Mr. No Legs (1979)

Seems like a promising concept. A bad guy with no legs killing folks with shotguns that eject from the arm rests of his wheelchair. Sounds like quality 'grindhouse' trash in every sense. Problem is - there's too many goddamn people with LEGS and not enough of the opposite...

A guy who is mixed up in a drug ring accidentally kills his girlfriend so Mr. No Legs and an accomplice kill HIM and dispose of them both. The girlfriend's brother, who happens to be a cop, wants to find out who killed his sister and ends up having to deal with No Legs...

There's a few decent things to point out in this one, I guess. We get a bar room fight sparked by racial tension among two women that involves a tranny and a black midget cheering them on, a legless man doing push-ups in his wheelchair, and a few poorly choreographed fight scenes - one of which includes a sword. Overall, however, "Mr. No Legs" is not as cool as the title makes it sounds, but hardcore fans of oddball 'grindhouse' shit may want to check it out since you'll never see another movie quite like it.

Under the Skin (2013)

"Under the Skin" is a bigger budget sci-fi 'art film' with some pretty striking, phantasmagorical imagery and a hefty helping of a nude Scarlett Johansson. Oh, you heard right! You'll need a drool bib for quite a bit of this flick, guys.

Scarlett plays an extraterrestrial femme fatale who preys upon douchebag Scotsmen she finds on the street while cruising around in her van. She takes them back to her lair - which is disguised as a rundown hovel - where she draws them into an ectoplasmic fluid where their entire body is gradually dissolved except for their skin. Her routine of flesh-preserving seduction comes to a decided halt when she opts out of submerging and de-fleshing a horribly disfigured young man and sets out to explore the world. Along the way, she is pursued by a guy on a crotch rocket whose job is apparently to keep tabs on the condition of her body and it's upkeep and eventually starts up a relationship with a solitary 'bloke'...

Visually, "Under the Skin" is beautiful and uses the dreary Scotland countryside to it's utmost in ameliorating it's reposed and unsettlingly quiet atmosphere. The setting is fantastic and the more surreal scenes are pretty damn memorable and 'trippy'. There's definitely a hypnotic quality to this film that held me, despite very little "action", overall, though mood and atmosphere take center stage here and it works very well in keeping a steady pace. Along with some more nightmarish elements, there's a bizarre 'eroticism' at the forefront that grants us plenty of delectable full-frontal from Scarlett that only enriches the film's aesthetic merit further. The 'artistic' flair that carries this one may not be everyone's cup-o-tea, but if you're looking for a more ornate spin on science-fiction then give "Under the Skin" a shot.

Clown (2014)

I was a bit more entertained by this one than I expected. I guess it's due, mainly, to the fact that it takes the concept of demon clown transformations completely serious. Does that mean it's GOOD? Nah, not really. But a killer clown flick not being totally played for laughs isn't too common. Plus, you thrown in a handful of splattery kid murders and, hell, I'll accept whatever ridiculous clown lore bullshit you can toss my way.

A guy fills in as a last minute clown for his kids birthday party, wearing an old clown suit he found at a dead dude's house. The next day, panic begins setting in when he finds it virtually impossible to remove the articles of his clown ensemble (rainbow wig, red nose, makeup, suit...) as they have adhered, seemingly permanently, to his body. He seeks the help of the former owner of the costume who explains that the only way to intercept the demonic metamorphosis that is taking place is to either decapitate him or feed him the proper number of children...

"Clown" offers up a fairly unique (though seemingly unintentionally goofy...) 'body horror' premise that contains a nice amount of practical effects - many of which are pretty decent - and the crème de la crème: a bloodbath at Chuck E. Cheese! I must say, the kid killing in this one is on par with another psycho clown film, "Sloppy the Psychotic".

So, while I can't say "Clown" is anything all that groundbreaking, but I'll give it props for keeping with a more serious 'tone' in the midst of horror-comedies being the familiar go-to these days - even through all of the silliness and retarded 'clown mythos' - and for having the balls to slaughter little kids. I'm being generous, here, but I'm giving it a moderate rec. Also check out "Stitches" if you dig fucked up clowns.

