Would You Rather (2012)

Had this one recommended to me a short while back so I ended up checking it out recently, not really knowing all that much about it. It actually turned out to be pretty damn entertaining - reminding me a bit of the "Red Room" movies...

A dinner party is put together for an assembly of people of different ilks who are told they are going to be participating in a "game", awarding a large sum of cash to the winner. The game is, of course, 'Would You Rather' where each 'player' is given two options by a sadistic altruist, which involves either having to hurt some else in the room or themselves in some way while the butlers act as armed guards holding them captive. Unwillingness to follow through on a decision results in their immediate demise. As the game progresses, the choices they are given become more and more difficult and deadly.

"Would You Rather" isn't an especially gory or 'graphic' movie, yet it's strengths derive from some pretty enjoyable performances - namely Jeffrey Combs as the joyously demented MC. Also among some of the more recognizable cast members are John Heard, Ricky from "Trailer Park Boys" and former porn star, Sasha Grey. Again, it's not a bloodbath so stick with the "Saw" sequels if you want THAT kind of 'live-or-die-game' type movie, but still, this one has a few good squirmy scenes and a bit of suspense at times. Well worth checking out...

Human Experiments (1979)

Going into this, I guess I was expecting "Human Experiments" to be a little more of a 'sleazy' WIP exploiter, but it turned out to be more along the lines of a standard horror/thriller flick. Could've still been fine but unfortunately it wasn't...

Passing through a hick shithole town, a struggling singer winds up in a car wreck and, while searching for a phone to call for help, comes across the grisly remains of a murdered family that she is subsequently blamed for and sentenced to life. While locked away in a prison/loony bin, she comes to find that some suspicious shit is going on with the resident head-shrinker who happens to be conducting experiments on the female inmates' psyches as a way to rehabilitate/brainwash them.

There's really nothing "graphic" or interesting to speak of as to this movie. It's slow, shoddily written, contains a few off-screen deaths and an extremely anticlimactic ending. Nudity and sexual material is also drastically minimal. In all, "Human Experiments" seemed like a film with a premise that those involved had no idea how to properly execute. It fails as a horror flick and DEFINITELY fails as a WIP movie. Check out "Ilsa" "Sadomania" or "Last Orgy of the Third Reich" instead.

Uncle Sam (1996)

I don't seem to recall July 4th ever receiving the slasher treatment up until this so I guess "Uncle Sam" has SOMETHING going for it. Aside from that, it's another incredibly unremarkable 90s genre flick. Man, did Bill Lustig completely drop the ball after "Maniac"! I can't even believe he was attached to this fucking thing!

A 12-year old boy is obsessed with his uncle Sam - the war "hero" - whose helicopter was shot down in Kuwait. After his body is transported home, it comes alive for some unexplained reason and starts killing people around town during a big Fourth of July celebration...

Once all the 80s slasher shit died down it seemed like the pre-"Scream" 90s were there to scoop up any dumbass, gimmicky idea that was left and turn out some truly unmemorable toilet waste. Not that I would go about crediting Wes Craven for having improved anything as far as I'm personally concerned, but I don't think killer snowmen and Clint Howard grinding people into ice cream was really raking in those box-office horror bucks at the time so, of course, SOMETHING had to give. It's no wonder Lustig abandoned directing after this. "Uncle Sam" sums up the early-to-mid 90s perfectly with it's unenthusiastic approach and total lack of 'style'. The performances are horrendous and the kills are much too often bloodless and lame. That's pretty much all I got on this one...

Blue Velvet (1986)

My favorite David Lynch film is definitely "Blue Velvet". Hell, I would go so far as to classify this one as one of my top favorite films of all time. It's just such a fantastic 'journey' into the mysterious, lurid and completely scummy undertow of an otherwise hygienic, picturesque 1950s-ish town. Plus, it contains Dennis Hopper as easily the greatest psychopath ever portrayed on screen...

It all starts when Jeffrey finds a human ear in a vacant lot and turns it over to the local police station. A while later, when his curiosity as to their investigation leaves him with very little info, he luckily sparks up a friendship with the head detective's teenage daughter who fills Jeffrey in on a few key details pertaining to the case. He decides to do some sleuthing of his own by worming into the apartment of a lounge performer who is apparently mixed up in kidnapping case involving her family and a crazed lunatic named Frank. Jeffrey's unintended entanglement in this dangerous criminal world lands him in the clutches of Frank and his goons.

