Fatty Drives the Bus (1999, Mick Napier)

 

So I had a few Troma cheapies laying around for a long while and just recently decided to spend a drunken Friday night seeing if I had been neglecting any potential "gems". The first foray of the evening was "Fatty Drives the Bus", which I think I had purchased amongst a rather large order of DVDs for just under a dollar. I regret every measly cent of what I spent on this shit-heap.

Satan isn't making his 'soul quota' for the month because Christ is in town, so he decides to disguise himself as a Chicago tour bus guide and trick a bunch of schmucks into signing over their souls before crashing the bus, killing them all...

I was expecting more of a horror-comedy with this one. I wasn't expecting anything great, but a dumb, Troma-released horror-comedy at the very least. It isn't. There isn't any evidence of the horror genre in this film. Not only that - but the comedy element is absolutely retarded. They were trying to go for that absurd, "no rules" type of humor that they knew Troma fans would eat right up. That type of satirical, dimwitted comedy is okay with me in some cases, but here... it's completely redundant and laid on WAY too thick. It's basically just random, go-nowhere scenes featuring a busload of "wacky" characters such as a couple of country brothers who are intimidated by the "big city", a guy dressed as a woman who thinks he's a "hot broad" (if Troma releases it, there MUST be cross-dressing), a suicidal scientist, a stereotypical married tourist couple and a snooty rich couple. None of them - not ONE - is amusing in the slightest! The only benefit you'd get from watching "Fatty Drives the Bus" is that it acts as more of a genuine tour-film of Chicago than anything else. They film a lot of it on location in front of various Chicago landmarks. Otherwise, it's totally pointless. The ending is a ridiculously intentional cop-out that, again, just goes to show that the idiots behind this were trying to be "outrageous" and "clever" and "anti-film" assholes, but failed miserably. Plus, why the fuck does the title of the movie put ANY emphasis on the bus driver? He's barely in the movie and plays NO significant part in any of it! Satan is the tour-guide, NOT the driver.

I don't care how much of a Troma fan you are, you'll hate this fucking movie. I promise.

The Embryo Hunts in Secret (1966, Kôji Wakamatsu)

It's certainly surprising, even by Japanese standards, that a film of this high sleaze-caliber came out of the mid-60s. I mean, as you could imagine, "The Embryo Hunts in Secret" is a bit 'mild' as far the pinku genre goes, conisdering the way it evolved throughout the 70s and continues on to this day, but it can't be denied that "Embryo" was positively ahead of it's time.

The plot is pretty simple: the manager of a department store is out on a date with a female employee and takes her back to his apartment where he goes into a woman-hating frenzy - tying her up, whipping her relentlessly and rambling on about how she's nothing but a dog and he intends to 'train' her as such.

That's basically the movie. There's a few scattered flashbacks to a married couple - who I assume were the sicko's parents - and we get a little insight into Daddy's frustration over Mommy's want for a child after Dad gets "snipped". She goes behind his back and gets inseminated and he apparently didn't like that so much - hence the beatings. I guess that ties into the main story somehow, since our whip-slinging male lead enjoys dishing out much similar punishments on a particular helpless woman. The film is very well shot with a very artistic flair in the cinematography and creative editing that pops up here n' there. Again, you gotta appreciate "The Embryo Hunts in Secret" as a 'leading-edge' forerunner of "rough", bondage-oriented Jap-sleaze that would become very prevalent in the following decade.

If you're interested in tracing the origins of Japanese 'exploitation', somewhat, than I must recommend checking out "The Embryo Hunts in Secret".

Funeral Home (1980, William Fruet)

 

This is one of the more 'tame' slasher films of the 80s. Nothing really NEW in terms of the ol' formula, though "Funeral Home" just skimps on the bloodshed and 'beeewbs'.

A teenage girl visits her grandma to help her turn her grandparent's old funeral home into a tourist bed and breakfast spot. The girl starts hearing granny mysteriously conversing with an unknown person in the basement and hears a few tidbits of how much of a sadistic prick her (supposedly) dead grandpa used to be. Of course, guests of their home begin disappearing and/or turning up dead and a local cop is trying to crack the case...

"Funeral Home" was one of those slasher films that I just never bothered to see, even in my adolescent years when I couldn't get enough of these types of body count flicks. During that time I may have enjoyed this one a bit more, but at this juncture in my film viewing, I just can't really get into these types of bloodless types of slashers. I will say, however, that this one has an alright mood at times and the pacing is decent. The ending REALLY was a "Psycho" knock-off, in the truest sense. Slasher completists may need to check out "Funeral Home", but don't expect a total GEM...

