Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2011, Troy Nixey)

I don't have a whole lot to say about this one. It's a remake of a 70s made-for-TV movie that I didn't like to begin with. Here's my brief overview.

Little girl moves in to a mansion that her dad and his girlfriend are restoring. The kid is lured to the basement by whispering voices and convinced to unbolt the sealed ash compartment, thus releasing tons of vicious creatures that are inclined to drag one living person down to their "world"...

"Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" isn't horrible, just nothing that blew me away. The little CGI hunchback spider monkeys are cooler looking than those bullshit teddy bears from the original. Still, it's pretty standard in comparison to most theatrical horror movies that have come out in recent years. Also, Katie Holmes has THE most bland on-screen presence I can recall witnessing on film. What an overrated twat!

You can probably skip "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark"...

Super (2010, James Gunn)

"Super" is one of the coolest, most aberrant 'vigilante' movies I have seen in a long time - gleaming with black comedy, harsh violence, and anomalous surrealism.

Rainn Wilson (from "The Office) plays a meek and quiet suburban man whose life has been perpetually unfulfilled aside from two key events: his wedding day and pointing a cop in the direction of a fleeing 'perp'. He notices his unsuitably hot wife is becoming more distant and he walks in on her, one day, smoking pot with some strangers in their living room. One morning, a sleazy looking guy comes around asking for her. Soon, her closet is empty and she has disappeared. Turns out, she's a recovering drug addict who was pulled off the wagon by a gang of scummy dope peddlers; one of which has lured her back into the dependence of heroin... The distraught husband's world collapses leaving him with nothing but loneliness. That is, until he has a "vision" of the finger of "God" touching his brain, instilling a new purpose... Becoming a real-life superhero and fighting actual crime. He creates his alter ego, The Crimson Bolt, and becomes a hot topic among the news media after tackling drug dealers, child molesters, and thieves, and beating them mercilessly with a wrench. Eventually, he accepts the help of a female comic book nerd as his kid side-kick and they soon go after the goons who have his wife...

"Super" is an extremely weird blend of dark humor as well as a seriously depressing portrait of insanity. The "drive" to commit violent acts for the purpose of pleasing "God" is an outwardly insistent theme surrounding the main character, which I found interesting since I truly believe that religious zealousness can play a big part in the deterioration of a person's psyche... It's something I have always found fascinating. It also seems that television plays a part in his delusions - for instance, a poorly made religious super hero show and hentai porn...

As far as the unique "mood" of the film goes - a scene that satirically depicts a man frantically and hilariously trying to change into his super hero costume in the backseat of his car is quickly accompanied by a vicious double-assault with a wrench. That's the best way to sum up the unconventional nature of this film's erratic balance. However, it all works very well and, by the end, becomes quite an ingenious and challenging study of a mentally unstable man's seemingly selfish need to be loved, overall. His entire killing/injuring spree is cloaked in uncertainty as to whether he truly believes what he is doing is right and ACTUALLY done for the good of society...

All of the performances are great. Wilson nails every aspect of his character, Kevin Bacon pulls off the role of the smarmy drug dealer perfectly, Liv Tyler does... what she does and I've always found her attractive, Ellen Paige is pretty entertaining, and Michael Rooker plays a thug! Yes!

In all, "Super" is an immensely enjoyable and highly interesting flick, albeit, one of the most depressing I've seen in a while.

The Ward (2011, John Carpenter)

 

Finally got to check out John Carpenter's "The Ward" after waiting, what felt like, forever and a day. As said over and over again, this was Carpenter's first feature length directorial outing in about ten years since that stupid Ice Cube movie from 2001. I assume, after a some soul searching, thousands of nicotine patches, and a few cool "Masters of Horror" contributions, the iconic horror director was ready to jump back into the game with this psychological/ghost flick.

Set in 1966, a girl is shipped off to North Bend Psychiatric Hospital after torching a farmhouse. Of course, she has no memory of her pyromania and is thrown in the Ward with a handful of other hopelessly crazy girls. Before long, she begins catching glimpses of a decrepit figure peaking through the door of her cell and is physically attacked in the shower by the grotesque woman. The hospital staff doesn't believe her (which prompts them to utilize electro-shock therapy) and the rest of the patients are unwilling to discuss what they clearly have some insight on. Eventually, the ghostly figure begins killing off the girls one by one with outdated surgical methods (labotomy, electricity...).

