Destricted (2006)

My only real interest in checking this out was for the contributions from Larry Clark and Gaspar Noé - two film-makers responsible for past work I hold in rather high regard. "Destricted" is a collection of 'arthouse'-porno shorts that's supposedly meant to 'blur that line' between 'art' and smut. For the most part, it's about as pretentious as it sounds. I guess I'll just give a brief run-down on each film. Note - the U.S. version I have is different (and slightly longer...) than the UK release, which contains a few films swapped from my version.

First up is "Hoist" - directed by Matthew Barney of the "Cremaster" series. You got a three-and-a-half minute close-up of a twitching, unclipped cock gradually getting hard. Cut to a work crew uprooting a tree. Then, the guy whose dick we saw earlier (listed in the credits as Blooming Greenman...) is inside some machinery with a radish up his ass, rubbing his dick on jizz-covered mechanisms until he's erect.

Next one is called "House Call". This one just looks like someone stuck a camera in front of a TV playing a '70s porno and set it to eerie music...

This is followed by "Cooking" which, like the previous film, was the work of a one-time film-maker. A chick blows a guy with a crystal dick until it turns into some kind of gelatinous mush. She then pisses into a bunch of glass vases. Afterwards, he fucks her with a new crystal dick, which she ends up pulling off and smashing. She then feeds him his crystal dick shards and her piss. Then he shits onto a plate and she eats it. It ends with her graphically shitting out a new crystal dick and it's happily ever after...

Up next is "Green Pink Caviar". A woman licks various colors and consistencies of liquid and slime off of glass as the camera is positioned under it. And this goes on for 8-minutes.

Followed up by "Scratch This" - another vintage porn exerpt that someone tampered with and tried to pass off as an 'art film'. This one shows an all girl three-way, only each frame of their faces and holes has been scratched out...

On to Larry Clark's segment, titled "Impaled". Clark holds a casting call for male porn actors. He interviews a bunch of innocuous dullards who talk about their sex lives before settling on some scrawny skater wuss who wants to pop his anal cherry with a chick. Out of the vacuous porn girls he gets to choose from, he picks an insatiably horny 40-year old and they shoot their scene.

Next is a very short animated film by Cecily Brown which features painted images of sex and 'money shots'.

Lastly, is Gaspar Noé's "We Fuck Alone" - easily the best and most harrowing of the set. The film alternates focus between a young man and woman in their separate bedrooms getting off to the same porno. She's using a teddy bear, while he uses a blow-up doll. He seems to be having a much harder time gaining any satisfaction from his masturbatory aid as he finds different positions for the doll and eventually starts 'degrading' it with a gun. A jarring strobe effect is used throughout the whole thing...

All of these films sucked except for the last two - with Noé's being the stand-out piece. But even THAT went on a bit too long, I thought. Clark's addition (the only one with any dialog...) was a disappointment and incredibly dull. The others were just pompous attempts at unarousing 'artistic/shock' material or just lazy reworkings of retro-porn. I feel like "Destricted" was a missed opportunity that could've benefited from the involvement of better film-makers.

Never a Tender Moment (1979)

Very obscure S&M short from the 'golden age' of porn. Coming in at roughly 28-minutes, "Never a Tender Moment" was apparently a live show - featuring the great Marilyn Chambers - that was recorded at some theater in San Francisco back in the day.

Beginning with a back-stage interview with a nude Marilyn talking about her swollen asshole -it's then, basically, just her getting whipped and paddled by a couple of trashy, "Rocky Horror"-looking dominatrixes. At one point they attach a leash to her labia ring and drag her around a little bit. They ram her ass with a huge black dildo, fist her with a Crisco slathered gloved hand - followed by a slow-motion upside-down bondage scene. It then ends with Marilyn saying her S&M fantasy is to fuck Bigfoot...

Not the 'roughest' thing I've ever come across, but it's an enjoyable little hardcore rarity. Marilyn looks good and takes it like a champ, so what else can you possibly ask for? If you can find it, it's worth a look for vintage porn buffs.

Squirmfest (1989)

This is a pretty notorious title in the realm of Japanese "scat" films and in terms of what I was expecting, it completely met my expectations. I'm not exactly into scat flicks, but I like the "freak show" elements that derive from this type of shit...

