Halloween (2018)

I let my expectations get considerably high for this sequel (as many did, I'm sure) that stupidly shares its name with the original which is the one thing that continues to really irk me to no end. Seeing what could only be a return-to-form for Michael Myers in that it's playing out as a direct follow-up to the 1978 original and disregarding the first "Halloween 2" - as well as each subsequent sequel - seemed promising enough for what it's worth. After blowing into my local theater and checking out this heavily praised revival, there was really nothing about it that rocked me.

Looks like, after taking six rounds and falling off the balcony back on that fateful night, Michael was whisked off to the 'funny farm' for the next 40-years. During this time, Laurie Strode became a paranoid shut-in - estranged from her family and preparing for that next inevitable altercation with the babysitter killer. Following a visit from a pair of investigative journalists with Michael in the mental facility and, undoubtedly rekindling some of that murderous hostility, he escapes custody while being transferred to a maximum security prison. Conveniently, he gets hold of his old mask, makes his way to Haddonfield and starts offing Laurie's granddaughter's friends. This, of course, gets back to Laurie and she gets to put her years of target practice and home security device amassing to good use on the anniversary of her initial encounter with Mike.

One problem is; I really like 1981's "Halloween 2". Watching it back-to-back with the first film makes it feel like one epic slasher all set on one festively violent night as I find both movies have the same 'feel', overall. Also, people were losing their shit over Mikey and Laurie Strode having their big showdown and, as far as I'm concerned, that would've been truly spectacular if only... it hadn't already been done and - yeah, shoot me - BETTER in "Halloween: H20". I know, everybody pretty much hates that flick and I, myself, am not the biggest fan as it really didn't age well, seeing as how it came out of the mid-to-late 90s, "Scream"-clone period of cookie-cutter, teeny-bopper slashers. Even so, and I'm sure I'm in the minority, but that shit aside, the final skirmish in THAT movie tops this new one, for sure. Jamie Lee going all gun-toting Rambo-granny just struck me as cheesy and such a far cry from anything her character was like in the first film. I'm fine with her coming out swinging 40-years later and capping some rounds into her returning masked aggressor, but this was just way too 'commando' for my liking. Plus, her rustic wooded residence being decked out with hidden arsenals, steal spike traps and lock-down shutters was so over-the-top ridiculous, I couldn't get behind it. I hate to keep drawing comparisons, but something more akin to her character in "H20", which I think was a much better 'splitting the difference' of her virginal babysitter role in the original and ol' Lock-n-Load Strode from this 2018 film.

For the most part, Michael Myers is a joy to watch, as always - making his rounds through Haddonfield and fucking folks up. There's a few decent gore scenes and some cool, unbroken shots following him around. However, I was still getting a strong Rob Zombie-vibe off of him in this one, especially in certain scenes of particular brute-force violence - namely, a bloody head-stomping and rest stop stall skull-slamming; both of which were VERY reminiscent of Zombie's interpretation of Myers and not so much of the shadow-lurking phantom presence he was in Carpenter's film. In fact, we get a LOT of on-screen, up close and personal shit with Michael in this one which works if you're looking for pure slasher content, but not so much if you're expecting something 'spooky' or remotely subtle, as "The Shape" was almost a half a century ago.

So, aside from my gripes and comparisons, this movie IS a well done sequel. It LOOKS good, with some great lighting at times and the aforementioned shots of Michael stalking around town. The classic Carpenter theme music is back in full force, with a cool 'spin' or two thrown in a few times, such as some guitar chugs in a certain scene.

With the exception of "Halloween 2" ('81), this definitely IS the best sequel of the franchise. It's got the right 'feel', for the most part, and it's cool seeing Jamie Lee back in action. Quite a few references to the original, as well as the sequels it's ignoring, which was alright. Had the ending packed a bit more of a punch and felt a bit more 'personal' between our main foes I think this would've definitely capped things off nicely. I just think they dropped the ball having it all take place in a a little house which got a bit daunting and for the fact that it never really provides that "FUCK YEAH" moment you'd expect between Laurie and Mike. In all, "Halloween '18" is good and well worth checking out, though not the definitive wrap-up I was hoping for.

Digging Up the Marrow (2014)

Having liked what I've seen from Adam Green, such as his "Hatchet" series - which I'll admit, as I write this, I have not yet seen all of them, but I intend to eventually. I remember liking "Frozen", too, so I was interested in checking out another non-"Hatchet" related film from him. "Digging Up the Marrow" didn't at all sound like it would be up my alley due to the 'found-footage' style and the general premise and it really didn't end up deviating from my initial expectations.

Green plays himself, who receives a package from a guy claiming he can provide proof of the existence of actual monsters. Along with his cameraman, Green shoots interviews with the man who eventually takes them out into the woods where the entrance to the apparent monsters' world is located. They end up capturing one of the elusive mutants on camera and become desperate to come up with more solid evidence, though the guy they're following around starts coming across as more and more 'shifty' and nutty as they go on which makes them begin to question the validity of his claims.

The best thing about this movie is the natural performances from Green and his buddy as well as Ray Wise being all crazy (brought back fond memories of "Twin Peaks"...). There's also a few special appearances from Tom Holland, Mick Garris, Lloyd Kaufman, Kane Hodder and Dave Brockie (in his final on-camera appearance), which was cool too, though it was mostly just done while Green was at horror con's. Once we start seeing more of the creatures things really go downhill. They look stupid and the end was pretty lame. I hope Adam Green stays away from making 'mock-docs' in the future.

Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers (1988)

Who could possibly not enjoy the first two "Sleepaway Camp" sequels? They are just two of the purest examples of shamelessly mindless slasher mush to emerge from the horror-heavy '80s. Huge body count, fun kills, plenty of nekkid broads and nothing even close to a fucking story to impede on any of that good stuff!

It's a few years later and Angela is out of the mental hospital with a full sex change operation under her belt (har har) and is running a tight ship as a counselor at another summer camp. The prudish bitch goes about "sending home" any of the campers who engage in inappropriate activity. Sending home by means of murder, of course.

The great thing about "Sleepaway Camp" 2 (and 3) is that they are total and complete 'exploitation' cash-grabs that merely provide the 'meat-and-potatoes' of the slasher subset. I mean, hell, by the late '80s this kinda thing was dying down in popularity so why try so damn hard to be clever? And there is literally NO attempts at building tension, suspense, mystery or story arcs. We know Angela is the killer from the get-go so there's no big reveal. This may all sound like the makings of a really shitty film, but for what it is and how it doesn't take itself at all seriously, it's a very entertaining and rapidly paced little flick. The kills aren't insanely gory, but a few are cool, like a decent throat slashing, some sluts getting torched alive, a nice decapitation and the best: a camper being drowned in a shit-filled outhouse! In all, I counted 18 kills in about 80-minutes. All slasher hounds gotta check both of these movies out.

Blood Shed (2013)

Total fucking waste of time snoozer. I firmly believe it takes a conscious effort to pull off a concept as poorly as they did with "Blood Shed" so, in that regard, fucking KUDOS!

A homeless guy gets a key from some relative that opens up the family self storage unit. There's some back story having to do with his hot mother making a deal with some kind of voodoo witch before she gets pregnant and her husband kills her and removes her baby. Now, she's back from the dead while her son and some other bums are locked overnight in the storage facility...

I don't know, something like that. There's really nothing interesting going on in this movie, hence, the horrendously slow pace. This shit is DULL and virtually incoherent with not a single likeable or moderately developed character and no gore to speak of. Also, with a title like "Blood Shed" I wasn't quite expecting storage lockers. More like a tool shed or something. That may have lent to my disappointment since tool sheds are vastly cooler than storage units.