As you can expect, this all leads up to a hugely predictable "twist". Overall, "The Ward" didn't leave me with a whole lot of zealousness toward John Carpenter's big comeback. The film is far from BAD, and if you just take Carpenter's involvement out of the equation, it's a fine flick. The atmosphere is gray and creepy, the score is memorable, and certain effects are fairly effective. Despite all of this, if I hadn't known Carpenter was attached to this movie, I wouldn't have ever thought he were behind it... I'm sure people will disagree with that, but his 'stlyle' is far less palpable and a bit more ambiguous than his glory days...

Still, I would say that John Carpenter's "The Ward" is an above-average film done by a great director who brought something to the 'modern' horror table that eclipses a lot of the garbage that you commonly see vomited onto the "scene" these days. There's nothing all that NEW within "The Ward", and, again, the "twist" ending was pretty unexceptional and prosaic. It was a lot like the ending of another fairly recent film. I won't say the title, but I will say it rhymes with Butter Pieland.

Carpenter fans, stifle your curiosity by checking out "The Ward". Just don't let your expectations get too high and limit you from enjoying the film for what it is. All we can hope is for Carpenter not to end his career on this note and REALLY blow us away with the next one!

The Machine Girl (2008, Noboru Iguchi)

I really tend to enjoy a good Japanese samurai-splatter flick every now and then and "The Machine Girl" is definitely some of the finest of it's kind. Personally, I liked "Tokyo Gore Police" a little more for it's twisted effects and pure off-the-wall attitude, but I did like the absolute silliness of this one and it's outrageous cartoon violence. It's a pretty straight-forward "revenge" movie about an average high school girl (who just so happens to fight like three steroid enhanced Bruce Lee's put together) out to avenge her brother's killers - a gang of young thugs led by a prominent ninja's son. She ends up losing her arm in a gruesome torture session, later replaces it with a custom machine gun prosthetic and sets out on her quest for bloody vengeance...

The effects range from practical old-school looking stuff and some CGI - all of which is decent enough and the action sequences, themselves, are well choreographed and exciting. I've never really been too into the whole blood-"mist" eruptions typically used in a lot of movies of this type, but for some strange reason, when it's used so frequently, it becomes MUCH more entertaining. I'm not sure why. There's also some noticeable tributes to classic gore flicks like "Evil Dead", "Bad Taste" and the kung-fu classic "Master of the Flying Guillotine". "The Machine Girl" is worthy viewing for fans of over-the-top Jap-action and gore hounds alike...

Dexter: Pilot Episode (2006)

Hadn't yet checked this show out due to an overall disinterest in television programs, but since the show had been recommended to me soon after it's initial debut, I figured it was worth watching the first episode at least... I can't say "Dexter" begins poorly, but I was bit disappointed after all the powerful hype from the devoted fan-base. Aside from a few decent elements here and there, it's pretty much another forensic show that tries to be 'off-beat' by throwing an unlikely character into the role of crime scene analyst/detective (like "Monk", kind of).

Dexter is a Miami serial killer, as well as a zealous blood-spatter expert working for the police. Apprantly, he moonlights as a vigilante murderer of murderers, currently searching for a puzzling madman who leaves his female victims dismembered and completely drained of blood. Throughout the first episode, Dexter is narrating his unusual "quirks" - such as sexual repression and being unable to feel emotion as well as providing brief information into his childhood. All of this is boringly STANDARD stuff. The Miami setting is far too vibrant and "CSI" looking to possibly make any of the sadistic material anywhere NEAR menacing or dark... The scenes in which Dexter actually kills people are the closest thing to "edginess", yet far too quick to have any real effect...

I will be checking out the next few episodes just because a show about a serial killer intrigues me and just to see if things build into something more interesting, but as far as the opening bit goes, I wasn't blown away...

