Masters of Horror: Dreams in the Witch House (2005)

Stuart Gordon does what he does best: adapting some H.P. Lovecraft, of course - and it makes for a solid Masters of Horror film, overall.

A college student rents out a room in an old, rundown boarding house where he intends on studying in peace and quiet. Odd shit eventually starts turning up, like a rat with a human face, a sexy witch and a baby that must be saved, all stemming from a portal to another dimension that is situated in the corner of his room.

Well adapted premise with a bit of a 'shocker' ending, as well as some full-frontal nudity. The close-ups of the man-faced rat looked way too silly for my liking, but it wasn't enough to  kill this one for me. In all, another good one out of the MoH show.

Masters of Horror: The Washingtonians (2007)

A weaker entry from the Masters of Horror series, based on a story written by Bentley Little and directed by a guy whose horror credentials I failed to find among his filmography.

A man inherits his grandmother's colonial house where he moves into with his wife and young daughter. Following the discovery of a note hidden in the frame of an old painting of George Washington, containing the founding father's admission of practicing ritualistic cannibalism on children, a stir is caused among the weirdo towns folk. Turns out the family is in the midst of a community of whacked out, old occultists who stringently uphold Washington's love for human consumption while donning powdered wigs and wooden teeth, appropriately.

This one didn't flat out suck or anything, I just found the pacing a bit 'off' and it generally lacking in atmosphere, overall. The concept WAS decent enough and I liked the unexpected ending with the 'crashing' of the cannibal banquet. Had they possibly have gotten a more prominent director of horror, though, I think "The Washingtonians" may have turned out a little better, tone-wise.

Masters of Horror: Chocolate (2005)

As far as I'm concerned, the "Masters of Horror" series concept is the best thing Mick Garris has ever done so I'll respect that he had to throw a few of his own stories into the mix. Needless to say, I'm not a big fan of his, but "Chocolate" is actually a pretty good installment. While not being one of the more 'outrageous', or worthy of a 'cable broadcast ban' shorts, it's a neat little story.

We follow, via flashbacks, a bloody man's murder confession. It began with him tasting chocolate - something he doesn't eat -  then to him eventually receiving visions of a woman's life from her point-of-view. As he sees her love life become complicated and finds out that she may be connected with the murder of her boyfriend, he becomes completely infatuated with her and sets out to track her down in her native land of Canada...

Compared to the other MoH films I've seen, "Chocolate" is much more of a psychological-drama than anything all that 'horror'-related, though it proves to be a competent and nicely engaging premise. It could've gone a little stronger with the 'big finish', I felt, but I'm deeming this a passable installment in the series.

Masters of Horror: Jenifer (2005)

Dario Argento's first entry in the Masters of Horror series is definitely a strong one with a nicely twisted concept and bizarre air of equally twisted sexuality.

A seasoned cop spots a seemingly crazed man gearing up to murder a young woman under a bridge and saves her, rather than heeding the warning of the cleaver-wielding man that exclaims how she needs to be destroyed. Turns out, the woman, Jenifer - while having a rockin' body - is facially disfigured, almost to an animal-like extent. This doesn't stop the officer from plucking her out of the insensitive holdings of a correctional facility and putting her up in his home, much to the chagrin of his family. You see, Jenifer is a frisky bitch who has a strong, sexual hold on the helpless man and begins to destroy his life, leaving them both eventually destitute while the ferocious, hot-to-trot succubus uncontrollably mauls whomever she can get her claws on...

Along with his MoH short, "Pelts" - Argento knocks it out of the park with "Jenifer". The monstrous facial effects of Jenifer are actually pretty creepy and the narrative is tight and engaging. The outcome, however, is very predictable but it doesn't take away much, if anything. I really dug this one. Definitely ranks among my top favorites of the series.

Rakka (2017)

"Rakka" was the first short from Oats Studios - an 'experimental film'-geared production company started up by Neill Blomkamp - the director of "District 9" and "Chappie". It's evident he was equipped with a considerable budget and some skilled effects artists and actors for just a mere 22-minute movie, but I found it pretty cool.

It depicts a hellish future where a malevolent race of lizard-aliens have taken over Earth - leaving a small number of humans fighting for survival. The aliens apparently have mind-control abilities, of which are thwarted by metal head wear welded from scrap. They discover a guy who has been melded with alien technology who seems to be crucial in the fight against their extraterrestrial overlords...

