Decent enough slasher re-tread from Jess Franco about a Spanish language teaching boarding school full of European broads who are being killed off by a mystery wacko. There's some shit about a red herring with a disfigured face who's released from a mental hospital into the hands of his greedy sister, whom he shares an incestuous relationship with. Also got a full-blown retard grounds keeper and a guy who is inexplicably irresistible to women...
"Bloody Moon" ain't too bad - just standard slasher material with some hot ladies who are occasionally topless, though I really expected a little more nudity considering this IS a Franco film. The gore factor is okay. Had to chuckle at that phony fucking circular saw lopping off that cheezy mannequin head. It does drag on a little and that awful musical score really wore on my nerves.
Mildly recommended for die hard slasher buffs.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
The Funhouse (1981, Tobe Hooper)
"The Funhouse" was Hooper's more "traditional" approach to the slasher genre (I couldn't and WOULD'T consider "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" a traditional slasher film) in the post-"Halloween" and "Friday the 13th" craze of the early 80s (look for the not-so-subtle nod to "Halloween" AND "Psycho" in the opening scene).
A group of teens are bumming around a seedy carnival and think it'd be a NIFTY idea to jump off the funhouse ride and spend the night inside. They end up peeping in on one of the masked carnies paying the haggard old fortune teller for some saweet lovin'. And not unlike my first prostitute encounter, he has "bad timing" and chokes out the snotty bitch after she refuses to give his money back. While Sticky Pants is mulling over it with his carnival barker father, the sneaky kids are discovered and, from there, your slasher formula takes off...
I've always really liked "The Funhouse". The atmosphere plays a big part in building some nice suspense. The entire carnival setting is tremendously filthy and has a completely unwelcoming, unclean vibe. The effects by Rick Baker - namely the unnamed killer freak - with his fangs, cratered face, and late David Carradine hair are neat looking. Like Leatherface (the original, of course), he is given no real back-story and comes at his victims fucking HARD. Also, the interior set design of the funhouse is well done and creepy. If Hooper had one thing pegged, it was incredibly detailed sets.
"The Funhouse" is very fun flick that certainly goes along well with the Halloween holiday 'watch list'. If you haven't seen it, see it.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Splinter (2008, Toby Wilkins)
I put off seeing this one for a quite a while. Not sure why - I guess the idea of this one didn't really peak my interest and to be honest, given all the positive buzz I had heard on it, I was kinda let down...
A reasonably hot chick and her stereotypical nerd boyfriend's camping trip fails so on their way to a motel they are unlucky enough to pull over for another couple who take them hostage. They end up hitting some unidentifiable animal in the road. Eventually, they make their way to a gas station where they are attacked by a mangled body that comes flailing out of the restroom, covered in porcupine-like spikes. Seems that whomever is stuck with one of these spikes loses control of their body, causing them to bend and break and go nuts...
"Splinter" isn't the worst thing I've ever seen, it just followed too closely with other more recent flicks like "The Ruins", "Cabin Fever", and the "Feast" movies. There's a few splattery moments and the effects are rather good from what I could see, but the fucking overuse of shaky-cam was absolutely enraging! Every time the goddamn contorted creature was on screen the fucking camera bounced around so much there was no way to tell what was happening.
A little entertaining, but one you could afford to skip.
A reasonably hot chick and her stereotypical nerd boyfriend's camping trip fails so on their way to a motel they are unlucky enough to pull over for another couple who take them hostage. They end up hitting some unidentifiable animal in the road. Eventually, they make their way to a gas station where they are attacked by a mangled body that comes flailing out of the restroom, covered in porcupine-like spikes. Seems that whomever is stuck with one of these spikes loses control of their body, causing them to bend and break and go nuts...
"Splinter" isn't the worst thing I've ever seen, it just followed too closely with other more recent flicks like "The Ruins", "Cabin Fever", and the "Feast" movies. There's a few splattery moments and the effects are rather good from what I could see, but the fucking overuse of shaky-cam was absolutely enraging! Every time the goddamn contorted creature was on screen the fucking camera bounced around so much there was no way to tell what was happening.
