Deliver Us From Evil (2014, Scott Derrickson)

Can't say I needed another example of just how stagnant 'mainstream' American horror is these days, but it looks like I got one with "Deliver Us From Evil". This was another one that I had no intention of ever viewing, but it was around - via Redbox rental, as well as some fine Tennessee bourbon - so I figured "what the hell". Yeah, it pretty much epitomizes everything wrong with this kind of bland, Hollywood horror shit of recent years...

A Bronx cop and his partner begin uncovering a demonic entity brought back from Iraq by a couple of G.I.'s. One is a professional painter, the other a wife beater and the third turns up dead. They end up possessing a woman into tossing her young child over the wall of a lion's den and there's something to do with The Doors' music, which was lost on me...

It's basically the same shit you've seen a million times. I've never really been a fan of movies about demonic possession - having always found flicks like "The Exorcist" to be highly overrated. I'm not able to buy into the concept enough to find it 'scary' or 'disturbing'. And like everything else these days, it's "based on a true events"; apparently found in a book written by the now retired New York cop portrayed in the film. I'm sure no 'cinematic liberties' were taken... Ha. Overall, "Deliver Us From Evil" is more supernatural-horror fodder for the 'popcorn crowd', featuring an abundance of cliches, such as the seasoned NYPD cop who doesn't spend enough time with his family, the overly hip priest, and a chick with chapped lips crawling around on all fours and speaking Latin. It also must be said that this movie is 90% close-ups of Sony technology. It actually gets distracting! Boring, WAY too long and WAY too typical. Avoid.

ReGOREgitated Sacrifice (2008, Lucifer Valentine)

I've expounded on my overall opinion of Lucifer Valentine's works before, so I'm going to keep this one relatively short. "ReGOREgitated Sacrifice" is the second installment in the gimmicky 'vomit gore' trilogy and it's the exact same thing as the other two flicks it is sandwiched between...

...And, once again, there is no story. The film is, again, simply a rapidly edited compilation of scenes featuring the one-note film-maker's adoration for seeing crack whores puke and piss on each other.

Like "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls" - which I will admit I found fairly interesting upon my initial viewing before I did my five minutes of research which was all it took for me to conclude that Valentine is a monumental douchebag and self-obsessed liar - "ReGOREgitated Sacrifice" would have hacked it better as a 5-10 minute short. Only, it clocks in at an incredibly SLOW 65-minutes (feels like 2 hours...) that consist mostly of drunk/stoned, haggard prostitutes hanging out in hotel rooms and spewing bile everywhere. You also got a lesbian three-way, featuring a pregnant woman, a fake snuff scene or two and a few prolonged sequences of excessive gore. Speaking of which, the gore is the only redeeming aspect of this piece of shit. Namely, there's a pretty gruesome disembowelment and the complete mutilation and desecration of a severed human head. They should have focused on that and cut out all of the other boring bullshit seeing as how they had a pretty decent FX crew at their disposal.

So, yeah, if you're 13-years old and find vomit and piss SHOCKING, then you'll definitely fit right in with Lucifer Valentine's fanbase and eat this shit right up. Personally, I've seen a LOT of fucked up fetish material so puke drinking doesn't have the strongest effect on me, honestly. Also, I'm not a Nirvana fan...

Cannibal (2013, Manuel Martin Cuenca)

"Cannibal" is a very slow-paced and non-graphic Spanish serial killer-drama film. Due to the little bit of info I had picked up prior to viewing this one, I wasn't entirely caught off-guard, though I must say, it ended up being a pretty unremarkable undertaking...

A highly introverted tailor takes to stalking and kidnapping women, whom he transports to his secluded cabin in the mountains where he butchers them for their meat. Keeping his freezer amply stocked, he dines solely on these human gobbets. He ends up falling into a casual relationship with the hot floozy neighbor chick, who goes missing one day after coming to his apartment for help. Her sister soon shows up looking for her, to which he offers his help - thus, their awkward liaison is sparked.