This short is shot very well with a pretty interesting set-up and the CGI and practical effects are big studio quality, more or less, I found. I guess my problem would be that it does just come across as a SET-UP to a story that's ultimately cut short. Maybe they're lining up some sequels or this was meant to hopefully pull in some funds to be extended into a feature. I'm not sure. Still, "Rakka" is, visually, a well done short film.

Blutgeil (1993)

So, I guess this Swiss gore-short landed the film-makers in some hot water following its release, thus leading to "Blutgeil" being banned in its own country. While many copies of it were apparently destroyed, one cut managed to survive and it's accessible to this day...

The version I saw had no subtitles so here's what I got out of it: two cops do a bust on a drug house - killing the scummy inhabitants before making their way to a second house where some associated criminals hang out. This time, the druggies seem to get the upper hand, killing the cops and ultimately cannibalizing them.

Not sure what all the fuss was about concerning this 24-minute flick, but, then again, I'm not from Switzerland - nor have I ever been there - so I'm not all that familiar with the sensibilities of its residents. "Blutgeil" is far from the most 'graphic' or 'obscene' film in existence. Also, the production-values are weak and the overall premise isn't anything too interesting. In all, it's a forgettable indie gore-short with a more engaging story behind it, involving its anarchist film-makers, of which I'm not all that privy to...

A Garden Without Birds (1992)

"A Garden Without Birds" is a gory slice of Japanese surrealist sleaze with, obviously, not much of a straight-forward storyline but for what it was, I guess it was okay...

Some yuppie freakos convene in a hotel room for a night of S&M and drugs, but things take a 'turn' when one of them commits suicide in the bathroom and the rest of the party descends into a violent, psychedelic-fueled mind-fuck stupor. There's several flashbacks and hallucinations a few of them have, involving a girl getting her head run over by a dump truck and a newborn baby being roasted over a fire... Then they all kill each other with various objects.

I'm not really sure how to go about summing this one up, but it's short and kept the gore and strangeness coming so, in that token, I'd say I enjoyed it for the most part...

Half Past Midnight (1988)

"Half Past Midnight" is a very standard low-budget gore short. So much so, in fact, that I've got very little to say on it so I'm going to keep this relatively brief...

A high school girl is bullied by her classmates and date raped by her teacher. One day, she is critically injured while being picked on and is taken to the hospital where even the nurses have it in for her and inject poison into her eyeball. She regains consciousness and beings exacting revenge on those that fucked with her - armed with a knife and an electric chainsaw.

Cheesy gore, incredibly straight-forward plot and minimal dialog. Can't say it's terrible, but it doesn't venture into any real over-the-top territory or do anything all that creative. It actually spends too much time on the lead-up, making for a pretty quick series of unremarkable gore scenes. Check out some of the early Alex Chandon shorts if you're feeling like some cool, crazy gore shorts...

Maria-Conception-Action (1969)

I'm not sure what to make of this one. It's obviously some kind of 'performance art' piece with a whacked-out, 'snuffy' aesthetic.

Some guys are gutting an animal (a goat, I think...) and piling the innards on a bound woman and stuffing them down her underwear. One guy seems to really be getting 'into' it and starts burying his face in the intestines while they continue to pour them on the woman and attempt to stuff them inside her. They then crucify the woman and feed her blood and pour said blood on her vagina before one of the guys starts fucking her while the rest of the guys casually stand around. The whole thing ends with everyone rolling in the blood and guts and swinging from the animal carcasses...

"Maria-Conception-Action" is pretty much a 'blood orgy arthouse film' with some underlying religious subtext, I presume. Not really sure what it all 'meant', but it's actually pretty perverse and a little unsettling with the ambient sounds and grainy look. Interesting and strange little film, overall.

The Act of Seeing with One's Own Eyes (1971)

There's not really a whole lot to talk about with this one. "The Act of Seeing with One's Own Eyes" is a 30-minute experimental film, showcasing an autopsy in close-up detail. There's absolutely no sound accompanying the 16mm footage of a cadaver being taken apart at this particular Pittsburgh morgue...

It's about as interesting as autopsy footage can be. I've seen my fair share of this kind of thing so, personally, I didn't find anything too stand-out about it. If you're really into postmortem gore with an 'experimental' angle than this will probably be more up your alley.

Salvation by Blood (2010)

"Salvation by Blood" is a decent short that follows a very basic perception of the doctrine that most perceive to resemble satanism. Clearly, the film was well shot and featured some solid film making techniques with some surprisingly convincing make-up effects...