Idiots and Angels (2008, Bill Plympton)

Bill Plympton's "Idiots and Angels" is much different than anything the animator has done in the past. Unlike his earlier full-length films like "I Married a Strange Person" and "Mutant Aliens", this one is a lot more "artistic" feeling as well as more of a refined quality. It's about a unlikable guy living a daily routine of sitting in a gloomy bar and acting belligerent, when he begins noticing growths on his back one morning. They soon reveal themselves as bird-like wings and, due to excessive ridicule from spectators, he tries immensely to remove them. Nothing seems to keep them from growing back and eventually, he has to fight off a conniving doctor and bar tender who want to cut off his wings and become renowned "heros"... I've been a big fan of Plympton's work for a long time and, having seen all of his short films and features, "Idiots and Angels" is probably my favorite. It's a good balance of many different styles - it's not as child-friendly as "The Tune" and not extremely crude like "Mutant Aliens". It's really the first feature he's done that actually has a legitimately serious 'storyline' and a very solid and surprisingly 'deep' one, at that. The animation is basically black-and-white pencil sketch, all done in Plympton's signature hand-drawn technique and there is absolutely no dialog. Plenty of bizarre humor and a creative "noir" tone that helps characterize Plympton's latest mastery. If you're a fan of independent animation you can't go wrong with Plympton!

Brain Damage (1988, Frank Hennenlotter)

The brutally wacky and remarkable - yet scattered directorial career of Frank Hennenlotter made it's second stop on the B-movie "gore" circuit with his eventual cult hit "Brain Damage", which is pretty much a bigger budgeted counterpart to his first film "Basket Case". The movies DO differ greatly, but the overall premise is still similar, though this one contains more flat-out humor and over-the-top 'splatter' sequences... I really do love this film, especially because of the infamous "blowjob" scene that reportedly caused a bit of outrage on the set! Frank's sexual input definitely seems to spark some people's views on the subject of "good and bad taste"...

The movie starts off with an old couple freaking out over the escape of something that was obviously living in their bathtub. Turns out, the little guy's name is Aylmer and he is a charismatic blue worm who needs to eat human brains to stay alive. So in order to find his necessary sustenance, he needs to find a human to transport him around, which just so happens to be an average teen. In exchange for the conveyance, Aylmer keeps the guy doped up on a strong liquid he injects into his brain through an opening in the back of his neck. When he decides to put a stop to the killing, the guy suffers excruciating withdrawal symptoms and is forced to take to the streets of New York with his smooth talking slug companion and drain more brains...

Apparently, the movie is based on a bad cocaine addiction Hennenlotter was struggling through at the time, which was what the underlying "message" the movie was clearly addressing and what the character of Aylmer represented (the "monkey" on the back, but with a 'gooey' Hennenlotter twist...). Again, the basic concept is pretty reminiscent of "Basket Case", what with a guy carrying around a savage creature that tests his own morality and causes chaos in his everyday life. Hell, even Duane and his basket make a show-stealing cameo in one scene... "Brain Damage" still completely stands alone as one of Hennenlotter's most favored films and rightly so. Not as good as "Basket Case" or "Frankenhooker", in my opinion, but there's some good practical effects, slightly improved stop-motion, and pools of gore that will certainly make for gripping eye-candy for fellow splatter-hounds. Check out "Brain Damage" as well as ALL of Frank Hennenlotter's films!

Phantasm III (1994, Don Coscarelli)

It's been close to ten years since I've seen either of the last two sequels to "Phantasm" - surely due to my still vivid remembrance of them not being very good. That being acknowledged to this day, I'm still a huge fan of the first two installments so I thought I'd go back and re-experience the 'final chapters'. Part three is definitely the worst of the series since it obviously takes itself less seriously and throws in a bunch of confusing stuff that doesn't make much sense... Again, kicking off right where the previous movie left us, Reggie saves Mike from the Tall Man who vows to come back for him later, but things aren't safe for long when they come across Jody who is inexplicably able to the take the form of a sphere. Apparently his soul is held prisoner by the Tall Man so Mike is then dragged into the sinister double-pronged Netherworld and Reg has to find him... Along the way, he meets up with a ten year-old kid and a nun-chuck wielding black chick named Rocky who assist him throughout his journey.

