Hayride 2 (2015)

I didn't see the first "Hayride" so I wasn't totally up to speed on this 'saga', but I think I got the gist, despite this sequel clearly being a direct continuation of it's predecessor. Based on it's own merits, the "Hayride" series appears to suck ass.

Again, appearing to pick up where the original movie left off, the survivors of a massacre involving a fat, masked hillbilly with Ku Klux Klan ties, named Pitchfork, are in the hospital being treated for injuries sustained. Pitchfork breaks out of his ambulance with his sights set on getting to the hospital to finish these punks off while, in the meantime, a detective is attempting to dig up some back story on the redneck killer...

Seriously standard slasher formula, here. Actually, the beginning shows a bit of re-cap from the previous installment, which looked quite a bit better in comparison to what I ended up watching. Looked like some decent kills and Pitchfork running around, hacking people up with a chainsaw. Where was the chainsaw in THIS one? Not only is there a no chainsaw, but the majority of the deaths are off-screen, save for a few fairly bloody pitchforkings. The rest of the time characters are sitting around a hospital waiting room, reminiscing about shit and showing boring flashbacks while sappy music plays. The thing was just too heavy on filler and needless character development, considering it's a sequel... to a SLASHER movie.

Can't say I'm tripping over myself to check out the first "Hayride" flick. Should've probably checked that one out first, but circumstances landed the second one in my lap first, so that's that. Pretty weak slasher joint, overall, with a typical looking killer, dull characters/dialog, light on gore and just too conventional. Don't waste your time.

The Guest (2014)

Until recently I never really connected guys like Adam Wingard and his other film-maker buddies - Ti West, Joe Swanberg and whatever others, with the "mumblecore movement". I guess it's mainly due to the fact that I had never even heard of these types of films before, but I looked up some info and apparently it's a subgenre consisting of pretentious, angsty, micro-budget hipster romance comedy-dramas that typically feature improvised, depressive performances. In other words: bullshit. So I guess the "cool" thing now amongst these guys is incorporating some of the "mumblecore" characteristics into their multi-faceted 'horror-thriller' flicks. Generally, looking back, these types of films have been relatively hit-and-miss with me, thus far, but "The Guest" turned out to be a pretty generic and over-rated film.

A soldier, presumably on his way home, unexpectedly arrives at the home of one of his fallen unit members. The dead serviceman's family offers to let the man stay with them and soon enough the guest becomes more and more involved in the lives of the family - dealing with the teenage son's bullying issues, the 20-year old sister's social life and the father's work life... Of course, shit begins to spiral out of control when some 'red flags' go up and a deeper look into the visitor's history reveals some potential threats...

I'd say, while it's very reminiscent of quite a few other movies - namely, Takashi Miike's "Visitor Q" and "Hesher" (which was, in itself, a knock-off of the aforementioned film...), "The Guest" is a watchable enough flick. A little heavy on the 'quirkiness' than I would typically prefer (namely, a bar fight scene that seems to go on a bit too long...), but that's the idiosyncratic "mumblecore" influence rearing it's ugly, genre-contrasting head. Overall, it's a pretty standard type of mainstream'thriller' that's an easy watch if you're in a somewhat easy-going mood, but don't expect anything crazy.

Maggie (2015)

I definitely picked up on the "fresh spin" this one was going for and, while I appreciated it's ambition in mixing up the 'infection/outbreak/zombie' genre a little, it never quite managed to pick up the proper momentum and bolster the strength I think it could've had.

In a near-future setting, a new virus has hit that turns people in raving, zombie-ish lunatics. A farmer's teenage daughter is bitten by one of the infected lunatics, but apparently, the effects of the sickness don't set in immediately so those who are tainted are allowed to go on with their lives while being frequently monitored by the authorities and doctors. Once they've hit the point-of-no-return (everyone else smells like delicious meat and they go crazy...), they are whisked off to some quarantine zone where they are killed. The father is doing his best to cope with the inevitable while his daughter comes to realization that she's quite literally falling apart...

The concept here is a bit different than many flicks of this kind and it plays out as more of a tenebrous drama than a total 'horror' film. There ARE a few scenes early on that are reminiscent of "28 Days Later", involving infected, zombie-like creeps getting roughed up (one scene actually being pretty effective...), but for the most part, it tries to stick with a more emotional human element. Unfortunately, it's not done especially well, considering the characters are bland and particularly hard to 'connect' with, which seemed to offset the movie's essence. Arnold Schwarzenegger tries to pull off a little 'depth' with his character, but he really couldn't carry this film. Stylistically, it looks good - dreary tone; almost colorless, though, in terms of the premise and pacing, it didn't work for me. It was very plodding and left me feeling like I saw a ten minute movie stretched into a pretentious 95-minutes.

