The Jeffrey Dahmer Files (2012, Chris James Thompson)

Not a bad documentary here, considering I've pretty much exhausted the Jeffrey Dahmer informational breadth at this point. Having seen every movie and documentary on the Milwaukee killer, and read my share literature, I think I've learned it all, for the most part. Still, "The Jeffrey Dahmer Files" isn't a total wash, despite it's flaws.

You're basically getting the Dahmer story through first-hand accounts with the detective who got the initial confession, the forensic guy and a crack head neighbor who goes over some of her casual interactions with him around the apartment complex...

Again, I wasn't getting a whole lot that I didn't already know about the Dahmer case, but the interviews were okay. That said, it seemed like they were a little "light" on the more 'pertinent' material so a lot of the doc is padded out with some pretty pointless dramatizations of Dahmer's day-to-day life. No murders are reenacted - the closest being Jeff dragging a body in a suitcase out of a hotel and into a cab. The rest of this type of stuff is just bland filler, showing Dahmer making a beer run and checking out a gay pride parade. I just didn't see the point in any of this so, in turn, I firmly believe that "The Jeffrey Dahmer Files" would've made for a much better short doc - consisting of, maybe, 15 minutes worth of the interview material.

So, as I said, you're not getting a whole lot of new and interesting facts on the Dahmer case, but I kind of enjoyed hearing from the retired detective.

Gorepump's Sewer of Short Horror #4

 

It's been almost a year, but the Sewer of Short Horror is BACK, bitches! Eight short films (as opposed to the usual seven - I added a bonus), eight mini-reviews and nothing exceeding 15 minutes in length. Short and SA-WEET. Some good ones here. Some typical shit. Some old. Some new. And a few that were directed by Hollywood A-listers. So, skim through 'em and look for the good ones or whatever tickles your fancy.

The Easter Bunny is Eating My Candy (2013)

A little girl goes into her parents' room at night and tells her sleeping mother that the Easter bunny is eating her candy. Mother is sleepy and tells her to go back to bed. On her way back, she sees the sinister rabbit still eating candy at the end of the hall. And it turns out "candy" is the name of her little dog, based on the tags seen in the final shot...

Not much going on in these few minutes in which this short lasts. I feel it would've been a little better if the Easter bunny didn't just look like a guy in a costume, since they give him a demonic voice and some kind of weird, evil sounding language. Seeing his hair sticking out the back of the mask kinda killed the creepiness.

Directed by: Drew Daywalt, David Schneider
Runtime: 2 minutes


Maniac (2011)

Two serial killers run around with a camera crew following them and a goal to kill 8 people, each.

For me, personally, nothing about that premise sounds good. Faux snuff/mockumentaries are something I'm fed up with at this point, but "Maniac" is actually a pretty damn good short film, directed by Shia LaBeouf of all people. In terms of the premise, it's the same thing as "Man Bites Dog" (French language, B & W mock-doc about a murderer), but since "Maniac" is only 10 minutes long and is shot very well and has some well executed kills - such as a shotgun blast to the gut and a molotov cocktail through the open car window of two love-birds - I gotta say, I enjoyed it. Plus, it doesn't feel like a fake documentary, give or take a few moments when the crew is addressed. Any longer than it's runtime and I could've seen this flick getting tiresome, however. People driven to make movies like this should stick with short-film mode. That's the only way to make 'em work, as far as I'm concerned.

Directed by: Shia LaBeouf
Runtime: 10 minutes

Electrocuting an Elephant (1903)

This isn't a very popular one from the 'golden age' of cinema and I can see why.

What you have here is a minute long demonstration - conducted by Thomas Edison - to showcase some of his discoveries in action. So they took an elephant named Topsy that had killed some abusive shitbag trainers (one of which burned the end of her trunk with a cigar). Since killer elephants are not granted a fair trial in our society, Topsy had to be killed. Edison stepped in and figured they'd kill 2 birds with one stone and kill the problem elephant while showing the dangers of alternating current. The result was "Electrocuting an Elephant". They bring Topsy out with wires all over her face and body, smoke rises from her feet before she goes stiff and slumps to the ground.

It's just a very historic and disturbing moment from 100+ years ago captured on film.

Directed by: Thomas A. Edison (?)
Runtime: 1 minute


The House That Dripped Blood on Alex (2010)

This is a pretty funny short starring the guy from "The Room". He plays a guy who moves into a ghetto shithole house that inexplicably drips blood on him no matter where he is.

