The Sister of Ursula (1978)

"The Sister of Ursula" is a decent 'erotic giallo' that could have certainly strengthened its overall impression on me had it upped its game on the violence factor a bit. Still, one can't complain too much with a flick so loaded with incredibly sexy naked ladies.

Two sisters - one seemingly normal and one exhibiting behavioral problems (both hot...) - arrive at a ritzy Italian hotel in search of their estranged mother to divvy up their father's inheritance with. Shortly after they show up, people around the hotel begin turning up murdered - mostly slutty women who make the mistake of paying the killer to watch them have sex from the closet before the looky-loo emerges with, what appears to be a giant hard-on (seen via shadow silhouette on the wall...). They're eventually found with mangled lady-parts and the police investigation is weighing heavy on the hotel owner. There's also some shit going on with Ursula (the mentally troubled sister...) and her apparent psychic powers and a heroin addict trying to hook up with the hotel's lounge singer...

The storyline here is a little hit-and-miss; tending to drag in spots and get a little long-winded, while throwing in a decent curve-ball here 'n' there. The kill scenes are pretty rushed, non-gory and few and far between, which definitely adds to the movies slowness at times. As I mentioned, however, the saving grace of "Ursula" is in the nudity and 'soft-core' scenes that are frequent enough to give this flick a solid recommendation.

A Woman Possessed (1975)

"A Woman Possessed" is an entertaining French 'sexploitation' sleaze-fest with a suitable amount of gore and weirdness to keep things interesting.

An artist is trying to earn his way into a faction of witches by going through a series of painful initiation rituals. Turns out, in order to become one of them, he has to get his diffident wife involved in the process. She ends up taking the brunt of the abuse as her hubby begins fucking one of the head witches in hopes of spawning an offspring that will fully indoctrinate him into their coven...

First off - as other reviews I have read have confirmed - the subtitles to this one shouldn't be read too intently as they really don't make much sense. This I noticed as well, but I would say it doesn't really matter. The movie comes across just fine based on it's visual merits with plenty of newd dancing, rape and whippings. You also got a chick being groped by a lizard-man in a cave and ceremonial human cum/chicken blood drinking. This one does NOT disappoint. Definitely recommending "A Woman Possessed" to 70s sleaze-hounds!

31 (2016)

I'm actually kinda torn on this one. On one hand, it's Rob Zombie's most shamelessly gore-charged, 'violent-music-video' style movie since his debut, "House of 1000 Corpses" - a flick I've always admittedly dug for that particular 'tone'. On the other, "31" appears to be his most phoned-in film to date. Zombie made it abundantly clear in an interview about this movie where he basically says that this was just a money-maker to help fund his next passion project. In all fairness, I can't say I care too much in the end, but compared to most of his other movies (good or bad...), his candid apathy DOES resonate on-screen with this one.

The set-up is that of your usual -  RV of people traveling the rural back roads (this time it's a group of carnies...) are ambushed by a gang of goons after finding some creepy scarecrows blocking the road. Half of the carnie crew is killed, the other half are kidnapped and whisked off to a factory where some "Eyes Wide Shut" creeps in powdered wigs force them to play "31". The annual Halloween-set 'game' involves placing their captives in a "Most Dangerous Game"-type of situation for 12-hours and forcing them to fight for their lives against a series of armed clown sadists while 'odds' are stacked on the likelihood of their survival...

That's essentially the movie. Very little time is put into character development or establishing any kind of 'build-up' or suspense. It's essentially just showing you the soon-to-be victims long enough to know you don't give a fuck about them and then clown carnage. Think "Battle Royal", just dumbed WAY down. Zombie simply rehashed that extremely familiar concept, hyped it to his fans to get crowd-funding and then just jammed in everything he has become known for during his film-making career: clowns, Sherri Moon Zombie, over-the-top redneckery, colorful/graffiti-covered sets and gore. And, I must concede, it's hard to totally hate something like this. Unless of course you hate everything Rob Zombie has done or dislike violent/'vulgar' films in general. Perhaps I'm being too 'nice', but picking apart a movie like "31" is redundant because it's just there to serve as mindless, wacky eye-candy of chainsaw-vag mutilation, Spanish Nazi-clown midgets, throat-slittings, skull-crushings, etc. It's a 'funhouse' flick of visual 'flash'. That said, my most major gripe with "31" would be that it could've gone a bit 'harder' with the gore. Based on the hype, I was expecting quite bit more 'graphic' shit outta this one. Also, that shaky-cam bullshit got in the way of some of the 'action', which was annoying. But in all... fuck it. I thought this flick was entertaining enough. I liked it a lot better than that bore-fest, "Lords of Salem".

Demon Wind (1990)

I can't quite go so far as to peg "Demon Wind" as a terrible movie, but it's definitely close to one. It's just a real disjointed - albeit, seemingly ambitious - "Evil Dead" knock-off that gets way too wrapped up in it's over-explained plot and poor pacing...

A group of young friends head up to the family farm of one of them who has been having bad dreams about the place and his family history and wants to know what killed his grandparents there, years ago. They find that the place was burned down, but still acts as a sort of 'portal' to a demonic spirit world where they become trapped and dogged by mobs of creatures.

The biggest problem I had with "Demon Wind" was the over-abundance of back story exposition that eats up a good portion of about the first two-thirds of the movie. It's really slow up until almost an hour in, then we start getting some gooey-faced demons which works, but never really takes the movie into any kind of exceedingly 'exciting' or interesting territory. It just becomes a "Night of the Living Dead" rehash, mixed with some "Evil Dead" and finishes off with a totally random, nonsensical, slapped-on ending. On the plus side, the make-up effects are pretty good. Not the worst flick, but far from anything you should go out of your way to try to hunt down...

Tenebrae (1982)

"Tenebrae" has been among quite a few Dario Argento movies I have been meaning to check out for a while, but just haven't been in the right 'mindset'. I am far from a seasoned 'giallo' viewer - never totally getting 'into' them like some people, but occasionally finding one that is entertaining enough and "Tenebrae" is definitely one of the best I've seen, despite a few flaws.

A New York crime novelist becomes involved in a murder investigation while on a book tour in Rome after a young woman is found slain with pages from his latest work crammed down her throat. More victims begin turning up and the hunt is on for the elusive, ruthless killer who seems to be targeting people the writer has connections with...

Aside from a few exceedingly implausible moments, I thought the story and 'mystery' element was solid enough up until the ending, that is, which I found to be kind of a convoluted cluster-fuck - containing flashbacks and hazy motives. Thankfully, the climax didn't skimp on the gore, so it gets a definite 'pass' from me. The rest of the prior kills are pretty bloody too - involving razor-slashing and gruesome axe mutilations. Argento even includes his 'trademark' of sending a girls bloody head through a pane of glass. Good stuff. Little bit of nudity as well to round out a pretty damn entertaining 'giallo' entry. Definitely one of Argento's best that I've seen.

A Garden Without Birds (1992)

"A Garden Without Birds" is a gory slice of Japanese surrealist sleaze with, obviously, not much of a straight-forward storyline but for what it was, I guess it was okay...

