Masters of Horror: The Fair Haired Child (2006)

William Malone's "The Fair Haired Child" is definitely not one of the stand-out entries from the Masters of Horror series. I can't say I was too surprised, considering it's directed by the guy behind such "gems" as "House on Haunted Hill" and "FeardotCom".

A high school girl with considerably low self-esteem is abducted by a middle-aged couple and locked in their basement with a mute ginger boy. The purpose has to do with resurrecting their son who tragically drowned on his fifteenth birthday 12 years prior. Thus, they agreed to sacrifice someone every year to a big-headed demon in order to bring him back...

This one really felt 'off' - mainly due to poor direction and pacing. The characters were uninteresting, as was in how lead-up and back story were presented. The 'fair haired child' creature was pretty cool looking, though, so it had THAT going for it. So, yeah, I just wasn't feeling this one.

Horsehead (2014)

I was really hoping to like this one more than I did based on some pretty favorable reviews I had read a while back. Unfortunately, "Horsehead" didn't quite live up to any of the hype for me.

A young woman who is prone to dreams of a monstrous, horse-headed figure - travels back home to attend her grandmother's funeral. There, her shrewish mother and passive step-dad are storing granny's body in an upstairs bedroom where the service will apparently be held, which soon leads to her having frightening and cryptic dreams involving the dead relative. She starts drugging herself in order to induce lucid dreams, in hopes of uncovering some dark secrets surrounding her family's history...

Visually, "Horsehead" definitely delivers on the striking and nightmarish eye candy that are incredibly well shot and occasionally feature some gore and nudity. Other than this, however, the movie just feels like a mess of overly forced symbolism, dream-related metaphors and a convoluted attempt at a plot that's wedged where ever it seemed they could fit it. Some may find more within all the symbolism - of which this film is almost comprised solely of - and the surreal, metaphysical dream references, but I just couldn't get into it. Again, the look of the movie is really cool and there's some pretty damn twisted moments (lots of pregnant belly abuse!), but where it excelled in 'style', it ultimately failed in substance and story.

The Battery (2012)

What the hell took me so fuckin' long to see this flick?! Damn, this is one of the best films I've seen in a while and definitely the strongest 'take' on the apocalyptic-zombie concept to come along in quite a while.

A pair of baseball players are making their way around the rural upper-East coast, salvaging what provisions they can in the gloomy, desolate aftermath of an infectious zombie outbreak. Their conflicting personalities clash over preferred survival methods and things get even more turbulent upon coming across other non-infected survivors.

I'm keeping my synopsis kinda vague because I feel the less said about the direction this movie takes, the better for those who haven't seen yet seen it. "The Battery" is an immensely gripping movie that's driven solely on its two main characters, their relationship and struggles, and with minimal 'action'. It's done masterfully and never gets boring, despite its more low-key approach to an end-of-the-world zombie scenario. I must stress, it's not trying to be some kind of pretentious 'anti-horror', nor is it played for laughs. While it has its share of passing, casual humor, it's played straight and actually has a highly depressing tone as well. Not to mention a great use of music and is incredibly unpredictable. I straight up LOVED "The Battery" and urge you to check it out.

Christmas Evil (1980)

"Christmas Evil" is one I like to make a holiday viewing tradition out of, seeing as how it's absolutely my favorite Xmas-themed horror movie. It's always appealed to me for its 'psycho-study' layout - along the lines of Bill Lustig's "Maniac", which actually came out the same year and is the one I definitely regard as my favorite slasher film.

Following the trauma of seeing his father dressed as Old Saint Nick and groping his mom on Christmas Eve - young Harry became totally Santa-obsessed. As an adult, his apartment is packed with Christmas shit, he works in a toy factory and goes so far as to neurotically spy on and catalog the the neighborhood children's behavior in his own personal naughty/nice books. As the holiday season approaches and Harry's dismal, detached life weighs on him more and more, he begins his transformation into Santa Claus with some payback plans set for Christmas.

Can't say I would classify "Christmas Evil" as a full-fledged 'slasher' film since it doesn't start in on the body count until pretty late and just for the fact that it doesn't 'feel' like one. It more so goes about chronicling the further mental deterioration of an already disturbed guy with a big boner for Xmas. The way in which it is presented is very convincing for the most part and the guy who plays Harry does a terrific job of not over-selling the 'madness'. When the time comes for him to break out the Xmas van (emblazoned with a hand-painted sleigh motif, of course...), the film imposes some nicely conflicting sentiments of sympathy and disdain surrounding the character, as he spreads both Christmas cheer AND  bloodshed and fear on those who have in the past or DO fuck with him during his Yuletide odyssey. The scene of the asshole church-goers getting fucked up is too awesome.

 "Christmas Evil" isn't up there with films like, "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer", or the aforementioned, "Maniac", though it IS a really cool and commonly overlooked film that also captures a bleak, yet FESTIVE 'vibe'.

Masters of Horror: Dreams in the Witch House (2005)

Stuart Gordon does what he does best: adapting some H.P. Lovecraft, of course - and it makes for a solid Masters of Horror film, overall.

A college student rents out a room in an old, rundown boarding house where he intends on studying in peace and quiet. Odd shit eventually starts turning up, like a rat with a human face, a sexy witch and a baby that must be saved, all stemming from a portal to another dimension that is situated in the corner of his room.

Well adapted premise with a bit of a 'shocker' ending, as well as some full-frontal nudity. The close-ups of the man-faced rat looked way too silly for my liking, but it wasn't enough to  kill this one for me. In all, another good one out of the MoH show.

Landmine Goes Click (2015)

I went into this one pretty blind and came out absolutely taken aback by how fucking awesome it was. "Landmine Goes Click" is a first rate 'revenge' film that builds itself as SO deliciously aggravating for the viewer (in a good way!) and ends with an orgasmic fuckin' pay-off...

Two guys and a girl are backpacking around the Georgia-Russia region. We learn through some hush-hush dialog that the girl cheated on her fiance (who appears oblivious) with the presumed 'third wheel' of their group. While being in the Georgia mountains, the back-stabbing friend unwittingly steps on an armed landmine, in turn, of course, trapping him in place out of fear of detonation. Turns out, it was a set-up and he and the girl are left to figure out a way to safely get the poor, landmine-stranded bastard out of harms way. However, a bit of an unforeseen hindrance befalls their existing struggle when a Russian man and his dog show up; not looking to be all that helpful.

Where "Landmine Goes Click" totally nails it is in the building and pacing of such grueling tension that ends up making you feel almost as frustrated as the victims of this whole ordeal as you watch their interaction with this total scumbag persist. The mountain range setting and gradual nightfall that occurs throughout the bulk of the film are extremely effective in making the whole tone of the film's second act come across as all-the-more hopeless. I'm not going to get into the final third of the movie, though it's a 'shift' in the story that I, personally, found very satisfying and provoking. Definitely check this film out! Also, if you already hate Russians this movie won't change anything...

Billy Club (2013)

"Billy Club" definitely doesn't break any new ground within the slasher 'scene', but goddammit, I ended up digging this one more than I probably should've.

Set in Wisconsin, circa '96, a group of small town friends/ former little league teammates reunite and decide to hold a drunken memorial for their deceased former coach at his secluded cabin. At the same time, a murderer decked out in catchers gear and armed with a nail-studded/retractable knife affixed baseball bat, is going around and getting even with his teammates that almost killed him 15 years prior. His vengeful sights of course end up set on the cabin inhabitants...