Unlike "The Room", this is an intentional comedy that is just playing off the guy's terrible acting and quirky on-screen presence. So in that way, I think the cult fan base for "The Room" probably won't get into this, but I found it moderately amusing. The "duck feather" dialog made me chuckle.

Directed by: Brock LaBorde, Jared Richard
Runtime: 13 minutes


I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her From a Meathook and Now I Have a Three Picture Deal with Disney (1993)

Well, this was some boring shit. Some lame Hollywood satire that Ben Affleck directed years ago. It's just about a film director who has his wife suspended from the ceiling by a meathook - although not "Texas Chainsaw"-style, but more of just hooking the rope that's tying her wrists together. He rambles at her for a bit while it keeps cutting awkwardly to a young actress who is gearing up to audition for his latest movie. The second half of this is the audition... Which goes nowhere...

This thing is just pointless and unfunny. Even Affleck has denounced this film as being shitty and has said that he regrets ever making it. I agree with him. It's a cool title, though.

Directed by: Ben Affleck
Runtime: 15 minutes

Game (2013)

This one was alright. I never knew what a 'weremaid' was prior to seeing this 8 and a half minute little movie. It kicks off with a bound and gagged woman running through the woods from a trio of redneck nutjobs. I won't spoil the big 'payoff', but it doesn't turn out to be your average hillbilly psychopath flick.

Pretty good makeup FX and well shot. If ya come across it, give it a look.

Directed by: Josh Macdonald
Runtime: 8 minutes

Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash (2011)

This is one of the douchiest things I've ever seen. Comic books are fine, but trying to set up a 3-way brawl with a few of the most iconic horror characters of all time in under 15-minutes isn't going to work. Especially if you have little (to no) talent when it comes to film-making.

Some chick is having Freddy dreams. Then she's on a road trip with a couple of girl friends whose car breaks down. Jason shows up and kills one of this dumb bitches while the other two find a scroll in some kind of boneyard that brings Ash from the "Evil Dead" films through a portal which leads to a showdown between the three of them.

First, Freddy's face is a Halloween mask. It's cheap-ass rubber and the mouth doesn't even move. The guy who plays Ash does a Bruce Campbell impression that might slightly impress me at a party, but it's truly nauseating in this capacity. The fight choreography at the end is also a complete joke and makes for one of the weakest fights in film history. Perhaps I'm just a 'stick in the mud', but I hate these horror fan films. 

Directed by: Trent Duncan
Runtime: 14 minutes


Chainsaw Scumfuck (1988)

I've dug all the other early short stuff of Alex Chandon I have seen, but "Chainsaw Scumfuck" is definitely the worst. Ya gotta give it a pass, though, considering it was his first foray into indie-splatter film-making.

The 'plot' is as basic as you can get: three buddies are hanging out, chit-chatting, when a chainsaw wielding, hunchback psychopath barges in and annihilates them all.

The gore FX are cheezy as hell, of course. The camera is out of focus 99% of the time while the jerky movements make you dizzy. Also, the killer's pillow-stuffed hunchback was fucking hilariously bad! Check this out for a laugh and then go check out Chandon's later and "greater" stuff, like "Bad Karma" and "Drillbit".

Directed by: Alex Chandon
Runtime: 7 minutes

 

Dream Home (2010, Pang Ho-Cheung)

"Dream Home" is a considerably violent and gory Hong Kong slasher that also contains a pretty decent story pertaining the difficulties surrounding the housing market in HK. It's somewhat of a satirical take on economical struggles that occasionally shifts into a full-on gorefest that definitely secures this movie within the category of ultra-badassedness.

A young HK woman is working two part-time jobs (as well as offering a businessman the occasional suck-n-fuck for some monetary favors) with hopes of being able to move into a flat overlooking the Victoria Harbour. It's something she's been after since her problematic childhood in which her neighborhood was marauded by sleazy land developers who ruthlessly chased people from their homes - sometimes by shoving water snakes under their doors. She even sacrifices her sickly, burdensome father just to get some extra scratch...

The back story is done via flashbacks - jumping from the 90s to the early 2000s to present day which is where the fun takes place. Because her apartment deal fell through, she goes fucking berserk and starts slaughtering the various residents in the building. This includes vicious beatings, castration, disemboweling, as well as the brutal slaying of a pregnant woman.

