Hotel Inferno (2013)

"Hotel Inferno" is another odd, gory and relatively entertaining film put out by Necrostorm. It's shot completely as a first-person action/splatter scenario, which, I guess, makes it the first of it's kind for this very particular film 'niche'.

A seasoned hit man is hired to kill a murderous couple in their hotel room by a mysterious client who has supplied him with computerized sunglasses that act as a camera. When the hit doesn't go totally as planned and the hired assassin figures something is 'off' when his targets start acting zombie-ish, he ditches the glasses and fights to escape the hotel that is loaded with Satanic, plague-infected goons. Even when the glasses are off, we still see all the action exclusively through the main character's eyes.

The first-person 'device' this movie uses is obviously far from new, as we've seen it in the shitty "Maniac" remake, "Hardcore Henry" and a good portion of "Enter the Void" - though they manage to do a decent enough job of making it work for the most part. I wasn't annoyed the entire time. The gore helped quite a bit and there were a few good practical effects here and there. In all though, I wasn't all that crazy about "Hotel Inferno". A few parts toward the end got a bit boring and dragged on too long (fucking candle lighting and long-winded exposition, my fucking gawd!) and I wasn't totally sold on the POV-video game type gimmick, but as far as European produced splatter flicks go there are a LOT worse. Moderately entertaining, overall.

The Necro Files (1997)

Big-dicked zombie rapist? Uhh, hell yes. "The Necro Files" is a dirt cheap splatter flick that, I'll admit, I found amusing, despite how cheesy and just flat out shitty it is. May have had something to do with the big-dicked zombie rapist...

A necrophile serial killer is caught with the disemboweled corpse of his latest victim by a pair of cops and is shot dead on the scene. A few months later, a Satanic cult resurrects the killer - via an infant sacrifice - and, armed with a massive donger, he continues on with his rape and murder spree - targeting random individuals. At one point, however, a few of the cult members have second thoughts when they realize they can't control the undead perv and the cops from before catch word of the similar string of sexual mutilations and decide to investigate. There's also a whole thing with the murdered baby rising from the grave and floating around, chomping on people's necks.

The acting and effects are expectedly bad, considering the milk money budget they were clearly working with. The flying baby was simply a plastic doll on a fishing rod, usually extending from the window of a moving car from the looks of it. However, regardless of it's budgetary shortcomings, "The Necro Files" is entertaining enough. It rolls along nicely and has some alright moments. Nothing great, but just decent enough, overall.

Christmas Cruelty (2013)

Overall, this is a pretty damn cool Christmas slasher flick out of Norway. Nothing outstanding, story-wise, but if some Yuletide rape and dismemberment is of interest to you, then this is a worthy option.

A serial killer in a Santa suit and mask tracks down a woman in his work file that he is fixated on. And that's more or less the gist...

To be honest, the very beginning and last half hour is when "Christmas Cruelty" truly shines with such delightful offerings of splattery carnage as skull crushing, vag-stabbing and chainsaw mutilation to name only a few examples. The middle portion of the film is not without it's merits, but takes a much slower pace than I would've preferred after such a strong opening scene (circular saw infanticide!). Also, some of the editing choices and music video-style interludes were a little overdone at times. Still, the characters are enjoyable enough in making their Krampus masks to go out scaring unsuspecting people, as well as mixing one of the most epic xmas party cocktails ever. One of the characters' rantings was also pretty funny. The practical gore effects are convincing and quite nasty at times, definitely making for some solid CRUELTY, as promised. Gotta recommend this one to my gorehounds looking for some enjoyable, holiday-themed sleazy fun.

The Taint (2011)

If you like a lot of what Troma comes out with, you'll probably dig "The Taint". It's reasonably enjoyable with it's absurd splatter 'gags', offensive premise and constant, infantile dick jokes - granted, you're in the proper mood.

The Earth's drinking water has been contaminated with a faulty penis-enhancement supplement that causes the male population to turn into maniacal, woman-hating killers... with big, jizzing cocks. The film centers around a group of survivors trying to get to a well, apparently containing untainted water...

