Finders Keepers (2014)

Looks like Syfy attempted to cash in on the "Annabelle" thing, which means "Finders Keepers" is just a shitty possession movie under the guise of a killer doll flick. Every aspect of this thing is halfassed to the MAX...

The usually sexy Jaime Pressly - now sporting an atrocious butch hair-do, reminiscent of Jay North from the 50s "Dennis the Menace" show - plays a mom who moves into a big old house with her young daughter after separating from her husband. The kid finds a creepy doll under the floorboards of her room and it starts to badly influence her behavior, while sneaking out to kill those who mean to jeapardize their 'bond'.

Pretty standard, paint-by-numbers horror flick. Absolutely nothing new. No notable death scenes or gore to speak of (most of them die in explosions *snore*...) and you never see the doll moving around. At the end, some CGI ghost-fog appears and the kid's eyes turn black... Again, just typical, boring stuff. There's something about the former owner of the doll who has a few scenes wedged in there that are completely pointless and Tobin "Jigsaw" Bell pops up a few times, bored, reminding us that his career ended with the "Saw" franchise. So yeah, if you like dull horror flicks, you'll be in shit-heaven with this one...

Afflicted (2013)

It's safe to say that if I had known anything about this one before putting it on, I would have avoided it, altogether. "Afflicted" is a 'found footage' vampire movie. Need I say more?

A terminally ill guy goes on a trip to Paris with his documentarian buddy. After hooking up with a chick, the one guy wakes up with a mysterious wound, starts puking up all his food and reacting strangely to sunlight. On the upside, however, they discover he has super-human strength, speed and Spiderman-like agility. Still, he needs human blood to live and is desperate to find the chick that 'infected' him...

As is the case with so many 'found footage' films, "Afflicted" could have probably worked better had it not been structured this way. It's clear the only reason they did go this route is because, obviously, it's still profitable while being an advantageous way to cut production costs. This format just doesn't work for every variety of horror film (or ANY at this point...) and just ends up limiting these films' range by making a B-story virtually impossible, obscuring the 'action' and FX with implausibly continual, handheld shaky-cam recordings and eliminating most (if not ALL...) cinematic ingenuity (cinematography, lighting, general scene structure...), giving the film a very circumscribed blandness, overall. I'd say "Afflicted" could have done much more with the story and characters had they abandoned the POV bullshit and focused more on them. So, my ruling: don't bother.

Alice, Sweet Alice (1976)

Very cool and criminally underrated Hitchcock-style '70s 'proto-slasher' film. "Alice, Sweet Alice" has a remarkably strong and original story line and some pretty memorably whacked-out fuckers doing crazy whacked-out shit...

During her first communion, a young girl is murdered and set on fire in the back room of the church. Due to her behavioral problems, the sister is immediately the prime suspect, though they can't really pin it on her... That is, until her cold-hearted auntie is knifed on the apartment staircase by a masked nutjob in a yellow raincoat that matches the presumably 'evil' sister's. So she's locked away, but is that the end of the brutal attacks?...

"Alice, Sweet Alice" (aka. "Communion" - aka. "Holy Terror") definitely has a lot going for it - strong, entertaining performances, namely the creepy, obese pedo neighbor and the crazy old Italian bitch. It all 'jibes' extremely well with the briskly paced - very DePalma-esque - 'mystery' premise that continues to work nicely, well after the big reveal when all hell breaks loose. Not a major bloodbath by any stretch, but the few scenes of violence are still quite harsh and gruesome and usually very unexpected, which was cool, namely the guy getting a crucifix bashed down his throat with a shoe! This is an oddly overlooked film that I feel really should be renowned as much more of a true horror 'classic' then it is. Highly recommended!

Popcorn (1991)

"Popcorn" is a movie I had heard a few positive comments for, floating around, but it was never a top priority title for me. Figured I'd see if I was missing out on anything 'special' and, no... I wasn't.

