Bela Kiss: Prologue (2013)

Bela Kiss was a Hungarian serial killer who murdered and pickled the bodies of about 23 women around the early 1900s. He was captured after barrels of alcohol containing the remains of strangled ladies were found on his property, but he managed to escape and ultimately got away, never to be officially punished for his crimes. I was definitely into checking out a movie based on Kiss' sadistic antics, but alas, "Bela Kiss: Prologue" is just a mess with a misleading title.

Set presumably in present day, some young bank robbers hole up in a ritzy hotel. Some shit happens involving one of the guys cheating on his frigid girlfriend with the slutty concierge and we get random flashbacks giving a vague rundown of Kiss' life. The movie sloppily culminates into a confused, "Hostel"-influenced ending...

That synopsis isn't as abridged as it may seem. Very little happens in this movie and the relevance of the World War I serial killer to the overall premise is virtually nonexistent. I honestly had no idea who the bald, crazy-eyed butcher was that was introduced around the last third of the film's run-time, nor did I know how it related to the butler... This movie is just a clumsy pile of shit. It's actually shot well, though, and there's one decent kill early on, but that's all the positive I can scrounge up for this one. And - "prologue"? I don't get why that was included in the title.

Hell Fest (2018)

Much like the recent "The Strangers" sequel, "Hell Fest" is far from a 'game-changer' as far as modern theatrical slasher films go. We're talking some basic shit right here, though I wouldn't go so far as to call it unwatchable. Honestly, I yearn for the now rare occasion in which a traditional slasher film is granted a wide release, whether it totally sucks or not.

Some college friends go to a horror theme park where a lunatic shows up, singles them out and proceeds to kill them off one by one...

That's it. Six kids being stalked by a killer in a hoodie and mask that looks like an Easter Island head sculpted out of excrement. Of the few kills, only two are worthwhile - namely, the mallet to the skull. The rest, are pretty generic stabbings, more or less. The movie's setting is definitely its strong suit - making for a good Halloween season 'feel'. I had actually visited a popular scare park a day or two before going to this movie so my mindset may have carried over a bit in adding to my fondness for this particular atmosphere and the particular 'vibe' here is pretty spot on. That said, there's really nothing "Hell Fest" does that calls for too hearty of a recommendation. It's weak on the kills for the most part, the killer isn't terrible looking but isn't going anywhere near 'iconic' status, and some of the stalking scenes kinda drag. At the end of the day, "Hell Fest" is passable but ultimately could've been better. A fine throw-away watch around October, if anything.

Wet Wilderness (1976)

"Wet Wilderness" is an expectedly schlocky XXX-'roughie' that I got quite a kick out of, regardless. Of course, there's nothing remarkable (or existent, really) about the plot of this one, though there are a few qualities that made it stand out a bit.

A family (mother, son, daughter, daughter's lesbian lover...) are on a camping trip when a guy in a homemade Spiderman mask and armed with a machete goes on a rape frenzy with the women, as well as forcing them into incestuous acts with each other.

Right off the bat, the movie blatantly lifts the score from Hitchcock's "Psycho" and continues to use it throughout. And that's not the only example of audio-based genius that "Wet Wilderness" offers up; the dubbing is fucking hilarious! Namely, that of the rapist/killer whose sexual commands and comments are pure gold - particularly when the a random black guy is introduced and he keeps screaming at them to "suck that black cock". Aside from how ridiculous and funny the voice-over shit is and how they used obviously unlicensed music from a very well known classic, the editing is beyond terrible. It looks like entire scenes are missing - including what ever becomes of the son and any kind of ending. One girl sneakily grabs the killer's machete when her mom is going down on him (for the second or third time), then there's just a grainy smash-cut to a banner reading, "THE END". What?? Fans of violent porn from this era need to check this one out. Obviously, it's bad but its nasty and hilariously mean spirited enough to warrant a viewing.