It wasn't so much the kills that sparked the enjoyment I got out of this one - though a few were pretty good - but more so the humor and characters which I thought worked well. It's odd, considering horror-comedies are rarely something I regard as praise-worthy and, while "Billy Club" is nothing phenomenal by any stretch, I had a good time with it. Certain parts just appealed to my particular sense of humor, which I can see not appealing to everyone. The guy tripping out on an overload of mushroom-infused chocolate and coming face-to-face with Billy is definitely the standout scene and the obnoxious, redneck douche struggling with his sexuality was pretty funny. The look of the killer is just alright (his murder weapon was badass!) and, like I said,  there are a few decent kills but they're a bit too sparse. Still, I'm giving "Billy Club" a recommendation.

Masters of Horror: The Washingtonians (2007)

A weaker entry from the Masters of Horror series, based on a story written by Bentley Little and directed by a guy whose horror credentials I failed to find among his filmography.

A man inherits his grandmother's colonial house where he moves into with his wife and young daughter. Following the discovery of a note hidden in the frame of an old painting of George Washington, containing the founding father's admission of practicing ritualistic cannibalism on children, a stir is caused among the weirdo towns folk. Turns out the family is in the midst of a community of whacked out, old occultists who stringently uphold Washington's love for human consumption while donning powdered wigs and wooden teeth, appropriately.

This one didn't flat out suck or anything, I just found the pacing a bit 'off' and it generally lacking in atmosphere, overall. The concept WAS decent enough and I liked the unexpected ending with the 'crashing' of the cannibal banquet. Had they possibly have gotten a more prominent director of horror, though, I think "The Washingtonians" may have turned out a little better, tone-wise.

Masters of Horror: Chocolate (2005)

As far as I'm concerned, the "Masters of Horror" series concept is the best thing Mick Garris has ever done so I'll respect that he had to throw a few of his own stories into the mix. Needless to say, I'm not a big fan of his, but "Chocolate" is actually a pretty good installment. While not being one of the more 'outrageous', or worthy of a 'cable broadcast ban' shorts, it's a neat little story.

We follow, via flashbacks, a bloody man's murder confession. It began with him tasting chocolate - something he doesn't eat -  then to him eventually receiving visions of a woman's life from her point-of-view. As he sees her love life become complicated and finds out that she may be connected with the murder of her boyfriend, he becomes completely infatuated with her and sets out to track her down in her native land of Canada...

Compared to the other MoH films I've seen, "Chocolate" is much more of a psychological-drama than anything all that 'horror'-related, though it proves to be a competent and nicely engaging premise. It could've gone a little stronger with the 'big finish', I felt, but I'm deeming this a passable installment in the series.

Once Upon a Time at Christmas (2017)

Some bottom-of-the-barrel, barely watchable Christmas slasher shit, right here. I have alcohol to thank for helping me ride it out to the mind-numbing, unrewarding end of this inane hunk of steaming reindeer abortion baring the idiotic title, "Once Upon a Time at Christmas".

A man and woman are posing as Santa and Mrs. Claus and running around a small town, killing its residents. All the while, the sheriff and his deputy are gathering up clues that deliberately coincide with the 12 Days of Christmas song...

Way too much time is spent on the cops trying to crack the case which pisses me off to no end because it's obvious they didn't have the financial means/know-how to pull off any decent kills so all of that is relegated to either off-screen or quick, cheap CGI blood spatter death scenes. The only potential this movie COULD have had was with the killers, however we don't see nearly enough of them to be anywhere close to entertained by how crazy they were. Instead, it's all bland teen girl shit and cops trying to figure out how the obvious clues so OBVIOUSLY tie into the stupid fucking song. This movie blows elf dick!

Masters of Horror: Jenifer (2005)

Dario Argento's first entry in the Masters of Horror series is definitely a strong one with a nicely twisted concept and bizarre air of equally twisted sexuality.

A seasoned cop spots a seemingly crazed man gearing up to murder a young woman under a bridge and saves her, rather than heeding the warning of the cleaver-wielding man that exclaims how she needs to be destroyed. Turns out, the woman, Jenifer - while having a rockin' body - is facially disfigured, almost to an animal-like extent. This doesn't stop the officer from plucking her out of the insensitive holdings of a correctional facility and putting her up in his home, much to the chagrin of his family. You see, Jenifer is a frisky bitch who has a strong, sexual hold on the helpless man and begins to destroy his life, leaving them both eventually destitute while the ferocious, hot-to-trot succubus uncontrollably mauls whomever she can get her claws on...

Along with his MoH short, "Pelts" - Argento knocks it out of the park with "Jenifer". The monstrous facial effects of Jenifer are actually pretty creepy and the narrative is tight and engaging. The outcome, however, is very predictable but it doesn't take away much, if anything. I really dug this one. Definitely ranks among my top favorites of the series.

Nightmares (1983)

Like the majority of these types of 'episodic' anthology films, "Nightmares" features some expected hit-and-miss material, but, as a whole, it's up there with one of the more solid ones I've seen.

First up was "Terror in Topanga", where an escaped lunatic is offing the residents of a coastal community. Despite potential danger, a woman slips away from her family for a desperate late night cigarette run, only to stumble upon said danger...

Next is "The Bishop of Battle" - starring Emilio Estevez as a avid gamer/arcade hustler who is obsessed with making it to the allegedly impossible 13th level of a shooter game. After breaking into his arcade hangout past closing, he finds out what this unknown stage of the game has in store for those who make it there.

Then there's "The Benediction" about a priest who loses his faith and decides to quit and move away from his rural U.S./Mexico boarder town, but is intervened by a mysterious, Hellish black pick-up truck that keeps attacking him out on a desolate stretch of desert road.

Finally, "Night of the Rat" concerns a family who seems to have a vermin problem. Turns out they are infested with a legendary uber-rat and it's pissed...

The first two segments are the best, with the third being a decent "Duel" ('71) knock-off and the fourth one not impressing me all that much. "Night of the Rat" just seemed like the slowest of the bunch and, honestly, the superimposed rat effect was really dated looking and took away from the climax for me, I'm sorry to say. The arcade one is easily the best of the four (good enough that the dated effects of THAT one didn't phase me much...), being exceptionally entertaining and the opening segment is a cool 'take' on a familiar urban legend. Maybe they could've used some kind of wrap-around story to kinda tie these together a bit, but overall "Nightmares" is an enjoyable quartet of horror stories.

Alyce Kills (2011)

"Alyce Kills" was a surprisingly decent flick. I'm glad I didn't end up passing on it based on the generic cover art.

A young woman, Alyce, hits the town with her best friend and - after some boyfriend trouble at the club - decide to get totally blitzed and score some ecstasy. While partying on the roof of Alyce's apartment building, the friend falls off and is hospitalized in critical condition. Alyce lies to police, insinuating that her distraught friend went up to the roof alone to commit suicide, which leads her into a guilt-ridden downward spiral. She begins fucking her friends' drug dealer for dope, as well as a roided out douchebag bouncer, and eventually takes to murdering those who had mistreated her friend...

This movie is more of a downbeat drama than a horror movie with not so much of Alyce killing anyone until the end. It works pretty well, however, with some good performances and a relatively 'sleazy' and dreary tone. The more gory material that comes along is actually quite nasty and cool. Recommended.