At Midnight I'll Take Your Soul (1964)

Coffin Joe just doesn't get enough credit for how ahead of his time he was with his debut film and kick-off to the Coffin Joe Trilogy, "At Midnight I'll Take Your Soul". This is some surprisingly violent and blasphemous shit by 1960s standards and is even cited as being Brazil's first horror film.

José Mojica Marins (Coffin Joe) stars as the undertaker of a small Brazilian village who pretty much revels in being the social misfit of his close-knit community. He looks down on the God-fearing lemmings that he cohabitates with - disregarding their beliefs as weak willed superstition and has no qualms against voicing it publicly. Resenting his wife, who is unable to provided him with a son to carry on his bloodline, he takes a liking to his buddy's chick and goes so far as to kill him in order to get with her. Only this doesn't go totally as planned and more people end up getting killed by him which leads to his soul being damned to Hell.

Not only does "At Midnight I'll Take Your Soul" have a good amount of anti-God ranting from CJ, but it's also got bloody finger removal, death-by-venomous-spider, rape, suicide, eye-gouging, crown-of-thorns facial disfigurement... This is a dark, angry, rebellious film that's 'statement' and content was extremely fucking ballsy, at least by U.S. standards of the time. I'm not too sure as to the 'climate' of Brazil in the mid-60s, though, based on some 'exploitation' and XXX-material I've seen come outta there a decade or so after this, they're clearly a little more 'out there' and 'kooky' to say the least when it comes to their cinema. Coffin Joe is a truly iconic, badass persona and "At Midnight..." is a fantastic and groundbreaking horror film that - like the early horror works of H.G. Lewis - are essential for fans of more 'extreme' types of films.

Revenge (2017)

The best way I can think to sum up "Revenge" is: "I Spit on Your Grave" mixed with a Coyote/roadrunner cartoon. It's a rape/revenge film that wantonly says "fuck it" to presenting any semblance of plausibility - instead, aiming for the most hysterically convenient series of events and encounters on record.

A wealthy Belgian guy is shacking up with his hottie mistress at a lavish desert home when a few of his Arab hunting buddies show up. They all party and she gets a little 'loose' with one of them during a dance, giving him the wrong idea in thinking that she's into him. When she turns down his advances the next day, he gets pissed off and rapes her while the boyfriend is away and the other friend turns a blind eye. When the boyfriend returns and finds out what happened, she's dismayed by how lightly he takes it and when he refuses to call her a ride home, she makes a run for it. Without going into too much detail, she's attacked by the slimy trio and left for dead, only to survive and exact bloody REVENGE.

Just for living through what happens to her is inane enough, but how she frees herself from the perilous situation is even more preposterous. And a scene in which she cauterizes her wounds with red hot beer can aluminum that brands the logo on her body (not to mention the wound disappears...), I found absolutely hilarious. Throughout the movie - and especially in the final 10-minutes - characters lose SO much fucking blood from rifle gut-blasts, to impalement's, and react no more severely then if they had a pebble in their shoe. Hell, the Terminator expressed more physical anguish then the bubblehead-turned-badass female lead in this film. All this said, I found it impossible not to just accept all this and go along for the entertaining ride that was "Revenge". Clearly, they knew what they were doing in purposely going so far over-the-top with what characters endure that shitting on the movie based on all this would be pretty redundant. I can't say I loved this flick by any means and in no way would it rank anywhere among the rape/revenge 'greats' like "I Spit on Your Grave" or "Ms .45", however, it's well worth checking out for a fun, visually pleasing, ridiculous watch.

Grotesque (2009)

"Grotesque" is one extremely brutal movie. People can compare it to "Saw" or any other American "torture" flick, but what I saw was good old Japanese "splatter" and violence at it's most pure. Think of an extended version of "Flowers of Flesh and Blood" with elements of pinku-eiga.

A guy kidnaps a young couple on their first date and chains them up in a dungeon-like room where he carries out tons of incredibly cruel and gruesome torture - his motive being, simply, sexual pleasure...

Eyeball gouging, testicular impalement, chainsaw amputation, scissor-nipple slicing, castration and more! At one point, the guy's rectum is cut out, hung from a hook and his entrails are pulled out of him! One of the craziest things I've probably ever seen on film. The chick is also rapidly fingered to the point of climax in one truly awesome highlight scene! As you would expect, there is virtually no plot and the gore is constant. If you like sick and sleazy films than you should definitely check out "Grotesque" for some disgusting madness...

Two Evil Eyes (1990)

George A. Romero and Dario Argento collabed on this two part mash-up, adapting a couple of stories from the great Edgar Allen Poe. Both segments are well crafted and display each of the iconic horror film-makers' personal brands of cinematic 'flair'.

The first is Romero's take on Poe's, "The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar" - about a doctor who hypnotizes a dying old rich man into signing all of his worldly assets over to his gold digging trophy wife who is actually having an affair with said doctor. When the man dies before their riches are secured, they decided to stash his body in the basement freezer until the check clears. Things get spooky, however, when it they begin hearing an agonized voice emitting from the corpse and realize that he was, in fact, under hypnosis at the time of his death, thus, is stuck in a sort of 'limbo'. Things end with the two double crossers getting their comeuppance when the frozen old coot springs to life for revenge...

Argento tackles the classic, "The Black Cat", starring Harvey Keitel as a crime scene photographer whose live-in girlfriend adopts a cat that is less than friendly towards him. When he takes a series of photos of him physically abusing the cat and has them published in a book, followed by the suspicious disappearance of the cat, she gets pissed off and plans to leave him. After catching him trying to kill - what is likely the same cat given to him by a bartender - she freaks out and he kills her and plasters her body behind a wall in the house. From there, he must go about covering it up and avoiding nosy neighbors and police inquiries concerning her whereabouts as he continues to go insane.

Both directors handled their respective stories very well - with Romero's being a bit slower and more subdued and 'ghostly', while Argento's definitely had a bit more of an "edge" to it. Much of the credit, of course, would have to go to Keitel who is terrific as usual. Few actors are as brilliant at conveying anger like he does and this portion of the film has him drunkenly attacking a women, cats, cops... It's awesome. "The Black Cat" is, for me, definitely the stronger of the two segments, though Romero's DID end on a genuinely creepy note, I thought. "Two Evil Eyes" is absolutely one to check out.

Beautiful Teacher in Torture Hell (1985)

Good, solid pinku-sleaze here with a pretty decent plot-twist to boot. "Beautiful Teacher in Torture Hell" begins with two teachers being attacked by a trio of thugs and raped on a rural back-road... The one woman gets the upper hand and roughs them up, securing a safe getaway. She's the new teacher at a high school where she ends up encountering the violent students again and, this time, they force her into a fencing match - not before making her strip - and they wind up catching her on camera. This blackmail leads to her falling into the hands of a few other school staff members who keep her bound in a basement and subjected to all kinds of vile sexual torture. Their motive, typically, is to get her to relinquish her pride and feminine strength...

It ain't the most unabashedly violent pinku flick out there, but it has its suitably strong points in terms of story - not to mention a few erratic methods of degradation inflicted on our hapless female casualty - namely, a series of enemas before sitting her in a big fish tank where she experiences an... aquatic evacuation of fecal 'mist'... The antagonists are nicely demented and well characterized and the attractive lead plays her part strong, yet traditionally destitute. Definitely one to check out.

Drive-In Massacre (1976)

"Drive-In Massacre" is an immensely uneventful proto-slasher that suffers from extensive padding, lame kills and zero character development.