A little entertaining, but one you could afford to skip.
Phantasm: Oblivion (1998, Don Coscarelli)
The way I see it, to call any film "flawless" or "perfect" is an outrageously brazen and simple minded statement to make and would most commonly be uttered by someone with very little knowledge of the art of cinema. Not that I would ever call myself an expert of film, in general, and I understand that it's typically a matter of opinion and personal preference. Hell, some of the most beloved films of all time soar far over my comprehension as to how they have become so highly rated among the general movie-going public over time. However, I feel that the horror genre, in itself, is a category of film that I have a pretty solid grasp on, having seen a good portion of it and continuing to do so. Don Coscarelli's 1979 surrealistic horror drive-in nightmare is one that I have always outspokenly referred to as a "perfect" horror film. Without going too far in-depth (that will happen at a later date), "Phantasm" was a low-budget film that used every ounce of it's creative grass-roots potential to it's utmost advantage - challenging the audience with incredibly bizarre ideas from a film maker who was so goddamn far ahead of his time. Now that modern horror has been reduced to a stale, repetitive, childish, and creatively brain-dead means of generating profit to Zionist Hollywood ghouls, it's likely that films of a similar artistically driven magnitude as "Phantasm" are surely lost.
Unfortunately, Don Coscarelli's progression into the studio circuit resulted in the budding film maker being, as they say, chewed up and spit out and due to the relative absence of Coscarelli over more recent years, it's safe to say his "drive" ain't what it used to be. When the long awaited "Phantasm II" was butchered in the pre-production stages and thoughtlessly shat out in theaters for it's immanent box-office bombing, Coscarelli deemed the "Phantasm" concept over with. But, like anyone, he had to keep his head afloat, thus, a second sequel, mindlessly dubbed "Lord of the Dead" (1993), was released straight-to-video. At this point, Coscarelli made it clear that it was strictly a "make a quick buck" type of situation.
Seeing as how the "Phantasm" franchise was developing a serious base of hardcore fans, it seemed only right for there to be a satisfying conclusion to the Tall Man saga. Five years after the embarrassingly comedic third installment, "Phantasm: Oblivion" was released - again, straight-to-video. As it happens, "Oblivion" was meant as a precursor to a fan-written script that Coscarelli no doubt approved as a respectable ending to his series. Turned out, the fan script required too much of a budget and since studios most definitely had no faith in the project, it was shelved there are no talks of it being made any time in the future.
Hence, we're left with "Oblivion", which I must say, despite it's seemingly unfinished dues, wraps up the series with remarkably haunting nuance.
It picks up where the third left off with Mike attempting to escape the Tall Man through the desert, via hearse, and Reggie trying to find him, via Cuda. There's still some inane bullshit involving Bill Thornbury popping up here and there; no doubt just to include all of the original main cast. Mike still has a sphere in his skull and Reg still applies some skilled dwarf killing know-how that never ceases to entertain. Scrimm is, of course, back and has more dialog than ever.
Though the storyline has gotten a bit overly complicated and silly at times (i.e. the sphere tits), all seems fairly well with this fourth film. They've nixed the action/comedy shit seen in the last two movies and stuck to a bit of a slower, horror-based tone.What really makes "Oblivion" stand out for fans of the series are the occasional cut scenes from the original that were apparently lost for years up until that point. It's actually amazing to see some of these scenes that were obviously not scrapped due any pointlessness of including them, but because several appeared to be alternate concepts for where the original could have gone. One looks as though it were a possible alternative ending involving Mike and Jody hanging the Tall Man from a tree and the Tall Man convincing Mike to cut him down. Plus, there's a brief glimpse of Jody's previously unclear fate and the ending scene is, in my opinion, a phenomenal way to end the franchise.