"Maggie" showed promise in certain areas, but the delivery was pretty lacking, I'm afraid.

Mr. No Legs (1979)

Seems like a promising concept. A bad guy with no legs killing folks with shotguns that eject from the arm rests of his wheelchair. Sounds like quality 'grindhouse' trash in every sense. Problem is - there's too many goddamn people with LEGS and not enough of the opposite...

A guy who is mixed up in a drug ring accidentally kills his girlfriend so Mr. No Legs and an accomplice kill HIM and dispose of them both. The girlfriend's brother, who happens to be a cop, wants to find out who killed his sister and ends up having to deal with No Legs...

There's a few decent things to point out in this one, I guess. We get a bar room fight sparked by racial tension among two women that involves a tranny and a black midget cheering them on, a legless man doing push-ups in his wheelchair, and a few poorly choreographed fight scenes - one of which includes a sword. Overall, however, "Mr. No Legs" is not as cool as the title makes it sounds, but hardcore fans of oddball 'grindhouse' shit may want to check it out since you'll never see another movie quite like it.

Under the Skin (2013)

"Under the Skin" is a bigger budget sci-fi 'art film' with some pretty striking, phantasmagorical imagery and a hefty helping of a nude Scarlett Johansson. Oh, you heard right! You'll need a drool bib for quite a bit of this flick, guys.

Scarlett plays an extraterrestrial femme fatale who preys upon douchebag Scotsmen she finds on the street while cruising around in her van. She takes them back to her lair - which is disguised as a rundown hovel - where she draws them into an ectoplasmic fluid where their entire body is gradually dissolved except for their skin. Her routine of flesh-preserving seduction comes to a decided halt when she opts out of submerging and de-fleshing a horribly disfigured young man and sets out to explore the world. Along the way, she is pursued by a guy on a crotch rocket whose job is apparently to keep tabs on the condition of her body and it's upkeep and eventually starts up a relationship with a solitary 'bloke'...

Visually, "Under the Skin" is beautiful and uses the dreary Scotland countryside to it's utmost in ameliorating it's reposed and unsettlingly quiet atmosphere. The setting is fantastic and the more surreal scenes are pretty damn memorable and 'trippy'. There's definitely a hypnotic quality to this film that held me, despite very little "action", overall, though mood and atmosphere take center stage here and it works very well in keeping a steady pace. Along with some more nightmarish elements, there's a bizarre 'eroticism' at the forefront that grants us plenty of delectable full-frontal from Scarlett that only enriches the film's aesthetic merit further. The 'artistic' flair that carries this one may not be everyone's cup-o-tea, but if you're looking for a more ornate spin on science-fiction then give "Under the Skin" a shot.

Clown (2014)

I was a bit more entertained by this one than I expected. I guess it's due, mainly, to the fact that it takes the concept of demon clown transformations completely serious. Does that mean it's GOOD? Nah, not really. But a killer clown flick not being totally played for laughs isn't too common. Plus, you thrown in a handful of splattery kid murders and, hell, I'll accept whatever ridiculous clown lore bullshit you can toss my way.

A guy fills in as a last minute clown for his kids birthday party, wearing an old clown suit he found at a dead dude's house. The next day, panic begins setting in when he finds it virtually impossible to remove the articles of his clown ensemble (rainbow wig, red nose, makeup, suit...) as they have adhered, seemingly permanently, to his body. He seeks the help of the former owner of the costume who explains that the only way to intercept the demonic metamorphosis that is taking place is to either decapitate him or feed him the proper number of children...

"Clown" offers up a fairly unique (though seemingly unintentionally goofy...) 'body horror' premise that contains a nice amount of practical effects - many of which are pretty decent - and the crème de la crème: a bloodbath at Chuck E. Cheese! I must say, the kid killing in this one is on par with another psycho clown film, "Sloppy the Psychotic".

So, while I can't say "Clown" is anything all that groundbreaking, but I'll give it props for keeping with a more serious 'tone' in the midst of horror-comedies being the familiar go-to these days - even through all of the silliness and retarded 'clown mythos' - and for having the balls to slaughter little kids. I'm being generous, here, but I'm giving it a moderate rec. Also check out "Stitches" if you dig fucked up clowns.