Someone is showing up at a Los Angeles drive-in theater and killing patrons with a sword. The asshole manager refuses to close the place down until the killer is caught so a pair of fat detectives dig in hard to track down the culprit.

Aside from the first two deaths (including an okay decapitation...), there's really nothing all that much to speak of, gore-wise. The movie also never seems to settle on a main character - the closest being the cops who look and act alike, thus making them horribly uninteresting during their very drawn out interrogation scenes with an equally boring former carny retard. "Drive-In Massacre" has very little going for it, but if you're up for laughing at glaringly shitty production value, line flubs and desperate run-time padding, I'd say you can't go wrong. Apparently the movie was shot in four days and it definitely shows...

B.T.K. (2008)

As much as I'm eagerly awaiting a GOOD biopic on the B.T.K. Killer, I can't really say this particular movie was as bad as I expected. Granted, it's a very loose depiction of Kansas serial killer, Dennis Rader's sadistic exploits, though, for what it's worth, I found it quite watchable.

Peace officer, church leader, husband and father of two, Dennis, moonlights around his small Midwest town as a sexual psychopath - stalking and murdering women...

Kane Hodder flexes some surprisingly decent acting chops as the lead all-American family man/sadistic nutjob to the point where I actually almost forgot I was looking at a 6' 4'', Jason Voorhees alum. The stuntman burn scarring on his neck and hands are a tad distracting, however, and they did a shitty job of hiding all the palm trees in many outdoor scenes so there's definitely some production flaws and shit. They also never touch on any sexual violence - of which the real-life Rader was an avid enthusiast of, though, again, this movie keeps the depiction pretty loosey-goosey. It's too bad Rader wasn't nabbed pre-2000. There's a good chance we would've gotten a potentially good movie on his crimes back when First Look Home Entertainment was putting out those well done and fairly truthful serial killer biopics. At the end of the day, "B.T.K." is far, FAR from great, but Hodder isn't bad in the role and a few of the kill scenes are okay. Could've been a lot worse, I thought.

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006)

I'd had "All the Boys Love Mandy Lane" recommended to me here and there for years now and had it in the back of my mind all this time to pick up a copy, but never did. Finally, I ended up spotting it on Netflix and gave it look while, oddly, not knowing anything about the premise. Kinda cool since I typically prefer going into movies 'cold'.

Mandy Lane is a high school hottie who - as the title points out - is desired by basically all the horny teen guys on campus. She has a platonic male friend who is ostracized by his peers after goading a drunk jock with the hots for Mandy to jump off a roof and into a pool and, in turn, missing, and cracking his head open. Nine months after this incident, Mandy is invited - along with some other classmates - to a stoner friend's family's ranch for a weekend of partying. Soon enough, they start getting murdered by someone prowling around the property.

Pretty solid film, overall. It's mainly got a 'thriller' feel with a slight slasher element, though it doesn't take off in that direction like it seems it will with the first (and most 'graphic') killing. I liked this and it kept me relatively intrigued even after the killer is revealed fairly early on. Again, the killer's identity seems predictable at first, but the way the rest of the movie plays out, I believe it wasn't suppose to be UNpredictable. A 'twist' comes at the end which I thought worked well, despite being a little vague. The performances are all strong and the camera work is often interesting. The death scenes aren't anything too 'crazy', but are effective, still. In all, I enjoyed this one. It's nothing incredible, fucked up or Earth-shattering, but I can't find much with it to gripe about.

Junk (2000)

Though definitely not venturing down any new avenues, as far as the zombie sub-genre goes, "Junk" is a thoroughly entertaining, mindless, low-budget Japanese horror flick.

Following a successful armed jewellery store robbery, the thieves arrange to meet up with a Yakuza gang at an abandoned factory to sell off their loot. What they are unaware of, however, is that the factory was being used by a scientist who was experimenting with a serum to bring his wife back from the dead. The shit worked, though it brought her back with a yen for human meat. When gallons of the zombie-juice is unknowingly splashed on a room full of corpses, the uprising soon commences and a U.S. army base is desperate to contain and destroy the chaotic outbreak.

With no shortage of ammo ripping through zombie skulls, some gut-munching, neck tearing, undead tits, military jargon and a leather clad zombie babe - all enough to keep this one fun. It also pulls off just the right amount of light humor while not falling into dreaded, over-played zom-com territory. I'm not a huge fan of zombie films for the most part, though, with its decent (albeit, cheesy...) gore and traditional, 'old school' vibe, I gotta recommend "Junk". It's nothing great by a long shot, but it's an enjoyable, throw-away watch.

Savage Sadists (1983)

"Savage Sadists" is some humorous and sleazy "roughie" material that is bound to provide fans of this kinda thing a worthwhile 40-ish minutes.

A pair of thugs break into the house of a porn distributor, looking for money owed to their crime boss. He happens to be at work, boning one of his female employees, so the goons rape his wife. Right after, wifey shows up at the office and catches hubby pantless - having just busted his nut across the slut's face - and warns him of the men being on their way. He hides under his desk just before they barge in and, in the meantime, go to town, again on the wife, AND the porn chick, plus the guy's secretary. The whole thing ends with the obligatory 'money shots' before the husband snatches one of the dudes' guns and tells 'em he's all 'paid up'...

Lots of extensive blowjobs and a little bit of whipping on tap, along with some very ridiculous dubbing, such as the sound of a doorbell simply being a woman making the sound off-screen with her voice and a prolonged cock-on-face slapping that is clearly just a clapping sound, poorly synced. If you're into these kinds of 'rough', vintage XXXer's you may wanna give this one a look for a quick laugh.

Strange Behavior (1981)

While the premise certainly showed some promise and they were on the right track with a few decent scenes of violence, "Strange Behavior" ends up falling short of being anything all that gripping or memorable. 

Some mysterious and gruesome murders taking place in a small Illinois town. It turns outs (and this is revealed WAY early on so I hardly consider it a 'spoiler'...) that  a local lab is conducting mind control experiments on the resident young people who volunteer for pay. The police chief - whose son starts wittingly lending his cognizance to the immoral scientific studies for college tuition scratch - begins suspecting a known - and presumably dead - mad doctor is behind the maniacal conspiracy.

I feel like this movie came so close to finding its stride but never succeeds. Like, the characters are almost likeable, but never quite. The kill scenes are decent, but manage to come nowhere near 'stand-out' compared to countless other horror films of the '80s. The main element of the story - being the teenagers used as human guinea pigs dosed into mindless killers as a tool for a mad scientist's revenge - is strong, concept-wise, though just doesn't happen hit its mark at any point in the film. The 'flow' of the film just feels clumsy and confused in the administering of this idea up until the equally poor and underwhelming end reveal. "Strange Behavior" is just a movie that's ALMOST good and actually DOES have a fun, kinda Halloween-y 'feel' to it, I thought (probably because of the goofy costume party scene). I dug the Tor Johnson mask and a fairly effective scene involving a bathtub mutilation. Also, Louise Fletcher (Nurse Ratched) is in this, which was cool and the one old guy's line about "fat ones" was funny. In all, it might've been the first but it's definitely NOT the best horror flick to come out of New Zealand.

Necromentia (2009)

Quite an under-appreciated horror gem that seems to be generally dismissed as a "Hellraiser" ripoff. Granted, there ARE some definite similarities, though, the way I see it, "Necromentia" was able to set itself apart more than enough in being a dark and entertainingly morbid little movie.