"Squirmfest" starts with a chick eating an entire plate of night crawler-laced noodles, followed by a glass of milk - also filled with worms. She then plays piano while eventually taking a shit on the floor. Her instructor (I assume that's who he is) forces her to eat her maggot covered shit. There's some fucking, piss drinking, beetle eating, more fucking, shit-on-face, etc...

That's pretty much it. Nasty stuff. The scenario (piano teacher and student) doesn't really "work" due to the fact that the camera crew is visible in nearly every shot, but what do ya expect. Clearly, "Squirmfest" is hard one to track down and it's defiantly NOT WORTH tracking down unless you dig this type of "extreme" fetish filth.

Hot Summer in the City (1976)

"Hot Summer in the City" is a decent blaxploitation/XXX-roughie. Not as 'nasty' as I usually prefer, but still sleazy enough to keep me somewhat entertained.

A teenage girl is dropped off after a date to find her mom getting boned by multiple dudes so she runs off. She's later found wandering the dark streets by a car-load of horny negros who chase her down and haul her back to the cabin where they're hiding out in preparation for a big race-war. There, they make their new honkey slut into their servant and gamble over who gets to fuck her - which ends up being pretty much all of them - including their retarded midget flunky  who usually just jerks off in the corner. Shit ends up hitting the fan when one of the guy's jealous black girlfriend shows up...

Not a bad 'hardcore' exploit- flick, overall. Wasn't really as 'rough' as it probably could've been, but it's full of interracial sexual abuse and whitey-hating jive talk - all you can and SHOULD expect from one of these 'blaxploit'-roughies. Not the best, but worth a look for uber-sleaze fans.

Zodiac Rapist (1971)

"Zodiac Rapist" is nothing all that special, as far as XXX-'roughies' go. I guess I was hoping it would be a bit more filthy and rapey, but it's not really the case...

A pervy detective is on the trail of The Zodiac Rapist - an unmasked horndog, played by the great John Holmes who looks kinda like Ed Wood here, for some reason - running around and assaulting women.

The "plot" here is about as bare-bones as you can get, with about as much sex crammed into it's quick runtime as humanly possible. Even when the detective is speeding to a crime scene, he's getting some sloppy 'road head'. Nice. Props go out to the non-stop sex, but as far as the rape angle goes, it doesn't take these bitches long to readily accept Holmes' massive dong. So, it's all mostly played for laughs, which, I have to say I was a bit put off by as I prefer a bit more of a 'harsh' and sleazy edge to my 'roughies'. Overall, though, it's mildly amusing, but nothing too noteworthy from this golden era of porn.

Hardgore (1976)

Well, this was a complete mess of heavily unscripted and disjointed 'vintage' horror-porno sleaze. I can't say I enjoyed it, aside from just how poorly put together it is and maybe for a quick castration scene...

A young nympho is locked away in an institution to help her overcome her sexual urges - although it turns out that the asylum is run by sex-crazed whackos who host strange, demonic, sex-filled rituals.

There's boom-mics hovering over shots, some of the choppiest editing imaginable (sentences are actually cut off mid-way through...) and a deeply disappointing lack of gore, considering the title. The movie quickly replaces any plot it appears to be setting up with constant hardcore sex scenes and Satanic orgies - lead by a chanting goof in a plastic devil mask. These scenes are fairly decent, however, again, I would've appreciated a little more HARDGORE thrown into the mix. The guillotine doggy-style execution was cool, though. Also, this may have had one of the most abrupt endings I've ever seen. I can't recommend "Hardgore" unless you're a total '70s porn completist.

The Private Afternoons of Pamela Mann (1974)

Comedy-laden pornos really ain't my thing, usually, but I ended up really digging "The Private Afternoons of Pamela Mann". It's a well shot and fairly well acted XXX-classic that actually contains a pretty solid plot to boot.

A businessman hires a private investigator to keep tabs on his potentially promiscuous wife. Turns out, the frisky minx is slutting around CONSTANTLY with random guys in the park, yuppies at conference meetings, a prostitute and a couple of rapists in one very out-of-place scene, featuring Jamie Gillis. The P.I. ends up bringing footage he secretly shot of each of her sexual encounters back to the husband where they analyze it, in hopes of getting to the root cause of her nymphomania...

This is a fun one. Probably the best intentially comedic porn I've seen. Good enough characters, along with some goofy humor and arousing 'hardcore' scenes - including a hot lesbo scissoring session and a super-slo-mo cumshot. For vintage smut enthusiasts, this is a must see.