Good Time (2017)

I tend to like gritty, urban crime flicks and "Good Time" looked like something I should check out after catching a trailer for it a while back. Where I ended up on this one, ultimately, was pretty much split down the middle; finding it to have a very solid first half and a second half that fell a little short.

A New York reprobate and his mentally retarded, tag-along brother rob a bank and, after getting dye bombed and stashing the money in a pizza joint, seem to be pretty much in the clear... That is, until the slow-witted brother panics and runs from a cop, landing him in Rikers. From here, his bro who made a successful on-foot getaway sets out to free his sibling - along the way getting mixed up with some other forms of degenerate city scum through a course of chance events...

Up until a certain point - around the halfway mark, it seemed - this movie had me amply roped in, but I just found myself not quite finding the rest nearly as engrossing. The continual involvement of a certain character seemed a bit abrupt and what transpires from there just came across as far too questionable. "Twilight" star, Robert Pattinson, in - what I guess could be considered his 'breakout' role - does a decent enough job, though his character isn't given much time time to be fleshed out at all and the same goes for about every other character - namely Jennifer Jason Leigh - whose part was incredibly rushed. Overall, I was considerably disappointed with "Good Time". I feel there's a better movie in this that was lost due to iffy direction...

Mayhem (2017)

Either this movie sucks or "The Belko Experiment" raised the bar for office work-place survival-horror flicks. Could be both, seeing as how these movies are very similar in plot, as well as setting, but "Mayhem" went off in such an over-stylized and over-acted direction that it just came across as strained and irritating.

A new virus called ID-7 is making its rounds that causes its hosts to lose all their inhibitions and act totally on raw impulse - such as, say, going and beating the shit out of their boss, publicly fucking someone, and etc. Also, a murder loophole was established so a blind eye is turned in favor of those who are infected out of their mind and commit homicide. The virus finds its way into a giant law firm which is promptly quarantined while the staff is left to their own crazed devices for 8-hours as the contamination is extracted from the building. This gives a recently fired, cut-throat employee his opportunity to get to the top floor and get even with those who fucked him out of his job.

There's definitely a promising concept here - again, not unlike "The Belko Experiment", only with a mind-altering sickness afflicting a white collar work environment instead of a murder quota - but ultimately "Mayhem" just seemed to be trying too hard with the played-out narration providing introductions to all the main players, the heavily (if not IRONICALLY 'cheesy') stylized fight scenes and the incessant, inane one-liners. They just seemed to be going so far out of their way to try to be 'off-the-wall' that it just plays out as derivative and annoying, with nothing even memorable as far as violence and gore. Honestly, though, I can see some people enjoying this one, it's just not my kinda thing I guess.

The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016)

Taking into account all of the mundane, cliche-driven, hugely ineffective supernatural-horror movies that are thoughtlessly thrown before undemanding casual film-goers for the sake of a quick weekend box office cash-grab, it's always a breath of fresh air when a supernatural movie comes along and reminds us cynics that originality IS still possible within this horror sub-genre. "The Autopsy of Jane Doe" is a very intriguing and creepy film that manages to be unpredictable and compellingly cryptic.

A father-and-son morgue outfit receives corpse of an unidentified young woman who was discovered in the basement of a house containing several brutally murdered people. Set with a strict deadline to determine the cause of death, the duo start burning the midnight oil in search of any death-inflicting indicators. As the the examination progresses, they start finding weird internal harm and abnormalities throughout the body with no external signs of trauma. Things get more and more bizarre as they come across more arcane evidence within the body that culminates into a rather chaotic outcome...

The build-up of this movie works very well in providing a creepy and 'contained' atmosphere along with pretty convincing autopsy gore effects and, ultimately, an intensely morbid conclusion. The lack of the obvious, mainstream 'devices' all too often overused in 'ghostly'/occult-themed movies was also a welcomed sight-for-sore-eyes - such as the absence of children, dolls, spooky old country homes, and the minimality of jump-scares. Check out "The Autopsy of Jane Doe" if you're craving a cool, effective horror flick!

Jungle (2017)

"Jungle" is a bit of a departure from what I've seen from prior Greg McLean works - like the "Wolf Creek" movies and "The Belko Experiment" - in that it goes for more of a harrowing survival story than the carnage-laden stuff I've enjoyed from him in the past. And, low-and-behold, I dug the hell out of it.

Three backpacking buddies are offered by a experienced traveler the opportunity to hike into the Bolivian jungle to search for a missing tribe. Sold on what could only be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, as well as earn those National Geographic photography bucks, the four trek out into the dense jungle, but one of the men soon proves to be the weak link of their expedition when he gets a nasty case of trench foot and doesn't appear able to continue on. They make an attempt to raft down the raging river, but debate over navigating the harsh rapids leads to the men splitting up into two groups - one pair of them taking the river route and the other two proceeding on foot. For the rafters, shit doesn't go too well and they are separated - leaving one guy hopelessly lost in the jungle and forced to survive.

Among the things that this movie does well is making the South American jungle seem like a total bitch to be lost in. The poor bastard here is forced to extract parasites from under his skin, wanders upon quicksand, battles psychosis and more; and it happens to be based on a true story of a traveler who suffered this deadly ordeal (including stuff they had to omit from this film for time...) back in the early '80s. There's text at the end provides a few details involving some of the other guys in their party that was pretty interesting and could almost warrant a movie in itself, I thought. Also, Daniel Radcliffe - a former child star who shit bags like other former child star, Shia Lebeouf, should definitely take notes from as how to keep your career going and NOT become a retarded waste of life - pulls off his pretty physically demanding role incredibly well - even going so far as to do some of that 'method acting' shit in dropping a ton of weight to look emaciated. Could have done without some of the unnecessary flashbacks/cut-aways, but in all, "Jungle" is a very solid and enjoyable movie, just don't go into it expecting tons of violence and bloodshed.

Hotel Inferno (2013)

"Hotel Inferno" is another odd, gory and relatively entertaining film put out by Necrostorm. It's shot completely as a first-person action/splatter scenario, which, I guess, makes it the first of it's kind for this very particular film 'niche'.

A seasoned hit man is hired to kill a murderous couple in their hotel room by a mysterious client who has supplied him with computerized sunglasses that act as a camera. When the hit doesn't go totally as planned and the hired assassin figures something is 'off' when his targets start acting zombie-ish, he ditches the glasses and fights to escape the hotel that is loaded with Satanic, plague-infected goons. Even when the glasses are off, we still see all the action exclusively through the main character's eyes.

The first-person 'device' this movie uses is obviously far from new, as we've seen it in the shitty "Maniac" remake, "Hardcore Henry" and a good portion of "Enter the Void" - though they manage to do a decent enough job of making it work for the most part. I wasn't annoyed the entire time. The gore helped quite a bit and there were a few good practical effects here and there. In all though, I wasn't all that crazy about "Hotel Inferno". A few parts toward the end got a bit boring and dragged on too long (fucking candle lighting and long-winded exposition, my fucking gawd!) and I wasn't totally sold on the POV-video game type gimmick, but as far as European produced splatter flicks go there are a LOT worse. Moderately entertaining, overall.

Red Christmas (2017)

Figuring it wouldn't hurt to get a jump on my holiday horror viewing, I went ahead and checked out the new Xmas slasher, "Red Christmas". I didn't really know what to expect from this one (aside from its yuletide theme) and what it turned out to be was pretty much Ryan Nicholson's "Hanger" meets Bob Clark's "Black Christmas".