"Blue Velvet" is one of David Lynch's more 'coherent' movies - a far cry from stuff like "Eraserhead" and "Lost Highway", which, as much as I love those films, I really dig this one as a more linear structured, 'noir'-type flick. Great performances from the lovely Italian bird, Isabella Rossellini - whose performance as the frequently raped and battered club singer so drastically affected the late fucking idiot critic Roger Ebert's opinion of the film, showing what a clueless 'cuck' he was. Dennis Hopper, like I said, is phenomenal as the Nitrous Oxide huffing nutcase perv, Frank, whose sexual degradation of women is exceptionally creepy and unpredictable. His spazzed out dry-humping/beating of Rossellini in his debut scene is a pretty fucking bugged out moment, as well as the oddly surreal scene of some androgynous freako crooning into a light bulb while Frank gets misty-eyed. "Blue Velvet" is a great film that is in parts disturbing, sleazy, and intriguing.

Half Past Midnight (1988)

"Half Past Midnight" is a very standard low-budget gore short. So much so, in fact, that I've got very little to say on it so I'm going to keep this relatively brief...

A high school girl is bullied by her classmates and date raped by her teacher. One day, she is critically injured while being picked on and is taken to the hospital where even the nurses have it in for her and inject poison into her eyeball. She regains consciousness and beings exacting revenge on those that fucked with her - armed with a knife and an electric chainsaw.

Cheesy gore, incredibly straight-forward plot and minimal dialog. Can't say it's terrible, but it doesn't venture into any real over-the-top territory or do anything all that creative. It actually spends too much time on the lead-up, making for a pretty quick series of unremarkable gore scenes. Check out some of the early Alex Chandon shorts if you're feeling like some cool, crazy gore shorts...

Maniac Cop (1988)

I don't find it all that shocking that William Lustig has been out of the film directing biz for over 20 years now, seeing as how he so completely made his mark with his (non-porno) debut, "Maniac". It's one that I won't hesitate to call my absolute favorite slasher film of all time and nothing Bill has done since could stack up to the raw, depraved excellence of that masterpiece, mainly because it's obvious that Joe Spinell was the driving force behind the film's greatness. On AND off screen. "Maniac Cop" - a movie that I've had on the 'to watch' back burner for a long time - just came across as stagnant slasher tripe to me...

A shadow-shrouded lunatic in a police uniform is making his way around the mean streets of the Big Apple after dark, murdering innocent people at random. None other than Detective Tom Atkins is on the case as city residents are beginning to lose their trust in the 'boys in blue', not knowing if they're being confronted by the sadist cop. Officer Bruce Campbell ends up taking the rap when his wife is killed after catching him screwing around on her, so it's left up to him and his mistress to uncover who the sinister pig is and why he's prowling the grungy streets with such an insatiable bloodlust...

The initial concept is decent enough, but it's just that not much is done with it. It plays out like your run-of-the-mill 80s slasher fare, just without any real energy or interesting ideas to go along with a relatively cool looking killer. The mystery aspect surrounding him is eventually spoiled heavily with too much emphasis on the 'maniac cop's' back-story and a bit of a cornball ending. What I found actually worked with "Maniac Cop" was definitely the urban cesspool, pre-Giuliani New York City 'vibe' that we saw in 1980s, "Maniac". That shit always works - making you almost wish New York was that fucked up again just for the sake of urban-set cinema. Still, I didn't find much all that 'stand out' with "Maniac Cop" as a whole. Unmemorable kills, bland structure and dull plot.

The Jaguar Project (1983)

Damn, this is straight-up MY kind of war flick! "The Jaguar Project" (aka. "Cannibal Mercenary" - aka. "The Mercenary" - aka. "The Jungle Killers") - is pretty much beginning-to-end badassedness that goes above and beyond in offering up the 'exploitation' goods without much else getting in the way, aside from a little copious back-story here and there...

A soldier - all tweaked out on PTSD and with a Polio-stricken daughter - is hired on as a mercenary with a $500,000 incentive to lead a team of men into the jungles of Vietnam to locate a girl and take out an army of cannibal Viet Congs. Along the way, they're faced with a dick-chopping female spy, some baby-faced freako slope and his gang of golden showers assholes, some firecracker torture, among other such arduous obstacles.

