Masters of Horror: The Fair Haired Child (2006)

William Malone's "The Fair Haired Child" is definitely not one of the stand-out entries from the Masters of Horror series. I can't say I was too surprised, considering it's directed by the guy behind such "gems" as "House on Haunted Hill" and "FeardotCom".

A high school girl with considerably low self-esteem is abducted by a middle-aged couple and locked in their basement with a mute ginger boy. The purpose has to do with resurrecting their son who tragically drowned on his fifteenth birthday 12 years prior. Thus, they agreed to sacrifice someone every year to a big-headed demon in order to bring him back...

This one really felt 'off' - mainly due to poor direction and pacing. The characters were uninteresting, as was in how lead-up and back story were presented. The 'fair haired child' creature was pretty cool looking, though, so it had THAT going for it. So, yeah, I just wasn't feeling this one.

Horsehead (2014)

I was really hoping to like this one more than I did based on some pretty favorable reviews I had read a while back. Unfortunately, "Horsehead" didn't quite live up to any of the hype for me.

A young woman who is prone to dreams of a monstrous, horse-headed figure - travels back home to attend her grandmother's funeral. There, her shrewish mother and passive step-dad are storing granny's body in an upstairs bedroom where the service will apparently be held, which soon leads to her having frightening and cryptic dreams involving the dead relative. She starts drugging herself in order to induce lucid dreams, in hopes of uncovering some dark secrets surrounding her family's history...

Visually, "Horsehead" definitely delivers on the striking and nightmarish eye candy that are incredibly well shot and occasionally feature some gore and nudity. Other than this, however, the movie just feels like a mess of overly forced symbolism, dream-related metaphors and a convoluted attempt at a plot that's wedged where ever it seemed they could fit it. Some may find more within all the symbolism - of which this film is almost comprised solely of - and the surreal, metaphysical dream references, but I just couldn't get into it. Again, the look of the movie is really cool and there's some pretty damn twisted moments (lots of pregnant belly abuse!), but where it excelled in 'style', it ultimately failed in substance and story.

The Battery (2012)

What the hell took me so fuckin' long to see this flick?! Damn, this is one of the best films I've seen in a while and definitely the strongest 'take' on the apocalyptic-zombie concept to come along in quite a while.

A pair of baseball players are making their way around the rural upper-East coast, salvaging what provisions they can in the gloomy, desolate aftermath of an infectious zombie outbreak. Their conflicting personalities clash over preferred survival methods and things get even more turbulent upon coming across other non-infected survivors.

I'm keeping my synopsis kinda vague because I feel the less said about the direction this movie takes, the better for those who haven't seen yet seen it. "The Battery" is an immensely gripping movie that's driven solely on its two main characters, their relationship and struggles, and with minimal 'action'. It's done masterfully and never gets boring, despite its more low-key approach to an end-of-the-world zombie scenario. I must stress, it's not trying to be some kind of pretentious 'anti-horror', nor is it played for laughs. While it has its share of passing, casual humor, it's played straight and actually has a highly depressing tone as well. Not to mention a great use of music and is incredibly unpredictable. I straight up LOVED "The Battery" and urge you to check it out.

Christmas Evil (1980)

"Christmas Evil" is one I like to make a holiday viewing tradition out of, seeing as how it's absolutely my favorite Xmas-themed horror movie. It's always appealed to me for its 'psycho-study' layout - along the lines of Bill Lustig's "Maniac", which actually came out the same year and is the one I definitely regard as my favorite slasher film.

Following the trauma of seeing his father dressed as Old Saint Nick and groping his mom on Christmas Eve - young Harry became totally Santa-obsessed. As an adult, his apartment is packed with Christmas shit, he works in a toy factory and goes so far as to neurotically spy on and catalog the the neighborhood children's behavior in his own personal naughty/nice books. As the holiday season approaches and Harry's dismal, detached life weighs on him more and more, he begins his transformation into Santa Claus with some payback plans set for Christmas.

Can't say I would classify "Christmas Evil" as a full-fledged 'slasher' film since it doesn't start in on the body count until pretty late and just for the fact that it doesn't 'feel' like one. It more so goes about chronicling the further mental deterioration of an already disturbed guy with a big boner for Xmas. The way in which it is presented is very convincing for the most part and the guy who plays Harry does a terrific job of not over-selling the 'madness'. When the time comes for him to break out the Xmas van (emblazoned with a hand-painted sleigh motif, of course...), the film imposes some nicely conflicting sentiments of sympathy and disdain surrounding the character, as he spreads both Christmas cheer AND  bloodshed and fear on those who have in the past or DO fuck with him during his Yuletide odyssey. The scene of the asshole church-goers getting fucked up is too awesome.

 "Christmas Evil" isn't up there with films like, "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer", or the aforementioned, "Maniac", though it IS a really cool and commonly overlooked film that also captures a bleak, yet FESTIVE 'vibe'.

Masters of Horror: Dreams in the Witch House (2005)

Stuart Gordon does what he does best: adapting some H.P. Lovecraft, of course - and it makes for a solid Masters of Horror film, overall.

A college student rents out a room in an old, rundown boarding house where he intends on studying in peace and quiet. Odd shit eventually starts turning up, like a rat with a human face, a sexy witch and a baby that must be saved, all stemming from a portal to another dimension that is situated in the corner of his room.

Well adapted premise with a bit of a 'shocker' ending, as well as some full-frontal nudity. The close-ups of the man-faced rat looked way too silly for my liking, but it wasn't enough to  kill this one for me. In all, another good one out of the MoH show.

Landmine Goes Click (2015)

I went into this one pretty blind and came out absolutely taken aback by how fucking awesome it was. "Landmine Goes Click" is a first rate 'revenge' film that builds itself as SO deliciously aggravating for the viewer (in a good way!) and ends with an orgasmic fuckin' pay-off...

Two guys and a girl are backpacking around the Georgia-Russia region. We learn through some hush-hush dialog that the girl cheated on her fiance (who appears oblivious) with the presumed 'third wheel' of their group. While being in the Georgia mountains, the back-stabbing friend unwittingly steps on an armed landmine, in turn, of course, trapping him in place out of fear of detonation. Turns out, it was a set-up and he and the girl are left to figure out a way to safely get the poor, landmine-stranded bastard out of harms way. However, a bit of an unforeseen hindrance befalls their existing struggle when a Russian man and his dog show up; not looking to be all that helpful.

Where "Landmine Goes Click" totally nails it is in the building and pacing of such grueling tension that ends up making you feel almost as frustrated as the victims of this whole ordeal as you watch their interaction with this total scumbag persist. The mountain range setting and gradual nightfall that occurs throughout the bulk of the film are extremely effective in making the whole tone of the film's second act come across as all-the-more hopeless. I'm not going to get into the final third of the movie, though it's a 'shift' in the story that I, personally, found very satisfying and provoking. Definitely check this film out! Also, if you already hate Russians this movie won't change anything...