The movie kicks off with the bombing of an abortion clinic during a pro-life rally where a living fetus is discovered in a refuse bucket and carried off by one of the extremists. Cut to twenty years later where Dee Wallace is a widow hosting a Christmas get-together with her dysfunctional, intercontinental shit-bag kin out in the her home in the Australian countryside. While the holiday festivities aren't totally going off without a hitch to begin with, things get even more irregular when a cloaked, gauzed and mentally retarded stranger comes knocking. Upon reading a letter to his "mother", it becomes clear that he was the baby that was rescued from the clinic two decades prior and Dee Wallace happened to be the recipient of the womb-scooping. After being booted from their home, the distraught reject proceeds to kill off the family members one by one...

This one wasn't bad, but could definitely have been better. The concept is cool and Dee Wallace certainly steals the show, for sure. She's like a bad ass, foul-mouthed, take-no-shit June Cleaver in this! There are a few decent kills (the stand-out death involving a blender), though certain ones didn't seem to match the more serious tone much of the film, overall, as they were too over-the-top and akin to one of Adam Green's "Hatchet" movies, say. Another miss for me was in that they should've gone for a more Christmasy 'vibe'. This surely isn't a movie that you'll want to watch to get into that wintry, seasonal feel around December. Still, "Red Christmas" is a watchable slasher flick that I don't see myself revisiting any time in the foreseeable future.

The Millennium Bug (2011)

"The Millennium Bug" is a moderately entertaining B-flick that oddly goes about combining two types of horror in one, which, to its credit, definitely sets it apart.

On December 31, 1999 a father, his daughter and new wife are celebrating New Years up in the mountains just in case the 'Y2Kaos' hysteria is legit and apocalyptic shit goes down. Their camping trip is interrupted by a family of hillbillies who are after new women to wed/impregnate after we see their sister giving birth to a deformed, inbred baby (which is promptly killed...). While this is going on, a loony scientist has hiked out into the same woods to document the arising of an ancient creature that only shows up for one night every one thousand years. So big bugs and deranged rednecks collide in a considerably odd climactic "showdown", of sorts.

The bug creature is comprised of decent enough looking practical effects - blending, what appear to be, a fly, a slug and a stegosaurus with retracting facial tentacles and random, spiked appendages. We don't see all that much of it until the last half hour or so, however. Up to then, the movie plays out as pretty standard 'killer redneck family' horror piece, which supplies some amusement and some good gory moments - also practical (hell, the production company behind this movie is called No CGI Films, so they keep it legit, despite an obviously meager budget...). After a while, though, I felt it getting a little redundant and was more than ready for some bug action. Overall, "The Millennium Bug" is nothing close to spectacular, but it's not a total piece of shit either. I'll commend it on its cheezy, yet passable, effects work and the outright ridiculousness of the premise. I've seen way worse.

Hell's Highway (2002)

Whenever I see that Brain Damage logo pop up at the start of a movie I always instinctively recoil in disgust and apprehension. I still went ahead and carried on into "Hell's Highway" on a whim and, amazingly, it wasn't nearly as terrible as I initially expected. Perhaps my low expectations came into play to boost the enjoyment factor for me, but who knows?

A carload of pot tokin' and beer drinkin' kids are road tripping cross country to L.A. and make the wise decision to pick up a female hitch-hiker in the desert. She ends up pulling a gun on them and spewing threats and other crazy shit before they manage to eject her from the vehicle in a scene very reminiscent of - or just blatantly ripped off from - "The Hitcher". As they continue on, they keep running into her and, at one point, they do LITERALLY with their car, leading them to believe that she is a supernatural being when she appears later on with her same deadly intentions...

First, the gore is beyond cheap looking, but there's enough of it to keep things interesting and they DID provide one "actress" (using the word loosely) who was game to show her tits in a few scenes. One thing I gotta give "Hell's Highway" props for is throwing in an ending that I definitely did NOT see coming. Not that I'd say it's a GREAT or overtly clever ending, but it's certainly out of left field. In all, this one isn't all that bad of a ultra-low budget horror flick. Ah, and Ron Jeremy gets his dick mutilated is a pointless, yet cool scene.

1922 (2017)

Time to boot up the ol' Netflix again for the latest Stephen King adaptation which, I do say, have all been pretty damn good as of late - what with the theatrical first chapter of "It" and "Gerald's Game". The trend continues with "1922" - based on a short story out of King's 2010 collection, "Full Dark, No Stars" which puts us at a current three-for-three score on King flicks. I think it definitely pays to keep Mick Garris away from the director's chair on these adaptations.

Set in the year the title indicates, a farmer is butting heads with his wife over their acreage and whether or not to sell it and move to the city. She's adamant in doing so and he's more than reluctant to give up his farm. As their arguing heats up further, the farmer goads his son into aiding him in what he claims is the only conceivable measure to take - killing the nagging bitch. So they do and dump her down a dried up well next to the house. What follows is a downward spiral for the father and son, comprised of ghostly visions and unforeseen problems that look to damage their initial intentions...

The story here is presented in a very bleak and grim tone, thanks mostly, to the rural, period-piece backdrop to which it's set. Each performance is choice and, for the most part, the pacing is solid, despite the slow-burn approach. There's also some fun shit involving rats and a reasonably effective murder scene. Give "1922" a look.

The Mutilator (1984)

"The Mutilator" managed to elude me during my video store-crawling teenage years, which were spent rabidly devouring the bulk of the slasher sub-genre, all the way up until very recently when I finally got to checking it out. There was definitely some promise in certain areas of this relatively 'fringe' slasher, but ultimately it's a snooze-fest.

A little boy tries to give his dad a birthday surprise by cleaning his rifle collection, but accidentally fires a shot through the wall, killing his mother. Daddy goes off the deep end upon discovering this mishap and we cut to years later where the son is on fall break from college. He gets a phone call from his estranged father who asks him to head over to his beach house to take care of some tasks for him. Along with his friends, sonny-boy heads to the house where Pops is lying in wait to start shedding some blood...

We get way too much of these bland characters interacting and walking around a beach in between, what ARE, actually pretty solid kills for an '80s slasher flick. There are just way too few of them and I wasn't finding all that much suspense or anything else of interest on tap, here. The killer is just a middle-aged dude so there's not much imagination there and of the three chicks in the movie, none of them were even remotely attractive. So - aside from a good decapitation and a surprisingly strong scene involving a girl getting a large hook in the vag - "The Mutilator" didn't have enough of the 'goods' to get me all that fired up.

Gerald's Game (2017)

There seems to be an influx of Stephen King adaptations lately which has brought to the screen (via, Netflix...), "Gerald's Game", based on an early '90s King novel that I was previously quite unfamiliar with. Not sure how the book compares to the movie, but it definitely offers a heavy, HEAVY dose of King's brand of psychological-drama.

A middle-age couple drive out to a secluded vacation home to spice up their dwindling sex life with a few new 'kinks'. The husband pops a dick pill, handcuffs wifey to the bedposts and, as he's trying out a few deep seeded rape fantasies, he drops dead from a sudden heart attack. Of course, the Mrs. is still shackled by both arms to the bed without keys and WITH a hungry stray dog who roams in for her husband's (and potentially HER) body. As time progresses, a dialog develops between a mentally materialized version of herself and her dead husband who offer her insight into such matters as the downfall of their marriage, methods of survival and how a traumatic part of her childhood made her who she is...

