We Are Still Here (2015)

Haunted house movies don't typically thrill me all that much as they tend to be overtly formulaic and lacking anything real surprising or 'edgy', I've found. That's not to say certain ones don't come along and prove contrary to my general views on these types of horror films, such as "We Are Still Here", which is one of the strongest supernatural/haunted house movies I've seen in quite a while. Probably not since "Insidious".

After losing their son in a car accident, a husband and wife move out to a rural house to get away from the city. Upon their arrive there seems to be something amiss with the cellar, which is emitting smokey odors which may be linked to the previous owners who, according to a few locals, were run out of town for running a sort of black market corpse selling operation out of their funeral home business, i.e. the house. Turns out, the house's history is even a bit more tempestuous when charred up entities start springing up out of the dank cellar and offing visitors...

Now, "We Are Still Here" doesn't go about adding much NEW, fundamentally, to the haunted house "recipe", but there IS a salient air of 'freshness' to it, as well as a visible admiration for the horror genre that is clear in the film's general "attitude" and style. The movie focuses abundantly on atmosphere - through quiet, moody shots of the house exterior, interior, the cellar, trees and the snowy Northeast countryside. Mood is established exceptionally well - seemingly without much artificial lighting much of the time. The characters are believable and the performances are decent, however, there's no doubt in my mind that Larry Fessenden was going for a Jack Torrance kind of vibe with his character, even in his appearance. Ha. The movie also doesn't shy away from gore when necessary. While not an all-out bloodbath, there's some fairly splattery moments.

In all, is "We Are Still Here" a GREAT film? No, but it's a very good, traditional (but not 'campy'...) take on supernatural horror with a heavy nod to Lucio Fulci's "House By the Cemetery" and, most importantly, a respect for the genre and it's fans.

Screams of a Winter Night (1979)

Extremely unmemorable 'drive-in' anthology bore-fest.

A van-load of some truly unfuckable 20-something's drive up to a vacation home out in the woods where they elect to sit around and tell campfire stories. The first one is about a creature that stalks a stranded couple out in the woods. The next on concerns some college kids staying in a haunted asylum as a frat initiation and the third is about a chick who defends herself from a date rape, via stabbing, and goes on to stab to death her roommate for borrowing her shawl...

None of the stories are remotely imaginative or have any kind of clever or creepy pay-off while the bland 'wrap-around' material pretty much takes up the majority of the movie, with such riveting discussions as; 'who is going to run an errand for more lamp oil?' and, 'who is paying for said lamp oil?' and, of course, 'John should really stop scaring the girls'. And then the house implodes... Picking the best segment from this flick is difficult, as they were all so fucking tedious that, with each one, I found myself having a hard time focusing due to the terribly slow pacing. Just avoid this one.

The Witch (2015)

I caught this one in the theater a few months ago and, while VERY impressed, was just too damn busy at the time to muster up a review for it so I figured I'd give it another watch upon a good ol' home media release before I added in my two cents. Lately, here and there, some very decent horror flicks seem to have been slipping through the Marvel-saturated Hollywood sewer system of wider theatrical releases and I gotta say, I really fucking loved "The Witch"! Maybe a demand is growing. Hell, I'm game. Give me a reason to go to the theater and I'll fucking bite.

So, we're back in New England, circa 1630, where a family is banished from their plantation for their kooky, ultra religious bullshit and are carted out into the woods to start anew, ensconced in gloomy, righteous solitude. Right off the bat, their baby is swiped by an evil forest-dwelling hag and more run-ins with sinister presences ensue - showing that the family's devout, god-fearing lifestyle is no match for one of the evilest fucking goats and rabbits you'll ever see...

Make no mistake about it, "The Witch" is pretty slow and for the most part might as well be in another language, given the thick dialect taken straight from legit sources (diaries, letters, etc...), so if you're a stickler for knowing precisely what's being said at all times in a movie you'll want to have your English subs on. Frankly, I didn't really see it as being too crucial to the comprehension of the story since a good portion of the dialog seems to be just quoting scripture while the rest is intelligible enough, I'd say. The authentic period vernacular is the icing on the cake, however, of what makes "The Witch" a very unsettling flick. Bleak tones and eerie, evil moodiness on top of infanticide, devil goats, apple regurgitation, pedophilic witches and zero hackneyed jump scares! This movie is full of uncomfortable shit. The acting is phenomenal across the board. Remembering and reciting all of the fucking "doth hath's" and "hither's" while actually putting forth an intensive performance is fucking grandiose, if you ask me. All believable performances that really 'strike' you if you're like me and are disturbed by deeply religious jargon - most notably, when a dying child is 'ascended into Christ's loving embrace'... Yeesh. If you're hankering for something creepy and a bit fucked up that won't insult your intelligence with cliches, check out "The Witch"! I look forward to director Robert Eggers' take on "Nosferatu".