The performances are solid - namely the Carlos character, played by Antonio de la Torre - whom no background is given for, but you can only assume he has the old classic serial killer/cannibal-syndrome of never wanting a woman to leave him, of which, the intimate act of cannibalism satisfies. Speaking of cannibalism, the film doesn't expound on the topic much - just showing Carlos butchering a chick off-screen (just showing her leg and some blood-flow) at the beginning and failing to capture a skinny dipper later on. The movie plays out as more of a "pastel" conceptualization of a serial killer/cannibal lifestyle, with really no violence or 'horror' elements. That's all fine, but I felt that the movie missed it's mark with the painful tedium it demonstrates. I normally have no problem with 'character studies', but "Cannibal" just moved WAY too slow and amounted to way too little to appeal to me. It's well shot and acted, but the whole cannibal element was underplayed and is virtually meaningless in the long run. This movie could have left all that out and still have been the same, as far as I'm concerned. And it would have forced them to have picked a more fitting title...

The Barn of the Naked Dead (1974, Alan Rudolph)

aka. "Nightmare Circus". There were quite a few interesting ideas at play in "The Barn of the Naked Dead", only their execution seemed a bit too clumsy and misdirected to completely "grab" me. That said, considering it's mean, misogynistic and just plain weird content, I can't chalk it up to a total loss.

Three young showgirls are on their way to Vegas. They make the mistake of turning off onto a dirt road "shortcut" where their car breaks down in the middle of the desert. The next morning, a seemingly helpful guy shows up to take them to his isolated place to use his phone. It doesn't take long before the gals notice that his barn is full of chained women that he ends up using as the "animals" in his deranged circus act, for which he plays the sadistic ringmaster. While this is going on, the girls' agent is trying his damnedest to track them down...

There's some back story involving the guy's mommy issues and there's some kind of Anthropophagus-looking freak tucked away - a result of the military's H-bomb testing years ago. That part - while making for a reasonably gruesome ending - seemed kind of awkwardly wedged into the film, while I thought the whole circus angle was an amusing concept. Andrew Prine (from "The Town That Dreaded Sundown") pulls off his role very well and the movie doesn't shy away from astringent cruelty towards women. That fucker LOVED his bull whip! It's an entertaining enough 'exploit'/B-horror flick, but, like I said, it could have used a little more direction and 'flow' with some of it's elements. Still giving it a rec.

The Gateway Meat (2008, Ron DeCaro)

Pretty decent shot-on-video gore flick - along the lines of "August Underground" and "Schramm" and, if I remember correctly, Fred Vogel's name actually pops up in the opening credits as a producer.

Ron DeCaro directs and stars as a satanist belonging to some bloodthirsty family residing in a small coastal town. After his father's death, he is relied upon by the family and struggles to unlock a portal to Hell - which consists of torturing and mutilating people who may be the "key" in their demonic conjuration. His wife, young daughter and fat, redneck buddy are involved in this killing spree, signaled by the 2006 assassination of George W. Bush!

"The Gateway Meat" is jam-packed with grisly death scenes, such as a drunk guy stabbing his girlfriend's face apart, the dismemberment of a couple Jehovah Witnesses, and the BEST being a good old 'Columbian Neck-tie' method used on a helpless pizza boy... The acting is terrible, as expected, but the gore, fake snuff "feel" and interesting camera angles make up for it by a long shot! "Extreme" horror fans should check this out.

Take an Easy Ride (1976, Kenneth F. Rowles)

"Take an Easy Ride" is an informational film on the dangers of hitch-hiking in the UK. It gets it's 'message' across by featuring an abundance of violence and rape.

Several different hitch-hiking scenarios are presented - one being a pair of girls on their way to a hippie-fest who fall prey to a smut-loving rapist/killer. Another lone hitching female encounters a married couple who are into drunken threesomes. There's another pair of young girls who are actually the ones attacking motorists and, finally, two other girls who manage to get a ride with a kindly old trucker who pulls no shenanigans...

This is as "informational" to the public on the dangers of hitch-hiking as "Last House on the Left" was about the dangers of buying weed off the street or "I Spit on Your Grave" was on the risks of letting delivery boys in your house. "Take an Easy Ride" is straight-up 'exploit'-sleaze with some brutal mud puddle rape and a pretty steamy lesbian sex scene. Gotta love that retro MUFF! It's definitely an entertaining bit of '70s obscurity...