Fuk Fuk à Brasileira (1986)

Here is, yet another, Brazilian porn oddity that I'm struggling to formulate an opinion for, though I don't think it's possible. There were no English subtitles, but I honestly don't think it would've mattered either way due to how strange "Fuk Fuk à Brasileira" (aka. "Fuk Fuk the Brazilian") was.

The movie is centered around Fuk Fuk - a Brazilian midget servant - who flushes himself down the toilet to escape his male master's sexual advances. He pops out of the sewer and travels around with his dildo collection - along the way, having a freaky affair with a married woman, working in a seedy massage parlor, jerking off to a statue he stares at through a board with a hole in it, meeting a talking horse, whacking off on a Marilyn Monroe poster and getting jizzed on by a huge, robotic donger...

"Fuk Fuk" is some bizarre shit, to say the least. You can't go wrong with horny midgets wielding dildos and playing with fireworks, though. It's definitely a good time following Fuk Fuk on his strange, erotic journey so you can't go wrong, here!

K3: Prison of Hell (2009)

"K3: Prison of Hell" is some pretty straight-forward exploitation-sleaze from Andreas Bethmann - at least it looked that way, considering I couldn't completely understand the German dialog.

The inmates at a female prison, located deep in the jungle, are subjected to cruel, sexual experimentations and brutal torture...

That's basically the bulk of what the flick has to offer and, based on my own particular preference in film, it felt a bit odd being so bored with something like this. I guess I couldn't help but expect a little more. It's literally scene-after-scene of blowjob-by-gunpoint, which gets a tad tiresome when dealing with a 100-minute runtime. Also, maybe if these scenes were a little more on the "rough" side it would've played out a little better for me, but it all seemed too "tame" for my liking (aside from a painful fisting attempt...). The final ten minutes or so DOES depict a nasty scene of gory torture, which was alright, but the majority of the film drags on too much without anything of interest once the third or fourth BJ comes and goes. The few decent scenes don't really make up for what a bore this one is. Bethmann has some better sleaze flicks that I've seen, but I gotta say I'm not his biggest fan, overall.

The Texas Vibrator Massacre (2008, Rob Rotten)

"The Texas Vibrator Massacre" is definitely one of the better classic horror 'pornifications' I've seen, being that it takes itself much more seriously than your average XXX 'spoof'.

A van full of porn stars are lost on some rural back road (not in Texas...). They flag down some greasy-headed punker whom they offer a ride in exchange for some directions. He immediately pulls out a knife and stabs two of them to death while the rest run off in a panic. One of the girls is snatched up by this movie's Leatherface equivalent while the two others encounter other members of the deranged, perverted family. Everyone fucks, some are killed. Pretty much everyone gets their big scene...

Like most of these porn parodies, it runs a bit too long, but I gotta give this one a pass for actually delivering on the offensive sleaziness that many flicks like this tend to cop out on. We got heavy incest themes and a big, generator-powered vibrator that is used to pulverize a woman's insides. Still, the majority of the films content is of a basic 'erotic' nature. That's all fine, I just would have liked to have seen a little more violence thrown into the mix, including more vibrator massacres. In all, "The Texas Vibrator Massacre" is a much better horror-porn 'homage' than the weakass "Friday the 13th" parody or many others I've seen. It actually has a good amount of horror motifs and some structure to it's smut-laden storyline.

A Climax of Blue Power (1975, F.C. Perl)

This happens to be one of the more story-driven 'roughies' out there - consisting of a bit more character depth then you might expect from this type of nasty and violent '70s porno. It all comes together fairly well if you enjoy very gritty XXX-ploitation.

A power-hungry security guard poses as a police officer in his down time in order to rape/sexually degrade women. During his "off duty" hours, he witnesses a woman murder her abusive husband in their home and becomes obsessed with bringing her to justice so he'll be accepted by law enforcement - or so he assumes. It all leads up to an exceptionally bat-shit crazy ending...

The acting is surprisingly decent and the overall concept is interesting and well executed, for the most part. You get a good 'spread' of hardcore scenes, involving a massage parlor three-way and some harsh strap-lashings and rape. And it's topped off with a car chase, so it's safe to say that "A Climax of Blue Power" does NOT disappoint on all accounts if you happen to dig this golden era of sleazy 'roughie' filth. It's not the best or most fucked up of it's kind, I must say, but still well worth checking out.

