Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Sledge (2014)

In this moment, I'm having a hard time recalling a more pointless movie then "Sledge" that I have come across. I've seen some truly awful, cheap, worthless pieces of shit, but nothing that was as so clearly intentionally bad and mind-bogglingly boring as this idiotic fucking 'slasher'... thing.

Campers are killed off by a sledge-toting killer in a mask who thinks he's living in a video game...

What makes "Sledge" so fucking frustrating is that there is not the faintest hint of passion behind it, yet a "we know this sucks, but we don't care" attitude, hence, the obvious last-minute idea to present it as a bad late night horror feature - a movie-within-a movie, basically, hosted by a puppet, under the label Craptastically Horrific Productions, that some bitch is watching on TV. Almost seems as though they started off trying for some kind of legit, micro-budget slasher concept but blew their meager funds on pot and beer early on and decided to goof off for the rest of the shoot with banal, ad-libbed, dick-joke padded dialog. There's nothing humorous about these characters or the annoying, babbling killer who only shows up a mere handful of times when the long-winded, inane dialog ceases, allowing for him a moment to murder someone without the aid of any of those pesky special effects. Unfortunately, the endless uninteresting scenes of sleep-inducing conversation weren't enough to extend what should've been a six minute short into a painfully long 75-minute feature, so they keep cutting to the bitch on the couch watching "Sledge" who has two or three lengthy, ponderous fucking phone calls that we get to hear that don't matter AT ALL. Again, I firmly believe this was a genuine attempt that was given up on early in the production, but sloppily finished and released as a means of inexplicable cinematic trolling. Fuck these morons.

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