The contrast between these uncompromising scenes and the more reserved tone of the 'story' portion of the film makes "Dream Home" a pretty 'offbeat' and original flick, in my eyes. I guess some people were a bit confused by this when it first hit, but personally, I found it kinda refreshing to see a film with a good story AND incredibly harsh kills working so well together. I highly recommend "Dream Home". It won't disappoint a strong gore hankering you may have.

Limp. (2013, Shaun Ryan)

"Limp." is definitely one of the best 'necro-art' flicks since Jörg Buttgereit's "Nekromantik". It's a beautifully shot piece of esoteric and morbid Irish cinema.

An extremely lonely man keeps the corpse of a young woman in his home for some much desired companionship. His pathetic home-life mainly consists of propping her up at the table during dinner, watching TV with her and, of course, having sex with her. His lamentable interaction with those in the outside world remains solely based in routine ass-kickings from an obnoxious prick and his bitch girlfriend who he tends to run into pretty frequently. As time goes on, he starts becoming regretful of his deceased gal pal and people begin inquiring about the girl's whereabouts which prompts him to arrange for her disposal...

While "Limp." doesn't do much new, plot wise, since it's very straightfoward, it's strengths lie in it's tactful and strikingly ambivalent reconnaissance into the main character's humiliatingly lonely existence. The style of the film clearly reflects his deteriorated mental state through slow, quiet shots often broken up by random flashes of tumult. It's never really overdone, however, so the film maintains a few nice 'flow', throughout.

I'd absolutely recommend "Limp.". Obviously, it's not for everyone, so if you're either bothered by necrophilia or happen to be looking for tons of fucked up violence and gore, you better steer clear. Personally, this is MY kinda film - artful, disturbing, well shot, while being very effective and non-pretentious in it's 'arthouse' approach. Check it out.
https://www.facebook.com/limpmovie

The Prowler (1981, Joseph Zito)

I hadn't seen "The Prowler" in probably close to 10 years so the other night I decided to revisit it out of drunk boredom. Didn't take long for me to recollect that it's really just a weak and forgettable early slasher outing.

While serving in WWII, a soldier gets a "dear John letter" from his backstabbing bitch girlfriend who ends up going to the big graduation dance with her new weasley male companion. Our angry war hero shows up and brutally does away with the love-birds, making for a 35-year old cold case as we cut to present time (or the early 80s). The town is finally bringing the dance back and the scorned G.I. returns, armed with a bayonet, a sawed-off shotgun and a pitchfork, and is intent on ruining a magical evening...

The real 'saving grace' of this one is obviously Tom Savini's naturally badass effects work. Aside from that, "The Prowler" really has nothing else going for it. Standard slasher set-ups and characters, slow, lousy pacing, so-so killer design, very little suspense and no T n' A to speak of. Like I said - only worth a look for a few notable kill scenes - namely, a bayonet through the top of the skull and out the bottom of the chin, which I rather enjoyed for it's moderate originality. Otherwise, it's a pretty damn boring flick.

Stitches (2012, Conor McMahon)

I really wasn't expecting anything from "Stitches", but to my surprise, it actually turned out to be an immensely entertaining slasher joint out of Ireland.

While putting on a half-assed show for a bunch of misbehaving brats at a birthday party, Stitches the Clown has an unfortunate mishap that results in his bloody accidental demise. Cut to six years later, those same kids are in high school and the birthday boy from the ill-fated party is still haunted by the death of Stitches, especially after having stumbled across a strange clown ritual going on in the cemetery following Stitches' funeral. While the teenage friends are throwing a big drunken house bash, Stitches rises from his grave for revenge...

As far as slasher-comedies go, I rarely see any true effort put into them - especially these days. "Stitches" is actually a pretty refreshing entry in the genre - being clearly of modest budget, yet still managing to come across as a professional looking flick with an unusually likeable cast of characters, a reasonably memorable villain and a few instances where the humor actually worked. There's also a few decent and relatively gory deaths, cleverly themed after traditional clown tricks (one guy gets his head inflated like a balloon and popped). The one thing I feel like it could've done without, however, was the clown cult/painted egg thing that I felt didn't quite work and takes ya out of it a little toward the end. Otherwise, this one is definitely a fun way to blow an hour-and-a-half.