There's a few decent gore scenes here and there - usually involving women's skulls being crushed with rocks or boot heels. I guess my biggest complaint would be that the pacing is thrown off at a point around the middle when the cause of the woman-hating skull crushers is explained. It goes on a bit too long, I thought, and the gore element slows down. Also, some gym teacher character's back story is explored, which really has nothing to do with the movie's initial set-up. I understand the movie was just going for the all-out"outrageous" factor, but some of it didn't quite 'land' for me. Overall, "The Taint" is watchable and has some entertaining spots with cheezy, misogynistic gore that will at least make angry virgins bust a nut...

Barricade (2007)

I wouldn't list "Barricade" as one of the highest on the German-splatter shit-o-meter, seeing as how there are some real miserable excuses for this kind of thing out there. That said, this one is still largely lacking in a number of areas - not unlike the majority of this particular sub-genre...

An effeminate, muscular dullard, his visiting New Yorker girlfriend and equally annoying buddy are camping out in the woods of Germany where a family of crazed, deformed cannibals are butchering hikers.

As you would expect, the acting is terrible which doesn't help to 'pump up' the seemingly endless, shittily written dialog. There is WAY too much of these characters and their unimpassioned "casual" banter that, in turn, makes the intermittent cut-aways to mindless dismemberment feel like a vacation. The gore scenes are occasionally decent, but nothing too exceptional (or even plentiful...), save for maybe the wire cutter nip-snip and titty fisting scene. That worked, I guess. Yet, in the film's 'climax' everything falls apart, resulting in a total mess of incomprehensibly shot, unthought out bullshit. Some would-be 'hero' is clumsily introduced who claims to have been tracking the killer inbred family for almost a year after his family was killed by them, but he's killed off immediately, as are the majority of the psycho cannibals. It was like they ran out of money and ideas so they decided to just shoot the remainder of the cast in the head in the span of 5-seconds just to end the movie as fast as possible. Whatever. There you pretty much have another cheap, plotless waste of time brought to you by ambivalent German gore schlocksters. Don't bother.

A Fucking Cruel Nightmare (2010)

There's some truly bad German splatter flicks out there, but "A Fucking Cruel Nightmare" is fucking BAD. This makes "Violent Shit" and "Das Komabrutale Duelle" look masterful and I can't even believe I'm saying that...

A guy is having a nightmare that he's walking through a maze of plastic tarps, peering into rooms where random people are being brutally tortured and killed by sadistic masked men. About halfway through this boring shit, the victims come back and exact revenge on their killers.

The movie is just comprised of dozens of scenes of torture and mutilation, strung together in an endless... nightmare of self-indulgence and pointless, cheezy gore. Absolutely no plot, no dialog and some of the most brain-splittingly irritating dubbing and sound mixing imaginable. The movie is so repetitive and dull and just poorly made that it fails at being even mildly "shocking", despite it's obvious efforts to be so 'balls-out crazy'. If there's not even the framework of a story or anyone at least savvy enough to doctor up some decent gore FX for the nonstop scenes of nails pounded into skulls and spines, babies being bashed with hammers and various cock mutilations (all of which feature the most unconvincing looking plastic dildos on the market...), then all of that shit has absolutely zero impact. This one just blows...

Dead Snow: Red vs. Dead (2014)

I definitely dug the first "Dead Snow" - maybe not as much as some people who seemed to think it was a bit more "fresh" then it actually was, but it was certainly one of the cooler zombie flicks to have come out in recent years. Following that film's success, director Tommy Wirkola did some big studio take-off on Hansel and Gretel that I haven't seen (and probably will never...) and about five years after the first has drummed up a sequel to his zombie hit...

It picks up right where the original left off with the surviving guy from the undead Nazi mountain massacre being pursued by Colonel Herzog and his army after discovering that he still had that gold piece on him. During a high speed struggle, he crashes his car and wakes up in the hospital in police custody for the murder of his friends (apparently the zombie Nazis left absolutely NO trace...) and the commander's severed right arm surgically adhered to his own dichotomized stump. He escapes from the hospital, teams up with a group of zombie nerds and a gay museum clerk to defeat the growing army of zombies.

