The Holy Mountain (1973, Alejandro Jodorowsky)

"The Holy Mountain" is one of the most psychedelic and artistic films ever made. I have no idea how to interpret the symbolism since religious-based metaphors and spiritualism are not really my "forte". That said, Chilean auteur, Alejandro Jodorowsky's masterpiece is an immensely absorbing mind-fuck experience...

In a nutshell, it begins with a Jesus-looking guy asleep in the dirt, with a diaper full of piss, being woken by a limbless fella whom he carries to a town that appears to be having some type of festival. A bunch of drunks make hundreds of plaster molds his body, which he destroys, angrily. Eventually, he hops onto a big fish hook that takes him to the top of a tower where a mystical figure lives and begins to mentor him on a variety of crazy shit... The movie then oddly shifts gears when it introduces - in an episodic fashion - a bunch of new characters who reside on different planets around the solar system and each have their own unique skill. They then set out in search of immortality...

The film features a giant mechanical vagina, frogs dressed in little costumes, feces being transformed into gold, and the longest scene in which a fat lady pisses into an abstract toilet! You can't make this shit up, folks!

Whether you can wrap your head around any facet of "The Holy Mountain" or not, it's still something that will appeal to fans of whacked out, art-house cinema. Much of it is ominously dream-like, yet there is plenty of weird comedic elements as well. It's not what I'd call a "great" or even a "good" film, since it's so insanely incomprehensible and a little dull in spots, however, every aspect of the film comes alive with a personal flair that Jodorowsky put into it. Despite the absurdity of much of the film, it feels authentic and it is clear that the film maker buried himself in his work (which he actually did).

If this kind of shit suits you, it's definitely one to check out. Once again, it's BIZARRE!

Confessions of Psycho Cat (1968, Herb Stanley)

Much like "The Curious Dr. Humpp", "Confessions of a Psycho Cat" is a lamentably under written story that was, subsequently, fluffed up with moderately attractive women and bearded yahoos pseudo-fucking to qualify for the "grindhouse" audiences of the 60s-70s. Unlike "Dr. Humpp", however, "Confessions of a Psycho Cat" did a much better job of constructing it's sparse premise around the bland filler, which is why my opinion of this film is relatively positive.

A scrawny heroine junkie shows up a swingin' 60s sex party after having nearly been killed by a deranged woman. He tells the story of how he was invited to join a trio of men who were all offered $10,000 to participate in a man-hunt through the streets of Manhatten within a 24 hour period. Once they make it through the allotted time, they are permitted to cash their check... We see, in flashback, the first two guys die in grisly and game-like fashions...

It's an interesting take on the "Most Dangerous Game" scenario and the psychotic 'huntress' is awesome in every one of her scenes. Jake LaMotta plays a professional wrestler who gets taken down like a... well, a raging fuckin' bull. Literally. Forget the "sexploitation" angle. THAT'S your selling point, folks!

A real entertaining flick. Recommended.

Attack Girls Swim Team vs. The Undead (2007, Kôji Kawano)

I'm still in awe of how this movie could've possibly have sucked as much as it did. From the title I was convinced "Attack Girls Swim Team vs. The Undead" was going to be a hoot. No. Not even close.

An all girls high-school is getting vaccinated for a contagious virus though the shots seem to be turning the students and staff into stylized fighting zombies...

Japanese splatter films can be marvelous (pardon the "uncool" adjective) as long as they supply the fuckin' SPLATTER. This film comes with a warning of "graphic violence" before hand which is completely false. I'm pretty much inclined to avoid most current Jap-gore films unless Yoshihiro Nishimura is behind it in some capacity, because "Attack Girls Swim Team" had some of the most mild and pathetically minimalistic gore I can recall seeing in a Japanese zombie film. They tried to pad it out with some prolonged lesbo action, which, admittedly, kept me semi-entertained in between the shoddy action sequences. Unfortunately, all of the zombies scenes are ineffective and the incessant backstory was much to forced and just got in the way. Plus, I was annoyed the zombie-juggler... Stupid!

Again, I am perplexed at how a film about school girl swimmers fighting zombies managed to be a bore, but anything is possible when it comes to Asian horror films, I guess. For some primo Jap-spatter check out "Machine Girl", "Gothic & Lolita Psycho", "Splatter: Naked Blood", and of course the godly "Tokyo Gore Police"...

Shadow of the Vampire (2000, E. Elias Merhige)

On the surface, E. Elias Merhige's "Shadow of the Vampire" is a compelling recreation of the production of F.W. Murnau's classic German expressionist masterpiece "Nasferatu". Personally, I am fascinated with Murnau's films and am excessively interested in the blossoming of his most well-known vampire foundation. Yet, "Shadow of the Vampire" left me confused as to what, exactly, Merhige and writer Steven Katz were looking to accomplish with the film. While the origin of "Nosferatu" is intriguing, as well as the mysterious persona of actor Max Schreck, the way in which the film suggests that Schreck was an actual vampire hired for the production was a hard concept to take seriously, in my opinion.

