John Dies at the End (2012, Don Coscarelli)

I just can't seem to get 'into' anything that Don Coscarelli has done/is doing outside of the "Phantasm" franchise. That "Bubba Ho-Tep" flick annoyed the piss out of me and I will never understand the 'cult' appeal it has garnered. I just don't think Don is as funny as he thinks he is and all he seems to want to do is make one of these half-baked horror comedies every ten years, i.e. "John Dies at the End". Now, I know this is based on a book that I have not read, nor was I aware of it's existence prior to this long awaited adaptation so no comparisons can be made on MY part.

Here's a nutshell rundown on the plot of this thing from what I could make out: a guy is explaining to Paul Giamatti the experiences he and his buddy had while taking a new drug called "Soy Sauce". It grants the user wild extrasensory abilities, as well as ceaseless hallucinations.

That's really all that can be said on the plot of this flick. Everything wrapped around that basic concept is a non-stop clusterfuck medley of shear randomness and absurdity. I don't even really know what to say about it, other than that I didn't get it and it really got boring for me around the halfway mark when it became evident that nothing was going to come together and make sense. I don't know if any of this shit worked in the book, but on-screen it was merely a frustrating, pretentious heap of nonsense and forced douchebag humor. Even the back of the case has a quote that states: "A punk-rock 'Ghostbusters'... Has enough trippy and original ideas for ten movies". I agree with this, though I don't see this aspect as a 'positive' as far as this movie is concerned. It's like "Ghostbusters" for about 10 minutes, then it just keeps angling off into shit involving alien slugs, a black detective, a Jamaican guy, a talking dog, Angus Scrimm as a demonic priest, a wigger full of bugs, an infomercial ghost slayer, flying mustaches, etc. All leading up to a confusing climax with a giant tentacled blob creature. If there was at least ONE coherent element or just something memorable that happened I think I would have been able to absorb the weirdness with some semblance of acceptance or appreciation for bizarre story structures and possibly even enjoy it, somewhat, as a "bad acid trip" type of film. It was just too fucking stupid, boring, confusing for the sake of confusing and the humor didn't appeal to me. I'm just hoping Coscarelli redeems himself with his upcoming "Phantasm: Ravager".

Excision (2012, Richard Bates Jr.)

Heard a few reviews and recommendations about this one being a bit on the "unusual" side so I finally got around to checking it out recently. I will say, "Excision" definitely fit that bill, in terms of it's offbeat nature and it actually turned out a bit different than I expected.

A freaky 18-year old girl who seems to have a hard time getting along with everyone, especially her bitchy, strict mother, is obsessed with performing surgery and losing her virginity while on her period. This fixation seems to stem from frequent dreams she has involving gruesome operations, abortion and necrophilia. Her younger sister is suffering from Cystic Fibrosis and her father is a spineless, hen-pecked lump who has been successfully beaten down by the oppressive presence of the mother. However, the ongoing defiance and hastening mental deterioration of the eldest daughter adds to extra strain on the household and it all ramps up to a pretty obvious, but still nicely fucked up conclusion.

Wasn't really expecting such a full-on comedy outta this one, but I actually found that kinda cool. All of the performances are pretty sound - specifically the main teen character and the mom. Though AnnaLynne McCord does a pretty noteworthy job in the lead role, I really couldn't get onboard with her character, seeing as how she was just so over-the-top unlikable. She did it very well, I just couldn't get behind anything she was doing and just couldn't help but think there would have been a tad more... 'vitality' in her character had she been given a little more of a sympathetic characteristic. She's really just flat-out nasty, bitchy and one-dimensional. I'd say, however, that Traci Lords really steals the show more since her role as the exasperated mother shows significantly more depth due to the fact that her character is actually going through something arduous; having to juggle a sick younger daughter and a truly hateable older, psychotic daughter. I guess that would be my one actual gripe concerning "Excision". In terms of crazy broads, she didn't reach the ranks of "May" or that psycho bitch from "The Loved Ones", to name only a few. And if I were to pick one other minor thing to nit-pick, the cameos from Malcolm McDowell, John Waters and Ray Wise were incredibly brief and unnecessary. Aside from that, I really dug the 'style' of a few key moments, especially the dream sequences, which are all pretty bizarre and bloody. Most of this stuff doesn't really seem to go anywhere, in terms of furthering the plot, but the plot itself is basically just this teenage girl's descent into madness, fueled by her antisocial behavior and surgical obsession, so you pretty much just gotta roll with it.

In all, "Excision" is a pretty unique flick. Much more than a lot of new horror films I've seen recently. Check it out.

Female Market (1986, Yasuaki Uegaki)

"Female Market" is a decent enough entry in the Nikkatsu diapason, despite the palpable lack of plot or much originality. However, if you don't mind 70 minutes of wall-to-wall rape and female degradation, then this will certainly titillate your inner sleaze-hound.

A bunch of young women are abducted and held captive by a bunch of sleaze-bag sex slave ring creeps who are getting their rocks off while attempting to break each girl's spirit before selling them off to Africa. Of course, a few of them aren't giving up without a fight...

Not a whole lot else going on in this one other than the above mentioned debasement. It's all well and good, but, personally, I do prefer a LITTLE more 'depth' to my pinku sadism, which "Female Market" opted for the total straight-forward sexual deviancy/rape format. I'm fine with that, but I did find it getting a little monotonous and drudging after a while. And considering the non-stop "action" on display here, it never really crosses any bold lines or does anything memorable with the abundance of perverted violence it features. Still, I've seen worse, but I've seen far better. Nikkatsu completists should check it out, anyway.

