Brawl in Cell Block 99 (2017)

No two ways about it - I'm definitely behind filmmaker S. Craig Zahler and his cinematic endeavors after seeing his feature debut, "Bone Tomahawk" and now, after "Brawl on Cell Block 99", he's a cool two-for-two. This one's a blast of fun, 'grindhouse'-style violence that doesn't go about playing it up as a trite, fanboy-inspired gimmick.

Getting fired from his job and on the outs with his ol' lady - a former drug trafficker decides to get back into the game in order to piece his life back together. Shit goes well and within 18 months he and his pregnant wife are situated in a mansion with a steady flow of dope-money coming in. That is, until his employer assigns him to do a pick-up with a pair of junked out Mexicans and shit takes a disastrous turn, landing him in a 7-year prison stretch. Soon after his incarceration, he gets word from an associate of rival drug dealers that his wife has been kidnapped and their unborn child will be prenatally dismembered if he does not follow through on their orders of snuffing out a prisoner in another, much harsher prison. From there, he is forced to climb the ranks of 'problem inmate' in order to reach the rough, prison-within-a-prison - Cell Block 99.

Firstly, it's definitely weird seeing Vince Vaughn in something that isn't total horse shit. He's no great actor, but after seeing him in "Brawl...", I can't help but find it a shame that he was typecast in so many insipid rom-coms all those years when he can clearly pull off a role with some 'balls'. Kudos to him. Also, Don Johnson shines as the cold, cigar-puffin' warden of the maximum security 'uber-prison'. This is just an all around entertaining flick that is occasionally over-the-top with its sadistic and grim hoosegow settings and violence. There's a clear tendency the film has at times of not taking itself too seriously, which really fits well alongside the more 'serious', in nature, moments. In all, it IS a fine example of modern 'grindhouse'-style cinema without all of much too obvious references that could have turned it into a total goof movie. Highly recommended!

The Iguana with the Tongue of Fire (1971)

By 'giallo' standards, I would place "The Iguana with the Tongue of Fire" on a slightly above average tier, considering I am, admittedly, not the biggest fan of this particular genre. There's definitely been 'giallos' I've liked (Fulci, of course, knocked it out of the park every time and who can forget the master, Argento?), however, I've found it rare for these kinds of flicks to really blow me away. However, regardless of other people I've heard speaking rather unfavorably toward "Iguana...", I actually found it relatively decent, overall, despite some expected dullness.

A killer who likes throwing acid on people and cutting their throats goes and stuffs the body of his latest female victim in the car trunk of a diplomat - prompting an investigation. A rogue inspector hits the case hard - going so far as to fuck the ambassador's daughter and risk putting his family's lives in jeopardy to crack the case...

The film has a pretty solid 'flow' (for a 'gialli') and shit stays interesting enough, throughout. There are a few fairly gory kills involving close-up throat slashings, though I would've preferred a few more on-screen demises. Too many people just pop up dead with a little blood on their necks which I found a bit frustrating. That said, I've seen far worse and actually ended up enjoying "Iguana..." for the most part. The characters were relatively engaging and the pacing was on point. Worth a look, especially for 'giallo' aficionados.

The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018)

It took a good decade, but a sequel to "The Strangers" has finally been released. I honestly wasn't the biggest fan of the first film - though I found it to be an enjoyable enough 'home-invasion' flick and appreciated the rather harsh way in which it ended. I went and checked out "Prey at Night" at my local cineplex and, I gotta say, overall, I had a fun time sitting through this one.

The set-up has to do with a family of four (mom, dad, teenagers...) who are carting the angsty daughter off to a boarding school, but first they decide to drive out to the grandparents' trailer park for an awesome family 'getaway'. Turns out, their relatives have been killed off by the 'Strangers' clan and the rest of the park is devoid of residents so the family soon finds themselves up against the masked sadists in a 'cat-and-mouse' game...