Some yuppie freakos convene in a hotel room for a night of S&M and drugs, but things take a 'turn' when one of them commits suicide in the bathroom and the rest of the party descends into a violent, psychedelic-fueled mind-fuck stupor. There's several flashbacks and hallucinations a few of them have, involving a girl getting her head run over by a dump truck and a newborn baby being roasted over a fire... Then they all kill each other with various objects.

I'm not really sure how to go about summing this one up, but it's short and kept the gore and strangeness coming so, in that token, I'd say I enjoyed it for the most part...

Amoklauf (1994)

I've made it clear in past reviews that I haven't hated everything that Uwe Boll has done like a lot of people (quite a bit of it IS shit, however...), but one of his earlier films, "Amoklauf", isn't what I would consider his crowning achievement. That said, it's immensely better than his bullshit video game adaptations that followed some years later.

We basically see a day-in-the-life of a serial killer as he works as a waiter during the day and spends the night in his disgusting bedroom, watching German "Price Is Right", "Faces of Death" and porn. As he's masturbating, he gets a knock at the door from his attractive female neighbor, whom he attacks before continuing to jerk off while she watches during her last few moments alive. He then goes on a shooting spree in a park...

"Amoklauf" definitely has that German serial killer movie 'feel' - sort of like a more uneventful, less 'disturbing' take on Jorg Buttgereit's film, "Schramm". The 'tone' obviously is very much darker than anything else I have seen from Boll and his more recent, 'mainstream' stuff, though it just felt too padded out to me with the "Faces of Death" footage and porn. Overall, it's not a bad flick. Definitely watchable if you like nasty, austere serial killer movies. As far as Uwe Boll's filmography goes, I'd put it in the top three. It's got a scummy 'feel' and the end massacre was fairly well done.

Crawlspace (1986)

Not sure where it came from, but I recently felt I was long overdue for a rewatching of "Crawlspace" seeing as how it had been well over a decade since I'd last seen it. Plus, Klaus Kinski is fucking awesome and can pretty much make anything watchable... And that's pretty much what happens here.

Kinski plays the landlord of a apartment complex of which he only seems to rent to attractive young women. Reason? Well, he enjoys crawling around in the ducts and peeping in on them, preferably undressing and/or having sex. He also has little gizmo's rigged up around the building, such as a little trapdoor for which to allow rats into rooms as well as a few stabbing contraptions methodically placed here and there. When some guy beings sleuthing around, accusing Kinski of coming from a sadist Nazi background, the newest lady-tenant finds out some sinister shit and gets on the demented landlord's bad side...

"Crawlspace" is quite an unremarkable movie, overall. Not to say it's BAD, it's just kind of basic and one-note. Kinski is entertaining, of course - pulling off a pretty effective and creepy performance that keeps the movie rolling along. But, otherwise, there's nothing at all really stand-out about this. There's not much gore to speak of, very little nudity (some obligatory nips through specially cut bra-holes is pretty much it...) and not much emphasis is put on character development or 'growth'. Still, it's worth checking out for Kinski who acts as the saving grace for this flick...

Don't Look in the Basement (1973)

"Don't Look in the Basement" (aka. "The Forgotten") is a very entertaining and remarkably well directed horror-exploitation flick. Not so much an ultra-sleazy 'gore film' or anything of that nature (though there's enough to satisfy those seeking such bloody 'perks'...), but what it lacks in that department, it makes up for in crazy fuckers acting all crazy and shit.

A rural mental facility becomes grossly understaffed when two of their doctors are murdered by a few of the more deranged patients so a new, attractive female faculty member is hired on. It doesn't take too long for the house full of wackadoos to unnerve the new arrival with their violent outbursts and dark little secrets tucked away in the basement (and elsewhere, too...).

Considering it clearly had such a minuscule budget and is pretty low on violence for the bulk of it's run-time, I still always find "Don't Look in the Basement" to be an immensely fun watch. The characters are well-portrayed (despite some so-so acting here n' there...) and interesting - sometimes in more funny ways; others more dismal - and the pacing is spot on. There's also a pretty solid 'twist' ending to top things off, along with some axe mutilation. This film is definitely a MUST for 'exploitation' fans or those who enjoy asylum-set horror movies and the like.

Don't Go in the House (1979)

"Don't Go in the House" is a very entertaining piece of dark, unapologetic 'trash' - acting as sort of a drive-in/exploitation take on Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho". It's also very much along the lines of another clasSICK from 1980, "Maniac".

A meek 'mamma's boy' completely snaps after the death of the overbearing hag and starts luring women back to his house and torching them with a flamethrower in a fire-proof room he has constructed. He starts hoarding the charred up broads, along with his mother's corpse while desperately trying to find more young women to add to his gruesome collection. While this is going on, one of his good-intentioned co-workers senses something is a bit 'off' about the guy and attempts to pull him out of his antisocial rut by developing more of a closer friendship with him...

Not a lot of straight-up gore in this one - but you DO get a few scenes of naked babes going up in flames, courtesy of our tweaked out 'hero' and a few other fairly memorable parts. Like a little mishap in a disco (also fire-related...). The overall 'essence' of the movie is pretty mean and twisted so I guess that's where most of my appreciation for it stems. It's not the most well known film of it's kind or the best, but "Don't Go in the House" is definitely one to grab up if you're into 'trashy' slasher flicks.

Don't Stop My Crazy Love For You (1993)

Some more fun stuff from our HK friends! This one is done up right with some very entertaining violence and sleaze, as well as a good premise and topped with the usual CATIII strangeness for good measure.

A popular young female reporter is being stalked by a businessman who has an insatiable obsession with her. His apartment (wall-papered with pictures of her...) is adjacent to hers, where he watches her through a huge telescope and interacts with a mannequin that he has dressed like her. At one point he, himself, dresses up as her and interacts with the mannequin (which, I guess represented HIM...). When he becomes aware of her boyfriend, he amps up the 'crazy' and begins infiltrating her life - via, breaking into her home, sending threatening phone calls and eventually resorting to murder and rape...

"Don't Stop My Crazy Love For You" isn't the best I've seen of the CATIII variety (don't expect "Red to Kill" or "The Untold Story"...), though it IS very enjoyable if you're a fan of these types of films, which I very much am. Great pacing, well acted - with some decent suspense and a strong, erotic - as well as pretty violent - 'climax'. This one definitely comes recommended highly!

Don't Breathe (2016)

There definitely seems to be a resurgence of higher quality American horror films hitting the theaters lately. "Don't Breathe" is a fantastic flick that's rife with suspense and throws in a pretty fucked up 'twist'...

Three petty Detroit thieves break into upscale homes and take just enough shit to avoid what would amount to a felony. Not scoring nearly enough cash to make it out of the God-forsaken, derelict city, they get word of a blind war vet who is sitting on a 300-grand settlement so they figure it'd be a cinch to break into his house and lift it. Turns out, what this guy lacks in sight he makes up for, ten fold, in stomping mud-holes in the asses of intruders. Once trapped inside his domicile, the petrified criminals are forced to take the film's title to heart and not let the gun-toting blind badass hear them breathe as they look for a way out.

