The Anal Dwarf (1971)

This vintage porno short pretty much served as the breakout 'hit' for Ralphus from the 'exploitation' classic, "Bloodsucking Freaks".

Some slut is playing with her floppy pussy when she spots a midget watching her from atop some stairs. She beckons him down and he ascends, lustfully, before they begin their romp - first, with some tit-sucking/fondling. Soon, she starts sucking his little pud and he tit-fucks her. Then, of course, it's time to get down to some SERIOUS business. He throws his erect dwarf member down her hungry Hershey brick road and the little fucker rides like the wind. We end with some ass-to-mouth before the climactic 'money shot'.

I guess this one went over pretty BIG (pun intended) in the '70s for its 'freak show' appeal of watching a midget fuck a non-midget woman. By today's standards (or, at least, mine), though, "The Anal Dwarf" plays out as a very straight forward porn scene. It IS cool, however, to see the psychotic runt from "Bloodsucking Freaks" boning a bitch in the shitter in a soundless stag film!

Microwave Massacre (1983)

As hard as it is to avoid a movie with a title like "Microwave Massacre", I usually make a conscious effort in forcing my expectations to remain considerably low, seeing as how there's a good chance of the film sucking total shit. And this did. It's bad. Though, honestly, I'd have to place this in the 'so bad it's mildly, MILDLY amusing' category.

Jackie Vernon (the voice of Frosty the Snowman) plays a construction worker who is fed up with his bitchy old lady, who is obsessed with household cleanliness as well as preparing gourmet dinners (via, their giant, old-fashioned microwave...) which he despises. So one day he comes home extremely drunk and pissed off and bludgeons her to death with a pepper grinder. Upon sobering up and discovering what he had done, he dismembers the old hag and stores her body parts in the fridge. After accidentally eating a piece of her, he finds that human flesh is delicious so he starts preparing delectable morsels out of hot women he lures home to fuck, which he shares with his co-workers...

This one's completely played for laughs, as our main character is constantly breaking the 'fourth wall' and spitting corny, Rodney Dangerfield-esque quips. One such gag featured in this flick involves slathering a dead, nude woman with mayonnaise and making a sandwich out of her - complete with giant bread slices... Yeah, the 'satire' here isn't all that razor sharp or anything, but you got a good amount of bare breasts and cheesy looking rubber limbs (that severed head looked hilariously godawful!). Enough to make this a mildly amusing throw-away watch if you're in the mood for something tolerably shitty (though just barely).

Playing with Dolls (2015)

Wow, I feel like we've reached a whole new tier of shittiness with this one. I checked and this is the first in a series of - I'm not entirely sure how many - movies, which I don't figure I'll end up checking out. At least, I THINK this is the first one, though the opening scene started up with a lot going on so maybe I'm missing something. Anyway, who cares?

So, some asshole has a secluded luxury cabin rigged with cameras so he can "hire" unwitting young women to house sit (thinking it's the vacation home of some rich old guy), but then turns loose a masked killer he broke out of a loony bin to torment them for his entertainment...

The one 'pro' I got on this one is that the killer's mask is decent looking. Unfortunately, he's the single lamest killer EVER. Shit, he hardly kills anyone! All he does is sneak around the house and basically plays pranks on the Ukrainian hottie who spends 99% of her screen time NOT GETTING NAKED. He takes her wine bottle and moves it to another room. Yeah. He moves her slippers from where she initially placed them... This is one of the most frustrating wastes of my time in recent memory and that's all I got to say on this piece of shit.

Girls Nite Out (1982)

"Girls Nite Out" is another in a line of forgettable, one-off slasher flicks that pretty much flooded theaters throughout the '80s.

It seems a deranged mental patient survived his suicide-by-hanging, has escaped and is prowling around an Ohio college campus in a stolen bear suit, looking for cheerleaders to kill. His weapon: homemade "claws" made out of kitchen knives.

The bulk of this one focuses more on strained relationships and frat boy camaraderie then anything else. Most of the kills (of which, there aren't many) are off screen and the ones that aren't are notably  weak, save for the bear killer's furiously misogynistic rantings while he's offing these ladies. Speaking of which, the fucking costume is incredibly stupid and laughable looking, which definitely  cuts down on any 'menace factor' surrounding this lameass antagonist. As far as the end reveal - it was alright. Easily the most memorable part of this otherwise dull slasher joint. I can't go about recommending "Girls Nite Out" unless you're a seriously all about seeing everything within this particular sub-genre.

X-Ray (1981)

Lately, I've been in the mood to check out some of the more 'oddball' - or just lesser-known/often unmentioned - slasher flicks of the early '80s that I've yet to see. I was pretty positive I had already seen "X-Ray" (aka. "Hospital Massacre") but after skimming a synopsis for it I realized I must've had it mistaken for another hospital-horror joint, "Visiting Hours". Definitely not as good as that movie, but I thought this one was watchable enough.

We start with a flashback to 1961 where a misunderstood, introverted little boy sees the girl he likes destroy a birthday card he left on her doorstep so he promptly kills and hangs her friend/brother from the coat rack. Cut to present day, the all grown up girl drops by a hospital to pick up some results but soon finds herself held there against her will by the creepy staff who seem to believe she is seriously ill. All the while, a killer dressed as a surgeon is making the rounds - dusting people off around the building in a variety of slasherific ways...

I'd say this one's worth it alone for Barbi Benton's prolonged "examination" scene, showcasing some awesomely puffy nipples. Kudos for this one taking some surprisingly sleazy 'turns'. Some of the kills are decent - for one, a fairly gruesome hatchet to the head as well as some bloody stabbings. The whole "Twilight Zone" vibe surrounding the seedy hospital faculty was also kind of a cool accompaniment to the all-too familiar slasher formula and definitely adds to an already strong atmosphere. Hospitals can make for pretty great slasher film environments. The killer's reveals was ridiculously and disappointingly obvious, however, seeing as how we know his name as a kid and the guy who turns out to be the culprit just has a shortened version of that name. Might be one of the most obvious 'whodunnits' in slasher history while ironically having what might be the most 'red herrings'. At the end of the day, fans of '80s slasher flicks are sure to get a kick out of this one. It's nothing too memorable, but it's entertaining.

Gehenna: Where Death Lives (2016)

There was definitely some potential to be had with "Gehenna: Where Death Lives", however, it doesn't end up amounting to much other than a vastly mediocre supernatural horror flick. Had it played up its strengths and scaled back on it's meandering, I think this would've been a pretty decent movie.

A team of architects are scouting the future location of a lavish resort in the Western Pacific when they come across a Japanese WWII bunker. Upon exploring it, things get hairy when they discover rooms containing withered corpses, are attacked by an old man and eventually find themselves locked inside. As they struggle to find their way out, apparitions start targeting each of them - preying on their own personal past traumas.

While there are a few scenes that are fairly effective - namely the old man scene (starring Doug Jones of "The Shape of Water" fame, whose part is but a mere minute-and-a-half, tops), which was kind of creepy and also a part involving a ghostly chicks' head and neck contorting which looked alright. Though, aside from these brief moments, the movie is MUCH too long and incredibly drawn out. None of the bland back stories touched uon mattered at all to me and the overall execution of the story felt aimless to a frustrating extent. Had the more 'interesting' scenes come across as less of an obvious 'seize the opportunity' of getting Doug Jones and Lance Henriksen for a VERY limited time, which is highly toutable for the films cover, I think the movie would've played out much better; and especially if they tightened up the story and done a little more editing to cut down on tedium. Again, I can kinda see where they wanted to go with this, but unfortunately, it was a swing and a miss.