Screeched (2006, Dustin Diamond)

I could give a fuck about any celebrity sex tape out there - especially one starring the guy who played Screech in the early 90s teen shitcom, "Saved by the Bell". That said, how can you possibly stay away from this type of shit? A former child star wash-up engaging in a POV three-way with a couple of sluts - eh, what the hell... Unfortunately - but not surprisingly - this thing sucks HARD...

So it starts with Screech talking to the camera about fuck-knows-what before cutting to him in a bubble bath with his presumed girlfriend. She fumbles with his dick under the suds while they discuss what they're gonna have for dinner (for what had to have been 10+ minutes) and the scene cuts off right before they supposedly have sex. Next, we shift over to the setting in which the rest of this abomination takes place - a hotel room following a bachelorette party. Apparently, these two whores are serious Screech groupies who crave his dorky pud. An ungodly amount of time is spent with Screech rifling through her sex toy gifts before the two pudgy (yet passable) prostitutes start fooling around. The one idiotic bitch attempts to put a condom on Screech's below-average size prick for no less than five minutes, the women sixty-nine a bit, there's some double-sided dong ass play and then it ends with a "dirty sanchez".

First off, Screech admitted in interviews that this shit was staged, using a 'stunt cock' and that he did it merely to cash in on the celebrity sex tape craze initiated by brainless bimbo/uber-slut, Paris Hilton. So this fucking retard fakes a sex tape and releases it himself, completely misunderstanding the voyeuristic appeal of the "genuinely" leaked sex videos. What you have here is a self-absorbed douchebag Jew-faced has-been who made a video of himself simply not shutting the fuck up for 52 minutes. All he does is yell "Duuuuuuude!" and "Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about!" while watching the two dykes chew carpet. His attempts at humor and witty improv are beyond irritating and so cringe-inducing that it becomes unwatchable VERY early on. "Screeched" has all the porno appeal of one of those childish "Girls Gone Wild" gimmicks that just so happens to star a totally pathetic, directionless former-star fuck up whose resentment towards the industry that spit him out would undoubtedly lead him to bar stabbing in Wisconsin.

Club Satan: The Witches Sabbath (2007, Shaun Bugbee)

There's not really much to dislike when it comes to just straight-up satanic porn and that's precisely what we're talkin', here. Light on plot, heavy on blasphemous XXX-smut...

A Catholic schoolgirl is having a plethora of sexually deviant fantasies involving incest, violence and Satan. Because of this, she is kicked out of school, but finds acceptance with a devil worshipping cult lead by Satan, himself.

Although it kinda drags a little bit at the end during the big, bloody gangbang - the sacrilegious 'edge' is what gives "Club Satan: The Witches Sabbath" it's entertainment value. Lots of vaginal crucifix abuse, Satan getting his ass eaten, some piss/blood drinking, jerking off on Jesus statues and some brief footage from a Dark Funeral concert tacked on at the tail end (their music is featured throughout the metal-packed soundtrack). Generally, it has a pretty straight-forward porno 'style' to it in the way that it was obviously suppose to be 'whack worthy', so that's a definite plus. However, it's more enjoyable for the 'outrageous' satanic content. Worth checking out for non-Christian smut hounds.

Water Power (1977, Shaun Costello)

Easily, "Water Power" ranks as one of the finest samplings of XXX-"roughie" filth out there. I'm also convinced this is the best 'story' idea ever shaped into a film...

A voyeuristic degenerate hits up a sex club one night where he is, at his own request, familiarized with the process of administering a colonic. He takes an immediate liking to the whole practice and perception of cleansing a woman's "dirty" insides. Once equip with his own enema kit, homeboy takes to the streets - determined to flush out those nasty "whores", starting with his neighbor, whom he sees getting boned by her boyfriend. Following this violating water-rape, the cops are on the trail, but the Enema Bandit isn't done. He spots two sisters eating each other out and decides to help 'em out by filling their bowels with fluid at gunpoint whilst subsequently getting his rocks off...

Plenty of blow jobs, some full-on sex, and of course, rectal water-spray! None of it is arousing in ANY sense, but I assure you it's all so ludicrous that it's hard not to laugh at. Jamie Gillis plays the insane, sleazy, misogynist enema-obsessed nut job exceptionally well and needs to be commended for being able to spank his monkey in bathtubs of brown water... That's legendary, if you ask me! Check out "Water Power" if you want a ridiculous and nasty 70s horror-porno oddity...