This was the first real mainstream outing for Merhige whose 1990 film "Begotten" garnered some attention in the horror/art-house underground, prompting Nicholas Cage to produce "Shadow of a Vampire" based on his appreciation of the film maker. Unfortunately, Merhige's auteur "flair" never quite transitioned into his Hollywood efforts ("Suspect Zero" being another disappointing discredit to his unique cinematic outlook that once was). However, if you look at "Shadow of the Vampire" from all different angles, it IS, in fact, an interesting and offbeat film.

Playing ball with what this flick throws at ya, Max Schreck wasn't just a German character actor, but actually an authentic vampire who was secretly hired by accomplished film maker F.W. Murnau for the role of Count Orlok in his up-coming horror film "Nosferatu". The cast and crew were a bit fearful of the method actor's behavior seeing how he never broke character and lived in the castle set used for the film. Not to mention he attacks several members of the team and drinks their blood...

It's a well shot film and every actor gives 110%, yet the slanderous peremptory notion the film takes against Schreck is, again, hard to take seriously. Hell, at times, it's downright funny the way Willem Dafoe portrays Count Orlok with those buck teeth. Yet, I assume this film was driven by the fact that an intact copy of "Nosferatu" is virtually unattainable, hence, Max Schreck's vampire outburst during his eminent death scene have been misplaced over the film's one hundred year existence. Eh. Why not. If you just sit back and enjoy the fantasy and character besmirching that "Shadow of the Vampire" has to offer, it isn't a bad film at all!

Singapore Sling (1990, Nikos Nikolaidis)

One of the strangest movies out there, "Singapore Sling" is a generous assembly of all things SLEAZE as well as a crafty blend of 'noir' and aesthetic connotation.

An boozer detective with a bullet wound is found on the doorstep of a mother and daughter's manor where he is subjected to torture and sexual dominance. The purpose lies in the fact that the detective is looking for a woman whom the psychotic mother-daughter duo killed and buried in the garden. Despite the their incestuous infatuation with one another, the daughter begins a seductive role play with the captive man, taking on the identity of the dead woman which sparks animosity among the relatives until the shit, undoubtedly, hits the fan...

Directed by Greek film maker Nikos Nikolaidis, "Singapore Sling" initiates an irregular composite of surrealism, fetishism, comedy, and horror within a bleak and claustrophobic milieu. The element of isolation is done very well and add to the unique, foreboding charm the movie ignited almost immediately.

The two female leads a terrifically unlikable and oddly attractive in their self-degradation, schizophrenia, and sexually deviant antics. For some reason, I found the sea food dinner scene troubling. I can't rightly explain it, but I truly hated these women after that part.

You can expect pretty much everything from "Singapore Sling", such as puking on faces, pissing on people, fruit masturbation, electro-shock torture, and mummy rape (?). That said, it's not a perfect film. A little slow at times, but otherwise it comes with a recommendation. Not for everyone and lovers of hardcore 'sleaze' and brutality may be a tad disappointed, but if you dig fruitful, different cinema than give it a look...

Trilogy of Terror (1975, Dan Curtis)

If made-for-TV horror films were ever to pop onto network television these days (not hypothetical, but impossible!), they'd certainly have some big shoes to fill, especially when it comes to this nutty anthology from '75. I doubt that topics such as date rape, voodoo-based suicide, and killer aborigine toys could ever be packed, competently, into a 70 minute film again, let alone one made for the American Broadcasting Channel...

The first segment in the film (no wrap-around story, by the way) is called "Julie" and it's about a meek looking college professor who reluctantly accompanies a seemingly respectable male student out on a date. He promptly tosses some Rohypnol (or some other kind of sedative I buy in bulk) in her drink before driving her to a motel and taking "explicit" photos of her for the purpose of sexual blackmail.

Story #2 is a worthless bore called "Millicent and Therese". One mild mannered sister wants to put an end to her floosie sister's obnoxious and "evil" ways... The "twist" ending is embarrassingly predictable.

The third and final portion of the movie, titled "Amelia", is the big payoff with the culturally iconic mascot's initial appearance. The Zuni fetish doll's magical chain falls off, causing the spirit within the object to gain control over the vicious looking little figure and attack Karen Black. This is seriously a non-stop uproar of savage doll noises and a woman's struggle for survival against the flailing, steak knife wielding puppet. That's the extent of this story's plot, but that's all it takes for you to derive entertainment from it...

"Trilogy of Terror" is nothing great as far as anthology flicks go. It pales in comparison to shit like "Creepshow" and, my personal favorite, "Tales From the Darkside: The Movie". Still, if you dig Karen Black like I do, you'll certainly find her presence in each fable (plus, a dual role in 2nd story) to be a nice gag. Richard Matheson is credited with writing the screenplay, as well.

Overall, "Trilogy of Terror" is one of those favorable glimpses at the gloriously nostalgic 70s when television studios actually beamed horror entertainment into your home...