The concept is fine and the two leads' performances are exceptionally strong. In all, I enjoyed "Gerald's Game" as a cryptic 'exploration' of a mentally scarred character being forced to face past traumas and how they steered her life - all while facing impending death. The ending is pretty fucking 'out-of-left-field' and totally unpredictable (unless, of course, you've read the book...) and definitely had me confused, but not enough to take away from the bulk of the movie I'd just seen. It's worth checking out if you like King's more psychologically-driven stories.

They Eat Scum (1979)

Of the handful of short films by Nick Zedd I've seen, I can safely say I'm not a full fledged fan by any means, but there have been a few I actually thought were decent enough for what they were. "They Eat Scum" is the New York-based, 'transgressive' auteur's first cinematic endeavor and is feature-length, so I figured I'd roll the dice and check it out. And, like I am after many of Zedd's films, I really don't know what to make of it...

Donna Death plays Suzi Putrid (was the name change even necessary?), a popular underground 'death rock' front woman with a fiercely religious father and a tranny, dog-blowing brother who dad keeps locked in the bathroom for days for being a gay "under achiever". Suzi's performances usually end with her prompting her insatiably loyal fans to go out and commit murder and cannibalism. When her father finds out and kills her on stage and is, in turn, attacked by her fanatical audience, her identical twin sister is summoned from a mental hospital by their rapist uncle to replace Suzi and this is pretty much where the flimsy 'story' became completely unintelligible for me.

"They Eat Scum" is a contentious punk-rock/horror-film mash-up that is really just poorly filmed, unamusing dullness that's struggling to be offensive and weird. I didn't find any of it as particularly 'outrageous', but I guess that's just based on my own personal standards, however, not very much actually happens in the movie, aside from live punk sets and a painfully long climax involving a fight among punkers and a guy dressed as a cockroach. Still, I can't say I totally hated it, overall. It's watchable enough in being just so purposely obnoxious and dumb, but there's no way in hell I can go about recommending this unless you're into literally anything punk-rock related.

Rakka (2017)

"Rakka" was the first short from Oats Studios - an 'experimental film'-geared production company started up by Neill Blomkamp - the director of "District 9" and "Chappie". It's evident he was equipped with a considerable budget and some skilled effects artists and actors for just a mere 22-minute movie, but I found it pretty cool.

It depicts a hellish future where a malevolent race of lizard-aliens have taken over Earth - leaving a small number of humans fighting for survival. The aliens apparently have mind-control abilities, of which are thwarted by metal head wear welded from scrap. They discover a guy who has been melded with alien technology who seems to be crucial in the fight against their extraterrestrial overlords...

This short is shot very well with a pretty interesting set-up and the CGI and practical effects are big studio quality, more or less, I found. I guess my problem would be that it does just come across as a SET-UP to a story that's ultimately cut short. Maybe they're lining up some sequels or this was meant to hopefully pull in some funds to be extended into a feature. I'm not sure. Still, "Rakka" is, visually, a well done short film.

The Bride of Frank (1996)

"The Bride of Frank" is a fucking hilarious low-budget 'gross out' gem that should appeal to those who are into total low-brow ridiculousness.

Frank is a retarded, elderly former bum who lives in the warehouse of a trucking company. He's lonely and completely tit-obsessed so his kindhearted trucker buddies try to help him meet the buxom broad of his dreams by taking out a personal ad. As it turns out, every woman who answers it seems  either repulsed by Frank or Frank finds them unsuitable so he kills them...

The guy who plays Frank is a pure genius. Every one of his lines (some of which had to be shown through subtitles due to their incomprehensibility) is fucking gold and the rest of the dialog is priceless, over-the-top New Yorker, ball-busting banter. Damned if I didn't love it! You also got a skull-fucking, shitting down a bloody neck stump, dick chomping, a violently cock-hungry tranny, morbidly obese stripteases and child-killing (an oddly DARK opening scene, actually!). For a goofy, intentionally inane SOV flick, "The Bride of Frank"  is solid from beginning to end - never running out of steam or misfiring on any of it's many weird scene, as far as I was concerned. Hell, Frank having phone-sex is, alone, worth checking this flick out.

It (2017)

I never got into the "It" mini-series from back in the day, having found what I DID see of it dull and ineffective, especially if you don't have a clown phobia, of which I have never. I also haven't read King's book so, obviously, I wasn't initially all that eager to get to this remake, but was prompted by hearty recommendations and a bevvy of positive reviews. Misled, I was NOT - finding this version to be a massive improvement and all around solid, '80s-style horror flick.

Taking place in a small Maine town in the late '80s, a group of misfit 13-year old friends are being terrorized during summer vacation by a supernatural being that apparently shows up every 27 years. Using a creepy clown as 'it's' 'default' form, 'it' manifests itself into the kids' worst fears and occasionally drags a few down to his 'world' to eat them...

It doesn't take a genius to realize in what ways the two-part, made-for-TV adaptation could've been improved upon, but this new film succeeds in each aspect that I could think of. Firstly, it is abridged to a reasonable length, thanks to setting its focus solely on the kids combating the demonic clown. It's done without all the disruptive dual time period narrative bullshit involving a bearded John Ritter and Venus Flytrap from WKRP that bogged the 1990 version down heavily. What you get out of this "It" is a much more concise, lively and entertaining movie that doesn't shy away from unpredictable, impressive and occasionally grotesque visuals. The '80s vibe is also the huge driving force behind so much of the movie's overall appeal - fleshing out the characters considerably well and also enhancing the Pennywise villain's image and menace factor by leaps and bounds. He's looming, sinister and mysterious, while being outright abrasive and violent as well - offering up on-screen child chomping/de-limbing that is a favorable touch, for sure.

I guess there's another installment lined up for "Chapter 2", which is a no-brainer and hopefully it can match the energy and fun of this one. Definitely an enjoyable watch!

Leatherface (2017)

As it were, the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" well clearly hasn't dried up - hence, we get yet another piece of the Sawyer family timeline, this time in the form of another prequel. This one, however, is a precursor to Hooper's '74 original; not the '03 remake. I'll say, this one seemed promising enough seeing as how it was directed by the guys who did the memorably savage home-invasion flick, "Inside" and I couldn't fathom it possibly being any worse than that 3D piece of shit from a few years back. So here's how they went about the origin story:

First taking place in 1955, where the Sawyer clan is celebrating the birthday of a young, soon-to-be 'Leatherface' (named Jed) who is gifted with, what would eventually become, his gas-powered weapon of choice that he's urged to 'break in' on a bound neighbor. From there, we see the Sawyer boys lure the sheriff's daughter to her death, prompting the vengeful lawman to whisk Jed off to a mental facility. Cut to ten years later, mother Sawyer has acquired the means to hire a lawyer to fight for visitation which is denied, goading her into causing a deadly nuthouse riot/break out for Jed and a few other highly destructive and violent patients. After robbing and massacring the patrons of a rural diner, they hole up in a run down trailer as the sheriff homes in on their whereabouts...

For those who complained that 2006's, "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning" was a let-down as far as a needless prequel is concerned, "Leatherface" goes back further, giving us the teenage years and lead-up to the infamous horror character's 'transformation' into the flesh-masked, chainsaw-lugging maniac... And, I wasn't all that impressed with it, overall. This flick DID do a few things I liked, but ultimately it was nothing special and just felt far too detached from any of the other TCM movies, especially the original, of which, again, this is suppose to 'prequelize'. In no way can I buy into the reasonably sympathetic, much too articulate and sensitive kid in this - in any conceivable way - transitioning into the retarded, overweight cannibal lummox we see 'later' in Hooper's film. I guess this was suppose to be a surprise reveal, yet I found it to be the most glaring misstep of the movie. It just didn't fucking work.