That alone is reason enough to check out "Oblivion". As far as fans wanting more explanation and closure, fuck it. The way I see it, dreams (or phantasms) never seem to have any known beginning or end. I mean, yeah, it would always be cool to see more "Phantasm" films as long as Coscarelli stays somewhat committed to directing them, but dragging the series on too far would only wear out it's proverbial "magic". Plus, Angus Scrimm doesn't look like he's in any shape to play the Tall Man anymore and anyone else in that role would be completely unacceptable. So, I vote to leave it alone from here. Let poor Coscarelli make more unamusing Bubba Ho Tep movies until he finds that special inspiration that he found back in the 70s and decides to catch lightning in a bottle, once again, and throw one more horror masterpiece our way. I'm not holding my breath.
Unfortunately, Don Coscarelli's progression into the studio circuit resulted in the budding film maker being, as they say, chewed up and spit out and due to the relative absence of Coscarelli over more recent years, it's safe to say his "drive" ain't what it used to be. When the long awaited "Phantasm II" was butchered in the pre-production stages and thoughtlessly shat out in theaters for it's immanent box-office bombing, Coscarelli deemed the "Phantasm" concept over with. But, like anyone, he had to keep his head afloat, thus, a second sequel, mindlessly dubbed "Lord of the Dead" (1993), was released straight-to-video. At this point, Coscarelli made it clear that it was strictly a "make a quick buck" type of situation.
Seeing as how the "Phantasm" franchise was developing a serious base of hardcore fans, it seemed only right for there to be a satisfying conclusion to the Tall Man saga. Five years after the embarrassingly comedic third installment, "Phantasm: Oblivion" was released - again, straight-to-video. As it happens, "Oblivion" was meant as a precursor to a fan-written script that Coscarelli no doubt approved as a respectable ending to his series. Turned out, the fan script required too much of a budget and since studios most definitely had no faith in the project, it was shelved there are no talks of it being made any time in the future.
Hence, we're left with "Oblivion", which I must say, despite it's seemingly unfinished dues, wraps up the series with remarkably haunting nuance.
It picks up where the third left off with Mike attempting to escape the Tall Man through the desert, via hearse, and Reggie trying to find him, via Cuda. There's still some inane bullshit involving Bill Thornbury popping up here and there; no doubt just to include all of the original main cast. Mike still has a sphere in his skull and Reg still applies some skilled dwarf killing know-how that never ceases to entertain. Scrimm is, of course, back and has more dialog than ever.
Though the storyline has gotten a bit overly complicated and silly at times (i.e. the sphere tits), all seems fairly well with this fourth film. They've nixed the action/comedy shit seen in the last two movies and stuck to a bit of a slower, horror-based tone.What really makes "Oblivion" stand out for fans of the series are the occasional cut scenes from the original that were apparently lost for years up until that point. It's actually amazing to see some of these scenes that were obviously not scrapped due any pointlessness of including them, but because several appeared to be alternate concepts for where the original could have gone. One looks as though it were a possible alternative ending involving Mike and Jody hanging the Tall Man from a tree and the Tall Man convincing Mike to cut him down. Plus, there's a brief glimpse of Jody's previously unclear fate and the ending scene is, in my opinion, a phenomenal way to end the franchise.
That alone is reason enough to check out "Oblivion". As far as fans wanting more explanation and closure, fuck it. The way I see it, dreams (or phantasms) never seem to have any known beginning or end. I mean, yeah, it would always be cool to see more "Phantasm" films as long as Coscarelli stays somewhat committed to directing them, but dragging the series on too far would only wear out it's proverbial "magic". Plus, Angus Scrimm doesn't look like he's in any shape to play the Tall Man anymore and anyone else in that role would be completely unacceptable. So, I vote to leave it alone from here. Let poor Coscarelli make more unamusing Bubba Ho Tep movies until he finds that special inspiration that he found back in the 70s and decides to catch lightning in a bottle, once again, and throw one more horror masterpiece our way. I'm not holding my breath.
