Don't Breathe (2016)

There definitely seems to be a resurgence of higher quality American horror films hitting the theaters lately. "Don't Breathe" is a fantastic flick that's rife with suspense and throws in a pretty fucked up 'twist'...

Three petty Detroit thieves break into upscale homes and take just enough shit to avoid what would amount to a felony. Not scoring nearly enough cash to make it out of the God-forsaken, derelict city, they get word of a blind war vet who is sitting on a 300-grand settlement so they figure it'd be a cinch to break into his house and lift it. Turns out, what this guy lacks in sight he makes up for, ten fold, in stomping mud-holes in the asses of intruders. Once trapped inside his domicile, the petrified criminals are forced to take the film's title to heart and not let the gun-toting blind badass hear them breathe as they look for a way out.

I honestly can't find a whole lot wrong with "Don't Breathe". This is one suspenseful, well-structured and excellently paced horror movie. One of the best I've seen in a long time. The blind man character is terrifically merciless toward his trespassers and - during an unexpected turn of events - it becomes much more open-to-question as to whether or not he is totally the 'victim' or not. Definitely did NOT see that shit coming! I'll never touch a turkey baster again... Gotta hand it to Fede Alvarez as "Don't Breathe" knocks his previous "Evil Dead" remake out of the water. Hopefully he sticks with his own concepts from now on and keeps turning out shit of this caliber, cuz I'm certainly impressed. Along with "The Witch", I had two surprisingly enjoyable trips to the theater this year.

Don't Go in the Woods (1981)

Just to be fair, I lost interest in "Don't Go in the Woods" well before the halfway mark so this review is going to have to be only specific to the parts I happened to glance up at every so often...

An insane mountain man is running around the woods outside of a small town, murdering campers, hikers and whoever else happens to be around...

There's really nothing else going on, aside from a morbidly obese sheriff and his deputy wondering about the string of deaths occurring in their woods. Yeah, aside from that... it's just random people being stalked and killed off in cheesy, boring ways. There's really not much more I got on this one. It's a lame, cheapass, meandering piece of shit that isn't even fit to laugh at as far as I'm concerned.

Don't Torture a Duckling (1972)

While never being my favorite film from Lucio Fulci, "Don't Torture a Duckling" is definitely one of the better 'giallos' I have seen which I make a point to revisit from time to time. Not one of his 'funner' or 'sleaziest' movies, but there's enough here to sink one's proverbial teeth into, I'd say.

Dead, adolescent boys begin turning up around a rustic Italian village and the local authorities are rolling up their sleeves to find the killer. A plethora of suspects are brought into the picture, such as the town pervert, the town witch doctor and the hot rich chick that is laying low after recently turning up in a drug-related scandal. All while a determined journalist begins sifting through the accused in search of the real murderer and his/her motive...

Being one of his earlier forays into the 'giallo' market, "Duckling..." is far from his goriest work, but still has a nasty, mean-spirited 'tone' to it. Not much in the way of on-screen child killing, though the aftermath sequences are effective - involving battered kid corpses and baby remains. Not to mention the pretty 'rough' chain lashing of a woman. The extraordinarily sexy Barbara Bouchet offers up the eye-candy with an undeniably memorable nude scene (in which she sexually propositions a prepubescent boy, which was awesome...) which will certainly get your 'nethers' tingling. And, while not huge on gore and slaughter, the plot is solid enough to hold your attention with it's numerous twists and somewhat peculiar pay-off (sparks??...). For Fulci or 'giallo' fans, in general, this film is a must.

Don't Let Him In (2011)

"Don't Let Him In" is a terrific example of a film where nothing works. Clearly, zero know-how or tact was applied to every single component of this movie - be it, the story, acting, pacing, twist ending, etc - making for one truly unoriginal and ponderous horror/thriller piece of shit...

Two couples head to a vacation home in the woods where they learn that a serial killer, known as The Tree Surgeon, is on the loose. His 'thing' is dismembering people and hanging their limbs from trees. Turns out, one of their party is also a murderer who is on the run after offing his parents and when a wounded guy shows up at their door, it becomes apparent that the Tree Surgeon may be close by.

There's way too much wrong with this movie to fully get 'into', but if I were to point out a few select things - first, NO development of these characters, whatsoever. One's a slut and the rest are just unpleasant and dull. That's all we really learn. The CGI blood effects looked like shit and a particular scene of a maggot crawling out from under a guy's eyelid had me pretty confused. Also, the 'twist' at the end (or ATTEMPT at one...) was beyond obvious and ridiculously cliche. The level of incompetence it had to have taken to make something as vapid and devoid of 'style' as "Don't Let Him In" is actually the only interesting aspect of this flick. Avoid this...

A Christmas Horror Story (2015)

"A Christmas Horror Story" is essentially the Yuletide equivalent of 2007's Halloween anthology, "Trick 'r Treat" - featuring a series of interwoven holiday-themed horror stories. I'd say both films are definitely on par with one another, in terms of quality. They're both exceptionally entertaining.

Five stories are intertwined, simultaneously (as opposed to the more episodic movies of this ilk...) - with William Shatner as a radio DJ, acting as the wrap-around, more or less. As he's working and boozing it up during Christmas, some teens sneak into the basement of their high school - which used to be a convent-turned murder scene - to shoot a documentary. A cop who was on the scene of these murders has his young son swapped out with an evil changeling while trespassing on a demon-hoarders land, while another family is pursued by a Krampus and Santa Claus battles 'infected' zombie elves at the North Pole...

Like it's aforementioned counterpart, "Trick 'r Treat", "A Christmas Horror Story" goes about capturing the 'feel' of it's respective holiday considerably well. All of the stories are enjoyable - the best, I'd say, being a toss up between the changeling one and Santa Claus, mainly for the clever 'twist' attached to the latter. There's some gory moments, some silly ones involving crazed, self-mutilating elves and a few fairly creepy parts as well. It's got it's bases covered pretty well. Overall, "A Christmas Horror Story" is a surprisingly fun and "festive" movie that I could easily see becoming a genre favorite around the Xmas season. Recommended.

Toxic Zombies (1980)

"Toxic Zombies" (aka. "Bloodeaters") is a cheapass, but reasonably watchable horror film.

During an attempted drug bust out in the woods, a couple of federal agents are murdered by a group of pot-growing hippies. In turn, some seedy government officials hire a crop duster to drop a deadly chemical on the growers and their crops - failing to consider the poison has zombifying side effects. So the zombie hippies go on a killing/eating spree throughout the woods, mostly targeting campers...

This one doesn't play out as much more than your standard zombie flick. The acting is expectedly terrible and rigid and the gore effects leave a lot to be desired. It's not the worst thing I've ever sat through, however. In all, "Toxic Zombies" isn't worth tripping over yourself to track down, as it's pretty basic and uninspired.