Aftershock (2012, Nicolás López)

It seems these days Eli Roth is doing anything to stay afloat in the rough sea of relevancy. Being a one-trick-pony known for just a few directorial morsels of unabridged mediocrity, rapidly fading into the ether of nearly a decade long time period, he's decided to upgrade his onscreen presence from meer cameo annoyances to leading man status. So he produced and co-wrote a low budget disaster movie that spotlights his cringe-inducing acting "talents", as well as all of the irritating earmarks that comprise his lackluster style.

Some obnoxious douchebag friends are partying in Chile when an earthquake hits and a tsunami is said to be coming. So a bunch of people are crushed by debris and the group of friends have to navigate through a city consumed by chaos after the prison collapses, freeing a bunch of dangerous inmates.

At a certain point, the movie just becomes an awkwardly paced encounter with a bunch of escaped convicts. I just never really got the feeling that it was leading up to anything interesting or important. It all just seemed incredibly contrived and forced. Big earthquake, tsunami, savage inmate opportunists, dead babies. Just whatever it takes to get some semblance of a screenplay together - no matter how ridiculous it seems. And give us a good 35 minutes of partying before jumping ass-first into this arbitrary series of implausable events. Is that Disney Channel's Selena Gomez? Awesome cameo. Couldn't get the Biebs on set? Dammit, Roth! You almost had a MOVIE, here!

Needless to say, "Aftershock" blows. Shitty writing. Shitty twist ending. Shitty CGI effects. Just shit. The only enjoyable thing was Eli Roth is seen NOT talking about "Hostel" for once. You gotta see it to believe it.