Serial Rapist (1978, Kôji Wakamatsu)

Without a doubt, "Serial Rapist" is one of the most violent, to-the-point 'violent-pink' works ever made. It's exactly what the title suggests and, fuck, this movie is a bleak and rapey good time!

A chubby kid in overalls, riding a shitty bicycle, pedals around looking for women to rape and murder. Many of whom, he finds making out with boyfriends or just wandering alone. He seems to enjoy shooting them in the vag immediately after railing them... At one point, he even rapes and then kidnaps a female cop and keeps her in the little shack where he lives...

The film pretty much follows that general idea, throughout. It's basic, but it's done effectively. The rape and murder scenes are ugly and brutal and the nameless rapist character is efficaciously disconsolate and helplessly psychotic. The use of airplane noises and saxophone music during the 'harder' scenes add an interesting element to the uncompromisingly nihilistic tone of the film. Highly, highly recommended!

Salon Kitty (1976, Tinto Brass)

 

"Salon Kitty" is based on an up-scale brothel by that name, located in Berlin during WWII that was taken over by SS intelligence for the purpose of gaining secretly disclosed information from clients. They rigged the place with hidden microphones and a set up a recording room tucked away in the back. They forced a bunch of Berlin whores to act as agents and coerce secrets from the horny elite that strolled in there for a 'good time'. This movie takes a 70s 'sexploitation' look at this historical flimflam of sexual/political manipulation.

First and foremost - I must say, I was a bit taken aback by the anomalous way in which this Tinto Brass ("Caligula") 'nazisploit' representation halted a formidable exhibition of high-octane sleaze after a mere 30 minutes or so for some pretty upfront drama. For fuck's sake, I was tantalized relentlessly during the first act of this movie with wall-to-wall gratuity and bizarro-smut, such as a Nazi youth orgy, a hunchback midget sucking a girls tits, a legless guy getting his amputated cock-stump rode by some slut...

Not to say the movie completely loses sight of it's filth-factor all together, but it definitely weakens a bit once Madame Kitty is commanded to close up shop and that hooker/soldier love story kicks in. I always welcome good storyline - even in the midst of, what is looking to be, quality sleaze - and I wouldn't say that this film failed in terms of it's general plot, though it IS quite disjointed, dull and really drags the whole middle section of the film down.

Still, like I said, "Salon Kitty" certainly dishes out some rather "classic" moments, like a fat man projecting film-reel images of a Hitler speech against one of the prostitutes while he makes her hold a dick-shaped pastry between her legs so he can suck on it crazily before she goes ape-shit for some reason. There's also a few strange musical numbers thrown in, all of which star Kitty except for one which is a ridiculously long dance done by some queers flashing their cocks from under the dresses they're happily wearing... This scene is, like, WAY too fucking long.

So overall, "Salon Kitty" is a little chinsy with the "fucked uppedness" once you get to a certain point much too early on, but it's still a decent film. Just don't be expecting "Ilsa: She-Wolf of the SS" or "Last Orgy of the Third Reich" -type shit. This one is a little more 'dramatic' but should quench your need for nutty, sex-filled material.

Snowbeast (1977, Herb Wallerstein)

"Snowbeast" is as unoriginal as they come, but still not the worst you can subject yourself too when dealing with low-budget Sasquatch-themed films or 70s made-for-TV horror. It's got it's 'pluses', but at the end of the day it's basically just a "Jaws"-on-land type of thing...

A ski resort is holding some kind of winter carnival where a ferocious yeti just so happens to be lurking around the nearby woods. When skiers start getting plucked off the slopes, the sheriff, a retired ski champion, his wife and her ex are pressured by the resort owner to hunt down the creature and kill it.

There's a few fairly tense moments involving POV shots of the beast spying on doomed skiers and the formula - though obviously familiar - is entertaining enough. That said, there are too many drawn out scenes of people skiing and a sub-plot showing a ridiculous love-triangle between the three central characters. The beast isn't shown a lot aside from it's claw latching onto people and a few very brief glimpses of it's face, such as in a scene where it smashes it's way into a gymnasium full of unsuspecting resort guests which is a disappointingly short burst of Bigfoot action.

Overall, like I said, you could do worse than "Snowbeast". If you like this type of shit - "Jaws"-ish movies like "Grizzly" - you might get a small kick out of this one.