I honestly can't find a whole lot wrong with "Don't Breathe". This is one suspenseful, well-structured and excellently paced horror movie. One of the best I've seen in a long time. The blind man character is terrifically merciless toward his trespassers and - during an unexpected turn of events - it becomes much more open-to-question as to whether or not he is totally the 'victim' or not. Definitely did NOT see that shit coming! I'll never touch a turkey baster again... Gotta hand it to Fede Alvarez as "Don't Breathe" knocks his previous "Evil Dead" remake out of the water. Hopefully he sticks with his own concepts from now on and keeps turning out shit of this caliber, cuz I'm certainly impressed. Along with "The Witch", I had two surprisingly enjoyable trips to the theater this year.

Don't Go in the Woods (1981)

Just to be fair, I lost interest in "Don't Go in the Woods" well before the halfway mark so this review is going to have to be only specific to the parts I happened to glance up at every so often...

An insane mountain man is running around the woods outside of a small town, murdering campers, hikers and whoever else happens to be around...

There's really nothing else going on, aside from a morbidly obese sheriff and his deputy wondering about the string of deaths occurring in their woods. Yeah, aside from that... it's just random people being stalked and killed off in cheesy, boring ways. There's really not much more I got on this one. It's a lame, cheapass, meandering piece of shit that isn't even fit to laugh at as far as I'm concerned.

Don't Torture a Duckling (1972)

While never being my favorite film from Lucio Fulci, "Don't Torture a Duckling" is definitely one of the better 'giallos' I have seen which I make a point to revisit from time to time. Not one of his 'funner' or 'sleaziest' movies, but there's enough here to sink one's proverbial teeth into, I'd say.

Dead, adolescent boys begin turning up around a rustic Italian village and the local authorities are rolling up their sleeves to find the killer. A plethora of suspects are brought into the picture, such as the town pervert, the town witch doctor and the hot rich chick that is laying low after recently turning up in a drug-related scandal. All while a determined journalist begins sifting through the accused in search of the real murderer and his/her motive...

Being one of his earlier forays into the 'giallo' market, "Duckling..." is far from his goriest work, but still has a nasty, mean-spirited 'tone' to it. Not much in the way of on-screen child killing, though the aftermath sequences are effective - involving battered kid corpses and baby remains. Not to mention the pretty 'rough' chain lashing of a woman. The extraordinarily sexy Barbara Bouchet offers up the eye-candy with an undeniably memorable nude scene (in which she sexually propositions a prepubescent boy, which was awesome...) which will certainly get your 'nethers' tingling. And, while not huge on gore and slaughter, the plot is solid enough to hold your attention with it's numerous twists and somewhat peculiar pay-off (sparks??...). For Fulci or 'giallo' fans, in general, this film is a must.

Don't Let Him In (2011)

"Don't Let Him In" is a terrific example of a film where nothing works. Clearly, zero know-how or tact was applied to every single component of this movie - be it, the story, acting, pacing, twist ending, etc - making for one truly unoriginal and ponderous horror/thriller piece of shit...

Two couples head to a vacation home in the woods where they learn that a serial killer, known as The Tree Surgeon, is on the loose. His 'thing' is dismembering people and hanging their limbs from trees. Turns out, one of their party is also a murderer who is on the run after offing his parents and when a wounded guy shows up at their door, it becomes apparent that the Tree Surgeon may be close by.

There's way too much wrong with this movie to fully get 'into', but if I were to point out a few select things - first, NO development of these characters, whatsoever. One's a slut and the rest are just unpleasant and dull. That's all we really learn. The CGI blood effects looked like shit and a particular scene of a maggot crawling out from under a guy's eyelid had me pretty confused. Also, the 'twist' at the end (or ATTEMPT at one...) was beyond obvious and ridiculously cliche. The level of incompetence it had to have taken to make something as vapid and devoid of 'style' as "Don't Let Him In" is actually the only interesting aspect of this flick. Avoid this...

A Christmas Horror Story (2015)

"A Christmas Horror Story" is essentially the Yuletide equivalent of 2007's Halloween anthology, "Trick 'r Treat" - featuring a series of interwoven holiday-themed horror stories. I'd say both films are definitely on par with one another, in terms of quality. They're both exceptionally entertaining.

Five stories are intertwined, simultaneously (as opposed to the more episodic movies of this ilk...) - with William Shatner as a radio DJ, acting as the wrap-around, more or less. As he's working and boozing it up during Christmas, some teens sneak into the basement of their high school - which used to be a convent-turned murder scene - to shoot a documentary. A cop who was on the scene of these murders has his young son swapped out with an evil changeling while trespassing on a demon-hoarders land, while another family is pursued by a Krampus and Santa Claus battles 'infected' zombie elves at the North Pole...

Like it's aforementioned counterpart, "Trick 'r Treat", "A Christmas Horror Story" goes about capturing the 'feel' of it's respective holiday considerably well. All of the stories are enjoyable - the best, I'd say, being a toss up between the changeling one and Santa Claus, mainly for the clever 'twist' attached to the latter. There's some gory moments, some silly ones involving crazed, self-mutilating elves and a few fairly creepy parts as well. It's got it's bases covered pretty well. Overall, "A Christmas Horror Story" is a surprisingly fun and "festive" movie that I could easily see becoming a genre favorite around the Xmas season. Recommended.

Toxic Zombies (1980)

"Toxic Zombies" (aka. "Bloodeaters") is a cheapass, but reasonably watchable horror film.

During an attempted drug bust out in the woods, a couple of federal agents are murdered by a group of pot-growing hippies. In turn, some seedy government officials hire a crop duster to drop a deadly chemical on the growers and their crops - failing to consider the poison has zombifying side effects. So the zombie hippies go on a killing/eating spree throughout the woods, mostly targeting campers...

This one doesn't play out as much more than your standard zombie flick. The acting is expectedly terrible and rigid and the gore effects leave a lot to be desired. It's not the worst thing I've ever sat through, however. In all, "Toxic Zombies" isn't worth tripping over yourself to track down, as it's pretty basic and uninspired.

Would You Rather (2012)

Had this one recommended to me a short while back so I ended up checking it out recently, not really knowing all that much about it. It actually turned out to be pretty damn entertaining - reminding me a bit of the "Red Room" movies...

A dinner party is put together for an assembly of people of different ilks who are told they are going to be participating in a "game", awarding a large sum of cash to the winner. The game is, of course, 'Would You Rather' where each 'player' is given two options by a sadistic altruist, which involves either having to hurt some else in the room or themselves in some way while the butlers act as armed guards holding them captive. Unwillingness to follow through on a decision results in their immediate demise. As the game progresses, the choices they are given become more and more difficult and deadly.

"Would You Rather" isn't an especially gory or 'graphic' movie, yet it's strengths derive from some pretty enjoyable performances - namely Jeffrey Combs as the joyously demented MC. Also among some of the more recognizable cast members are John Heard, Ricky from "Trailer Park Boys" and former porn star, Sasha Grey. Again, it's not a bloodbath so stick with the "Saw" sequels if you want THAT kind of 'live-or-die-game' type movie, but still, this one has a few good squirmy scenes and a bit of suspense at times. Well worth checking out...