Sodium Babies (2009)

It's always frustrating when a movie goes so far out of its way to be confusing. There's a total difference between a film being cryptic and forcing the viewer to think outside the box, as far as deciphering certain nuances within the story, and just being nonsensical gibberish. "Sodium Babies" is just that. Incomprehensible, pretentious nonsense.

A guy is forced into becoming a vampire whose job is to go around and kill people to harvest their blood for the "prince". The "drama" is amped up when there seems to be a rival blood siphoner  and... something about a chick who hits on one of the vampire guys outside of a club before a shoot out goes down...

This is sorta the 'crux' of the movie, however, new plot-twists arise which are completely convoluted and I wasn't, for the life of me, able to discern how the fuck it all tied together. Some talk show sequence comes out of nowhere, in which our main vampire character is the guest (this goes on for a LONG time) then some kind of symbolism (I guess) involving a dog is a recurring thing that I have no idea the relevance of. Through terrible writing and directing, "Sodium Babies" comes across as a wannabe Tarantino-influenced crime movie, mixed with weak, trying-to-be stylized "Underworld"/"Matrix", comic book-like action. And due to the clearly minimal budget, this all looks like college-level green screen garbage that is almost embarrassing to look at. Put it all together and "Sodium Babies" is just a horribly made movie that is impossible to get into in any way, whatsoever. Avoid this one at all costs.

Curtains (1983)

Here's another slasher straggler that I went without checking out until just recently and I can say without reservations that I have no regrets waiting so long. "Curtains" is like an Argento movie, only without the style, directorial knowledge of the horror genre, or anything of interest going on.

A film director has a willing actress committed to a mental hospital under false pretenses as a way to research for a role in his upcoming horror film. Though, in a total dick move, he leaves her in there and, instead, decides to invite a handful of starry-eyed actresses to his house to audition for the much sought after part. However, the betrayed woman is bailed out of the funny farm and shows up at the house, coincidentally around the time these chicks start getting killed off by a psycho in an old lady mask...

It took me two nights to finish this one because I seriously just couldn't stay awake for it. The body count is minuscule and the kills are all completely bloodless. Not to mention we get such incredibly long intervals between any scenes with the killer. It's almost as though the director forgot he was making a horror movie, but was behooved to incorporate the bare minimum of slasher concepts. I checked out his filmography and just about everything else he's been involved with has been a rom-com or a family-oriented TV show, so the lack of understanding as to the horror genre that is so apparent when watching "Curtains" may not have been far from valid. The only decent scene in the movie is on a frozen lake where the masked murderer pursues a victim on ice skates. Aside from that, "Curtains" is a waste of time and deserves the relative obscurity it has fallen into.

Beast With a Gun (1977)

I was expecting a little more out of "Beast With a Gun" (aka. "Mad Dog Killer", aka. "Ferocious Beast With a Gun", aka. "La belva col mitra"). As much as I enjoyed certain aspects of it, it just didn't 'shine' as the violent sleaze-fest I had been informed it was.

A ruthless killer and his cronies escape from prison and end up abducting the stoolpigeon who had him put away, as well as the squealer's girlfriend. After kicking the shit out of the 'rat', raping his chick, coating him with lime and burying him in a shallow grave, the sadistic ringleader of this band of cons forces his captive female to arrange for him to rob a company her father works for. Things go a little haywire when she goes behind his back and tips off a detective, thus dampering his armed hold-up. Of course, the maniacal lunatic is pissed off and tries to bump off the double-crossing bitch and eventually kidnaps members of the detectives family in a psychotic scheme to acquire money and maintain his freedom.

Helmut Berger does a pretty kick-ass job as the criminal scumbag and there's a little bit of nudity and prolonged scenes of violence, though I felt like the pacing was a little 'off' with this one and that there wasn't enough to hold my interest during certain stretches. I guess I was just expecting something a little more 'hard-hitting' and memorable and this one wound up falling a little short in the ol' sleaze department for me, at least. For a '70s crime-exploitation outing, "Beast With a Gun" is just okay in my book. I just wish it'd went a little 'harder'...