Monday, August 19, 2013

Gorepump's Sewer of Short Horror #3

Once again, a collection of 'mini reviews' for a selection of short horror films I have seen. Brief reviews for brief flicks that do not exceed 15 minutes cuz that's how I roll. There's some good shit here and some shitty shit. You can find most of - if not ALL of these online - so enjoy!



Fist of Jesus (2012)

If you've seen the short film "Brutal Relax", well "Fist of Jesus" is very much in the same vein. Top notch short zombie splatter comedy - coming in at 15 minutes and making each second count. The first few minutes is Christ talking to his disciples when Jacob runs up saying that his son Lazarus has died. Jesus isn't willing to accept this and wants to prove his godly powers by reviving the distraught man's son which kinda backfires and sparks a undead uprising. Zombie Romans, Pharisean zombies and... of course... zombie cowboys! And a big-ass bloodbath ensues, prompting Jesus and Judas to save the day by fighting back with... what else? Fish.

This thing is a well shot Spanish joint. The effects are an enjoyable combination of practical with moderate CGI gore and it's over-the-fuckin-top! Like, "Dead Alive"-esque. And it's goofy as all hell. Speaking as someone who has grown exhausted by the zombie genre over the past few years, "Fist of Jesus" is what I personally want in a zombie flick. Short, to-the-point, gory as fuck and just the right level of tongue-in-cheek. Recommended.

Directed by: Adrián Cardona, David Muñoz
Runtime: 15 minutes

Tufty (2009)

This was a peculiar blend of ridiculously silly and oddly harrowing. "Tufty" is an Irish short that answers the age-old question: where do teddy bears come from? Well, apparently there's a forest in which teddy bear families live peacefully until their dwelling is one day invaded by a hunter who chases them down, puts a bullet in 'em and takes 'em to a professional who removes their organs and replaces them with stuffing so they can be sent off to toy stores.

Yeah, it's a silly concept but the unexpectedly serious tone works well and makes "Tufty" all the more amusing. Also, the puppetry is pretty damn good.

Directed by: Brendan Butler, Jason Butler
Runtime: 8 minutes

The Big Shave (1967)

One of the earliest works from Martin Scorsese. It's an okay little flick showing a guy shaving his face until his face and torso is streaked in blood flow. By the end, he pretty much severes his jugular veins with the razor while a jazz number plays throughout all of the "action".

"The Big Shave" is fine. Clearly a little experiment from Scorsese from way back in the day. I guess there's some timely Vietnam War symbolism behind it, but I'm just basing my opinion on the film at total face value. True film snobs will probably adore this.

Directed by: Martin Scorsese
Runtime: 6 minutes





Tub (2010)

Here's a strange one. Once again, another flick with a silly premise that doesn't play it for laughs to the degree that you would expect.

Plot here: A guy can't seem to get any from his old lady so he jerks off in the shower, thus... impregnating his bathtub.

The pacing is good, the effects are enjoyably nasty here and there and the concept had some promise. However, "Tub" was still pretty boring and it just felt too flat and conventional to me. It reminded me of the Alison Maclean short "The Kitchen Sink" - another short in which a drain births a surreal being. I dunno, "Tub" just didn't do much for me.

Directed by: Bobby Miller
Runtime: 12 minutes





Unlocking Charlie (2011)

Charlie is an agoraphobic shut-in who has a serious crush on the neighbor girl. She seems pretty 'into' him too - enough so that she wants to spend New Years with him, though he's too much of a panicky, awkward neurotic to put the moves on her. Unfortunately, his buddy seems determined to swoop in on Charlie's babe. Charlie ends up having a bad nightmare and some hallucinations before the film wraps up with a sweet and touching bit of romance.

"Unlocking Charlies" is a decent little short. Well shot, well acted and had a promising concept. The whole dream sequence didn't really work for me though. It just seemed a little out of place. Still, this one is worth checking out.

Directed by: Stephen Crilly
Runtime: 13 minutes

He Dies At the End (2010)

This is a good one to show your friends. It's really short, simple, tense and has a fun little pay off. A guy is alone at his desk at work with nobody else around. He starts taking an online quiz that will determine how he is going to die.

It's quiet, suspenseful and there's a laughably cheesy, yet satisfying surprise at the end. Look for this one.

Directed by: Damian McCarthy
Runtime: 4 minutes

Krueger: Another Tale From Elm Street (2013)

Well, this was pretty pointless. It's some fan-film prequel showing Freddy Krueger before he became the disfigured phantom dream killer of teenagers. It was directed by some guy who apparently has some predilection for making shitty fan films, such as "Escape from New Jersey". This one, however, pays no real respects or tribute to Wes Craven's iconic film OR the knife-clawed murderer - instead, it's just showing a young girl being abducted from a playground... Who gives a shit?! The guy who plays Krueger sucked and was SO douchily hammy I could barely keep from spitting at the screen.

This could've just as easily have been a short film about just some pedophile who snatches kids. Using Freddy Krueger's name and sweater was pointless.

Directed by: Chris R. Notarile
Runtime: 7 minutes
 
 
 

 
 
 

 


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