There's really nothing memorable about "Phantasm III" other than how stupid and forcefully "humorous" it tries to be. Only one positive aspect that didn't even help the movie and that was the return of A. Michael Baldwin and Bill Thornbury who reprise their roles for the first time since the original 1978 classic. The problem is, they pretty much make cameo appearances... Reggie Banister is of course back in his starring role, but his bumbling, love-sick attitude makes his presence far too annoying to like. Angus Scrimm also just didn't seem entirely "into" his role. He talks too much here and is nowhere near as menacing and creepy in contrast with the "quirkiness" that the movie seemed to carelessly resort to. Most people's opinion on this flick seem pretty impassive and tend to think "it's still entertaining". Maybe I'm just too much of a nit picker but I just couldn't get into this one. I remember disliking it when I was a kid and after re-watching it - I can safely say - nothing has changed. Don Coscarelli rocked the scene with his original low-budget, nightmarish, legendary film "Phantasm", which I still rank as my top favorite horror flick and his respectable sequel kept things moving and darkly surreal and GORY, but "Lord of the Dead" (stupid title) just looked too rushed and slapped together to me... The inclusion of the two new characters, Tim and Rocky (the only thing missing was Scrappy Doo!!), was a strong indication of Coscarelli running out of ideas and seeing how far he could ride the franchise...

So, it's a "Phantasm" movie with very little gore, nudity, and quadruple-barrel shot guns. Need I say more?

Global Metal (2008, Sam Dunn, Scot McFayden)

Documentarian Sam Dunn's seemingly "official" follow-up to his past film "Metal: A Headbanger's Journey" is an exploration of the heavy metal culture in faraway countries, spanning from Brazil, to Israel, to China and more... Interviews are conducted with musicians like Tom Araya (Slayer), Bruce Dickinson (Iron Maiden), Max Cavalera (Sepultura), Lar Ulrich (Metallica) who explain their views and personal experiences in the globalization of the metal scene. Select bands from each country are also apt to relay their part in their country's need for metal in the midst of religious confinement and censorship. Groups like Orphan Land (Israel), Painkiller (Indonesia), X-Japan and Sigh (Japan), and Ritual Day (China) are among a few bands featured. I must say, this didn't really "grab" me like "A Headbanger's Journey" did, probably because it seemed far more impersonal and rigid, lacking the enthusiasm that Dunn's first Metal "outing" seemed to convey. Just seemed like the metal cultures of these country's wasn't really explored in depth or else there just wasn't enough interesting material to last for a feature length documentary... Some of the bands interviewed were just a little too 'off the grid'. I would've liked to have heard some comments from bands like Blood Stain Child (Japanese death metal), Nail Within (death/thrash band from Israel), Bellzlleb (Japanese black metal) and maybe a little extended chat with Sigh (they were included a whole fifteen seconds!). Anyway, Sam Dunn's "Global Metal" is a pretty forced cultural anthropological look at worldwide metal and is nowhere near as absorbing as his first flick...

Terrifying Girls' High School: Lynch Law Classroom (1973, Norifumi Suzuki)

Solid installment in the "pinky violence" genre - or even specifically, the "Terrifying Girls' High School" series. The plot follows your typical 'female bent on revenge' formula and accompanies it with liberal amounts of sex and violence.

After a student at a reformatory for delinquent girls is tortured and killed, a newcomer who happens to be the murdered girls former friend, forms an alliance of other 'bad eggs' to take down the corrupt school staff. There's a gang of girls called The Disciplinary Committee that is supported by the school administration to physically torture and/or humiliate any student who gets out of line. Turns out The School of Hope - as it is ironically christened - is also in cahoots with seedy politicians who are blackmailed with the help of a crafty sleuth...

There's some off-the-wall shit going on all over this one. Vaginal light bulb insertion, blood draining, pubic electrocution, and piss humiliation. I wouldn't go so far as to call "Terrifying Girls' High School: Lynch Law Classroom" the BEST of the Japanese sexploit category (check out Norifumi Suzuki's "Sex & Fury" or "Star of David: Hunting for Beautiful Girls"), but it definitely has it's "moments" and is consistently entertaining...