Consisting of four separate intertwining character viewpoints, mainly centered around a guy who is trying to open a gateway to Hell to rescue his younger brother. His "key" to the underworld ends up being a necrophiliac who is fixated on the notion that his dead girlfriend will come back to him. This dead girlfriend, however, was also the girlfriend of a mute bartender who was murdered by his cheating chick and her affair who wanted him out of the picture, thus, turning him into a vengeful Hell-dweller. The betrayed/condemned is helping the guy save his bro when he makes it to Hell, which is also going towards personal revenge motive (killing his killer)...

... So, yeah, it all comes full circle and isn't nearly as convoluted as I'm sure I described above. The premise is cleverly executed and works well. There's also a good amount of twisted and bizarre visuals - namely, a fat guy in a sickly looking pig/clown mask, named Mr. Skinny, who comes out of a television to prompt a retarded, crippled kid - via, sing-along - to commit suicide. Not to mention a pretty gnarly looking demon that storms around the endless corridors of Hell, stabbing fuckers in the face. There's a decent amount of gore - including a disembowelment and some torture, though the movie is, by no means, a wall-to-wall gore-fest. There IS enough to get you by. I really enjoyed this flick. The look of it is grim and basically rust colored, making for a nicely bleak tone, while the overall concept is cool and meshes well with the creative imagery. Recommended! Especially if you're a "Hellraiser" fan (fuck those haters).

Inferno (1980)

Dario Argento's follow-up to "Suspiria" further expounds on the "three mothers" mythology - specifically, Mater Tenebrarum, who is based in New York City. "Inferno" is a solid and, once again, visually masterful film from Argento, though not nearly his best work from his pre-"Opera" heyday.

People in and around an old New York apartment building start getting savagely murdered when a book about the "mothers" starts making its rounds, thanks to an Italian female tenant who bought the book from an antiques shop and set the shit in motion. Before SHE is killed, she'd sent a letter off to her brother in Rome who shows up to discover her missing and is immediately suspicious. As her bro attempts to uncover what is going on in the seemingly cursed building, more people are killed off by the unseen gloved assailant.

As a sort-of sequel to "Suspiria", this one rocks it with the signature explosive Argento color palette and excellent cinematography you would (or SHOULD) expect. The story-line is good and thickens the whole "three mothers" concept by introducing the next sinister witch and what she's all about. Aside from these positives - not the most brutal array of kills in an Argento film, though the rat scene was pretty fucking spectacular as well as kinda bizarre. Great use of rats and cats, overall! There IS a cat attack, as well, that is definitely something to behold. "Inferno" is absolutely one to check out if you're looking for some quality Italian horror from one of the all time greats, though I can't say it packs quite the 'punch' as other Argento films from around this time. Still, it's nothing shy of a work of atmospheric art.

The Acid Sorcerer (2017)

"The Acid Sorcerer" is a slice-of-junkie-life, quasi-'art' film that struck me as a Nick Zedd-styled piece, perhaps for the suburban black metal crowd.

We follow a handful of different lowlifes - most of whom end up crossing paths - like a heroine addicted serial killer who is under the command of a shadowy demon. There's also a meth-hooked pregnant chick who's whored out for drug money by her scumbag boyfriend, their dealer who buys home-made snuff films off of a coke-head drag queen and an HIV positive whore who is the snuff producer's next "star". The drama escalates for the couple when he discovers his ol' lady is whoring HERSELF out and enjoying it.

The film is inter cut with "evil" title cards and satanic captions, as well as psychedelic 'trips' of several characters. The acting isn't very good and there really isn't much of a focal point, though I can't say "The Acid Sorcerer" is a bad "edge lord" indie effort. The scummy, degenerate cast of characters are entertaining enough and don't outstay their welcome as the movie clocks in at under an hour. I also thought it was funny how they're constantly coming across dead animals that they have to angrily kick or stomp. I didn't mind this flick for what it was.

Blood Pigs (2010)

Brian Paulin has definitely made a fan out of me with his low-budget, highly ambitious and ultra gory films such as "Bone Sickness" and "Fetus". "Blood Pigs" would fall behind both of these flicks in my personal rankings of his films that I have seen thus far, however, making for a much saddening disappointment.

The premise here takes place following a zombie apocalypse where people are succumbing to a humanity destroying chemical contaminant found in the meat of the undead they are forced to eat to survive. Their insides start to mutate and turn them into psychotic cannibals...

As cool as this concept is, it's really not conveyed in a particularly strong way within what we're given on screen. Much of my understanding of the movie's set-up I derived from reading the back of the DVD while the movie, itself, carries on mundanely with several stragglers bumping into the occasional zombie and sword fighting in the woods. People bitched about Paulin's previous undead outing, "Bone Sickness", being boring, though, to me, that flick is a mile-a-minute splatter classic compared to this one, which really doesn't start 'moving' until the final 15-minutes or so when the blood finally starts flowing. It just felt like pointless time killing up until then, with unlikeable, undeveloped characters swapping sleep-inducing dialog and wandering around. Also, there was an obvious technical issue involving the film's frame rate (which is addressed on Morbid Vision Films' site) where a flickering lag is seen during the faster action scenes. It's not worth beating them up over, but it IS pretty annoying at times. The film's end climax, however, is pretty on point and is obviously where the bulk of production's resources went in creating some incredibly nasty and badass gore and creatures. This is where Paulin shines as he pretty much single-handedly constructs these gruesome effects and I have to commend him for his eye for disgusting bloodshed (asshole ripping and spinal fluid drinking, anyone??). If only this could've been spread out a little more throughout the rest of the movie I think it definitely could've helped out the pacing. "Blood Pigs" is certainly not Morbid Visions' best work (that would still have to be "Fetus"), though I'll still continue to support a grass roots splatter film-maker like Brian Paulin. Whether you love or hate what he's doing, you can't deny the heart behind these films.

Adam Chaplin (2011)

I can't help but admire Necrostorm's output of raucous splatter material even if I can't go so far as to say I'm totally sold on the few films of theirs I've seen so far. "Adam Chaplin" definitely has a few things going for it, but is just too bogged down by how disjointed and silly it is, overall.

Set in some kind of fantasy city where a deranged, masked doctor/mob boss is being pursued by a vengeful... demon (?), Adam Chaplin, whose wife was torched alive for some outstanding debts. Adam has some hellish creature that comes out of an inverted cross scar on his back that guides him as he bare-knuckle pulverizes anyone and everyone who gets in his way...

Firstly, the gore in this one is truly over-the-top - with blood splashing sky high from just a simple punch to the face to hundreds of rapid-fire punches or kicks to the face. The violence in this movie is beyond cartoonish and goofy with guys getting their heads hammer-fisted to pieces or impaled "Cannibal Holocaust"-style on metal rods and turned into human torches (while still alive, no less) to be used as weapons. It's for ideas and visuals like this that I have to give this movie props. That being said, the movie as a whole just feels empty and bland. The color 'tint', CGI and filtered in rain effects added an unfortunate 'cheapness' to the look of the film and the storyline shifts around too much and is tough to follow. The guy with the wrestler face paint was awkwardly introduced and I had a hard time figuring out how he jibed with the overall premise. "Adam Chaplin", at the end of the day, is a watchable Italian splatter flick if you put yourself in a mindset to simply enjoy it for THAT - the gore. In pretty much every other area, however, it's not very good.

Grim (2010)

"Grim" is a dull low-budget revenge film that relies more on poor direction and struggling to reach a feature length run-time with inane filler than delivering anything of moderate interest.