Emocoes Sexuais de Um Jegue (1986, Renalto Alves, Sady Baby)

Some pretty crazy and largely unarousing Brazilian porn, here. There also appeared to be some kind of story along with it, as well, that I was unable to pick up on entirely due to the lack of English subtitles, but it really doesn't matter, overall.

It kicks off with some coffin sex, some lesbian skinny dip action, then a couple of hairy dudes in two lengthy scenes of 'hardcore' gay sex. One of these scenes shows them "fingercuffing" a black guy in a pink nighty... Eventually, there's a incredibly long orgy and few scenes involving animals...

Like I said, there's nothing remotely arousing about "Emocoes Sexuais de Um Jegue" - aka. "Sexual Emotions of a Donkey" - mainly due to the excessive amount of bearded guy-on-guy butt-banging that just ain't my thing, but it's pretty hilarious and entertaining, nonetheless. There's a pretty graphic scene in which two chicks and a guy get 'busy' with a horse, which may not sit well with some people, so consider yourself warned. In all, it's a little slow in spots, but you can't go wrong with all the XXX-sleaze material on tap, here. Plus, all the out-of-place music was hilarious.

The Devil Inside Her (1977, Zebedy Colt)

Some fun, demonic porno-horror from XXX-sleaze maestro, Zebedy Colt. This is one of his better movies I have seen that dishes out a hefty dose of weirdness as well as the 'hardcore' material you would expect...

The toe-headed farmhand has a secret romance going on with the farmer's daughter that goes south when daddy finds them in the throes of passion (just making out) one day. The strapping young lad is sent on his way and the daughter is mercilessly whipped by the over-zealous, God-fearing father. After her punishment, she runs into the woods to look for him while it is revealed that her sister also has the hots for the hunky hillbilly. The sis gets the attention of the big-dicked devil (who is wearing Gene Simmons makeup) who sends her to some witch who concocts a potion made of weird shit, including bone fragments and a guy's cum. She drinks it, gets super horny and is boned by the shape-shifting devil. This happens for a while, she gets off with ears of corn and carrots and we conclude with a big trippy orgy, starring Annie Sprinkle.

Ya got plenty of goofiness, over-acting, 'hardcore' sex - including tons of giant bush and a little golden shower action - and just flat-out strangeness. I enjoyed "The Devil Inside Her" for the most part. It tends to drag a little here n' there, which is expected from this type of thing, but overall, it's one of Zebedy Colt's better 'roughie' flicks with a fairly interesting satanic horror 'edge'. Recommended for 70s porn lovers.

Official Friday the 13th Parody (2010, Gary Orona)

So yeah, the "Friday the 13" porn parody... Excuse me, the "official" F13 porn parody. I wouldn't want to lump this one in with all the imposters floating around out there. It's nothing more than exactly what you'd expect...

A group of porn actors are renovating the Crystal Lake Nudist Camp. They have their sex scenes and then are killed off by a big-dicked Jason Voorhees, shooting flesh eating jizz.

Frankly, I think XXX parodies typically suck and in the case of the F13 porno, the 'parody' element is pretty much nonexistent. Now, I realize they have to maintain a certain degree of pornographic integrity and I'm 100% onboard with that. However, if you establish that Jason's mutant donger spews toxic, flesh eating moisture missiles, then at least back it up with some kind of visual payoff. Throw some bloody science class skeletons in there or something. Hell, I don't expect Rick Baker-esque FX, but they literally just show people getting sprayed with killer jizz and that's it.

The fuck scenes were all fairly decent - the best being the first, due to all the ass play and the chick's dirty talk. You got your usual 'heavy-hitters' of the industry, such as Courtney Cummz, Asa Akira, Kagney Linn Karter and Tabitha Stevens pops up for a minute. It's all standard porn sex so those of you with freako kinks shouldn't get excited.

Overall, it's a fine skin-flick, but doesn't work as a porno parody. This kinda thing only really "works" when having known characters fuck each other, i.e "Seinfeld", "The Simpsons", whatever. If anything, they should've had Jason fuck some of 'em with his giant, killer piece. I'd definitely be 'singing a different tune' right now.