Aside from that, the 50s-60s period setting is a definite plus in helping with a fairly gritty 'tone' and there's a few decent gore scenes, but nothing too outrageous. However, props go out to some gratuitous necrophilia! I just think, in all, they could've gone a multitude of ways with something like this and connected it so much better with the '74 film, but, at the end of the day, it just hit me as another tired and pointless TCM cash-in and a disappointing 'back story' to Leatherface.

It Comes at Night (2017)

I was interested in checking out "It Comes at Night" since it was in theaters (though not quite long enough in my area for me to make it to a showing, apparently...) - having not given much away in the trailer I'd seen, but looking like something that may be well worth checking out. Hell, anything without James Wan's name on it seems to be more or less worth the price of a movie ticket in today's mainstream horror climate, what with stuff like "The Witch", "Don't Breathe" and the like. It definitely didn't disappoint. This one is a dark, paranoia and character-driven apocalyptic piece, stripped of the usual horror cliches and tropes.

A family of three, seeking safety in their rural home from some kind of deadly contamination that's befallen the earth, take on a further leaven of perturbation when they allow another surviving family to stay with them. As it turns out, moral conscience does NOT supersede self-preservation when you're facing an otherwise cut-throat dystopian world stricken with the threat of infection...

It needs to be said - if you're looking for something along the lines of "28 Days Later" or "The Crazies" you're not going to find it here. The overall focus of "It Comes At Night" is not the catastrophe that is plaguing humanity, nor does it even go about explaining in ANY real detail WHAT the hell this virus is - how it's contracted (airborne, physical contact...) or what it actually does to those who get it (though it's made clear they need to be promptly burned once the first signs of it are detected...). In these respects, the movie roots it's horror elements primarily in the mental distress and desperation of characters doing whatever they feel they have to do to protect their loved ones as opposed to being chased around by ravenous, infected ghouls. I'll say, this movie kept me pretty far on edge for it's entire run-time and hits hard with a exceptionally harrowing conclusion. If you're looking for a tense, moody and really well acting horror movie give this one a go!

Sledge (2014)

In this moment, I'm having a hard time recalling a more pointless movie then "Sledge" that I have come across. I've seen some truly awful, cheap, worthless pieces of shit, but nothing that was as so clearly intentionally bad and mind-bogglingly boring as this idiotic fucking 'slasher'... thing.

Campers are killed off by a sledge-toting killer in a mask who thinks he's living in a video game...

What makes "Sledge" so fucking frustrating is that there is not the faintest hint of passion behind it, yet a "we know this sucks, but we don't care" attitude, hence, the obvious last-minute idea to present it as a bad late night horror feature - a movie-within-a movie, basically, hosted by a puppet, under the label Craptastically Horrific Productions, that some bitch is watching on TV. Almost seems as though they started off trying for some kind of legit, micro-budget slasher concept but blew their meager funds on pot and beer early on and decided to goof off for the rest of the shoot with banal, ad-libbed, dick-joke padded dialog. There's nothing humorous about these characters or the annoying, babbling killer who only shows up a mere handful of times when the long-winded, inane dialog ceases, allowing for him a moment to murder someone without the aid of any of those pesky special effects. Unfortunately, the endless uninteresting scenes of sleep-inducing conversation weren't enough to extend what should've been a six minute short into a painfully long 75-minute feature, so they keep cutting to the bitch on the couch watching "Sledge" who has two or three lengthy, ponderous fucking phone calls that we get to hear that don't matter AT ALL. Again, I firmly believe this was a genuine attempt that was given up on early in the production, but sloppily finished and released as a means of inexplicable cinematic trolling. Fuck these morons.

Las Caras de la Muerte (2006)

I guess the title to this Mexican release translates to "The Faces of Death", which definitely had me interested upon getting the opportunity to check it out. Unfortunately, that's some VERY false advertising - as this thing is just bull riding footage. Yeah... Not a Mexican "Faces of Death" by any stretch.

Maybe some of these people died as a result of being bucked off of an angry bull's haunches; it's completely possible, but, from what I could tell, the vast majority of them seemed fine.

That's pretty much all we're talkin', here, aside from a few stadium brawls and random dancing and Mexican drinking game interludes. Granted, I enjoy watching bull riding clips but when it dawned on me early on in this that it was solely bull riding, I knew this was a total con. Maybe there's a 'truer' Mexican "Faces of Death" out there that I haven't come across and, if there isn't, hopefully one hits because this is definitely nothing even CLOSE to a 'mondo' death-film. What an egregious con!

American Guinea Pig: Bouquet of Guts and Gore (2014)

The introductory installment of the new, American-produced "Guinea Pig" series is pretty much just an extended remake of the notorious "Flower of Flesh and Blood" film from the original Japanese GP run. Those films struck me as over-hyped when I initially saw them - although I liked "Mermaid in a Manhole", which was pretty decent. Unfortunately, "Bouquet of Guts and Gore" is an inanely tedious example of 'fake snuff'.

Two women are abducted and drugged in some abandoned warehouse type of building before being brutally tortured and killed. During which, of course, it's all captured on several different types of recording devices (VHS, super 8...).

Effects-wise, they did a pretty commendable job with the gory mutilation work (though I can't say much of it looked real enough to be confused as authentic...) but that's clearly where all the 'energy' went. What it really boils down to is that this shit was obviously more effective and 'shocking' back in the '80s when 'faux snuff' material wasn't as commonplace as it is these days. I applaud "Bouquet..." for the same things I do "Flower of Flesh and Blood" and even "The Devil's Experiment", for going balls-out with bloody carnage and reasonably well done gore FX, but other than that there's nothing more to speak of with these one-note - and ultimately boring - over-the-top 'caught-on-camera' shock-flicks. As much as I love "extreme" and depraved forms of cinema, the 'faux snuff' shit never really tickled my taint, as I typically find most of them dull and limited, for the most part. Only so many limbs can be sawn off before I start looking at my watch. Also, having the two female victims rendered totally paralyzed from the start, yet cognizant, made for obviously ZERO reactions to their torture which I thought stifled some potential effectiveness.  I understand there's some more movies coming out under the "American Guinea Pig" stamp that are apparently different ( and hopefully better...) so I intend on eventually checking those out, but as far as this first foray into the U.S.'s take on the series, it was a miss.

Lucker: The Necrophagous (1986)

What a colossal piece of shit this movie turned out to be. I had heard more good about it than bad and upon finally checking it out, I was left at a loss as to what so many people saw in this one. Sure, its got some rather graphic material at times, but it was all too few-and-far-between among the extensive amount of BORING filler "Lucker" consisted of.

A necrophilic serial killer escapes from a hospital after a supposed suicide attempt - killing a few staff members and stealing a car. Eventually (after fucking a strangled nurse in the car...), he makes his way to town where he kills a few more people and buys a hooker who takes him back to her place where he kills her, lets her body rot for about a week and fucks her corpse...