Human Experiments (1979)

Going into this, I guess I was expecting "Human Experiments" to be a little more of a 'sleazy' WIP exploiter, but it turned out to be more along the lines of a standard horror/thriller flick. Could've still been fine but unfortunately it wasn't...

Passing through a hick shithole town, a struggling singer winds up in a car wreck and, while searching for a phone to call for help, comes across the grisly remains of a murdered family that she is subsequently blamed for and sentenced to life. While locked away in a prison/loony bin, she comes to find that some suspicious shit is going on with the resident head-shrinker who happens to be conducting experiments on the female inmates' psyches as a way to rehabilitate/brainwash them.

There's really nothing "graphic" or interesting to speak of as to this movie. It's slow, shoddily written, contains a few off-screen deaths and an extremely anticlimactic ending. Nudity and sexual material is also drastically minimal. In all, "Human Experiments" seemed like a film with a premise that those involved had no idea how to properly execute. It fails as a horror flick and DEFINITELY fails as a WIP movie. Check out "Ilsa" "Sadomania" or "Last Orgy of the Third Reich" instead.

Uncle Sam (1996)

I don't seem to recall July 4th ever receiving the slasher treatment up until this so I guess "Uncle Sam" has SOMETHING going for it. Aside from that, it's another incredibly unremarkable 90s genre flick. Man, did Bill Lustig completely drop the ball after "Maniac"! I can't even believe he was attached to this fucking thing!

A 12-year old boy is obsessed with his uncle Sam - the war "hero" - whose helicopter was shot down in Kuwait. After his body is transported home, it comes alive for some unexplained reason and starts killing people around town during a big Fourth of July celebration...

Once all the 80s slasher shit died down it seemed like the pre-"Scream" 90s were there to scoop up any dumbass, gimmicky idea that was left and turn out some truly unmemorable toilet waste. Not that I would go about crediting Wes Craven for having improved anything as far as I'm personally concerned, but I don't think killer snowmen and Clint Howard grinding people into ice cream was really raking in those box-office horror bucks at the time so, of course, SOMETHING had to give. It's no wonder Lustig abandoned directing after this. "Uncle Sam" sums up the early-to-mid 90s perfectly with it's unenthusiastic approach and total lack of 'style'. The performances are horrendous and the kills are much too often bloodless and lame. That's pretty much all I got on this one...

Blue Velvet (1986)

My favorite David Lynch film is definitely "Blue Velvet". Hell, I would go so far as to classify this one as one of my top favorite films of all time. It's just such a fantastic 'journey' into the mysterious, lurid and completely scummy undertow of an otherwise hygienic, picturesque 1950s-ish town. Plus, it contains Dennis Hopper as easily the greatest psychopath ever portrayed on screen...

It all starts when Jeffrey finds a human ear in a vacant lot and turns it over to the local police station. A while later, when his curiosity as to their investigation leaves him with very little info, he luckily sparks up a friendship with the head detective's teenage daughter who fills Jeffrey in on a few key details pertaining to the case. He decides to do some sleuthing of his own by worming into the apartment of a lounge performer who is apparently mixed up in kidnapping case involving her family and a crazed lunatic named Frank. Jeffrey's unintended entanglement in this dangerous criminal world lands him in the clutches of Frank and his goons.

"Blue Velvet" is one of David Lynch's more 'coherent' movies - a far cry from stuff like "Eraserhead" and "Lost Highway", which, as much as I love those films, I really dig this one as a more linear structured, 'noir'-type flick. Great performances from the lovely Italian bird, Isabella Rossellini - whose performance as the frequently raped and battered club singer so drastically affected the late fucking idiot critic Roger Ebert's opinion of the film, showing what a clueless 'cuck' he was. Dennis Hopper, like I said, is phenomenal as the Nitrous Oxide huffing nutcase perv, Frank, whose sexual degradation of women is exceptionally creepy and unpredictable. His spazzed out dry-humping/beating of Rossellini in his debut scene is a pretty fucking bugged out moment, as well as the oddly surreal scene of some androgynous freako crooning into a light bulb while Frank gets misty-eyed. "Blue Velvet" is a great film that is in parts disturbing, sleazy, and intriguing.

Half Past Midnight (1988)

"Half Past Midnight" is a very standard low-budget gore short. So much so, in fact, that I've got very little to say on it so I'm going to keep this relatively brief...

A high school girl is bullied by her classmates and date raped by her teacher. One day, she is critically injured while being picked on and is taken to the hospital where even the nurses have it in for her and inject poison into her eyeball. She regains consciousness and beings exacting revenge on those that fucked with her - armed with a knife and an electric chainsaw.

Cheesy gore, incredibly straight-forward plot and minimal dialog. Can't say it's terrible, but it doesn't venture into any real over-the-top territory or do anything all that creative. It actually spends too much time on the lead-up, making for a pretty quick series of unremarkable gore scenes. Check out some of the early Alex Chandon shorts if you're feeling like some cool, crazy gore shorts...

Maniac Cop (1988)

I don't find it all that shocking that William Lustig has been out of the film directing biz for over 20 years now, seeing as how he so completely made his mark with his (non-porno) debut, "Maniac". It's one that I won't hesitate to call my absolute favorite slasher film of all time and nothing Bill has done since could stack up to the raw, depraved excellence of that masterpiece, mainly because it's obvious that Joe Spinell was the driving force behind the film's greatness. On AND off screen. "Maniac Cop" - a movie that I've had on the 'to watch' back burner for a long time - just came across as stagnant slasher tripe to me...

A shadow-shrouded lunatic in a police uniform is making his way around the mean streets of the Big Apple after dark, murdering innocent people at random. None other than Detective Tom Atkins is on the case as city residents are beginning to lose their trust in the 'boys in blue', not knowing if they're being confronted by the sadist cop. Officer Bruce Campbell ends up taking the rap when his wife is killed after catching him screwing around on her, so it's left up to him and his mistress to uncover who the sinister pig is and why he's prowling the grungy streets with such an insatiable bloodlust...

The initial concept is decent enough, but it's just that not much is done with it. It plays out like your run-of-the-mill 80s slasher fare, just without any real energy or interesting ideas to go along with a relatively cool looking killer. The mystery aspect surrounding him is eventually spoiled heavily with too much emphasis on the 'maniac cop's' back-story and a bit of a cornball ending. What I found actually worked with "Maniac Cop" was definitely the urban cesspool, pre-Giuliani New York City 'vibe' that we saw in 1980s, "Maniac". That shit always works - making you almost wish New York was that fucked up again just for the sake of urban-set cinema. Still, I didn't find much all that 'stand out' with "Maniac Cop" as a whole. Unmemorable kills, bland structure and dull plot.

The Jaguar Project (1983)

Damn, this is straight-up MY kind of war flick! "The Jaguar Project" (aka. "Cannibal Mercenary" - aka. "The Mercenary" - aka. "The Jungle Killers") - is pretty much beginning-to-end badassedness that goes above and beyond in offering up the 'exploitation' goods without much else getting in the way, aside from a little copious back-story here and there...