The movie starts with an unseen prisoner being interrogated by a by-the-books looking cop before we drift into the convicted man's backstory. After meeting a nice girl and kicking off a wholesome relationship, the man finds himself enveloped in her family of satan worshipers, thus transforming him into a 'knight in Satan's service'. This evidently leads the satanic couple to proclaim their devotion to the Dark Lord by sacrificing two Christians in his name. A home invasion ensues, along with rape and murder...

For a 37 minute flick, I found "Salvation by Blood" to be decent in the form of isolating key aspects that I found passable. The editing and camera work looked good and, as I said, the effects were cool. That said, I didn't find anything all that spectacular about the film. It certainly wasn't "My Sweet Satan", in any regard. I didn't quite understand the comic book panel scene transitions and the overall motivation involving satanic belief was shallow and unconvincing. You can do worse than "Salvation by Blood", but I wasn't all that blown away...

A Perfect Child of Satan (2012)

"A Perfect Child of Satan" is more of what you would expect from the ever-redundant bore, Lucifer Valentine. At least it's short.

A frumpy goth call girl meets a guy online and rambles about finally meeting him face-to-face in her video diaries. When she shows up at the hotel room where he's at, he beats and chokes her to death...

I really don't have much to comment on as far as this one goes... It's pretty much like all of Valentine's other shit, minus the vomit. Dull with obnoxious editing and sound effects... I'm sure he enjoyed making it, but otherwise, I don't see what the point was.

Never a Tender Moment (1979)

Very obscure S&M short from the 'golden age' of porn. Coming in at roughly 28-minutes, "Never a Tender Moment" was apparently a live show - featuring the great Marilyn Chambers - that was recorded at some theater in San Francisco back in the day.

Beginning with a back-stage interview with a nude Marilyn talking about her swollen asshole -it's then, basically, just her getting whipped and paddled by a couple of trashy, "Rocky Horror"-looking dominatrixes. At one point they attach a leash to her labia ring and drag her around a little bit. They ram her ass with a huge black dildo, fist her with a Crisco slathered gloved hand - followed by a slow-motion upside-down bondage scene. It then ends with Marilyn saying her S&M fantasy is to fuck Bigfoot...

Not the 'roughest' thing I've ever come across, but it's an enjoyable little hardcore rarity. Marilyn looks good and takes it like a champ, so what else can you possibly ask for? If you can find it, it's worth a look for vintage porn buffs.

Nekro (1998)

I hadn't seen this shot-on-video 'shocker' in quite a few years so I put it in recently for a quick re-watch - seeing as how it's only about 20-minutes long. As I remembered, "Nekro" is a very 'hollow' and unmemorable gore short.

A guy pulls up to a house, drags an unconscious woman out of the back of his van and up to the attic. Later, he storms in and stabs her to death before having angry sex with her mutilated body...

There IS a little bit of a "surprise" ending that was obviously thrown in just for the hell of it - although his whole movie had a 'just for the hell of it' vibe. It's basically just meant to offend most and to arouse those who dig necrophilia. That's fine, but I guess it just did neither for me. It's shot fairly well, considering they were clearly working with a budget of ZERO, and the blue lighting was alright. The sound seemed to be dubbed entirely with guttural distortion and over-the-top squishy sound-effects, which was kind of amusing. Overall, it's just a quick film about corpse-fucking. Check out Nacho Cerdà's "Aftermath" or "Inner Depravity Vol. 1" for much better examples of this kinda thing.

Merry Little Christmas (2010)

Without a doubt, "Merry Little Christmas" is one of the best and most fucked up shorts I've seen in a hell of a long time. It covers a wide range of incredibly depressing and nasty topics in some pretty no-holds-barred ways, such as rape, domestic violence, suicide, Hell - and all on Xmas!

A young woman recalls witnessing the merciless brutalization of her mother by her father as a child during Christmas time. Both her and her mother have since tried to cope with it - only the holidays seem to bring out their emotional turmoil, as mommy is a self-harming wreck and daughter has grotesque visions of suicidal demons...

This is an extremely strong 20-minute flick that may not 'sit well' with everyone, but for those who are into some very dark subject matter and macabre, bloody visuals - it's definitely a must-see depiction of pain.

He Took His Skin Off For Me (2014)

"He Took His Skin Off For Me" is a romantic 'body horror' short (about 12-minutes long...) that tries to artistically blend 'black comedy' with a poetic narrative and practical FX work. I'd say it's an ambitious enough effort...

