John Dies at the End (2012, Don Coscarelli)

I just can't seem to get 'into' anything that Don Coscarelli has done/is doing outside of the "Phantasm" franchise. That "Bubba Ho-Tep" flick annoyed the piss out of me and I will never understand the 'cult' appeal it has garnered. I just don't think Don is as funny as he thinks he is and all he seems to want to do is make one of these half-baked horror comedies every ten years, i.e. "John Dies at the End". Now, I know this is based on a book that I have not read, nor was I aware of it's existence prior to this long awaited adaptation so no comparisons can be made on MY part.

Here's a nutshell rundown on the plot of this thing from what I could make out: a guy is explaining to Paul Giamatti the experiences he and his buddy had while taking a new drug called "Soy Sauce". It grants the user wild extrasensory abilities, as well as ceaseless hallucinations.

That's really all that can be said on the plot of this flick. Everything wrapped around that basic concept is a non-stop clusterfuck medley of shear randomness and absurdity. I don't even really know what to say about it, other than that I didn't get it and it really got boring for me around the halfway mark when it became evident that nothing was going to come together and make sense. I don't know if any of this shit worked in the book, but on-screen it was merely a frustrating, pretentious heap of nonsense and forced douchebag humor. Even the back of the case has a quote that states: "A punk-rock 'Ghostbusters'... Has enough trippy and original ideas for ten movies". I agree with this, though I don't see this aspect as a 'positive' as far as this movie is concerned. It's like "Ghostbusters" for about 10 minutes, then it just keeps angling off into shit involving alien slugs, a black detective, a Jamaican guy, a talking dog, Angus Scrimm as a demonic priest, a wigger full of bugs, an infomercial ghost slayer, flying mustaches, etc. All leading up to a confusing climax with a giant tentacled blob creature. If there was at least ONE coherent element or just something memorable that happened I think I would have been able to absorb the weirdness with some semblance of acceptance or appreciation for bizarre story structures and possibly even enjoy it, somewhat, as a "bad acid trip" type of film. It was just too fucking stupid, boring, confusing for the sake of confusing and the humor didn't appeal to me. I'm just hoping Coscarelli redeems himself with his upcoming "Phantasm: Ravager".