Set in the future where the economy has completely crumbled, leaving everyone broke and at the mercy of a gang of biker mobsters. A young boy's parents are brutally executed by said goons who leave him only injured and to be taken in by a farm couple for the next ten years. When the corrupt organization returns to dispose of his surrogate parents it's officially the last straw, so the now grown boy sets out for vengeance.

This is one amateurish pantload of a movie. The script, acting, camera-work... all sucks. Almost everything involved in the premise is just so poorly (or just NON) established that I found it virtually impossible to give one shred of a shit about what this main character is going through. The farmer who takes on the role of his father taught him how to chop wood and shoot cans off a fence post which, in turn, made him the ultimate badass (??) who continually breaks out into a pretty dead on Snake Plissken impression, to his credit. The revenge angle is very much underplayed and absolutely no intensity is felt (for me, at least) during any rare scene in which he's up against an adversary. In all, "Grim" contained numerous elements the writer/director had no doubt noted from other KNOWN revenge films, but just had no idea how to compile it all into a coherently structured or moderately engaging story.

Death Shock (1981)

"Death Shock" is a British softcore horror-porn that's pretty light on the 'horror'. In which case, there's not much to cover here so I'm forced to keep this one brief.

Some horny blokes and their cock-craving 'birds' are driving through the countryside when their car runs out of petrol. Luckily, they're able to flag down a some passersby who gives them a lift to a nearby house where a satanist resides. After dinner, the guests retire to their quarters and engage in sex; one-on-one sex, group sex, lesbian sex - they cover their bases. The one lesbo doesn't like being penetrated by anything even resembling male genitalia which makes her prime devil-conjuring bait.

The bulk of this one is people fucking. The girl-on-girl scene was pretty hot and the one chick getting her boobs oiled up in the name of Lucifer was funny as hell. That said, I can't recommend hunting this one down as there's nothing at all memorable about it. It's just an alright skin-flick.

Rattlers (1976)

"Rattlers" is a hugely forgettable killer rattle snake flick.

The start of the movie is actually the highlight - involving two young boys getting bitten up by a bunch of deadly snakes in the desert. A herpetologist is called upon - along with a feminist photographer - to look into what's been causing the overly aggressive behavior in the local snakes. Turns out, the military is to blame after disposing of some chemicals in an old mine shaft...

As it were, you see one snake bite you've pretty much seen 'em all. These attacks get exceedingly boring after a while and the two lead characters are painfully bland and uninteresting. Not to mention, the end is just flat-out fucking awful. Dull, dull movie.

The Machinist (2004)

I had just recently rewatched "Session 9" which, in turn, prompted me to revisit Brad Anderson's, "The Machinist" - a movie I hadn't seen since it initially came out. I really like this flick. It's a strong and engaging psychological head trip, depicting a guy's tragic indiscretion and subsequent downward spiral.

A lonely machine operator begins encountering a mysterious new guy at and around his workplace. After a co-workers arm is torn off in a freak on-the-job accident - brought on by being distracted by the strange new guy's presence across the plant - he is told that no such man works there. Due to him causing the grisly mishap, he becomes a pariah around the shop while his growing paranoia over the apparently nonexistent guy he keeps bumping into leads him to believe that those he knows are conspiring against him. As a cryptic Post-It note on his fridge gradually offers a clue in the form of a game of Hangman and the few relationships he has crumble (or may not have even existed to begin with...), the reality of his supposed delusions begins to piece together a troubling incident from his past.

Of course, Christian Bale's extreme dedication to the role is usually the prime topic people tend to focus on and for good reason. The fucker dropped a ton of weight - down to about 110lbs - and looks like something out of a death camp corpse heap. Definitely some commendable risk to one's well being. Aside from Bale's alarming transformation into an emaciated method actor, the movie's gloomy tone makes for a genuinely depressing, mostly colorless and just plain lonely feeling environment. All the performances are solid and the concept is well executed, though the reveal is a little obvious. The physical manifestations of guilt and severe mental anguish is well represented and stays pretty well grounded without feeling too pompous and 'artsy'. If you haven't yet seen "The Machinist" you should give it a look. Also worth checking out is "Session 9".

Bela Kiss: Prologue (2013)

Bela Kiss was a Hungarian serial killer who murdered and pickled the bodies of about 23 women around the early 1900s. He was captured after barrels of alcohol containing the remains of strangled ladies were found on his property, but he managed to escape and ultimately got away, never to be officially punished for his crimes. I was definitely into checking out a movie based on Kiss' sadistic antics, but alas, "Bela Kiss: Prologue" is just a mess with a misleading title.

Set presumably in present day, some young bank robbers hole up in a ritzy hotel. Some shit happens involving one of the guys cheating on his frigid girlfriend with the slutty concierge and we get random flashbacks giving a vague rundown of Kiss' life. The movie sloppily culminates into a confused, "Hostel"-influenced ending...

That synopsis isn't as abridged as it may seem. Very little happens in this movie and the relevance of the World War I serial killer to the overall premise is virtually nonexistent. I honestly had no idea who the bald, crazy-eyed butcher was that was introduced around the last third of the film's run-time, nor did I know how it related to the butler... This movie is just a clumsy pile of shit. It's actually shot well, though, and there's one decent kill early on, but that's all the positive I can scrounge up for this one. And - "prologue"? I don't get why that was included in the title.

Hell Fest (2018)

Much like the recent "The Strangers" sequel, "Hell Fest" is far from a 'game-changer' as far as modern theatrical slasher films go. We're talking some basic shit right here, though I wouldn't go so far as to call it unwatchable. Honestly, I yearn for the now rare occasion in which a traditional slasher film is granted a wide release, whether it totally sucks or not.

Some college friends go to a horror theme park where a lunatic shows up, singles them out and proceeds to kill them off one by one...

That's it. Six kids being stalked by a killer in a hoodie and mask that looks like an Easter Island head sculpted out of excrement. Of the few kills, only two are worthwhile - namely, the mallet to the skull. The rest, are pretty generic stabbings, more or less. The movie's setting is definitely its strong suit - making for a good Halloween season 'feel'. I had actually visited a popular scare park a day or two before going to this movie so my mindset may have carried over a bit in adding to my fondness for this particular atmosphere and the particular 'vibe' here is pretty spot on. That said, there's really nothing "Hell Fest" does that calls for too hearty of a recommendation. It's weak on the kills for the most part, the killer isn't terrible looking but isn't going anywhere near 'iconic' status, and some of the stalking scenes kinda drag. At the end of the day, "Hell Fest" is passable but ultimately could've been better. A fine throw-away watch around October, if anything.

Wet Wilderness (1976)

"Wet Wilderness" is an expectedly schlocky XXX-'roughie' that I got quite a kick out of, regardless. Of course, there's nothing remarkable (or existent, really) about the plot of this one, though there are a few qualities that made it stand out a bit.

A family (mother, son, daughter, daughter's lesbian lover...) are on a camping trip when a guy in a homemade Spiderman mask and armed with a machete goes on a rape frenzy with the women, as well as forcing them into incestuous acts with each other.

Right off the bat, the movie blatantly lifts the score from Hitchcock's "Psycho" and continues to use it throughout. And that's not the only example of audio-based genius that "Wet Wilderness" offers up; the dubbing is fucking hilarious! Namely, that of the rapist/killer whose sexual commands and comments are pure gold - particularly when the a random black guy is introduced and he keeps screaming at them to "suck that black cock". Aside from how ridiculous and funny the voice-over shit is and how they used obviously unlicensed music from a very well known classic, the editing is beyond terrible. It looks like entire scenes are missing - including what ever becomes of the son and any kind of ending. One girl sneakily grabs the killer's machete when her mom is going down on him (for the second or third time), then there's just a grainy smash-cut to a banner reading, "THE END". What?? Fans of violent porn from this era need to check this one out. Obviously, it's bad but its nasty and hilariously mean spirited enough to warrant a viewing.