"Lucker: The Necrophagous" is like the total 'amateur hour' of "Maniac" rip-offs. There's no plot, what-so-ever, which would've been fine if it had at least supplied a suitable array of fucked up shit and sadism'. Instead, the bulk of the movie is the killer walking around or sitting around... I WILL say, a few of the kills are decently violent and the effects in ONE particular necro-involved scene are actually okay, but the movie was just too drawn out and dull for me to get into at all. "Lucker" is definitely not worth hunting down, I'm sorry to say.

First Transmission (1982)

From what I've researched (non-extensively...) as to the back story of "First Transmission" - there was an experimental post-punk band from the '80s, fronted by an occultist tranny, named Genesis P-Orridge. The band started a cult-like network called 'Thee Temple ov Psychick Youth' that was apparently into black magic and rituals centered heavily around S&M. "First Transmission" is a series of four videos - clocking in at about 4-hours of footage, total, that the band put out, that was meant to "express" (I guess) what their organization (cult...) is all about. I could be "off", though.

The first thing we get is a 'spokesman' giving a long-winded spiel that doesn't seem to mean a whole helluva lot. Something about "truth" and the benefits of cumming. From here, we launch into "Ritual of Psychick Youth" - a prolonged sequence of a bound guy being initiated, with whippings and having symbols cut into his flesh. He's eventually pissed on and has blood pumped into his ass through a tube. This footage is all definitely genuine and incorporates some 'artsy' cut-aways and close-ups to spruce it up a bit, although they don't make this any less long and repetitive. That said, it's still pretty fucked up...

Which brings us to "part 2", which starts off on a dull note. A guy is going around filming random people around San Diego (or somewhere else around California...). We then cut to some teenage boys passed out in a motel room. Then more filming people. Shit starts getting interesting when a young looking boy has some kind of electro-shock gadget surgically inserted into his arm before being zapped until he cums. Then more filming random people before another kid has his arm cut up and some some weird, perverted looking shit with the gadget happens before he leaves. Another kid is operated on in the motel room before the coup de grâce - the first kid we saw getting electrocuted has his penis removed. Honestly, I have no idea what the hell was going on throughout this footage due to the total lack of audio other than the faint sound of TV news and Mexican music, but it's some seriously shady, fucked up and all-too REAL shit from the looks of it.

Next we get what is mostly just Jim Jones footage/audio. Toward the end of this section is a tacked on short "artsy" piece showing a woman sitting on a toilet, trimming her pubes. She then puts a bigass centipede-type insect on her vag. Then we see a guy cutting a hole into his dick...

The final segment is easily the most boring. There's an interview with two of the members of Psychic TV talking about TTOPY - then starts the film, "Psychoporn". Sounds good, but it's just various colored blobs moving around that at times resemble people having sex. This goes on for a LOOONG time.

Obviously, as a whole, this thing is way too long and boring with too many failed attempts and being 'artistic', but, however, the first two pieces of footage are definitely some disturbing stuff. Namely, the second one by a long shot! I'm not really sure what else to say on this weird comp. Fans of "extreme" material may be interested in "Ritual of Psychick Youth" and the bizarre dick-removal stuff. The rest is pretty much overly long nothingness.

German Angst (2015)

I was very much into checking out "German Angst" since hearing about the crowd-funding campaign for it a while back (my broke ass didn't contribute, I'm sorry to say...) and after finally getting around to checking it out, I've got mixed feelings. I guess I was just expecting something a bit... different, overall.

The first segment - titled "Final Girl" and directed by Jörg Buttgereit (of "Nekromantik" fame...) - involves a young woman in her apartment who provides voice-over information pertaining to the habits of guinea pigs, of which she has two as pets. She has breakfast while listening to the details of a brutal crime on the radio, before it is revealed that she has a bound man tied to a bed in the other room. She proceeds to castrate him while her voice-over describes how guinea pigs react to castration. Eventually, she begins mutilating the guy with an electric turkey knife...

Next is "Make a Wish", from Michael Kosakowski - about a young deaf couple who go exploring in an abandoned building. Via, sign language, the guy explains the origin of a medallion he's giving her that apparently has the power to allow the person holding it to swap bodies with someone else, which, according to his story (told through a flash-back...), allowed his grandmother to escape the Nazis. Before he can finish his story, however, they are coincidentally interrupted by a group of neo-Nazis who, upon discovering that the couple is Polish, begin brutally assaulting them. That is, until the boyfriend uses the 'magic' medallion to switch bodies with the lead skinhead. From there, the goons unknowingly begin torturing their compatriot.

The last story - "Alraune", directed by Andreas Marschall - is about a photographer who arranges to meet up with a chick he came across online. As they're about to hook up in the restroom of a nightclub, she is led away by some guys as the photographer follows. It takes him to an apartment that houses some weird secret society that he wants to get into in order to get to the chick. He gets more than he bargains for when he's granted admission and finds that they're running some kind of weird, demonic sex ritual thing where you're tied down and fucked by a sexy monster. He becomes addicted to this psychotropic 'sensation' and it leads him down a bad road, so to speak...

First and foremost, I was really disappointed with Buttgereit's contribution to this anthology. "Final Girl" is by far the weakest "story" (it's not even a story...) with an off-screen castration and an all too abrupt ending. I feel like the director was really phoning it in on this one and he was the one I, personally, was the most excited to see contribute to this film.

I enjoyed the second entry, and may even call it the best of the three. There's a good deal of violence and a pretty downer ending, which I liked, but it still wasn't all that great.

The final part provided a good enough story, but still felt a bit disjointed. Kinda felt familiar, like a "Tales from the Crypt" episode or something, but I'd say it had the most solid performances of the film and is shot very well. I wasn't all that blown away by it, though.

In all, "German Angst" is an alright anthology. Perhaps I was just expecting something a bit different - maybe something a bit more 'graphic' and 'extreme', considering it's from "Germany's most shocking directors". Instead, I found it significantly tamer and more 'stylish' than I would've thought, which isn't bad. All three shorts are well shot and acted and two out of the three have decent enough stories, but just didn't dole out the crazy gore I was expecting. I would say "German Angst" is just okay.

GG Allin: Pissed Off/Pissed On (1991)

I can never seem to get enough GG Allin material in my life and, thankfully, the deceased punk rock legend's brother, Merle, has produced some quality DVD comps of some of the more rarely seen GG/Murder Junkies antics and performances. I hope to be able to pick them all up eventually, but I couldn't help but snatch up the "Pissed Off/Pissed On" disc - the vast majority of which... you guessed it - is GG indulging in his love of golden showers.

There's some other things on tap within this 'treasure trove' of debauchery and rock 'n' roll chaos - such as tampon eating, GG eating out a dog, an interview with the Allin brothers, circa '93, the famous diarrhea french fries, GG violently ejecting a bitch from his hotel room and more... But, of course, you have no shortage of "piss party" footage where sluts willingly (and sometimes seemingly less willingly...) squat over his face and and douse him in yellow magic...

GG Allin fans that want some of a glimpse into the man's perversions and love of piss, as well as some lesser seen stuff should definitely get their hands on this.

Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)

The original "Wrong Turn" was a pretty entertaining 'backwoods' horror flick that made up for its unoriginality with some undeniably strong suspense and make-up effects. Since seeing that one years ago, I've had the displeasure of having seen a few of the later, barely watchable sequels (I wanna say "4" and "7"... I'm not sure), but have heard that the first few follow-ups contained a reasonable amount of silly gore so I figured I'd give the second installment a shot.

The contestants of a "Survivor"-esque reality show are led out into the rural back country of West Virginia to make it through a series of challenges. Of course, their shoot is disrupted by the family of mutant cannibals inhabiting the woods...