A soldier - all tweaked out on PTSD and with a Polio-stricken daughter - is hired on as a mercenary with a $500,000 incentive to lead a team of men into the jungles of Vietnam to locate a girl and take out an army of cannibal Viet Congs. Along the way, they're faced with a dick-chopping female spy, some baby-faced freako slope and his gang of golden showers assholes, some firecracker torture, among other such arduous obstacles.

There's not much I can think to fault this one for. It's just an all-around strong and entertaining trashfest with enough violence and gore to maintain one's interest. Not just a heads up - there are apparently several versions of this movie floating around, notably another known cut in which a subplot involving white people hunting for a Buddha artifact is spliced in and much of the "good stuff" is removed. The one I'm reviewing here is - what I can only assume to be - the fully intact version, clocking in at about 104 minutes. It's the one you want. I have not seen the other, more Westernized version, but I hear it's dog shit. You want some fun Thai action then you gotta give this little gem a spin!

Midnight Blue (1979)

"Midnight Blue" is a pretty superfluous 'exploitation' flick that's basically a tamed down knock-off of another very mediocre Italian 'rape/revenge' movie, "Last House on the Beach". Actually, I feel like I would need a side-by-side comparison just to see if they're not the same fucking movie!

Three female athletes are dropped off for the weekend at a swanky villa on the beach when a trio of escaped convicts just happen to show up for a dip. The girls foolishly decide to let the guys stay there with them since "they seem nice enough" and shit only goes south when they see some mugshots in the local paper. From there, the ladies have to defend themselves for the weekend as the guys wait for their criminal head honcho to show up (kinda like a shitty "Reservoir Dogs"...)...

There's a few 'steamy' sex scenes early on, but overall, this one is pretty 'light' as far as rape material goes. The guys in this are pretty mellow for the most part, and not all that cruel to our hapless captives. So, in that token, it's not all that engrossing of an 'exploit' movie and just moved along too slow for my liking, overall. Check out "House on the Edge of the Park" or "Night Train Murders" if you're looking for some truly primo films of this rapey ilk. I'd classify "Midnight Blue" as an obscure dud...

A Gun for Jennifer (1997)

You can typically count on a strong 'air' of feminism in a given 'rape/revenge' flick. That usually coincides with the whole 'revenge' portion, obviously. However, "A Gun for Jennifer" takes the man-hating element a few steps further to the point where I couldn't help but see some legit resentment for men emerge...

A young woman flees her abusive home life in Ohio to start over in New York City where she's almost immediately assaulted by a couple street thugs. While attempting to mug and possibly rape her, a gang of armed, masked women show up to save the day. They brutally murder the attackers and offer the new girl a place to stay. Turns out, they're a gang of vigilantes who target known rapists and chauvinist pervs around the city - usually castrating them before gleefully murdering them. At the same time, they're running a strip club which offers them ample opportunity to settle the score with their drunk, grabby male patrons. There's also a couple detectives on the case - one of which is a ball-busting feminist, herself, who can't help but agree with what the alpha-babe, prick-slicing posse is doing.

"A Gun for Jennifer" is a decent enough 'exploitation' flick, undoubtedly an homage to "Rape Squad" - aka. "Act of Vengeance". Could've been a little more graphic with the dick-cutting scenes and maybe tried to condense the run-time by nixing a few of the slower scenes, but it's still a mildly entertaining and aggressive low-budget 'girl power'/punk movie, overall.

The Boneyard (1991)

"The Boneyard" is a pretty damn entertaining indie creature flick once you get past a relatively slow-paced start. Almost seems like it could've been a straight-up serious horror up until about the last third when shit just gets crazier and crazier with demon poodles and Mr. Roper with a ponytail...

A retired, emotionally scarred psychic is coaxed out of retirement by a desperate homicide detective when a trio of supposed child corpses are discovered in an apprehended man's mortuary. It appears he held them captive there, claiming he was being controlled by otherworldly evil beings conjured in some kind of Asian ritual. When the psychic and detective head to a coroner's facility to investigate the bodies, the three evil little fuckers spring to life and run amok, devouring and spreading their contagious demonism to the terrified survivors.

This one interestingly blurs that line between silly, Peter Jackson-inspired stuff and straight-up horror, what with the creepy little flesh eating demons which, I'll say, came across as actually really effective and nasty at times, juxtaposed with the sillier, more over-the-top 'sight gag' type shit around the third act. Like a Phyllis Diller monster. Also Norman Fell is this. Not to insinuate that these qualities are BAD. Hell no! In all, "The Boneyard" is a hidden gem of 90s horror and a fun watch. If you're into "Evil Dead" and "Return of the Living Dead", I'd say you'll get a kick out of it.

Edmund Kemper Part 1: La Mort De Ma Vie (2001)

So here we got some French SOV gore flick that doesn't really delve into anything all that interesting or 'shocking', even though it clearly was attempting that. At times it almost appears to be going for an "August Underground" type of 'snuff' motif, but from what I could tell it's just a shitty VHS transfer.

The movie is pretty much made up of a guy seen cannibalizing, dismembering, and eating the pussy of a rotted corpse of a woman while occasionally leaving his home/dungeon of necro-defilement and killing random people along jogging paths. These particular scenes are ridiculous, but some of the death metal soundtrack helps it along...

The effects might have been okay, but something tells me they weren't. You can't really tell because the worn out VHS grain covers a lot and the "corpse" is so dark that it just looks like a silhouette. It's not a long movie, but shit still tends to drag on painfully long at times, like a scene of our "hero" stitching the corpses mouth shut while reciting poorly written 'crazy guy' dialog - via voice-over - and a particularly indulgent scene where he cooks and eats one of her rotted breasts. I guess there are two more of these "Edmund Kemper" movies, although I can't say I'm interested in seeking them out after this underwhelming effort.

Carl Panzram: The Spirit of Hatred and Vengeance (2011)

John Borowski's serial killer bio-trilogy hadn't really been turning me on to any real new info on it's psychopathic subjects until this latest one - detailing the life and crime-spree of Carl Panzram. I know my share of Panzram's historical timeline of gruesome, notoriously misanthropic antics from back in the early part of the 20th century but, surprisingly, Borowski dug up some interesting shit for this well-detailed rundown on the killer's life and times that I wasn't previously aware of - although I was no expert to begin with...

Carl Panzram was born in Northwest Minnesota to some typically abusive parents and was in and out of even more abusive correctional institutions most of his young (and older...) life. As a drifter and career criminal, he would go on to kill at LEAST 22 people around the world and rape roughly 1000 men and boys just out of pure anger. He was eventually hanged in Leavenworth, Kansas in 1930.

Like Borowski's previous biographical serial killer flicks, Panzram is done with interviews and dramatizations of certain shit. Unlike Borowski's last one, "Albert Fish: In Sin He Found Salvation" - which I thought only really covered the overall 'basics' of Fish's shenanigans and didn't give me all that much that I didn't already know on the man - "Panzram" proved significantly more detailed, I thought. They threw in an old video-recorded conversation with the prison guard who befriended Panzram and some mention of his ties with the Birdman of Alcatraz, of which I was unaware of. The movie stays consistently interesting, I'd say, and the guy they got to play Panzram during the prison reenactments is a great likeness. Actually looks just like him from some of the later mugshots.