Pledge Night (1990)

As you probably know, the slasher subgenre was distinctly on the 'outs' when "Pledge Night" came out and for good reason - just watch this one. It's a boring, cheapass pile of redundancy that luckily acquired the rights to some of Anthrax's music, which is it's only notable attribute. And I'm not an Anthrax fan.

A fraternity is putting some pledges through "hell week" but their hazing is eventually interrupted by the deformed spirit of a former hippie college kid who was killed when some 'brothers' accidentally submerged him in an acid bath during an initiation...

For starters, it takes well over half of the movie for anyone to get 'offed' and when the body count portion of the movie kicks in it doesn't get much better. From the looks of it, I saw a cut version, but I'm not entirely sure how accessible an uncut version currently is. Or IF it is. Either way, the movie still sucks. Way too much frat-boy bullshit and very little of anything else, aside from the massive pair of rotating tits of a haggard stripper and a fat, bug-eyed killer mongoloid with a hilarious cackle. In all, a forgettable post-slasher joint.

When Animals Dream (2014)

I'm actually a bit torn on this one. I want to like it for the same reasons I want to dismiss it as kind of a bullshit, typically 'artsy' horror film, but at the same time I don't want to totally shit on it. "When Animals Dream" is sort of an almost-werewolf-flick that relies mostly on wide shots and quiet characters - shit that can work when it doesn't come across as so flagrant and trite.

A young plain-jane with an almost comatose mother and shitty fish butchering job begins noticing strange hairs sprouting up over her body and is having dreams of snarling creatures resembling herself. The pieces start falling into place when she peeps in on her dad shaving her mom's back and catches a glimpse of the doctor's chart. Turns out, mom is being heavily sedated to keep her from turning into a wild, hairy she-bitch that kills the villagers - which she is apparently known for...

Honestly, I didn't really get 'into' this one. The slowness of it and the whole 'atmosphere-over-story' aesthetic just doesn't work for me. Yeah, it's shot very nicely and in a nice location, but, aside from that, it really isn't that much different than many werewolf movies I have seen. The characters are the dull, quiet type (shoot the sky, not dialog!...), the effects in the end are boring and simple, and the gore is minimal - everyone gets bit on the throat. I really just felt like I had seen this kind of thing before, numerous times. It didn't feel original to me. That said, it's not terrible. Well shot, adequately acted, but that's about it...

Lucky Bastard (2014)

Despite how much I rag on the long played out run of 'found footage' movies that have circumscribed the horror genre for quite a few years now, I'm not above eating my own words from time to time when I incidentally come across a decent one. Actually, I hate to say it's also happened lately with "The Visit" and, after seeing "Lucky Bastard", that makes two FF flicks that have surprisingly offered up an unusual comprisal of 'freshness' within this exhausted sub-genre. Not to say I'm going 'soft' on this shit, cuz I've definitely had my fill, overall.

A porn production company holds a special Lucky Bastard contest in which a loyal online pud-tugger can win his own sex scene with a lovely actress. So, a dweeby, non-threatening looking chump is selected and flown out to porn valley, but shit soon goes off the rails when the lucky bastard starts coming across as a bit stalkerish. This rattles the poor pro and the crew, but shooting resumes until the big scene is underway and everything officially takes a turn for the worse - leading up to the 'bastard' showing his true, violent, virgin-rage colors...

There's a healthy amount of sex and nudity, but what really stood out about this one to me was the writing and performances, which are considerably strong. Most notably, the guy who plays the director who was convincing and really entertaining at times. Downside: the violence and gore is actually pretty minimal. You got a fatal pistol-whipping and a guy being ass-blasted with a big, unlubed dildo as the main scenes consisting of any kind of stand-out brutality. That said, "Lucky Bastard" rolls along nicely with some always welcomed full-frontal and substantially competent writing and acting for the most part. Worth a look.