Sodium Babies (2009)

It's always frustrating when a movie goes so far out of its way to be confusing. There's a total difference between a film being cryptic and forcing the viewer to think outside the box, as far as deciphering certain nuances within the story, and just being nonsensical gibberish. "Sodium Babies" is just that. Incomprehensible, pretentious nonsense.

A guy is forced into becoming a vampire whose job is to go around and kill people to harvest their blood for the "prince". The "drama" is amped up when there seems to be a rival blood siphoner  and... something about a chick who hits on one of the vampire guys outside of a club before a shoot out goes down...

This is sorta the 'crux' of the movie, however, new plot-twists arise which are completely convoluted and I wasn't, for the life of me, able to discern how the fuck it all tied together. Some talk show sequence comes out of nowhere, in which our main vampire character is the guest (this goes on for a LONG time) then some kind of symbolism (I guess) involving a dog is a recurring thing that I have no idea the relevance of. Through terrible writing and directing, "Sodium Babies" comes across as a wannabe Tarantino-influenced crime movie, mixed with weak, trying-to-be stylized "Underworld"/"Matrix", comic book-like action. And due to the clearly minimal budget, this all looks like college-level green screen garbage that is almost embarrassing to look at. Put it all together and "Sodium Babies" is just a horribly made movie that is impossible to get into in any way, whatsoever. Avoid this one at all costs.

Curtains (1983)

Here's another slasher straggler that I went without checking out until just recently and I can say without reservations that I have no regrets waiting so long. "Curtains" is like an Argento movie, only without the style, directorial knowledge of the horror genre, or anything of interest going on.

A film director has a willing actress committed to a mental hospital under false pretenses as a way to research for a role in his upcoming horror film. Though, in a total dick move, he leaves her in there and, instead, decides to invite a handful of starry-eyed actresses to his house to audition for the much sought after part. However, the betrayed woman is bailed out of the funny farm and shows up at the house, coincidentally around the time these chicks start getting killed off by a psycho in an old lady mask...

It took me two nights to finish this one because I seriously just couldn't stay awake for it. The body count is minuscule and the kills are all completely bloodless. Not to mention we get such incredibly long intervals between any scenes with the killer. It's almost as though the director forgot he was making a horror movie, but was behooved to incorporate the bare minimum of slasher concepts. I checked out his filmography and just about everything else he's been involved with has been a rom-com or a family-oriented TV show, so the lack of understanding as to the horror genre that is so apparent when watching "Curtains" may not have been far from valid. The only decent scene in the movie is on a frozen lake where the masked murderer pursues a victim on ice skates. Aside from that, "Curtains" is a waste of time and deserves the relative obscurity it has fallen into.

Beast With a Gun (1977)

I was expecting a little more out of "Beast With a Gun" (aka. "Mad Dog Killer", aka. "Ferocious Beast With a Gun", aka. "La belva col mitra"). As much as I enjoyed certain aspects of it, it just didn't 'shine' as the violent sleaze-fest I had been informed it was.

A ruthless killer and his cronies escape from prison and end up abducting the stoolpigeon who had him put away, as well as the squealer's girlfriend. After kicking the shit out of the 'rat', raping his chick, coating him with lime and burying him in a shallow grave, the sadistic ringleader of this band of cons forces his captive female to arrange for him to rob a company her father works for. Things go a little haywire when she goes behind his back and tips off a detective, thus dampering his armed hold-up. Of course, the maniacal lunatic is pissed off and tries to bump off the double-crossing bitch and eventually kidnaps members of the detectives family in a psychotic scheme to acquire money and maintain his freedom.

Helmut Berger does a pretty kick-ass job as the criminal scumbag and there's a little bit of nudity and prolonged scenes of violence, though I felt like the pacing was a little 'off' with this one and that there wasn't enough to hold my interest during certain stretches. I guess I was just expecting something a little more 'hard-hitting' and memorable and this one wound up falling a little short in the ol' sleaze department for me, at least. For a '70s crime-exploitation outing, "Beast With a Gun" is just okay in my book. I just wish it'd went a little 'harder'...

The Nun (2018)

From what I've seen of the "Conjuring Universe" (the first "Conjuring", about half of the second before I quit paying attention in favor of a drunken chit-chat, unrelated to the movie, and the two "Annabelle" movies...), "The Nun" is actually the least shitty.

Set in 1952 Romania where a nun commits suicide while being pursued by something demonic. So the Vatican assigns a priest and a young, soon-to-be nun to investigate the incident - sending them to a cursed abbey out in the woods. A series of 'spooky' things go down before the inevitable face-off with the evil nun transpires...

If you consider that a spoiler you should definitely familiarize yourself with modern mainstream horror a bit because that's about what you can expect from the majority of these types of films. Nothing too crazy or unexpected here. Lots of jump-scares and general noise, but honestly, I didn't totally end up hating this one. The atmosphere is decent and I thought the devil-nun looked kinda neat. Also, Patrick Wilson is barely in it, which is a total PLUS. That guy is a complete fucking bore. As much as a hated "The Conjuring" movies and those boring doll spin-offs, "The Nun" is a small step up as far as these standard, repetitive James Wan flicks go.

Molly (2017)

The heroes of post-apocalyptic films typically tend to be of a certain standard, whether it be Mad Max, Tank Girl or Will Smith - they're most often never a small teen girl with big nerdy glasses. Well, the mold has been broken with "Molly", a low-budget, yet highly ambitious "Road Warrior"-esque film that, despite a few 'lows', definitely ended up being surprisingly impressive, overall.

Lone scavenger, Molly - along with her pet falcon - roams a barren, dystopian landscape while seeming to have to fight off the occasional goon. Said goons are dispatched by a guy who runs a gambling ring on an oil rig, hosting pit-fights with "supplicants" - people that are injected with a drug that turns them into super strong, zombie-like lunatics that move like gorillas. He wants Molly as his new supplicant when he gets word that she's actually a bad ass AND has a super power which allows her to launch explosions from her body when she's pissed off. When a little girl whose parents were turned into supplicants is kidnapped by the villainous tycoon, Molly takes action in the way of a harrowing rescue.

On a technical basis, "Molly" is very well shot. The camera work is fantastic in many scenes and the cinematography is on point in making for a fairly believable end-of-the-world setting, considering the budgetary constraints. My main problem with the film is I didn't find the character of Molly to be all that interesting or fleshed out; as her back story isn't explored at all nor is the origin of her powers explained. The villain is as unlikely a character mode as the hero - being a generally unimposing bad guy with a somewhat androgynous cadence. These two - particularly Molly - are a bit wooden as it's evident that their character makeup was under written in lieu of the appealing technical flair and ardent story concepts they were working with and seemed to be primarily focused on. It's strengths, I found, managed to hold the movie together more than enough to make me dig it.

 Where it really kicks into high gear is in final 30-minutes, which consists of one seemingly unbroken shot as Molly hacks and fist fights her way through the immoral ringleader's lair to save her new pal and avenge her murdered bird. This non-stop violent sequence is obviously where this flick pulls out all the stops and makes for a fun as shit apex that hardly seems to match the first hour of the movie. To conclude, I'd definitely recommend "Molly" if you're into checking out an enthusiastic indie effort.

artsploitationfilms.com

Misogynist (2013)

Don't get too excited, kids - this one's not as good as the title suggests. Frankly, it's more of just a boring, low-budget drama than anything all that fun or provocative.