In all, "Carl Panzram: The Spirit of Hatred and Vengeance" offered up quite a bit of info I wasn't yet privy to concerning one truly broken human being who was clearly shaped into the obsessively sadistic, unstoppable murderer he became by the archaic and torturous American prison system of the earlier part of the 1900's. Worth checking out if you're interested in info on this guy, although I'm not sure if Panzram die-hards will get any 'new' info out of it.

Stranger by the Lake (2013)

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Don't Deliver Us From Evil (1971)

Bad girls causing mischief, all in the name of Satan, is the name of the game in "Don't Deliver Us From Evil" - a very engrossing and oddly 'disturbing' little Euro-gem. It's based, in part, on the relationship of teenage New Zealand killers, Pauline Parker and Juliet Hulme.

A pair of rich, sexually charged Catholic schoolgirls bow out of their strict, god-fearing lifestyles and turn to the wicked embrace of Satan in order to satisfy their hormonal lust for being just plain naughty. Such activities include teasing a mentally retarded farm hand with the cruel art of seduction, fucking with the gardener (also retarded...) by killing his precious birds and snitching to the priest after catching a couple nuns dyking out. They end up getting a bit carried away in their antics when one of their lured seduction victims becomes a murder victim...

The cinematography, acting and score are all very solid. It's got a high 'sleaze factor' without being abundantly 'trashy', I thought, which mostly comes from the fact that these actresses look particularly young and they spent  a good portion of the film in highly 'suggestive' situations. However, appararntly these girls WERE of age so my conscience is hereby clear. The story is well executed and ends on a pretty 'dark' note. It's not all that factual to the Parker/Hulme case, however - having more to do with the girls' close-knit relationship and presumed lesbianism than the murder of one of their mothers, which was what actually transpired in New Zealand back in the '50s - as seen in Peter Jackson's film, "Heavenly Creatures". "Don't Deliver Us From Evil" is it's own animal, overall, portraying this bond between two inseparable girls as pretty twisted and ultimately tragic. Also conveying a possible, underlying contempt for Catholicism that I couldn't help but pick up on. I strongly recommend this one for fans of Euro-sleaze cinema.

Flesh Eating Mothers (1988)

As cheesy and idiotic as it is, "Flesh Eating Mothers" is a relatively watchable horror flick. It's kind of like if those Desperate Housewives bitches were infected by the "Rage" virus from "28 Days Later" or something...

An average suburban neighborhood erupts into cannibalistic chaos when everyone's mothers become infected with a new type of STD that makes them devour the flesh of their loved ones. The teenage children of these ravenous moms band together to find a cure without having to kill their crazed ol' ladies (who inexplicably develop Jack Nicholson 'Joker' mouths...)

Nothing all that astounding, here, although FEM is entertaining enough, overall. They could've gone a little 'harder' with the gore, I thought, but there's a few ok scenes of bodies being torn and chewed up, plus a cat getting pulled apart. Not bad. Not GREAT, though. As a whole, it doesn't take itself seriously at all and, for the most part, keeps moving at a decent enough pace, as to circumvent too much boredom. I'm giving "Flesh Eating Mothers" a moderate recommendation if you dig Troma-esque shit, but there's no reason to go out of your way for this one...

The Brain (1988)

I had no real expectations going into "The Brain" since I knew nothing about it, and I was left pretty blank when all was said and done. There's really nothing good about this flick (aside from the one chick who was willing to take her top off, twice...), but I can't just flat out call it shitty... It just feels pointless, which is odd cuz I know they were going for a strong metaphor on the effects of brainwashing in the media, but it just doesn't come across as all that clever or worthwhile in the end. I guess I just didn't care... All I took away from it was: it's a dull monster movie.

A trouble-making high school student is sent off to a mental heath facility to be treated by a TV doctor whom everyone in the community seems to worship. While there, he's unknowingly hooked up to a big brain creature that makes him hallucinate before he freaks out and runs off. The rest of the movie is pretty much him on the run from the doctor and his henchman who are apparently trying to collect all the 'free thought' from TV viewers and strengthen their ever-growing killer brain monster...

"The Brain" is an ambitious enough flick in certain respects, but just didn't do much for me. The rubbery brain with the face was stupid looking and watching it's even MORE rubbery teeth bend over peoples bodies as it's devouring them killed it for me. That, and it's just DULL. Maybe I was in the wrong mood, but I suggest passing on "The Brain". And that's all I got...

Maria-Conception-Action (1969)

I'm not sure what to make of this one. It's obviously some kind of 'performance art' piece with a whacked-out, 'snuffy' aesthetic.

Some guys are gutting an animal (a goat, I think...) and piling the innards on a bound woman and stuffing them down her underwear. One guy seems to really be getting 'into' it and starts burying his face in the intestines while they continue to pour them on the woman and attempt to stuff them inside her. They then crucify the woman and feed her blood and pour said blood on her vagina before one of the guys starts fucking her while the rest of the guys casually stand around. The whole thing ends with everyone rolling in the blood and guts and swinging from the animal carcasses...

"Maria-Conception-Action" is pretty much a 'blood orgy arthouse film' with some underlying religious subtext, I presume. Not really sure what it all 'meant', but it's actually pretty perverse and a little unsettling with the ambient sounds and grainy look. Interesting and strange little film, overall.

Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)

I was in the mood for some 'light' entertainment the other night so I ended up rooting around my shelves and ultimately blowing the dust off this one. It had been quite a long while since I had seen this third installment in the TCM franchise and I went into it feeling like my whole memory of it had been wiped clean. And it all made sense as it began and it all started coming back to me what a forgettable movie "Leatherface" is...

Two road-trippers are passing through Texas and get mixed up with Leatherface and his clan of cannibal creeps after taking a back road...

I think it's safe to say that what really sunk "Part 3" was that it was abound by production problems left and right. For starters, they wound up shooting it on the Universal backlot, as opposed to rural Texas like the others (doesn't look right...), director Jeff Burr was 'kicked around' a lot - having shit changed last second; getting fired - and, of course, the MPAA shitting all over the 'violent' content. The 'unrated' cut contains about 5 minutes of axed material, which is funny because this extended version is still remarkably 'tame'. It's evident that more was permanently cut, but however, the MPAA were, no doubt, at their worst around this time. Bunch of tight-assed bastards...  Visually and story-wise, "Leatherface" definitely suffers due to all of these production 'road blocks' it faced. The new Sawyer family is extremely boring and non-threatening. They all just look like actors who - based on their unadorned performances - hadn't been brought up to speed on the previous films. Leatherface goes from horny toddler to rebellious teenager with this flick, which allows for some awkward attempts at 'humor' from time to time and Ken Foree earns a paycheck... In all, it really doesn't feel much happens in this flick, as far as violence or gore goes.

"Part 3" is an easy watch - I'll give it that - but there's absolutely nothing note-worthy to speak of. The ratings board Nazi's went to town on this one and didn't stop until it was a reduced to a quivering pile of mediocrity, hence, the '90s begins. What a shame.