This straight-to-video sequel takes things in a more over-the-top and non-serious direction than what we saw with the first movie, which, I guess works in its favor. The gore is more cartoonish this time around, while the tension levels are significantly... missing. I'll chalk that up to the drop in budget and lack of Stan Winston. In all, "Wrong Turn 2" is a basic 'backwoods' slasher film.

I Spit on Your Grave III: Vengeance is Mine (2015)

I really didn't like the "I Spit on Your Grave" remake. At all. Not only did I never in my wildest dreams think that Meir Zarchi's 'rape/revenge' classic would be blasphemed with a 'revamp', I never, EVER would have imagined it would turn into a franchise. An incredibly shitty franchise. I guess I was naive cuz nothing is sacred. In all fairness, I haven't seen the second installment so I'm not totally 'caught up' (I could give a fuck...), but if it's any better than either of the other two I've seen, I'd be very surprised.

So the rape victim of the previous movies becomes friends with a man-hating, punk rock chick at her sexual assault survivors support group and the two decide to start striking some fear in the hearts of perverts targeting girls from the group. When her friend is suddenly murdered by her ex-boyfriend, Jennifer amps up the harshness on her perv-punishing to full-on sado-torture and murder...

Pretty dull stuff, here. This is actually more along the lines of "Ms. .45", what with it's more urban setting, just without everything that made that awesome movie so memorable. There's really no exploitation 'feel' - much like the initial remake - which makes the incessant feminist angle seem so contrived and laughable, as opposed to imperative, as it were in the original film and even the far inferior remake. As for the violence, there are a few rather 'graphic' kills, most notably a castration and a guy getting a pipe rammed up his ass with a sledgehammer, although it's nothing 'good' enough to make up for how weak and clumsy and half-assed the story is and how it has no business bearing the "I Spit on Your Grave" title. That's all I care to say. Avoid this bullshit and, while you're at it, avoid the rest of this putrid trilogy.

Silent Night (2012)

"Silent Night" is a vastly sub-standard modern slasher movie, but I'll give it a slight pass for not being a full-on remake of "Silent Night, Deadly Night". It's more of a stand-alone flick with a few obvious references to the popular '80s Christmas-horror film.

The police department in a small Wisconsin town are on high alert when it's discovered that a serial killer dressed as a deranged-looking Santa is killing their citizens the day before Christmas. Not just any citizens, of course, but the more 'naughty' ones - such as the perverted priest, the punkass kid who steals from his catatonic grandpa and fucks the mayor's slutty daughter, the coke-fiends shooting porn in a local motel room, etc. A few 'red herrings' are thrown into the mix and our female cop lead is WAY in over her head but when there's a crazed Kringle toting a flame-thrower around your town, when that call of duty comes your way... you fucking respond!

I'd call this one decent enough if you're feeling down for some really straight-forward 'slasher' bullshit. Unlike it's predecessor, of which it's only loosely based, the killer is your usual masked, non-speaking, Jason-like hulk. The childhood Christmas trauma angle IS carried over, though. I particularly didn't like how the movie is devoid of snow. Really kills the Xmas 'vibe'. What I WILL give this movie, as far as the positives, is there are a few decent kills (one involving a wood chipper...) and Malcolm McDowell is in it a bit, clearly going through the motions, but you gotta appreciate it non-the-less. In all, "Silent Night" is shit we've seen a million times, but it's watchable enough, again, if you're in the mood for an unexceptional body-count flick with a few decent enough kills.

Cop Car (2015)

I must have been really out-of-the-loop lately because "Cop Car" really flew under my radar until pretty recently. I had come across a positive  review on a site I frequent and it sounded like something I'd like and, sure enough, it was a immensely entertaining 'road-thriller', in my book.

A pair of young boys (around 9-years old...), who are running away from home, come across a police car out in the Colorado boonies. Finding the driver's door unlocked, the two decide to play around inside the unattended cruiser until they find the keys, prompting them to take a joyride across the wide open countryside. It turns out the car belongs to a local sheriff who was in the midst of disposing of a few bodies. When he comes back to find his car gone, he embarks on a desperate search for it...

There's a bit more that leads to the climax of "Cop Car" that is probably better left unsaid for the sake of avoiding too many spoilers. But yeah, that's the overall gist and I gotta throw out a hearty recommendation for this gem. I mean, it's not a perfect film by any stretch and doesn't go all hard on the 'graphic' material, if that's what you're after, but it keeps the fun rolling at a good clip and the performances are all very good. Ironically last named, Kevin Bacon (cuz he plays a cop... get it?), pulls his role off well as the frantic and highly crooked, coke-head sheriff and the two child actors are incredibly believable. Also, the desolate, bleak rural setting evoked fond memories of other such tense classics like, "The Hitcher" and "Macon County Line". "Cop Car" is well worth checking out.

Pinup Dolls on Ice (2013)

If you've seen my review for "Bikini Girls on Ice", you'll know that it definitely ranks up there as one of my favorite slashers of the past 10 years. Like that one, "Pinup Dolls..." offers up minimal plot interference which is aided by plenty of partial-to-fully nude broads and a raving-fucking-lunatic slaughtering them! And this sequel ups that shit significantly, since the first installment.

A throwback pin-up striptease act is hired to perform in a rural trailer park where batshit crazy killer gas station attendant, Moe, is still doing his 'thang' of huffing around with his axe and butchering locals...

So, "Pinup Dolls on Ice" keeps in a much similar 'tone' as "Bikini Girls..." -  featuring the reasonably hot (a few exceptionally hot...) group of female victims AND making them so frustratingly annoying that when our brutish psychopath comes along to pick them off, you can't help but be gleefully screaming for their blood! Once again, killer Moe almost makes Leatherface look like he's on Ritalin. He might be the angriest slasher antagonist ever - at one point resorting to punching a cornered young lady to death WHILE holding an axe! Hell yeah! You also get a little back story into killer Moe's troubled childhood and why he's so obsessed with icing his dead bitches. There's also some necrophilia and a nice little scene clearly inspired by a certain point in "American History X".  I really hope there are more entries to the "On Ice" franchise. I'm a proud fan.

Eat (2014)

Self-cannibalism certainly seemed like a 'body horror' concept I can get behind, which is what got me to check out "Eat" and, while it's not what I would consider a terrible movie, it just kinda fell flat for me.

A struggling, long out-of-work actress who is facing eviction and an empty fridge, counters the woes of surviving in Tinsel Town by gradually taking bigger and bigger bites out of parts of her body. Starting with the skin around her fingernail which leads to the wrist, then toes... All the while, she's put on suicide watch, barely avoids a parking garage rape and starts dating her shrink who may not be all he seems...

This struck me as some kind of MTV remake of "In My Skin". The scenes of her chomping down on her flesh looked pretty good as far as FX go, but aside from the gooey gore, there was just way too much 'filler'. At points it felt like the movie was starting to lose track of the self-consumption angle, of which, is never really delved into enough or was made to matter all that much. The movie is too 'light' in tone to make its subject matter 'disturbing' or its lead character and her self-destructive behavior seem impacting when all is said and done. On top of that, the writing is horrible. The dialog is downright cringe-inducing and there's way too much of it. Again, not a terrible flick, however, had "Eat" gone a bit 'darker' and cut down on the lulls in gore (which was well done...) I think I could've gotten into this film more.