Like the first film, this sequel isn't 'mind blowing'  and has its obvious problems, yet I have to admit, I quite enjoyed seeing a mindless stalk-n-slash movie in the theater again. This kinda shit seems to have been heavily phased out of mainstream theatrical releasing in favor of the endless output of box-office dominating superhero mash-ups and racially "aware", pretentiously fawned over psychological thrillers like "Get Out". Not to say I LOVED "The Strangers: Prey at Night". The characters were traditional and bland and I especially disliked how they went with a TOTALLY "Hollywood"-style ending - a complete 180 from the first film. Still, some alright suspense and some fairly decent kills (though this thing is FAR from a bloodbath). In all, this one's an enjoyable way to blow an hour and a half.

The Smell of Us (2014)

Larry Clark's controversial lexicon of sexually-charged and intrinsically 'raw' films of teenage debauchery and callowness have typically been held in high regard by yours truly. His films "Kids", "Bully" and "Ken Park", in particular, cast such a brutally blunt and genuinely dismal light on troubled adolescence that has, in turn, garnered Clark his share of haters who see him as a kiddie porn peddler who is only out to shock audiences with vulgar, graphic depictions of 'barely legal' sex acts. While I can understand the thin-skinned types of viewers seeing it this way, I have always seen his films as starkly in-your-face, unyielding looks at dysfunctional youth - regardless of Clark's potential physical hang-ups on his young subjects of which... who knows? Ironically enough, however, after seeing his newest film, "The Smell of Us", I'm beginning to wonder if the aforementioned harsh critics of Clark are onto something because this movie pretty much IS - for all intents and purposes - the filmmaker getting his rocks off on gratuitous 'shock value' sex scenes with no real substance to back it up.

Set among the French skater-kid scene - the film primarily follows a kid who whores himself out to old men on, what he states is, a strictly gay-for-pay basis. His friend - who IS a homo and has an open crush on his pal - also prostitutes himself, as do several of their other fellow skateboarders (one of who's clientele is old ladies) the film occasionally drops in on.

Aside from the unnecessary reveal that the main kid has a weird, incestuous relationship with his mother, nothing much really happens in "The Smell of Us" as far as fleshing out any of the characters or showing us anything of any kind of merit. It really WAS as though Clark was just trying to heap in as many prolonged scenes of an emotionally vacant kids getting butt-fucked by old pervs in hopes of just simply making audiences uncomfortable. It fails in offering any kind of depth or involvement in the characters and the narrative is virtually non-existent. Instead, we're treated to a seemingly endless scene of a kid getting his toes sucked by a rabidly horned up fag or some bearded creep going around a dance club and smelling the bony, sweaty chests of drugged up pubescents. I came away from this movie blank, which disappointed me greatly considering my overall appreciation for Clark's films and his "eye" for making compelling characters out of what are typically unlikable, obnoxious, illiterate shitheads. There's nothing memorable or interesting with this one. I was a bit harsh on his previous flick, "Marfa Girl" but, compared to "The Smell of Us", it's a true gem. Hopefully Larry Clark has another decent film or two left in him before he inevitably trips over an actors' skateboard, breaks his elderly hip and is forced into retirement.

Rusted Body: Guts of a Virgin 3 (1987)

"Rusted Body..." is the third entry in the "Guts of a Virgin" (aka. the "Entrails...") series, though, story-wise, it's a standalone flick with no real relation to its predecessors. It's also definitely a step down in comparison of quality, but it has its moments, I guess.

A gang of criminals - fronted by a pair of psycho lesbos - make their money by extorting people and their next 'mark' is a bank manager who is unfaithful to his wife and has embezzling quite a bit of cash (or yen). They kidnap him and his mistress and attempt to torture information out of them in order to gain access to his wealth...

There seems to be a bit more going on in this movie - something to do with an old inventor who hangs out with them and has a machine that people fuck on that transmits orgasms via... some kind of science. Not sure. Much of this movie is very muddled and hard to follow so I didn't find the premise, itself, all that 'gripping'. That said, there's a good amount of hot sex scenes and a particularly odd torture method involving eels and liquor. In all, I found "Rusted Body..." to be a pretty average - if not a bit of a boring - 'pinku' film. It was erotic and weird enough to hold my interest, but the first two films in the series are quite a bit better. And gorier! Only mildly recommended.