While I can't say that "Dead Snow 2" is better than the first - I still enjoyed it a lot. Maybe I just haven't sat through a zombie-comedy in a while, which sorta softened my 'take' on them. I don't know. Must be, cuz this one is MUCH more of a comedy than the first movie and, I must say, very few of the gags really 'landed' for me. From what I've heard, a lot of people hated this one for the fact that it was a much more Americanized continuation - with English speaking Norwegians and quite a few American actors thrown in. And also for the fact that 98% of the movie contains absolutely no snow. I definitely take issue with the latter, since I think the idea of 'snow zombies' is what made the first "Dead Snow" so 'stand out'. The sequel is set, primarily, in a much greener and more populated area, the Nazis have a war tank and the power to reanimate the dead with a magical touch is introduced as a variation of the 'getting bitten' artifice. There's also a glaring attempt at baseless and mean-spirited 'shock value' by showing a number of children - including infants and their mothers - and people in wheelchairs being slaughtered by undead Krauts. To be honest, I didn't have a hard time accepting all this and, to my own surprise, enjoyed the flick quite a bit. It delivers on the gore and gut-spilling and you have an all-out battle of Russian and German zombies so I can't rightfully nit-pick the small shit, here. If you hate zom-coms (I'm not a huge fan, myself, usually...) then you should avoid "Dead Snow 2", but if you're in a laid back mood for some dopey splatter, I'd recommend giving it a shot.

Premutos: Lord of the Living Dead (1997)

Some early Olaf Ittenbach shouldn't disappoint if you're into low-budget splatter insanity. "Premutos" is much gorier than his other '97 flick, "The Burning Moon" (though that infamous Hell scene fucking rules!...) and because of that, it's a fun watch.

Via voice-over narration, we get some details on a fallen angel - not unlike Lucifer - whose son has existed throughout various points in history in order to make way for this new God's imminent take-over. In present day Germany, a teenage boy ends up transforming into the demon offspring during his father's birthday party - setting off an undead army.

There's no shortage of gut-munching and heads exploding from excessive fire-power - at one point involving a tank. The premise is pretty ambitious and involved, considering that the film becomes more or less your average zombie-survival fallout. It works, though. Still, you just can't go wrong with such wall-to-wall bloodshed. The effects are good for such an obvious shoe-string budget and it stays consistently entertaining. Definitely along the lines of "Braindead". Check it out.

Skinned Alive (1990, Jon Killough)

I saw "Skinned Alive" many years ago as a cherub-cheeked rental store prowling youth and remember hating it. I think I was initially put off by the incredibly low-budget tone of it, as well as the goofy, slap-stick humor it was laced with. This time around, however, I admit that I enjoyed it much more than I expected. Perhaps I'm becoming more retarded with age and it's affecting my taste in film...

It's centered around a three-piece freak family of traveling tanners who pluck people off the roads of rural Ohio and remove their hides for their leather business. When their van breaks down, they are offered a place to stay at the kindly mechanic's house while it's repaired. Their new digs don't seem to hinder their ongoing hunt for human skin and it's business as usual...

Not sure why, but I liked this flick more than I probably should have considering I hate pretty much everything that J.R. Bookwalter has been a part of and I've just generally become more 'picky' about micro-budget horror over the years. "Skinned Alive" IS stupid and full of idiotic humor, including cringe-worthy cartoonish sound-effects and incredibly cornball over-acting, which DID get annoying at times. Still, there's enough effort put into the splattery gore effects - not to say they aren't cheap looking as all hell - but it all helps to keep the movie rolling along at a decent pace. Plus, the whole failed incest angle was kind of amusing. I can't recommend this one, seeing as how I can only assume most people would hate it, but if you're into trashy, ultra-indie gore flicks then pick yourself up a copy.

Blood Feast 2: All U Can Eat (2002, Herschell Gordon Lewis)

Herschell Gordon Lewis' first directorial film since the early 70s was no disappointment! The legendary "Godfather of Gore" came out of a 30-year retirement (from film) with a follow-up to his ballsy 1963 landmark classic, proto-slasher that established for generations of film-makers to come the limitlessness of excessive on-screen female butchery. And clearly in honor of the fans, "Blood Feast 2" doesn't try to be any less 'trashy' than it's glorious predecessor.