E.T. - The Porno (1996, Lidko Entinger & Siggi Entinger)

I have no qualms calling this THE most odious, cockamamie porn-parody ever made. Not to mention, one of the least arousing...

First, the "plot": A female E.T. lands on Earth with hopes of learning our customs. She happens to go looking around a Victorian-style mansion where the residents do nothing but bang each other. After peeping in a few doorways, E.T. decides that she wants to get involved... And these people are more than accommodating...

First off, E.T. looks like a mound of sun-baked dog shit that was crudely sculpted into a human-esque shape and fitted around an anorexic porn actress. The costume looks like it was constructed out of garbage bags that had once been filled with excrement then, at the last minute, they ripped a hole around her vagina and nipples so these limp-dicked German guys in top hats could fuck this friendly alien. Speaking of E.T. getting fucked - the visual alone is as unappealing as watching your grandmother gape her pussy and talk about the "good ol' days" - but the sounds it makes are beyond disturbing. It moans like an old, wounded cat being fucked to death. The other sex scenes - the ones NOT involving E.T. - are easier to stomach, but still not all that 'erotic'. They refuse to shed their wardrobe so you've got a lot of awkward, fluffy, Victorian era dresses getting hiked up and creepy, German groaning.

That's basically all I got on "E.T. - The Porno". It's terrible and there is NO reason for it's existence, though if curiosity gets the better of you, like it did with me, than by all means; hunt it down.

Daydream (1981, Tetsuji Takechi)

 

 

Finding it hard to come up with the proper words to assess a film like "Daydream". It's really a strange medley of genre's, ranging from pinku-eiga, to 'arthouse' surrealism, to hardcore porn, as well as containing some more familiar horror elements. The plot really jumps around crazily and my version didn't come with any English subs, although the dialog is pretty minimal so I didn't have to struggle too bad with figuring out what was going on...

A young man and woman - both strangers - go into a dentist's office together. He passes out due to the anesthesia and has a series of bizarre and perverse dreams involving the chick being pursued and sexually brutalized by the dentist, who happens to be a vampire.

The sleaze-factor is pretty steadfast here and occasionally entertaining. When this chick gets naked, she STAYS naked - getting hog-tied and beaten, going through a soapy car wash, sneaking out of a hotel lobby and trying to run up the "down" side of a department store escalator to escape the rapey Japanese equivalent to Dracula. All nekkid! Good shit. There's also quite a few 'hardcore' scenes thrown into the mix, which was nice change-of-pace considering Japan is and was (especially back in "the day") very strict on uncensored sex. However, most of these segments weren't very arousing...

"Day Dream" isn't anything spectacular - just sort of a sleazy hodgepodge of artful porn and pinku influence with a erotic vampire annexation for good measure. At the very least, it's an interesting 'arthouse' flick with some decent production value and plenty of weirdness. Worth a look for fans of Jap-smut.

The Flintstones: A XXX Parody (2010, Will Ryder)

Well, "The Flintstones: A XXX Parody" isn't the kind of thing that is a wild stretch of the imagination or something that you really need to see to believe. I mean, how many live-action goddamn Flintstones movies have they released so far? The concept of these cartoon characters being played by actual flesh and blood actors is nothing new. I guess all we had left was to see these characters fucking...

It begins with Fred Flintstone (with emo hair) at work where he falls asleep on his dinosaur and dreams of Wilma and Betty bumping tacos and sixty-nining for a while. Fred comes home and meets Wilma's old school chum - a caveman with full tattoo sleeves. Fred's a bit jealous and expresses this to Barney while preparing to scoop up a huge pile of Dino shit. Barney then tells him of he and Betty's last of night of sex, which we see in a 20 minute sex sequence that ends with Barney dumping his load on her twat before pushing it into her with his remaining chub and saying something about making another Bam-Bam... The possibility of conceiving a child in a porno doesn't quite sit well with me, but I'll give it a pass. An 18 year old Pebbles comes home that night and fucks Bam-Bam in her room in a surprisingly short scene ending with a nice facial. The next day, Fred's boss gives him a lecture before fucking the sexy black secretary...

You get the idea. Pretty standard porn parody with hokey lines, actors unfit for the parody game (the Betty character was a little fat) and decent enough sex scenes... I found it interesting that the Fred Flintstone actor's name in the credits was Peter O' Tool...