There's not much I can think to fault this one for. It's just an all-around strong and entertaining trashfest with enough violence and gore to maintain one's interest. Not just a heads up - there are apparently several versions of this movie floating around, notably another known cut in which a subplot involving white people hunting for a Buddha artifact is spliced in and much of the "good stuff" is removed. The one I'm reviewing here is - what I can only assume to be - the fully intact version, clocking in at about 104 minutes. It's the one you want. I have not seen the other, more Westernized version, but I hear it's dog shit. You want some fun Thai action then you gotta give this little gem a spin!

Midnight Blue (1979)

"Midnight Blue" is a pretty superfluous 'exploitation' flick that's basically a tamed down knock-off of another very mediocre Italian 'rape/revenge' movie, "Last House on the Beach". Actually, I feel like I would need a side-by-side comparison just to see if they're not the same fucking movie!

Three female athletes are dropped off for the weekend at a swanky villa on the beach when a trio of escaped convicts just happen to show up for a dip. The girls foolishly decide to let the guys stay there with them since "they seem nice enough" and shit only goes south when they see some mugshots in the local paper. From there, the ladies have to defend themselves for the weekend as the guys wait for their criminal head honcho to show up (kinda like a shitty "Reservoir Dogs"...)...

There's a few 'steamy' sex scenes early on, but overall, this one is pretty 'light' as far as rape material goes. The guys in this are pretty mellow for the most part, and not all that cruel to our hapless captives. So, in that token, it's not all that engrossing of an 'exploit' movie and just moved along too slow for my liking, overall. Check out "House on the Edge of the Park" or "Night Train Murders" if you're looking for some truly primo films of this rapey ilk. I'd classify "Midnight Blue" as an obscure dud...

A Gun for Jennifer (1997)

You can typically count on a strong 'air' of feminism in a given 'rape/revenge' flick. That usually coincides with the whole 'revenge' portion, obviously. However, "A Gun for Jennifer" takes the man-hating element a few steps further to the point where I couldn't help but see some legit resentment for men emerge...

A young woman flees her abusive home life in Ohio to start over in New York City where she's almost immediately assaulted by a couple street thugs. While attempting to mug and possibly rape her, a gang of armed, masked women show up to save the day. They brutally murder the attackers and offer the new girl a place to stay. Turns out, they're a gang of vigilantes who target known rapists and chauvinist pervs around the city - usually castrating them before gleefully murdering them. At the same time, they're running a strip club which offers them ample opportunity to settle the score with their drunk, grabby male patrons. There's also a couple detectives on the case - one of which is a ball-busting feminist, herself, who can't help but agree with what the alpha-babe, prick-slicing posse is doing.

"A Gun for Jennifer" is a decent enough 'exploitation' flick, undoubtedly an homage to "Rape Squad" - aka. "Act of Vengeance". Could've been a little more graphic with the dick-cutting scenes and maybe tried to condense the run-time by nixing a few of the slower scenes, but it's still a mildly entertaining and aggressive low-budget 'girl power'/punk movie, overall.

The Boneyard (1991)

"The Boneyard" is a pretty damn entertaining indie creature flick once you get past a relatively slow-paced start. Almost seems like it could've been a straight-up serious horror up until about the last third when shit just gets crazier and crazier with demon poodles and Mr. Roper with a ponytail...

A retired, emotionally scarred psychic is coaxed out of retirement by a desperate homicide detective when a trio of supposed child corpses are discovered in an apprehended man's mortuary. It appears he held them captive there, claiming he was being controlled by otherworldly evil beings conjured in some kind of Asian ritual. When the psychic and detective head to a coroner's facility to investigate the bodies, the three evil little fuckers spring to life and run amok, devouring and spreading their contagious demonism to the terrified survivors.

This one interestingly blurs that line between silly, Peter Jackson-inspired stuff and straight-up horror, what with the creepy little flesh eating demons which, I'll say, came across as actually really effective and nasty at times, juxtaposed with the sillier, more over-the-top 'sight gag' type shit around the third act. Like a Phyllis Diller monster. Also Norman Fell is this. Not to insinuate that these qualities are BAD. Hell no! In all, "The Boneyard" is a hidden gem of 90s horror and a fun watch. If you're into "Evil Dead" and "Return of the Living Dead", I'd say you'll get a kick out of it.