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

I wound up giving in to the hype surrounding the revival of the "Mad Max" series due to how over-the-top and 'non-stop' people were telling me it was. They weren't wrong. This thing is absolutely packed to the gills with all-encompassing action and visual 'richness'. And... that's really all it sets out to provide it's viewers. Not a bad thing, for sure.

Short form plot rundown: Mad Max, a badass chick and her girl posse are cruising around in a 'war truck' through a post-apocalyptic desert full of pasty goons, lead by a water-hoarding leader...

In all, "Mad Max: Fury Road" works more as a massive visual spectacle then anything else. The character seems to take a backseat to each consecutive 20-minute vehicular incursion (the bulk of the film, needless to say...) and the compulsory focus on arrant feminism. The Max character comes across as unnecessary while being so overshadowed by needless granny biker gangs and Charlize Theron's blandly forced exposition of redemption - the longest instance in which the film 'slows down', I'd say. To give you an idea - at one point, Max runs off into the fog to take care of some 'business'. He comes back after some peculiar noise, covered in blood (not his own...) and we realize that serious ass was kicked... completely OFF SCREEN! Not to say there's any shortage of 'balls-out' action in the film - I just feel they underutilized and over-pussified the supposed primary character in favor of a female dominated 'mold' in which Hollywood feels compelled to adhere to lately. Personally, I'm not attracted to masculine warrior-women. Call me 'old fashioned'...

Aside from that bullshit, "Fury Road" IS some entertaining, old-school escapism. Not entirely my kind of movie, typically, but it's pure visual eye-candy of the mindless, ultra-high-octane sort. Good shit to check out on the big screen, overall.

Snowpiercer (2013)

Had been meaning to check out "Snowpiercer" for a while. I wasn't tripping over myself to do so, but I had heard good things and it sounded like kind of a cool "1984"-style 'thriller' piece and it actually was for the most part without soaring over my expectations...

Set in the year 2031, the Earth has been buried by a new ice age - leaving the small remaining populace to sustain an existence on a massive luxury train that moves non-stop throughout the subzero, post-apocalyptic landscape. Their enclosed civilization has submitted to a bit of a backslide in class segregation, leaving the poor to be housed in the back of the train with no windows, gelatinous protein bricks for food and at the mercy of the sadistic 'enforcers'. When it's decided that enough is enough, the downtrodden come together and start violently making their way to the front of the train.

Pretty entertaining futuristic 'thriller' with a fairly consistent 'flow' of stylized carnage to go along with its surreal premise and visuals. There's a few pretty 'strong' scenes, such as one character's back story having to do cannibalizing babies, a guy's arm getting frozen off and a violent altercation taking place with "Midnight, the Stars and You" playing in the background. So, overall, "Snowpiercer" is an enjoyable, yet reasonably dark dystopian flick. Worth checking out.

Ooga Booga (2013)

Full Moon Features just can't do enough killer doll movies. I don't get it and, needless to say, I've never been a big fan of Charles Band and his hard-on for psycho puppets. The only reason I checked out "Ooga Booga" - there's three, actually - it features Stacy Keach (who rules), Karen Black in one of her final roles (poor woman...) and legendary internet satirist/author, Maddox. So, was it bad? Yeah, but in all honesty, it wasn't as downright unwatchable as I expected...

A young, soon-to-be black doctor is cornered by some crooked cops in a convenience store after having witnessed a deadly armed robbery. The senior cop decides the kid is guilty and executes him - thus, his soul is transferred, via electrical current, into an archetypal, disparate African-modeled doll (complete with the bone in the nose and spear...) he was given. He promptly reconnects with his girlfriend and, with her help, they set out to take down the dirty pigs and the drug manufacturing degenerates working for them.

Obviously, "Ooga Booga" is a typcial, stupid Full Moon flick that shamelessly rips off another black killer doll flick, "Ragdoll" (which just so happens to be another Full Moon joint...), and the Zuni fetish doll segment from "Trilogy of Terror", which explains Karen Black's otherwise needless appearance. Still, Keach is awesome (albeit, washed up...) and I couldn't help but chuckle somewhat at the doll's retarded sounding 'battle cry'. This movie is really something you have to be in the right mood for if you intend on getting through it, but I will say, it's not the worst Full Moon cheese-fest I've seen.