Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Cabin Fever: Patient Zero (2014, Kaare Andrews)

I always thought the first "Cabin Fever" was a decent enough debut effort from a relatively 'hack' horror film-maker and I wound up digging the sequel for the most part, despite it's heavy flaws. Now the series continues with this third installment - dragging what was already a not 'great' franchise into completely second-rate shit territory.

A remote island research facility off the Dominican Republic has obtained 'patient zero' of the devastating flesh-eating virus outbreak and is containing him for a potential cure. While this is going on, a boat-load of douchebag bachelor partiers show up, thinking the island is the ideal secluded party spot. After two of them go snorkeling and find a cluster of dead fish remains, they become infected with the highly destructive strain of skin-melting bacteria that promptly puts the kibosh on their party plans...

This thing is just completely standard, boring horror retread garbage. The amount of cliches featured in this shit is staggering and the plot is so full of holes that it's pretty much impossible to get into. Of course, the infected people are starting to act like undead zombies. It was only a matter of time before they went that route and the whole 'twist' ending was overly convoluted and dumb - giving a sense that this movie was taking itself a bit too seriously. Also, there were way too many people pronouncing certain unattainable consonants without fucking lips which bothered me, as well as an impossible gun-related demise that is too annoyingly cartoonish and ridiculous to let slide. The only redeeming moment was someone getting their skull caved in with a huge, black dildo. Oh, and "Rudy" is in it so... that's cool, but it doesn't make up for the lack of Giuseppe Andrews' 'party cop' character. Overall though, "Cabin Fever: Patient Zero" sucks a dick.

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