Fuad Ramses' grandson is re-opening the infamous catering shop, much to the scorn of the small Florida town that is not quick to forget the atrocities committed there decades ago. Almost immediately, Fuad (the third) finds the malevolent Ishtar statue in the back room, which possesses him in a very similar manner as his grandpa, causing him to kidnap and slaughter women as ingredients for his first catering gig. A couple of bumbling detectives pick him as their prime suspect and attempt to gather the evidence they need as girls start disappearing...

This flick is as gory as you could hope with long, lingering close-ups of bodily mutilation - the best, I'd say, being a chick getting her face and scalp peeled off with an electric carving knife. There's also numerous scenes of gratuitous nudity and lingerie modeling just to fill up a few of the 'in between' scenes. Also, you got some corny and occasionally crude tongue-in-cheek humor tossed in that works pretty well. Gotta love the John Waters as a pedo priest cameo! What rules about "Blood Feast 2" is that, as a whole, it DOES really capture a lot of the 'vibe' of the original film's 60s time period while, at the same time, not coming across as completely shoddily made. Some of the music from the first film is used, as well as similar camera angles and some over-the-top characters/performances. If you're an H.G. Lewis fan then you'll dig this splattery, long-awaiting sequel.

Meatball Machine (2005, Yūdai Yamaguchi)

Blood-soaked 'cyber-punk' splatter battles! What's not to love? "Meatball Machine" delivers on all the visual insanity that comes from fusing people with robotic weaponry...

After getting his ass kicked by a tranny outside of a porno theater, a lonely factory worker finds some kind of hard-shelled stingray type of creature that houses an otherwordly parasite searching for a host. After saving the girl he secretly admires from an aggressive douchebag yuppie (and getting his ass kicked again...), she takes him home where she is attacked by the creature, who implants some kind of slug sack in her that transforms her into a human/machine-hybrid. Some convenient exposition lends some insight into the purpose of these parasites, which seems to be: to control the host through their nervous system and cannibalize other such beings after battling them to the death.

It's obvious that "Meatball Machine" is a take off on Shinya Tsukamoto's landmark 'cyber-punk' masterpiece, "Tetsuo: The Iron Man" only with much more gore - courtesy of 'new wave' Japanese makeup/special effects artist, Yoshihiro Nishimura. There's plenty of nasty, gratuitous violence and gore (some of which involving children...) and crazy industrial biomechanical amalgamations - appropriately called Necroborgs - engaging in brutal junkyard brawls. Like the "Tetsuo" series, it's bizarre in a totally self-aware kinda way, but doesn't cease to bring the entertainment, full-force. Needless to say, this one gets a hearty recommendation.

Twisted Issues (1988, Charles Pinion)

I typically don't have a problem with a little experimental diversion to what would otherwise be a rather run-of-the-mill slasher/gore flick, as long as it can hold my interest. Can't say that "Twisted Issues" really did it for me, unfortunately...

The "plot" here is a complete mess, but from what I could make out - a karate student/skateboarder gets into an altercation with a gang of drunken assholes on his way home from a party. They kick his board out into the street, he chases it, resulting in him getting hit by a car and killed. His body is eventually found by two Frankenstein-ish mad doctors who bring him back to life, only to be killed by him before he takes to the streets wearing a fencing mask and wielding a sword, seeking revenge. Apparently, some of the characters are aliens or something - two of which keep trying to kill each other with household appliances and there's another one who is obsessed with raspberry soda...

A lot of this movie is padded out with quickly edited sequences of stock footage of political figures, Nazis and other random shit as well as shitty punk band performances. That, on top of the terrible, shot-on-video production value and absolutely terrible sound mixing (it's almost impossible to hear any of the dialog over the constant thrash-hardcore soundtrack), the movie really feels much longer than it is. Overall, "Twisted Issues" is a pretty lacking 'splatter punk' entry.