Some misogynist douche holds an underground seminar, teaching disgruntled men how they can better use, abuse and control any woman in their lives His sexist brainwashing, however, has a severely negative affect on his young protege's wedding night with his virgin bride who doesn't necessarily appreciate his 'kinky', selfish take on marital copulation.

I couldn't help but think there was a promising concept here - involving a guys secret coarse on molding male minds into sexist scumbags,  though, through clearly incompetent film-making, it was horribly realized, with a flimsy script and just flat out ridiculous, go-nowhere scenes. A huge portion of the movie was devoted to a trio of V-necked frat boys arguing the efficacy of the woman-hating speaker's bitch-taming prowess as well as his treatment of his girlfriend/female subject. At one point we get a flashback sequence showing him killing a pissed off ex in self-defense and presumably arranging for the disposal of her body. This could've been an interesting 'twist' for the character as far as exploring an even more callous and murderous 'edge' that could have taken the movie down some more engaging avenues. However, this is shown as a mere unimportant fluke and the movie, in turn, plummets back into severe monotony, right on through the underwhelming 'climax' and the who-gives-a-fuck end reveal of a greed-fueled motive. When all is said and done, "Misogynist" feels like you just watched a random episode of a soap opera.

Mondo Cane (1962)

"Mondo Cane" is, of course, known as the granddaddy of the 'shockumentary' sub-genre - having paved the way for much harsher and exploitive 'reality'-based films that were to follow; most notably, the "Faces of Death" series. I've said before in past reviews for movies of this ilk that these types of flicks really aren't my 'thing'. Like a lot of others, I grew up with a total fascination for the Faces/Traces... videos and would gleefully seek out and absorb the shameless montages of real-death morbidity, but have long since grown out of it, especially with the advent of the internet. I'm still down for the occasional run through Liveleak or Bestgore for some gruesome jollies, though.

"Mondo Cane" may have sparked this death-junkie titilating trend, though it's got far less 'shock appeal' than its later copycats. It's laid out in a pretty straight-forward, anthropological showcase of a wide range of countries and cultures and how they live and behave. Obviously, some of what is shown in the film can be considered provocative - namely, the animal abuse/killing, which takes up a good portion of the movie where different food preparation customs are explored in various regions of the world. From a tribe bludgeoning pigs to death to the force feeding of ducks (and tribal women!) to the butchering and consuming of dogs in Thailand - this shit will definitely get under the skin of animal lovers, however, I didn't find it displayed as anything more than harshly honest, National Geographic-esque footage as opposed to intentionally 'exploitive', disrespectful, feather-ruffling 'trash' intended as mindless shock-value. Based on how this material is presented, I actually ended up liking "Mondo Cane" more than I expected - having heard that it was "tame" and "boring", though someone expecting mangled corpses being dragged from grisly highway wrecks to the tune of Napalm Death or Mortuary may very well find this disappointing. And, to be fair, there's quite a bit of "Mondo Cane" that IS pretty dull. A whole segment in Australia involving life guard training felt immensely out-of-place and a gym in L.A. where elderly fat women are doing yoga was dumb. Not to mention "man hunting"... Still, there was enough interesting shit, overall, such as some shitty tribe that throw their dead in the ocean which has turned sharks on to human meat, making them total killing machines so the dumbass locals get their revenge by hooking the sharks and stuffing poison sea urchins down their throats, thus inducing a slow, agonizing death for their deadly aquatic foes. There's also some crazy Spaniards who protest some religious ceremony by running around in Daisy Dukes and cutting their legs up with glass and an Asian "death room" that sick people are locked in to die while their relatives have a giant feast in the other room.

So, yeah, there's enough bizarre shit to sink your teeth into if you're down for checking out the original "Mondo movie", which, again, is a far cry from the novelty 'shock-docs' that were to follow. Gotta say, I didn't mind this one a whole lot. It's something I don't see myself ever watching again, but for a one-and-done, it's well worth it and actually comes across as somewhat educational.

The Psychopath (1973)

"The Psychopath" (aka. "An Eye for an Eye") was the film that Joe Spinell had planned to remake as a follow-up to his slasher masterpiece, "Maniac" in the mid '80s. Unfortunately, Spinell passed away suddenly and all we are left with is an 8-minute demo 'taste' of how amazing the film would've been, titled "Maniac 2: Mr. Robbie". Had that entire film been made there's no doubt it would've been a massive improvement of "The Psychopath", though I can't say this one isn't without its charms for what it's worth.

The moptopped, man child host of a kids puppet show TV program and all around friend to the community youngsters, Mr. Rabbey, is noticing that some of the local parents are mistreating their little ones. This realization sparks a rage that is even more intensified as he performs for kids in the hospital and sees the injuries and irrevocable mental scarring caused by parental abuse. He is soon pushed over the edge when one of the towns kids goes missing and turns up dead at the hands of his sadistic parents. So Mr. Rabbey ushers up some vigilante ass-whooping on these scumbag parents...

I really like this concept and the guy who plays Mr. Rabbey does a convincing job in his role, though I still found this movie to be much too clunky in spots. Much of the police investigation stuff and a handful of other unneeded scenes (such as a completely superfluous carnival sequence) slow the pace WAY down at times. The kills are pretty non-graphic, but however, for a PG-rating (obviously, '70s PG is vastly different from today's PG), I'll give it accolades for a baseball bat to the face and an implied death-by-lawnmower. Had the film been better written and directed I feel it would've had the strength to become something of a cult classic, perhaps, though it suffers in too many ways. We should've gotten a better sense of Rabbey's prowess as a television host; which is hardly explored, and even a little background as to why he is the way he is would've been nice. In all, "The Psychopath" (by the way, an odd title as many of us would argue that said 'psychopath' is doing God's work...) is a decent, but flawed rarity that IS worth seeing for its strengths. Would've been great to see what Spinell would've done with it.

Automaton Transfusion (2006)

I picked this one up dirt cheap recently and, despite having heard nothing all that good about it, wasn't totally hating on it right off the bat to be honest. There was definitely some missed potential lingering somewhere within this very low-budget zombie flick, though a few missteps toward the tail end went and killed it for me.

Some high schoolers are on their way to a concert in the city when they are caught up in an undead horde of sprinting zombies... And a house party is caught in the crossfire of this pandemic, as well...

There's really not a whole lot more plot to divulge, as "Automaton Transfusion" is basically nothing more than your standard zombie fare. It was shot quick (and shoddily...) and on an obviously minuscule budget, but contains a few decent gore sequences; namely, the bloody removal of a jaw and the extraction and devouring of an unborn fetus. Several of these scenes managed to win me over, throughout, and I was also digging the lack of humor, seeing as how I find the zom-com shit WAY more played these days than even the serious 'takes' on this particular sub-genre. However, shit falls apart around the end with the extremely forced and contrived explanation as to the zombie outbreak - of course, having to deal with secret military experiments gone haywire. Then, it all goes from bad to worse with the zombies swarming our final two survivors who, in turn, lock and load, but THEN we get a cop-out "To Be Continued"... What?? What had I just sat through, a fucking sitcom?! Not that I'm pissed that a sequel was never made, though... dipshit, finish your fucking movie! That was too much. Had it not been for that I would've deemed "Automaton Transfusion" a mediocre, watchable B-zombie movie. But they dropped the fucking ball. HARD.

