Evil Dead (2013, Fede Alvarez)

Like all of these horror remakes, I really didn't give a shit about seeing "Evil Dead" '13, though I'm still adamant about keeping an open mind at this point since there is no fighting the eminence of this type of bullshit. I'm pretty much numb to it at this point like everyone else should be and I'll usually end up checking out the remake eventually, but I'm typically not running to a theater on opening day. As far as this one went - I heard of the extensive gore content (BETTER fucking be! It's Evil Dead!) that tempted the dreaded NC-17 prior to it's release (probably a bullshit marketing gimmick to rope in gore hounds...). Was also hearing early on that the movie consisted of all practical effects. No CGI. After watching film, I see that I was misled on that. So I picked up a copy to give it a shot...

Well, unlike the original, it ain't party time at this rustic little cabin in the woods. They're actually detoxing the one dude's sister who's gotten a bit outta control on the dope. One of them - who kinda looked like Kurt Cobain with out-of-date glasses - comes across a book... THE book and goes about yapping the spell that unleashes the malevolent entities in the forest. As expected, all hell breaks loose...

To be honest, I was pretty much all in with this once I shook off the disappointment of the CGI fire within the first 5 minutes. Apparently, only MOST of the effects were practical. Oh well... My bad, I guess.The gory action gets going and stays pretty constant, although not really reaching that no-holds-barred craziness of the original. Still, there's some decent bodily mutilation going on here with syringes, retractable blades, nail guns, chainsaws, etc. They didn't really play with those tense 'lows' that Raimi's did with shit like the giggling girlfriend and the crap in the basement coming alive, which really added to the suspense and astringent, insanity-inducing seclusion. My major gripe, however, was the formulaic, lone female survivor ending, that modern horror is obsessed with resorting to, whether it makes sense or not. With this, they clearly made a last ditch ruling and frantically kill off this version's Ash (though, I'll say, he wasn't nearly as effective) and resurrect the junkie who carries out a wildly implausible ending (yeah, I'm referring to the super human-like removal of an appendage, specifically). I know that modern mainstream horror film makers are compelled to promote feminism at any cost, but can't just ONE sneak by just for the sake of contrast? Eh...

"Evil Dead" '13 is a fine gore flick. Not one of those frustratingly shitty remakes, but still won't 'blow your mind'.