The German Chainsaw Massacre (1990, Christoph Schlingensief)

"The German Chainsaw Massacre" (aka. "Blackest Heart") is a bizarre and exuberantly absurd splatter-comedy with a strong 'arthouse' tenor. In that regard, it's a bit hard to get 'into', but I found it enjoyable nonetheless...

After killing her scumbag husband (who I'm pretty sure was played by a woman in a Moe Howard wig... ), a woman flees to west Germany to meet up with her boyfriend. There, she falls prey to a psychotic family of butchers who use GDR citizens as a cheap form of bratwurst meat.

Instead of going the straight horror/splatter route, this flick plays out as more of a political satire on German government and as a mean spirited commentary on the reunification process of 1990. It's an incredibly disjointed film due to the political context expressed through over-the-top characters and general inanity, though, in that same token, it's pretty damn entertaining. Udo Kier pops up a few times - once with a weird drawn-on swastika Hitler 'stache and again as a giggling loon igniting himself with flammable alcohol - and completely steals the show. All of the characters are as memorable as they are crazy and strange and there's a fair amount of cheap, splattery gore.

It's too weird of a flick to recommend to the casual viewer, but those into truly 'offbeat' cinema will get a kick out of this, I'm sure.

Inbred (2011, Alex Chandon)

The latest feature from Alex Chandon is definitely his most 'slick' looking film to date and keeps the gory entertainment rolling along pretty well, but I still felt it left a bit much to be desired...

"Inbred" focuses on a group of delinquents who are on a trip with a couple of social workers to a small village in Northern England. Their goal seems to be aimed at salvaging valuables from the interior of broken down and abandoned train cars. While in town, the cliquish Yorkshire hillbillies start causing problems for the visitors, which - as you would figure - escalates into a bunch of crazy, violent shit that just so happens to involve some type of savage Vaudeville show from Hell.

I'd surly consider myself a fan of Chandon's early work, namely his ultra-indie splatter-punk shorts "Drillbit", "Bad Karma", and I dug his muddled 2001 film, "Cradle of Fear", despite it's shortcomings. "Inbred" is certainly his best feature, in terms of relatively slick production value and obvious attempts at steering the psychotic redneck genre mold in a slightly more original direction. I thought the humor elements (something I'm usually a bit dubious towards when it comes to horror films) worked for this one, as it's not too over-played at the wrong moments and actually adds a nice 'weirdness' factor. The gore is abundant and creative enough, so that's definitely a plus. What I found a tad disappointing was the affluence of digital gore FX. One thing that always stuck out about Chandon's old short films was his aptitude for practical gore/creature designs. This isn't enough to ruin the film, but it was a notable gripe I had. Still, like I said, the creativity is there - i.e. a scene in which septic shit-sludge is pumped down a guy's throat until he explodes shit all over a crowd of retarded spectators. That was when the movie officially became awesome!

While it didn't blow me away, Chandon's style and splattery 'action' is all there which makes "Inbred" an enjoyable flick. Kind of along the lines of a gory "Straw Dogs", I'd say. However, I'm still waiting for Chandon to come out with his definitive feature-length swan song. I can't say this was it...

The Green Elephant (1999, Svetlana Baskova)

I'm not really sure what to make of a movie like "The Green Elephant". I found it somewhat entertaining, while at the same time it was a rather tedious and boring mash-up of 'arthouse' and gore flick.

Two Russian soldiers are forced into a military prison cell together - which looks like a janitor's closet with a sewage leak. The one guy keeps babbling incessantly about fucking men and the time he was forced to eat his own feces. As the other guy gets more and more annoyed, his roomie becomes more mentally unhinged, going so far to shitting on a plate (as well as smearing it on himself) and trying to feed it to his cell mate while spouting rapid gibberish. This goes on for about the first 45-50 minutes before they're extracted from the room and basically forced to torture each other to death...

The interaction between the two guys is pretty funny at times, but just goes on for too long. By the end, it turns into a full fledged gore film with cannibalism, man-on-man buttfucking, self mutilation, disemboweling, etc. I'll admit I had no idea what the fuck was going on, but it was suitably nasty in the last 15-minutes or so. Still, there's nothing at all remarkable about "The Green Elephant" as it's pretty dull for the most part. Also, I couldn't figure out if it was suppose to be a 'fake snuff' style of film or not. It was shot like one, but the camera man is never addressed. Oh, well.