A University film class isn't receiving proper funding so they decide to put on a horror film festival to raise some money. While setting up, they discover a reel featuring 'artsy', macabre footage of a film-maker who, years ago, went on to kill his family live on stage after the screening of that particular film. So, as the festival is underway, a killer is lurking around behind the scenes - making molds of peoples faces and wearing them as masks as he murders them...

All "Popcorn" did was remind me that horror died out with the 80s and there was that depressing period of the early 90s where haphazard attempts to recapture the profitable slasher 'trend' ended up making for some truly unmemorable shit. "Popcorn" has no gore (aside from TWO people being impaled by the SAME giant suspended mosquito prop...What "imagination"...), no sex/nudity, banal comedic tones, and some painfully forced - yet predictable - 'connection' between the over-explaining killer and the main girl which eats up a lot of the film's run-time. Also, too much of the movie is spent showing scenes of the movies-within-the-movie, which just goes to show that the main premise of "Popcorn" couldn't solely sustain an average 90-minute run and needed to be heavily padded with pointless, unfunny horror movie satire. I think this is why genre fans like this movie - because of the references - but I found it to be a very cliched, watered down borefest. It's a prime example of a tired 90s slasher abortion...

Brain Dead (2007)

"Brain Dead" - not to be confused with the 1992 Peter Jackson splatter-'classic' or that Bill Pullman 'thriller' - is a totally run-of-the-mill 'indie' zombie gore flick, but I thought it was entertaining and mindless enough to get through...

Six people - a pair of convicts handcuffed together, two female hikers and a pervy priest and his young hottie parishioner - find themselves stranded in a rundown cabin as a few brain-eating zombies are lurking around outside. It's all due to some kind of gooey alien parasite that climbs into peoples bodies and takes control of them.

Apart from a few decent gore scenes, there's also a decent amount of gratuitous nudity provided by every chick in the film - all of which are pretty much knock-outs. So, it won me over a bit on THAT end. Otherwise, it's just your standard, low-budget "Evil Dead"-inspired zombie shit. Absolutely nothing new to see here, but not a complete waste of time, I guess...

Out of the Furnace (2013)

"Out of the Furnace" started off as a pretty solid revenge-flick with a terrific cast putting forth some naturally strong performances. Unfortunately, I thought it fell apart significantly around a certain point and it, in turn, affected the 'payoff' negatively...

A Pennsylvania steel mill worker (Christian Bale) is carrying the load of a dying father and keeping his younger, less responsible brother in check when - in a stroke of devastating luck - is involved in a nasty car wreck, resulting in the death of a child. Having been coming back from a bar doesn't help matters and he's tossed in prison. Upon his release (I don't recall the length of his sentence being disclosed...), he finds that his father is dead, his girlfriend left him for the police chief and his bro has gotten mixed up in the gritty world of underground, bare-knuckle fighting. Things get a bit "confused" during a brawl out in the sticks and the brother and his "manager" are murdered by a ruthless redneck drug dealer. When Bale gets word of this, he does what he can to hunt down his bro's killer.

Things were going well up until the whole 'revenge' angle is kicked off, when the movie takes some highly implausible turns. Such as, the whole scene when Bale poses as a guy looking to score some drugs and, despite being skeptical as to whether or not he's a cop, they actually take him to their secluded drug 'headquarters' and offer information... Really? What a bunch of careless idiots. Also, Forest Whitaker seems incredibly miscast as the Chief/boyfriend of Bale's ex. He looks old enough to be her father and his role seems largely pointless. As for the 'big ending', it's pretty unfulfilling, overall. Everything following the main story arc seemed rushed and just far less interesting then all that was going on before that. The good points - well, like I said, the performances are all great; especially Woody Harrelson who quickly became my hero in the opening scene of the film (excellent use of a hotdog...) and continues to dominate in every subsequent scene he's in. It's also shot very well and has some nicely grim scenery.

If only it had ended a bit stronger, I'd be able to recommend it a little harder, but I'd say it's still worth checking out for what strengths it's got.