Saturday, September 24, 2011

Big Tits Zombie (2010, Takao Nakano)


 
a.k.a. "Big Tits Dragon" (for some stupid reason). Am I crazy for thinking that a movie called "Big Tits Zombie" would be, at least, moderately sleazy and, perhaps, entertaining? Boy, my hopes were dashed early on during this putrid shit heap of zero-budget Jap-horror garbage!

A group of exotic dancers find the Necronomicon and stupidly bring the dead to life. In horrible, Z-grade fashion, the girls fight back against the herd of undead while one of the broads learns how to control the zombies using the book...

What sucks about "Big Tits Zombie"? Well, the lack of tits is a good place to start. A total of two scenes feature brief glimpses of mediocre breasts. That's it. Tits are referenced in the title, thus I expect copious amounts of bouncing jugs on screen throughout the film! Not the case, as it seemed. What a gimmicky fucking title! Fuck this movie!

They also utilize some insanely awful CGI graphics that any dumbass junior high student could drum up in 5 minutes on their home computer. The extent of these effects, however, are strictly limited to blood spray and a pulsating sushi. Ugh. The rest of the not-so special effects are done with simple face paint (worn by a rather small cast of zombies who are all hacky, over-acting, Thriller video douches)  and strings (mind you, these strings are shown in close-ups for a total of, maybe, ten of THE laziest shots). Also, the sets at times are clearly covered in plastic sheets to avoid any possible messes that post-production blood may have made. What the fuck?!

 The only redeeming moment involved a zombie chick shooting fire out of her twat. Still, I couldn't get amused. Stay away from this banal piece of shit!

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