If you've seen stuff like "Psycho: The Snuff Reels" or the "August Underground" series, "The Green Elephant" is nothing new or all that 'shocking'.

Dead Sushi (2012, Noboru Iguchi)

The new-wave of Japanese splatter is really going down the tubes lately. It's been a while since I've checked out one of these, but it doesn't seem like that long ago that I actually enjoyed some of these types of flicks, such as "Machine Girl", the ever-so epic "Tokyo Gore Police", and I even remember kinda liking "Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl" a little bit. I'm not really sure what's going on in the world of mainstream Japanese cinema these days, but their sense of humor and overuse of CGI has reached an all-time pinnacle of shittiness with garbage like "Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead", "Big Tits Zombie" and this hunk of fecal waste, "Dead Sushi".

Basically, a young aspiring female sushi chef is berated by her master sushi chef father for being a girl and sucking at the art of rolling the perfect sushi. So, she runs away and finds a waitressing job at an inn where a former scientist seeks revenge on the evil business men guests who fired him years ago for coming up with a serum that brings dead animals back to life, only vicious. This entails bringing tuna to life as flying man-eaters to quench his thirst for vengeance. Yeah, I know...

I don't think I'll have to convince many of you that this shit gets old very fast. "Dead Sushi" is a class-A example of Japan trying to be Troma and failing miserably. Not that Troma doesn't fail miserably in countless instances. Call me crazy, but I find nothing funny about sushi monsters or rice spitting zombies. Especially for 90 goddamned minutes! This was a terrible idea for a movie and the gag wears thin painfully fast. What saved movies like "Machine Girl" and "Tokyo Gore Police" - aside from the fact that those weren't non-stop fart joke-laden, infantile comedies - was the over-the-top, wall-to-wall gore and fairly impressive use of practical effects. This shit just worked better when they mixed in some cyber-punk elements. These zany zom-coms just aren't cutting the mustard. "Dead Sushi" is shockingly light on gore and the CGI blood spray and... flying sushi rolls (I'm so annoyed by that concept) is fucking embarrassing. The movie lacks style, charm, direction and any enjoyment factor. It's a total and complete mess and I'm pronouncing the new-wave of J-splatter officially dead. RIP.

Evil Dead (2013, Fede Alvarez)

Like all of these horror remakes, I really didn't give a shit about seeing "Evil Dead" '13, though I'm still adamant about keeping an open mind at this point since there is no fighting the eminence of this type of bullshit. I'm pretty much numb to it at this point like everyone else should be and I'll usually end up checking out the remake eventually, but I'm typically not running to a theater on opening day. As far as this one went - I heard of the extensive gore content (BETTER fucking be! It's Evil Dead!) that tempted the dreaded NC-17 prior to it's release (probably a bullshit marketing gimmick to rope in gore hounds...). Was also hearing early on that the movie consisted of all practical effects. No CGI. After watching film, I see that I was misled on that. So I picked up a copy to give it a shot...

Well, unlike the original, it ain't party time at this rustic little cabin in the woods. They're actually detoxing the one dude's sister who's gotten a bit outta control on the dope. One of them - who kinda looked like Kurt Cobain with out-of-date glasses - comes across a book... THE book and goes about yapping the spell that unleashes the malevolent entities in the forest. As expected, all hell breaks loose...

To be honest, I was pretty much all in with this once I shook off the disappointment of the CGI fire within the first 5 minutes. Apparently, only MOST of the effects were practical. Oh well... My bad, I guess.The gory action gets going and stays pretty constant, although not really reaching that no-holds-barred craziness of the original. Still, there's some decent bodily mutilation going on here with syringes, retractable blades, nail guns, chainsaws, etc. They didn't really play with those tense 'lows' that Raimi's did with shit like the giggling girlfriend and the crap in the basement coming alive, which really added to the suspense and astringent, insanity-inducing seclusion. My major gripe, however, was the formulaic, lone female survivor ending, that modern horror is obsessed with resorting to, whether it makes sense or not. With this, they clearly made a last ditch ruling and frantically kill off this version's Ash (though, I'll say, he wasn't nearly as effective) and resurrect the junkie who carries out a wildly implausible ending (yeah, I'm referring to the super human-like removal of an appendage, specifically). I know that modern mainstream horror film makers are compelled to promote feminism at any cost, but can't just ONE sneak by just for the sake of contrast? Eh...

