All the Devil's Aliens (2013, Daniel E. Falicki)

I must say, "All the Devil's Aliens" was almost a decent flick from Chemical Burn. Almost. And if you are unfamiliar with CB, than you must know that it is very out of the ordinary for one of their releases to contain one iota of cinematic competency.

This one involves a male nurse whose new job has him sent out into the woods to look after a mysterious, sickly, agoraphobic old man who is known for being rather unpleasant. Once he gets there, he's greeted by the frazzled and weeping former care provider who utters some over-the-top foreboding words before driving off, as well as the current nurse who starts showing him the ropes, but not allowing him into the old man's room. Still, he gets to hear the old fucker's endless bitching and cruel insults through the baby monitor in the kitchen. Shit starts getting strange when the newbie nurse keeps noticing dark figures scampering around the woods surrounding the house and when his partner goes missing later that night, he's forced to confront the old man which is when the movie takes a drastically bizarre turn...

The whole first act of the film is very slow-paced and drawn out - pretty much just two people yapping in a kitchen, though, while taking far too long and being relatively dull, this sets an interesting and somewhat 'mystifying' tone. Then, once the old man is revealed and some glowing-eyed aliens start turning up, I was starting to perk up a little bit, though I still had no idea what the fuck was going on. Finally, it looked like a semi-climactic ending was in sight but, then... it kept going. And started getting stupid and even MORE convoluted as more explaination was attempted, to the point where I had to just give up, sit back and wait for this thing to clumsily come to a conclusion.

So, "All the Devil's Aliens" had, what could have been, an interesting premise, but was just a bumbling, disjointed, directionless mess overall. Hell, the acting and production value was surprisingly good for a Chemical Burn flick, I noticed - as opposed to the usual micro-budget, SOV horse shit they seem so infatuated with. I only wish this one hadn't dropped the ball and went on too long with incomprehensibly silly "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" and muppet-corpse ballroom dancing ridiculousness.