Suicide (2004, Raoul Heimrich)

I've seen a lot of these "mockumentary" fake snuff/POV films such as the "August Underground" series, "Tumbling Doll of Flesh", "Suicide Dolls", etc, though Raoul Heimrich's "Suicide" is easily the most convincing approach to this particular cinematic form that I have seen. While most of this type of shit goes for blatant "shock" value like hardcore violence, sex, gore and other such selling points, "Suicide" consumes you in an aspect of realism that neither bores you, nor affronts you with forced facades of outrageous on-screen carnage (all of which I typically LOVE). The means in which this flick goes about it's straight-forward idea of communicating the extremes of online reality "shock" sites focuses on segmented variations of people intent on ending their lives...

A couple is apparently requesting the permission of suicidal people to show up at their home (or desired location) and record their last moments and death on video...

There's not a whole lot more to the film than that. The couple are shown in their car in between locations commenting on what was just shot. The rest of the film is a series of bleak and entirely disturbing simulations of various suicides conducted by different types and classes of people. Some explain in depth their reason for self-destruction - some are eerily silent about it. Eventually, it gets to the point where the couple become so warped by their new occupation that they become far too involved in what they are meant to record, obviously from an uninvolved perspective.

The most disturbing scene, in my opinion, simply involves two young women desperately attempting to overdose on pills. The scene is almost completely without dialog which makes it so absorbingly powerful that it's almost painful to watch. Other effective scenes include a harsh looking wrist-slashing, a heroin overdose, and a failed air-injection...

"Suicide" is one that's tough to recommend unless you can get into these "tougher" kinds of horror films. It's a fucked up, yet harrowing film that I urge you to check out!

Tenderness of the Wolves (1973, Ulli Lommel)

It's definitely odd watching a film like "Tenderness of the Wolves" and knowing that Ulli Lommel actually made respectable and cinematically competent films at one point. If you've seen anything fairly recent from the German film maker, you would find tedious, low-budget serial killer riff-raff released straight-to-DVD by the half-dozen yearly! Now I DO dig his older stuff, but at this point, I feel it would be best if Mr. Lommel was raped by AIDS infected bears and fed to sharks...

Anyhoo, "Tenderness of the Wolves" is a pretty classy, yet highly uncomfortable serial killer film from the young, THEN auteur based on the crimes of Fritz Haarmann. A German con-artist and black marketeer who gained police trust as and "inside" man as far as infiltrating criminal organizations. Still, the crafty thief enjoyed luring young run away boys back to his apartment by enticing them with offers of money and food. He would kill them by biting their necks, dismembering them, and selling their meat to restaurants. The unusable parts would be dumped in a river.

The film, while not violent, blatantly depicts Haarmann's homosexual behavior, deceitful criminal exploits, and behind-closed-doors sadism very well. The setting is amazing - showing Germany at it's economic low point and the acting is top-notch. Kurt Raab (who also wrote the film) is as sleazy and unlikable as you could ever hope for a portrayal of such a psychotic madman to be. Highly recommended.

Sex & Fury (1973, Norifumi Suzuki)

In terms of the 'pinky violence' genre, "Sex & Fury" is as high-end as you can probably get when it comes to this kind of Japanese 'sexploitation' material. It's definitely a favorite among fans of this particular 'pink' category and I don't disagree, though I personally prefer Norifumi Suzuki's other film "School of the Holy Beast"...

A small time pickpocket and expert gambler chick witnesses on of her poker buddies being killed for cheating. His dying request is that she rescue his sister from a brothel. This task forces her to assassinate a trio of Yakuza thugs as part of a personal vendetta...

Plenty of nudity, as you would expect, in the form of slow-mo naked sword fighting, girl-on-girl, and other tasty bits of simulated sex and eroticism. The beautiful Swedish goddess Christina Lindberg plays a spy who is forced to infiltrate a political scandal by using - you guessed it - what God gave her! Hell, she even DIES sexy! Plus, that S&M Pocahontas outfit with the whip may've been the HOTTEST thing I have ever gazed upon.

The cinematography is particularly masterful and the storyline and acting are all solid. Still, "Sex & Fury" may not rank as my all time favorite in the genre, but it's certainly an entry you can safely call a "classic" for it's hearty cinematic elements AND, of course, the steamy soft-core goodness that accompanies it. Check it out!