The Burning (1981)

If I were to rank "The Burning" among other such 'summer camp slasher' movies of the illustriously horror-heavy '80s, it definitely wouldn't top the list, but, for what it offers, it's a decent enough "Friday the 13th" cash-in.

Some campers decide to pull a prank on their abhorred camp caretaker, Cropsy, but shit takes an unexpected turn when he catches fire and is hospitalized for the next five years. After being discharged from the burn ward, he hauls is horribly disfigured ass back to the camp grounds to exact revenge on everyone currently there...

Where "The Burning" really goes wrong is basically going an hour without anything of any real 'substance' taking place. After the Cropsy-roast opener and a quick hooker stabbing, we're really just left with tedious camper drama;  bullying the Jew kid, kid going back to the cabin for his vitamins, canoeing, Jason Alexander making wisecracks, etc... It's not until about the infamous raft scene that the movie gets a little 'meatier'. That really IS a cool scene, although, there's just too many kids in this flick who end up living! Like the girl with the red, mushroomhead hair and young George Costanza. They should've peppered in more kills to break up the monotony a little. That said, all the kills featured are gory enough and the aforementioned raft massacre is definitely the highlight. Savini's FX look good, as usual, considering obvious budgetary constraints. One girl was willing to show her itty-titties a few times, so you can check off 'nudity', albeit not that remarkable. "The Burning" doesn't match up to the gore and entertainment value of shit like "F13" and "Sleepaway Camp", but slasher buffs should still check it out.

The Hearse (1980)

I can't go so far as to call "The Hearse" a BAD movie, cuz it's really not - it was just a tad "light" for my taste. That said - and again - it's wasn't bad for an '80s supernatural-horror joint. Hell, it's MUCH better than all the "Conjuring" shit that's been coming out lately...

A single woman decides to drive out to her dead aunt's country home for the summer, where most of the locals are stink-eyeing her - obviously due to the house's not-so-warm-and-fuzzy history. While there, she starts dating a rather stoic, but seemingly harmless local guy and is being lusted after by the teenage handyman, all while having occasional, dangerous run-ins with a mysterious hearse around the nearby rural roads. Turns out auntie had a relatively unsavory reputation around town, along with a questionable post-mortem outcome, to which the Hell hearse is directly tied into.

There's one or two fairly creepy scenes, I guess, but in all, I wasn't all that impressed with this one. It's completely bloodless and drawn out with a pretty predictable and - I hate to say - conventional ending, as far as I'm concerned.. In all, there's nothing too memorable or stand-out about "The Hearse". At the end of the day, it's just a below-average horror flick...

Blood Massacre (1991)

"Blood Massacre" takes a little time to get 'rolling', but once it does it becomes halfway watchable. That's not to say it isn't a cheap and horribly put together piece of shit, but it just happened to get less plodding around the halfway mark.

A gang of goofy Nam vets on the run after a video store hold-up - which resulted in the death of an employee - hole up in the farm house of a family who turn out to be psychotic cannibals. Hence, the tables take an ironic turn...

The way this one is acted, shot, lit - and probably even catered - sucks. One actor in particular sounded like he graduated from the Jimmy Stewart School of Acting and I refuse to believe this ridiculous performance wasn't on purpose. The rest are just deadpan. And the 'twist' can't even be considered such, seeing as how it's SO apparent SO early on. No one in this is likeable and you're given no one to root for which COULD have worked had the film chose to explore any of these characters beyond their stereotypes in even the slightest possible way, but they go from victims to cannibals (to even more...) and from sadists to booby trap-rigging Rambos... It's incredibly ass-backwards. As unnecessary as this movie is to watch, once the bullshit lead-up is done and the killings start to happen, "Blood Massacre" becomes tolerable enough and the double-twist ending is laughably over-the-top and idiotic.

Girl Hell (1999)

"Girl Hell" is a boundlessly incoherent bit of poorly made Japanese sleaze that admirers of this particular type of shit should dig. The copy I saw was set up with subtitles (I've heard of a lot of copies without subs) though it didn't take me long to lose my faith in the inane gibberish text that transcribed the film's dialog. It made no sense. "I pissed rats like you"? What?! Regardless, "Girl Hell" is one perceptibly off-the-wall flick...

It starts with two guys engaged in some small-talk relating to sex (according the the subs). Then, we see some perky school girl on a bike bring some food to a bag-lady out in a field who obsessively lactates onto her baby doll. We then have a fat chick getting fucked from behind by a sweaty man having a screaming orgasm and then asking to keep her splooge rag. The school girl heads home and is greeted by the sound of sex coming from the other room. Out comes a bare-assed old guy - her father - who spouts off some verbally abusive shit about the girl's mother. The school girl then goes into the other room to find a heavily bandaged chick with her wrists bound to her ankles. The school girl peels the gauze off the chick, who happens to be her sister, revealing a large gash on her chest. She then goes back to the bag-lady where she hungrily suckles on her milky nipple for a while... Later, she holds her perverted father at knife point - confronted by one of the dudes from the beginning - he and his buddy beat and rape the bag-lady before heading to the school girl's house, where they kill her dad and gang-banging her severely crippled sister until blood runs. There's also some weird rich guy following the school girl around and he eventually ties her up and drinks her urine through a catheter tube...

Good shit, for the most part. Didn't hold together too well, in terms of "plot", but "Girl Hell" should really only be viewed for it's perversity and sleaze. It's a very downbeat "sickie" that come highly recommended for fans of this type of stuff...

Ferozz: The Wild Red Riding Hood (2010)

"Ferozz: The Wild Red Riding Hood" has to take the cake as the absolute most bizarre take on the "Little Red Riding Hood" story ever put on film. I don't even really know where to start with this one...

It starts with a deeply dysfunctional family having dinner in their gloomy little cottage - listening to their deranged grandmother rant and rave about sex and accusing her female relatives of being 'sluts'. The meal takes a turn for the... odd when a family-involved rape breaks out, much to Granny's delight. During the second rape, the rapist suddenly dies (for some unexplained reason...) and the victim - who I think was his wife - runs off with her daughter, to which, we cut to two years later where they're now living in a different cottage, I guess. There's another uncle who seems to be the most level-headed of most of these whackos (for a while...) and the brother of the youngest girl (pseudo-Red Riding Hood) who likes to jack off to his sister skinny dipping. She, on the other hand, is trying to seduce her uncle who turns out to be a Satanist...

The whole 'Red Riding Hood' theme doesn't really kick in until the tail end and, even then, the tone doesn't shift away from the sleaze. Everyone in this thing is just horny, incestuous, psycho and/or retarded. There's a scene basically out of nowhere of 'Red' masturbating with the help of a puppy before being sexually "punished" by Granny. So yeah, "Ferozz" is a tough one to sum up and I can't say I "liked it", but it's definitely strange and entertainingly sleazy enough to consider checking out.

The Necro Files (1997)

Big-dicked zombie rapist? Uhh, hell yes. "The Necro Files" is a dirt cheap splatter flick that, I'll admit, I found amusing, despite how cheesy and just flat out shitty it is. May have had something to do with the big-dicked zombie rapist...

