of the Holy Beast"...

A small time pickpocket and expert gambler chick witnesses on of her poker buddies being killed for cheating. His dying request is that she rescue his sister from a brothel. This task forces her to assassinate a trio of Yakuza thugs as part of a personal vendetta...

Plenty of nudity, as you would expect, in the form of slow-mo naked sword fighting, girl-on-girl, and other tasty bits of simulated sex and eroticism. The beautiful Swedish goddess Christina Lindberg plays a spy who is forced to infiltrate a political scandal by using - you guessed it - what God gave her! Hell, she even DIES sexy! Plus, that S&M Pocahontas outfit with the whip may've been the HOTTEST thing I have ever gazed upon.

The cinematography is particularly masterful and the storyline and acting are all solid. Still, "Sex & Fury" may not rank as my all time favorite in the genre, but it's certainly an entry you can safely call a "classic" for it's hearty cinematic elements AND, of course, the steamy soft-core goodness that accompanies it. Check it out!

Creepozoids (1987, David DeCoteau)

What you have here is your standard "Alien" influenced, 80s B-movie schlockfest - simply there to entertain. It just depends on how far you allow yourself to be entertained because "Creepozoids" - right down to it's name - sounds like shit (which it totally is), though there IS plenty to get into...

The story is as shallow as this: post-apocalyptic setting. A few stragglers wandering the barren landscape come across an abandoned laboratory and, since the severed head and ominous sense of desertion wasn't enough to send them hurdling toward the exit, they decide to do some computer hacking and shower sex. Yes, none other than B-horror scream queen numero-uno Linnea Quigley gets top-billing and abides by her ever-pleasing trend of stripping down for us valued fans. Turns out there's a creature in the building that ejaculates a toxic mist on them which causes them to become "Evil Dead" -like and melt. This shit's not as cool as it sounds up until the very end when the remaining dude gains the upper hand and the dead creature births a demented "It's Alive" looking puppet-baby which was fucking hilariously random! Oh, and there's a huge killer rat thrown in just for the hell of it...

"Creepozoids" barely surpasses the one-hour mark and is just goofy enough for me to recommend (slightly). Watch for Linnea's wet tits and the evil baby!

Men Behind the Sun (1988, Tun Fei Mou)

"Men Behind the Sun" is one I just have to go back and re-experience every once-so-often. I've seen a LOT of "disturbing" shit in my time, but none have come quite as close to capturing that special "vibe" that this one formulates. Could be for the fact that it is based on true events that seem to have been withdrawn from many people's consciousness... Could also be the general bleakness of the film. Either way, "Men Behind the Sun" is an uncomfortable ride...

Unit 731 was a secret Japanese army base existing throughout WWII that focused on experimental procedures meant to create biological "weapons" and chemical warfare. Many Chinese prisoners were the subjects of these sadistic war crimes, which (alledgedly) included freezing methods, plague exposure, gassing, decompression, starvation, sea water injections and live autopsies to name a few. Hundreds of thousands of people were killed there.

Aside from all the "graphic" content that "Men Behind the Sun" is known for, a worthy bit of historical intent shines through, which is how the film should initially be explored. School curriculum is only concerned with covering vague aspects of Nazi Germany and either glossing over entirely or fluffing the horrific forms of war violence. For many, it seems that Unit 731 has been discounted by many as irrelevant...

However, MANY memorable scenes of wild, bodily destruction are waiting to blow your mind, such as the infamous decompression chamber scene in which a man's body bloats and then erupts a stew of fecal matter and intestines. There's also the highly controversial "cat scene" to look forward to (though it was, in fact, fake) I Can't recommend "Men Behind the Sun" enough.

Absurd (1981, Joe D'Amato)

Despite Joe D'Amato's callous sentiment toward his film making ambition, there have been a few of his flicks that I've enjoyed - "Absurd" being one. It's commonly considered a sequel to D'Amato's 1980 cannibal-slasher film "Anthropophagous" - one I very much enjoyed - though there aren't enough links between the film to back this up. It was also marketed under the handle "Zombie 6: Monster Hunter", which is even MORE ludicrous. If anything, "Absurd" is a simple Italian rip-off of "Halloween".

A genetically altered man whose blood rapidly coagulates runs amok around a quiet community while a priest and police detective desperately follow the wake of bodies in search of the "monster". It seems the only way to kill him is to pierce his cranium, otherwise, he's nearly invincible. There's a few random death scenes involving a drill through the head, a band-saw ALSO through the head, and a disappointingly obstructed strangulation scene. Finally, the semi-indestructible killer makes his way to a house occupied by a small child, a short-haired nurse, and a girl recovering from a broken neck. He, of course, breaks in and 'goes to town'...

The gore scenes are decent enough and George Eastman is still creepy even through he's missing any kind of corpsey make-up (i.e. "Anthropophagous"). He also wrote this film which leads me to believe he intentionally wrote out the possibility of make-up effects so the audience could enjoy his beard uninhibited. "Absurd" isn't anything GREAT, though I still didn't find anything about it that seriously pissed me off or kept me from being entertained. Could've probably used a little more explaination as to what the fuck is going on this this guy and his superhuman state, though that would've required a certain amount of creativity that D'Amato would've surely have found unappealing. Don't bend over backwards to get a copy, but you COULD do a lot worse...