Creepozoids (1987, David DeCoteau)

What you have here is your standard "Alien" influenced, 80s B-movie schlockfest - simply there to entertain. It just depends on how far you allow yourself to be entertained because "Creepozoids" - right down to it's name - sounds like shit (which it totally is), though there IS plenty to get into...

The story is as shallow as this: post-apocalyptic setting. A few stragglers wandering the barren landscape come across an abandoned laboratory and, since the severed head and ominous sense of desertion wasn't enough to send them hurdling toward the exit, they decide to do some computer hacking and shower sex. Yes, none other than B-horror scream queen numero-uno Linnea Quigley gets top-billing and abides by her ever-pleasing trend of stripping down for us valued fans. Turns out there's a creature in the building that ejaculates a toxic mist on them which causes them to become "Evil Dead" -like and melt. This shit's not as cool as it sounds up until the very end when the remaining dude gains the upper hand and the dead creature births a demented "It's Alive" looking puppet-baby which was fucking hilariously random! Oh, and there's a huge killer rat thrown in just for the hell of it...

"Creepozoids" barely surpasses the one-hour mark and is just goofy enough for me to recommend (slightly). Watch for Linnea's wet tits and the evil baby!

Men Behind the Sun (1988, Tun Fei Mou)

"Men Behind the Sun" is one I just have to go back and re-experience every once-so-often. I've seen a LOT of "disturbing" shit in my time, but none have come quite as close to capturing that special "vibe" that this one formulates. Could be for the fact that it is based on true events that seem to have been withdrawn from many people's consciousness... Could also be the general bleakness of the film. Either way, "Men Behind the Sun" is an uncomfortable ride...

Unit 731 was a secret Japanese army base existing throughout WWII that focused on experimental procedures meant to create biological "weapons" and chemical warfare. Many Chinese prisoners were the subjects of these sadistic war crimes, which (alledgedly) included freezing methods, plague exposure, gassing, decompression, starvation, sea water injections and live autopsies to name a few. Hundreds of thousands of people were killed there.

Aside from all the "graphic" content that "Men Behind the Sun" is known for, a worthy bit of historical intent shines through, which is how the film should initially be explored. School curriculum is only concerned with covering vague aspects of Nazi Germany and either glossing over entirely or fluffing the horrific forms of war violence. For many, it seems that Unit 731 has been discounted by many as irrelevant...

However, MANY memorable scenes of wild, bodily destruction are waiting to blow your mind, such as the infamous decompression chamber scene in which a man's body bloats and then erupts a stew of fecal matter and intestines. There's also the highly controversial "cat scene" to look forward to (though it was, in fact, fake) I Can't recommend "Men Behind the Sun" enough.

Absurd (1981, Joe D'Amato)

Despite Joe D'Amato's callous sentiment toward his film making ambition, there have been a few of his flicks that I've enjoyed - "Absurd" being one. It's commonly considered a sequel to D'Amato's 1980 cannibal-slasher film "Anthropophagous" - one I very much enjoyed - though there aren't enough links between the film to back this up. It was also marketed under the handle "Zombie 6: Monster Hunter", which is even MORE ludicrous. If anything, "Absurd" is a simple Italian rip-off of "Halloween".

A genetically altered man whose blood rapidly coagulates runs amok around a quiet community while a priest and police detective desperately follow the wake of bodies in search of the "monster". It seems the only way to kill him is to pierce his cranium, otherwise, he's nearly invincible. There's a few random death scenes involving a drill through the head, a band-saw ALSO through the head, and a disappointingly obstructed strangulation scene. Finally, the semi-indestructible killer makes his way to a house occupied by a small child, a short-haired nurse, and a girl recovering from a broken neck. He, of course, breaks in and 'goes to town'...

The gore scenes are decent enough and George Eastman is still creepy even through he's missing any kind of corpsey make-up (i.e. "Anthropophagous"). He also wrote this film which leads me to believe he intentionally wrote out the possibility of make-up effects so the audience could enjoy his beard uninhibited. "Absurd" isn't anything GREAT, though I still didn't find anything about it that seriously pissed me off or kept me from being entertained. Could've probably used a little more explaination as to what the fuck is going on this this guy and his superhuman state, though that would've required a certain amount of creativity that D'Amato would've surely have found unappealing. Don't bend over backwards to get a copy, but you COULD do a lot worse...