In an extreme act of devotion, a guy skins himself, entirely, for his chick. She digs it and they carry on with their day-to-day lives - having sex, going to work, throwing dinner parties, etc. Eventually, he starts missing his flesh (that he keeps hanging in the bedroom closet...) and begins resenting his ol' lady.

It's a well shot short and the muscle tissue FX are decent - though I don't think he would actually still have lips or eyelids, but I guess there's only so much you can do without going the digital route so, oh well. I'll give them props for that, but I can't say it's quite on par with Frank from "Hellraiser" or anything. Still, this one's worth seeing. Your chick will probably dig it.

Cold Hard Cash (2007)

"Cold Hard Cash" did absolutely nothing for me. I understand it's a short - close to only 20-minutes - but it really hit me as just a poorly made and boring pseudo-Grindhouse attempt.

Two tattooed dykes steal a suitcase full of money from a crime lord and once they realize it doesn't contain the amount they thought, they fight each other to the death over it...

From the looks of it, they thought having two Suicide Girls fuck each other with a strap-on could carry this virtually plotless short, seeing as how that consists of the bulk of this flick. It's not and other than that, there's nothing going on here. I guess they were trying for some kind of Tarantino-esque, 'badass chick' type of 'gritty' crime film set-up, but it just falls flat, which was surprising, again, considering the short run-time. Ah, well...

Vibroboy (1994)

I'm not really sure what to make of this one. "Vibroboy" is a bat-shit crazy French 'cyber-punk' short that is just complete weirdness from beginning to end.

A transvestite returns home (to a trailer in the desert...) from unearthing Aztec artifacts in Mexico. One of which is a statue that he gives to his friend and neighbor and, during a violent domestic squabble with her abusive husband, inadvertently resurrects the evil Vibroboy... An ancient being who uses a stone dildo as a weapon...

"Vibroboy" is a hectic and fast-paced 27-minute film that was heavily influenced by Shinya Tsukamoto's classic, "Tetsuo: The Iron Man". I can't say I really liked, nor disliked "Vibroboy", as it really just sort of ends just as it gets going, but I will say it's pretty well shot with some creative camera work and cool visuals. The characters are also entertaining in how over-the-top they are - especially the crazy husband. Not a bad concept, overall.

Cooking with Huck Botko (1996-1998, Huck Botko)

This is actually a series of short films featured on a faux-'shockumentary' called "Ensuring Your Place in Hell". These shorts are pretty much considered the 'highlight' of that compilation.

Each one involves Robert Botko - aka. Huck Botko - getting even with close family members who have wronged him at one point or another. He does this by preparing their favorite dessert with some kind of repulsive extra "ingredient" and watching them eat it, usually each year on Christmas. Additional "fixings" include homeless guy mucus in Dad's fruitcake, roadkill in Mom's baked Alaska, hepatitis infected blood in Sis's cheesecake and his bro gets a graham cracker cream pie which you can only imagine what he has some helpful gentlemen add to that...

It doesn't take a genius to tell that these are 100% staged - especially if you do a quick search of Huck Botko in which you'll find that he went on to write and executive produce several feature films, such as "The Last Exorcism" 1 and 2. Still, each one of these (each dessert getting it's own 7-12 minute short segment...) is amusing enough in a senseless kind of way, although it's nothing too 'shocking'.

Take an Easy Ride (1976, Kenneth F. Rowles)

"Take an Easy Ride" is an informational film on the dangers of hitch-hiking in the UK. It gets it's 'message' across by featuring an abundance of violence and rape.

Several different hitch-hiking scenarios are presented - one being a pair of girls on their way to a hippie-fest who fall prey to a smut-loving rapist/killer. Another lone hitching female encounters a married couple who are into drunken threesomes. There's another pair of young girls who are actually the ones attacking motorists and, finally, two other girls who manage to get a ride with a kindly old trucker who pulls no shenanigans...

This is as "informational" to the public on the dangers of hitch-hiking as "Last House on the Left" was about the dangers of buying weed off the street or "I Spit on Your Grave" was on the risks of letting delivery boys in your house. "Take an Easy Ride" is straight-up 'exploit'-sleaze with some brutal mud puddle rape and a pretty steamy lesbian sex scene. Gotta love that retro MUFF! It's definitely an entertaining bit of '70s obscurity...