A necrophile serial killer is caught with the disemboweled corpse of his latest victim by a pair of cops and is shot dead on the scene. A few months later, a Satanic cult resurrects the killer - via an infant sacrifice - and, armed with a massive donger, he continues on with his rape and murder spree - targeting random individuals. At one point, however, a few of the cult members have second thoughts when they realize they can't control the undead perv and the cops from before catch word of the similar string of sexual mutilations and decide to investigate. There's also a whole thing with the murdered baby rising from the grave and floating around, chomping on people's necks.

The acting and effects are expectedly bad, considering the milk money budget they were clearly working with. The flying baby was simply a plastic doll on a fishing rod, usually extending from the window of a moving car from the looks of it. However, regardless of it's budgetary shortcomings, "The Necro Files" is entertaining enough. It rolls along nicely and has some alright moments. Nothing great, but just decent enough, overall.

Some Kind of Hate (2015)

"Some Kind of Hate" is a supernatural-slasher that managed to squander any possible potential - of which there WAS a glimmer - in favor of just an abundance of emo, cry baby bullshit.

After retaliating against a bully with a fork to the face, a mopey outcast is sent to some kind of reform retreat out in the desert. Now he's bullied by a new group of assholes until he encounters the ghost of a girl who was driven to commit suicide years ago by former camp attendees. She has this 'power' where any harm she causes to herself with her razor blade necklace is inflicted upon the bully she's pursuing...

This is a decent enough idea that could've worked better had they not reduced the entire movie to just a slow-paced, anti-bullying PSA. The razor blade girl is a very ineffective presence, overall, who looks about as creepy or imposing as a Hot Topic shopper and the gore was nothing special, if not a bit repetitive and boring. Not to mention consisting of an overuse of CGI blood effects.

"Some Kind of Hate" is a dull revenge/slasher flick that does more whining about bullying and angsty teen shit than anything of any real interest. Except, maybe, the scene of the chick getting her legs cut up by proxy, courtesy of the ghost girl. That was kinda hot...

Suspiria (1977)

I think it's safe to say that Dario Argento's "Suspiria" is pretty much universally regarded as one of the top dogs of Italian horror and nothing short of a masterpiece. Striking atmosphere, creepiness and some savage gore - though I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, I'm sure.

An American girl flies into Germany to attend a prominent dance academy, but is greeted by a girl inexplicably fleeing the school in the middle of the night. We see as this girl makes her way in the pouring rain to a dormitory where her and a friend are brutally murdered by an unseen assailant. Back at the academy, the newcomer is noticing some unsettling situations transpiring, involving the blind pianist's seeing-eye dog attacking people, maggots falling from the ceiling and a furtive directress with a peculiar snore... Turns out there's some occult-type shit going on with the witchy instructors and anyone who catches on to this is slaughtered by preternatural killer...

As it's known, the vibrant color scheme and 'art deco-ish' backdrops are essentially what people take away from "Suspiria" and what has garnered it it's iconic status more or less. And rightfully so - the movie looks awesome. On top of that, you've got some graphic kills - the stand-out, of course, being the stained glass window brutalization - and there's the dour, memorable score by Goblin. "Suspiria" is a just a creepy flick with a grim and strange story, enveloped in a radiant neon color aesthetic while delivering on some nice, meaty violence. There's very little to not appreciate about "Suspiria".

Offerings (1989)

Lameass "Halloween" knock-off with really nothing going for it. Hence, I'm going to keep this short.

The weird, mute boy is neighborhood bully prey and ends up falling down a well. Cut to ten years later and he's in the hospital, disfigured and catatonic. He breaks out and starts killing off the now teenage bullies that were responsible for his accident...

"Offerings" is about as forgettable as they come. The death scenes are either completely bloodless or off-screen... Or both. I don't recall any nudity from any of the valley girl non-actors and the killer couldn't have looked more uninteresting. And what was with the pizza toppings? Am I to assume he took the time to cook up human meat and bribe the delivery boy to add it to the pizzas? What a fucking stupid, boring slasher flick. I regret wasting my time...

The Incredible Melting Man (1977)

I hadn't seen this one in years and was happy to finally revisit this classick the other night. This is easily the best 'melt movie' ever ("Street Trash", of course, coming in at a close second...) and I don't care who disagrees with that. All hail Rick Baker and his gooey skills!

During a space mission, a crew of astronauts are exposed to heavy radiation around the rings of Saturn and Steve is the only one on the shuttle to return to Earth alive. However, he's in pretty bad shape as his body is gradually melting, though he now possesses heightened physical strength. After escaping from the hospital, he goes on a rampage through the town while a scientist tries to catch up with him and contain his radioactive rage...

"The Incredible Melting Man" is done very much in the tradition of '40s and '50s sc-fi movies, just with a slimier, gorier 'edge'. Steve, the melting man, looks great as he's scaring and tearing towns folk up while literally falling apart along the way. You got a few memorable scenes, such as the old lemon-stealing couple, a severed head going over a waterfall in slow-motion and hitting the jagged rocks below and, of course, one sorry motherfucker getting tossed into some power lines. Awesome demise! Just an all-around fun, straight-foward flick. If you haven't checked it out, do so.

There's Nothing Out There (1991)

I guess I've seen worse as far as self-aware indie- horror/comedies go, so in all fairness, "There's Nothing Out There" wasn't a total misfire. I just found it more annoying than witty, overall.

Some high school friends drive up to - you guessed it - a vacation home out in the woods for spring break. They end up having to fight off a frog-faced, tentacled creature that shoots mind controlling laser-beams out of it's eyes and wants to procreate with the women...

It's one of those movies that throws a bunch of cliches out there in order to spoof the genre, so I can't really give it shit for that. Much of the heavily forced humor fell flat, for me at least, and the obnoxious, over-the-top, nonstop sarcastic delivery of the horror nerd character got particularly irritating. Good points were the girls are pretty much in their panties or bikinis for the majority of the movie, which gave me enough reason to coast on through the run-time. That's really all I got on this one. There's worse shit like this out there but I still can't recommend it.

Let My Puppets Come (1976)

The porn industry of the '70s would just try anything. Puppet porno? Why not! I'm not sure if there was some niche at the time that would actually find this shit spank worthy or if it was just universally seen as a goof, but you can't rule out puppet fetishes. Hell, I've seen people fuck MUCH weirder things. Anyways...

So, some puppet businessmen need an idea to save their broke company so they decide to get into the porno game.

The very first puppet-on-puppet sex scene involves bestiality (strong start...), then you got a puppet cum-shot, quite a few puppet BJ's, an ad for a vaginal hygiene spray called Sweet Fish (Haha!) and a black puppet that is creepy as fuck. There's a few human cameos - Al Goldstein and Ralphus, the midget from "Blood Sucking Freaks", are blown by some puppets. There's also a human chick getting spanked by a puppet... "Let My Puppets Come" is kind of entertaining - directed by the legendary Gerard Damiano of "Deep Throat/Devil in Miss Jones" fame. It DOES get a bit boring and redundant at times, which is expected from many porn parodies/comedies. Overall, it's worth a look to quell your curiosity or put on with some friends around and get hammered.