"Evil Dead" '13 is a fine gore flick. Not one of those frustratingly shitty remakes, but still won't 'blow your mind'.

Conjoined (2013, Joe Grisaffi)

"Conjoined"is a pretty enjoyable horror-comedy that I ended up digging a lot more than I expected. It starts off with this straitlaced nerdy guy who hooks up with a hot chick over the internet who he talks into moving in with him. Upon finally meeting her face to face, he is shocked to find out that she is connected at the hip to her siamese twin sister. As you would assume, shit starts getting awkward when sis starts feeling left out of the romance that she is forced to witness going on with her sibling and her new man, so they decide to set her up on a few dates. Turns out, the bitchy and sarcastic 'third wheel' REALLY doesn't like men too much which is evident when the bodies of potential suitors start piling up...

It's not a great flick, but I found it to be a fun watch. Some of the dialog was kinda funny, plus there was a few scenes of decent gore - namely a cock being chomped and spit across a room. It moves along at a brisk pace, has a quirky... almost sitcom-ish vibe, as well, and offers up some goofy entertainment.

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Bad Karma (1991, Alex Chandon)

More early underground video-splatter absurdity from UK director Alex Chandon. Like his other gore short "Drillbit", "Bad Karma" is full of cheezy creatures, excessive bloodshed and crazy punkers.

A cult of shape-shifting Krishnas crash a guy's backyard birthday party, killing his parents and all the guests after one of them transforms into a dinosaur-headed beast with Wolverine claws. The surviving guy and his girlfriend run over to a buddy's S&M whorehouse for help with the shape-shifters in pursuit. After a big fight, the brothel patrons get their asses handed to 'em by the creatures, so in come the evil clan's arch enemies: a family of angry rednecks...

Of course, the budget is meager, the production value is terrible and so is the acting, but one thing about Chandon's films; he goes all-out with the effects work. Yeah, it's cheap looking, but there's obviously some effort put into the design and creation of it all which I will always appreciate when watching this kind of SOV horror material. My criteria when it comes to this type of stuff is to keep it an appropriate length for what you're trying to pull off and put some effort into the effects. Or just throw in a scene where a guy is butt-fucked with a chainsaw like this goddamn thing. "Bad Karma" does both of these and that's why I'd recommend it to gore-hounds...

Violent Shit (1989, Andreas Schnaas)

Yeah, "Violent Shit" pretty much sucks a bag of shit. I'm not completely against no-budget SOV splatter-trash. I've enjoyed a little bit of the Polonia Brothers' efforts, but THIS thing is fucking dryer than my cock at a lesbian convention...

The plot is pretty complex so please read my synopsis carefully: a retard with an over-sized meat cleaver runs around the woods killing and eating people.

Nothing more to say as far as the storyline is concerned... It's just THAT. Some asshole in overalls with Silly Putty on his face (supposed to resemble malformation, I guess) staggering around, endlessly. The film is basically just a compilation of gory, over-the-top death scenes strung together. A guy gets his dick hacked off with a cleaver, another dude is cut in half with a hedge trimmer and some bitch gets her vag sliced open and is gutted for an extended period of time. Many scenes in this movie go on for a fucking eternity! Retard-boy running around in slow-motion. Filming through the windshield of a moving car for, what felt like, 10 minutes straight. "Violent Shit" would've been much more tolerable if it had been chopped down to a sensible 15-20 minute run-time. To me, there's nothing worse than a shoddy DIY, backyard horror film-maker padding out his cheap gore flick just to make it a resemble a "feature". This shit is just over 70 minutes, but drags like a mother fucker! I seriously got drowsy and almost nodded over several times... Maybe at some point I'll check out the sequels just out of curiosity, but for now the original "Violent Shit" is one I happily throw on the trash heap... Sucks.