Tombs of the Blind Dead (1971)

Figured I was overdue to finally sit down and check out the first entry in the "Blind Dead" series (and, eventually, the rest of the films). I'd, of course, heard numerous favorable opinions on this Spanish zombie flick over the years, but just never quite got around to giving it a watch and, honestly - I hate to say it - this one was a bit of a let down.

Two girls and a guy are on a train heading to a camping destination. The one chick starts getting friendly with the dude - who the other girl has her on - so she decides to bail out of their vacation by jumping from the slow moving train. Where she ends up just so happens to be some ancient ruins where some medieval cultist Crusaders used to sacrifice virgins and drink their blood. Now, they tend to frequently pop out of their graves, stumble around blindly (their eyes were plucked out by crows after they were executed...) and ride around on horseback, looking for more blood. So, when the friends who she ditched on the train discover that she'd been found all dead and chewed up, they start investigating the likelihood of the old, sightless zombie lore.

"Tombs of the Blind Dead" does have some pretty decent atmosphere and the robed zombie ARE fairly creepy, especially when shown on horseback with this ghostly, slowed down kind of effect that I found cool and eerie. So, the overall 'feel' of the film is on point, I have to say. The biggest downfall, though, is the notable lack of sleaze/gore. Based on my own personal hang-ups, '70s Euro-exploit/horror really tends to suffer without the aide of some blood, guts and newd babes and "Tombs..." felt REALLY tame due to such a noticeable absence of these elements. However, I still gotta give it a pass for the darkly atmospheric tone and it's ghoulish blind zombie hordes. If only they'd been a bit more 'active', in terms of gut-munching and flesh-tearing then it's safe to say that this movie would've been firing on all cylinders.

Nymphs (Anonymous) (1968)

Sexploitation of the '60s is usually more 'miss' than 'hit' with me with the exception of some the 'rougher' kind of shit, like "The Defilers" and one or two of Russ Meyer's titty-flicks, which I find fairly enjoyable and classic. But I especially hate when they went the totally wacky comedic route - case in point, "Nymphs (Anonymous)". While it managed to suck from the start, it completely goes off the rails and into some truly frustrating, unintelligible idiocy and horribly directed and shot tedium around the halfway point.

From what I could make of the plot before it degenerated into a mind numbing mess of random scenes: a neighborhood of nympho housewives belong to a all-female club that caters to their individual sexual 'kinks' by sending men over to their houses while their repressed hubbies are at the office. Various desires in need of fulfilling include a woman who craves 24-hour sex sessions, one who liked to be chased around and get fucked in her pool, one who digs being beaten with belts and so on and so forth... When one of the husbands discovers how his wife is spending her days he freaks out and starts sniping the male sex-workers as they arrive at their assigned homes. This doesn't sit too well with the feminist head of the secret sex society and the pissed off husband finds himself immersed in her sordid male-prostitution game...

Not only does the plot synopsis on the back of my DVD-R copy not match up with what I saw in the film, itself, it's also wrongly slated at a 73-minute running time, of which is about 20-minutes or so fewer then the actual length this thing ended up being. This fucking movie DRAGS. It was almost as though the hack director behind this did a ton of blow halfway through production, ran out of script and just told the actors and camera people to run around and shoot whatever. There are seeminly endless scenes involving a chick who likes having her dress torn off... so she has a dude rip about 5 off. There's another equally long, go-nowhere striptease featuring a woman with a cellulite, cottage cheese ass. By this time I had come to grips with there being no real story-line anymore so was just returning some emails until this piece of shit finally ended. I can't stress enough that "Nymphs (Anonymous)" is one of the shittiest and LONGEST 'sexploit' joints I can recall, thus should be avoided like grim death.

Killing Spree (1987)

"Killing Spree" is a slightly above average SOV cheapie. Of course, this opinion I have is based on my own personal standards regarding these types of (usually) godawful, turd movies (i.e. "The Bloody Video Horror That Made Me Puke on My Aunt Gertrude" and the virtually unwatchable "Violent Shit" films), so I'm just trying to be as fair as possible and give credit where it's due. It's one of the better of its kind that I've come across, while still suffering from some of the same expected pitfalls that movies of this ilk tend to.

A newly wed airplane mechanic with a recent, drastic pay cut begins to suspect his wife of cheating on him with the slew of handymen that seem to be showing up at his house lately while he's at work. Detailed sexual escapades are discovered, penned in a diary, hidden in their bedroom, so he totally goes off the deep end and does the only thing a potentially scorned man CAN do: get all these guys to come back to the house when wifey isn't home and murder them in creative ways.

There's quite a bit of comedy thrown into this one, which I expected - much of which didn't quite 'land' for me - although I did enjoy the odd 'giving head' dream sequence. Some of the murder gags, however, were okay; such as the machete ceiling fan and a guy being beaten to death with his girlfriend's severed head (accompanied by yet another reference to 'giving head'...). Not to mention a decent chainsaw disembowelment/intestinal electrocution... Yeah. So, while being watchable enough and fairly well shot for such a micro-budget production, "Killing Spree" suffers from being a bit overly long and drawn out in too many, much too obviously padded - as well as repetitive - scenes. If you have any kind of tolerance for ultra-low brow, SOV flicks, you could definitely do a lot worse than this one, honestly.

The Anal Dwarf (1971)

This vintage porno short pretty much served as the breakout 'hit' for Ralphus from the 'exploitation' classic, "Bloodsucking Freaks".

Some slut is playing with her floppy pussy when she spots a midget watching her from atop some stairs. She beckons him down and he ascends, lustfully, before they begin their romp - first, with some tit-sucking/fondling. Soon, she starts sucking his little pud and he tit-fucks her. Then, of course, it's time to get down to some SERIOUS business. He throws his erect dwarf member down her hungry Hershey brick road and the little fucker rides like the wind. We end with some ass-to-mouth before the climactic 'money shot'.

I guess this one went over pretty BIG (pun intended) in the '70s for its 'freak show' appeal of watching a midget fuck a non-midget woman. By today's standards (or, at least, mine), though, "The Anal Dwarf" plays out as a very straight forward porn scene. It IS cool, however, to see the psychotic runt from "Bloodsucking Freaks" boning a bitch in the shitter in a soundless stag film!

Microwave Massacre (1983)

As hard as it is to avoid a movie with a title like "Microwave Massacre", I usually make a conscious effort in forcing my expectations to remain considerably low, seeing as how there's a good chance of the film sucking total shit. And this did. It's bad. Though, honestly, I'd have to place this in the 'so bad it's mildly, MILDLY amusing' category.

Jackie Vernon (the voice of Frosty the Snowman) plays a construction worker who is fed up with his bitchy old lady, who is obsessed with household cleanliness as well as preparing gourmet dinners (via, their giant, old-fashioned microwave...) which he despises. So one day he comes home extremely drunk and pissed off and bludgeons her to death with a pepper grinder. Upon sobering up and discovering what he had done, he dismembers the old hag and stores her body parts in the fridge. After accidentally eating a piece of her, he finds that human flesh is delicious so he starts preparing delectable morsels out of hot women he lures home to fuck, which he shares with his co-workers...

This one's completely played for laughs, as our main character is constantly breaking the 'fourth wall' and spitting corny, Rodney Dangerfield-esque quips. One such gag featured in this flick involves slathering a dead, nude woman with mayonnaise and making a sandwich out of her - complete with giant bread slices... Yeah, the 'satire' here isn't all that razor sharp or anything, but you got a good amount of bare breasts and cheesy looking rubber limbs (that severed head looked hilariously godawful!). Enough to make this a mildly amusing throw-away watch if you're in the mood for something tolerably shitty (though just barely).