American Mary (2012, Jen & Sylvia Soska)

For a while now, I haven't been very interested in newer horror flicks, due, primarily, to the undeniable stagnancy of the genre, but there's been a few titles that have been mentioned to me that I figured I should check out. I need something to rejuvenate my appreciation for horror and "American Mary" had the potential to do so, but it ultimately stumbled into an Eli Roth-influenced fuck-fest.

A medical student decides to take up stripping to pay her phone bill, which leads to her involvement in some kind of seedy shit going on in the basement of the club where they promptly require her surgical knowledge for a guy who appears to have been all cut up. She's thrown a wad of cash on the spot and, the next day, gets a visit from some Joan Rivers-faced, squeaky-voiced, plastic surgery-freak who wants to hire her to provide her Barbie doll-looking, freako friend with the necessary anatomical alterations to complete her inhuman image. Things go well and, eventually, she starts making a name for herself in the world of underground body modification surgery, working out of the sleazy strip joint where it all started...

This one kicked off in a fairly intriguing manner - doling out a suitable dose of weirdness and unnatural characters having unnatural interactions about doing unnatural things to themselves. So the premise there was enough to rope me in early on and I was able to enjoy the film, for the most part. Problem I had was the pacing seemed a bit odd and clumsy. Too much happens way too quick to the point where the story's structure seemed way too confused and arbitrary. Things happen and there's really no reason given for them, which CAN be fine in the right context with the right film narrative, but it didn't really work with this, I thought. A lot is just glossed over really fast. The script just seemed like it could've used some tightening so things could've had a better "flow". The film is dedicated to Eli Roth, which didn't surprise me as the whole 'tone' of it oozed fangirl reverence. Filmmakers... please. For the sake of the genre, do NOT take pointers from that guy!

Fairy in a Cage (1977, Kôyû Ohara)

Some fine Nikkatsu rapey goodness on display within "Fairy in a Cage"! Not the best, in terms of plot, but I'd definitely say there's enough to keep it rollin' along, plus a more than adequate amount of bondage and sleaze to maintain it's pinky integrity.

During WWII, a corrupt military police squad is unjustly arresting women for "interrogation" which consists of perverted torture and sexual abuse. The wife of a successful jeweler is snatched up - along with a sissy stage actor - accused of anti-government sedition and imprisoned by the police who subject them to crazy, cruel humiliations and torture under the orders of the scummy head of the squad...

"Fairy in a Cage" is one extremely straight-forward pinku film, which may not appeal to those who prefer the more plot-heavy entries, which, personally, I don't really care. As long as you got Naomi Tani suspended from her ankles while her vag is filled with water for five minutes, I'm happy. Not only that, ya got some vaginal rope burns, a wimp who seems to hate having his cock sucked, a hilarious Omorashi scene, some painful wooden horse torture and two bound people's genitals being coated in some kind of itching cream, forcing them to hump each other for relief. Yeah, it's not the most 'stylish' or innovative of it's kind, but "Fairy in a Cage" is a damn enjoyable S&M flick.

A Serbian Film (2010, Srdjan Spasojevic)

Like many, I had heard a lot about this flick prior to it's DVD release - including some of the many "taboo" and "shocking" things that were featured in it. Needless to say, my curiosity peaked and I finally checked it out a few weeks ago. Here is the inexplicably late review...

"A Serbian Film" definitely lived up to the hype, cramming in as many outrageously vile acts of sexual violence and controversial themes as it could, while managing to work within the confines of a decent plot. A retired male porn actor, Milos - now living comfortably with his wife and young child - is offered a new "adult" film gig being directed by an eccentric new "arthouse" pornographer who is desperately trying to bring something 'new' to the industry. Milos is given no info on what he will be doing in the film - only vague instructions through an earpiece as he quickly discovers that this is not like the run-of-the-mill films he had worked on in the past. Here, he is forced to perform violence laden sex acts at shady locations in front of children. That is only the beginning... The director wants his candid style of porn to exceed the bounds of "mainstream" fetishism by including torture and murder into the game-plan.

I feel that's all that really needs to be said about the general plot line. From what I have heard from others, "A Serbain Film" is a movie that many understandably find hard to stomach. Not sure what that says about me, since I didn't see the film as 'disgraceful' by my own standards, yet it DOES certainly cross a line. I mean, if other hardcore horror/sleaze sickos are loosing their shit over this thing and turning it off, there's definitely something to be said about my own sense of morality since I actually enjoyed and appreciated it for the most part. The storyline itself was good, but nothing all that astounding, in my opinion. The acting was solid, however, and deeply effective at times. There were a few nice twists and turns, which were nice to see in a flick that will undoubtedly be known specifically for a number of ghastly scenes that, I could definitely see, taking top bill over the story. Of course, the scene depicting a newborn baby being raped is the stand-out moment that will, no doubt, secure this movie a legacy for quite some time. Yes, it is a gruesome and heavily sinister concept ever-so brazenly featured in an unflinching and graphic context on film. Other notable moments of brutality include necrophilia, a woman's bloody, toothless mouth being fucked until she suffocates, and numerous references and renderings of pedophilia...

Obviouisly, "A Serbian Film" is not for all tastes, but those interested in such films that push the limits of decency should check it out.