Monday, October 24, 2011
The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl & Incest Boy (2007, Richard Taylor)
"The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl & Incest Boy" is a neat little 15 minute short shot on Super 8. It's about a sexy goth girl who simply walks around, killing and eating people. She comes across a seemingly abused young man (Incest Boy) who is dragged along on a leash by his pregnant mother (I assume). Cannibal Girl saves him from his sadistic mother by ripping her entrails out of her vagina and the two misfits fall in love - spending the day frolicking at a fair.
Quite a nostalgic old format - reminiscent of early John Waters. There's no audible dialog to go along with the vintage look. There's some simplistic splatter effects, such as Lloyd Kaufman getting his head stomped and a man getting his dick bitten off behind a dumpster of aborted fetuses. Awesome. "The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl & Incest Boy" is definately one for fans of oddballs shit...
Quite a nostalgic old format - reminiscent of early John Waters. There's no audible dialog to go along with the vintage look. There's some simplistic splatter effects, such as Lloyd Kaufman getting his head stomped and a man getting his dick bitten off behind a dumpster of aborted fetuses. Awesome. "The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl & Incest Boy" is definately one for fans of oddballs shit...
Basement (2010, Asham Kamboj)
In my on-going quest for high-end or just plain notable cinema, I have seen some grade-A shit in my time. Honest-to-goodness, down-n-dirty, so-bad-it's-fucking-heinous flicks. Many of which belong to the horror genre, seeing as how horror remains my primary interest. Perhaps I'm just in an odd "funk" at this time, but I don't seem to recall having experienced a film as utterly worthless, non-structured, and just all-around cinematically incompetent as "Basement".
Basic plot set-up: a group of anti-war college protester shitheads take a pit stop in the woods during a trip and all find their way into an underground maze of leaky pipes and lurking creatures (?)...
The "hook" is that certain members of their party may be involved in some kind of secret experiment having to do with locking people in this subterranean labyrinth with hooded women dressed like ninjas. Sorta like a few other, far superior psychological horror films, such as "The Hole" and "Cube". Not only does "Basement" never come close to being one shard of a fraction as gripping as either of those films, but it goes stumbling SO ass backwards into nonsense, that when the abrupt and highly unexplained ending whisked by, I was almost in shock. It all falls under a relatively short run-time, consisting of undeveloped characters, an infuriatingly slow build-up, puny amounts of gore, repetitive dialog, and, AGAIN, a "twist" ending with a hilariously pro-war slant that HAD to have been blurted out on the spot during the last few minutes of production. There's NO WAY that this particular idea had been written down and approved, in some way, by others involved...
I can't express further my absolute contempt for "Basement" and legitimate confusion as how even a semi-functioning human mind could've went along with this. Absolutely atrocious.
Basic plot set-up: a group of anti-war college protester shitheads take a pit stop in the woods during a trip and all find their way into an underground maze of leaky pipes and lurking creatures (?)...
The "hook" is that certain members of their party may be involved in some kind of secret experiment having to do with locking people in this subterranean labyrinth with hooded women dressed like ninjas. Sorta like a few other, far superior psychological horror films, such as "The Hole" and "Cube". Not only does "Basement" never come close to being one shard of a fraction as gripping as either of those films, but it goes stumbling SO ass backwards into nonsense, that when the abrupt and highly unexplained ending whisked by, I was almost in shock. It all falls under a relatively short run-time, consisting of undeveloped characters, an infuriatingly slow build-up, puny amounts of gore, repetitive dialog, and, AGAIN, a "twist" ending with a hilariously pro-war slant that HAD to have been blurted out on the spot during the last few minutes of production. There's NO WAY that this particular idea had been written down and approved, in some way, by others involved...
I can't express further my absolute contempt for "Basement" and legitimate confusion as how even a semi-functioning human mind could've went along with this. Absolutely atrocious.
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