The Geek (1971)

Most are, at least, familiar with this one just for how notoriously shitty it is;"The Geek" comes across as an educational film-turned porno and then everybody involved lost interest...

A group of horny hippies are in search of bigfoot evidence in between boning each other in the woods. Then the chicks are raped by bigfoot; a poorly choreographed, underwhelming fight ensues and... The End.

The majority of this - already short - film is spent on showing these people walking and setting up camp. Then we get into two 'hardcore' sex scenes which are unarousing and awkwardly shot (gotta chuckle at the guy, out of nowhere, confessing to wanting to fuck his sister!), before they remarkably happen upon Sasquatch for the big climactic showdown. As downright boring and inept as "The Geek" is, it's short enough (around 45 minutes) and just so ridiculous that it's well worth checking out for a laugh.

Rape Zombie: Lust of the Dead 2 (2013)

This was my introduction to the "Rape Zombie" series (of which, I guess, there are five installments...) and I'm far from impressed. Though, in all fairness, maybe it gets better as it goes on, but based on what I saw here, I have no interest in seeing any more.

Some kind of airborne sickness is causing men to turn into rape-happy zombies and the only way to stop one is to cut its balls off. If the zombies cum inside their victim, it's instantly fatal. The rest of the world has apparently gotten the epidemic under control except Japan so the U.S. sends over an indestructible female android to 'clean' things up while a married couple seek refuge in an all-woman research base, seeing as how the husband is completely non-infected. Meanwhile, there's a gang of only partially infected men - who are not zombies, but USE the zombies to rape/kill any surviving women they come across - are forming an uprising against Japanese women who they deem to be all 'snobs' and non-sexual.

Again, I came into the "Rape Zombie" saga a little late and the sequence of films seems to be pretty tightly linked together (they show clips of 'part 3' at the end), though, what I got out of this one was a bore-fest. Toward the beginning there's a few rape-zombie scenes (one of which - sporting a giant, spewing monster-cock...) and there's a bit of girl-on-girl stuff, but, overall, it's just poorly shot and dialog-heavy. The CGI green-screen backdrops are truly terrible, as is the overuse of that 'shaky-cam' style. I also didn't understand how a film with zombie rapists, big monster cocks and gratuitous female nudity had to 'bleep' words like "dick" and "pussy". Odd.

The Ice Cream Truck (2017)

Ice cream truck drivers have always seemed like an advantageous basis for a horror film and, though it's been done with the '90s Clint Howard vehicle, "The Ice Cream" man, as well as the Masters of Horror episode, "We All Scream for Ice Cream" - I still feel like the full potential of this concept has yet to be appropriately harnessed. So, while "The Ice Cream Truck" does some things well, it ultimately come across as unfocused and a somewhat pretentious.

A woman moves into a new house in a quiet suburban neighborhood ahead of her husband and kids who aren't due to arrive for several days. In the meantime, she begins hobnobbing with the stereotypically snooty 'soccer moms'. She also comes into contact with a creepy deliveryman, as well as a mid-century ice cream truck crawling around town. Upon meeting a pot-obsessed 18-year old neighbor kid, she begins toking up and contemplating taking some youthful dick as a way of recapturing her prenuptial, devil-may-care younger years. All the while, the ice cream man is making his rounds; peddling his wares on the local teens before murdering them.

Aside from a few moderately bloody killings, the movie is primarily centered around the horny housewife and her inner-conflict as to whether or not to jump the bones of a younger man while her family is away. Eventually, her path crosses with that of the psychotic vendor and, following quite an underwhelming 'showdown', the movie ends on an eye-rollingly dubious note. That said, the film is well acted and the retro ice cream truck is cool. Had it involved a little more emphasis on the truck and its driver, as well as even a little back story or motive (he hates promiscuity?...) and punched up the 'climax' a bit I feel this flick would've worked better. As is, it's a little too "Desperate Housewives" for my liking.

Can be purchased here at http://www.uncorkedentertainment.com/

Last Days of Coney Island (2015)

It's a goddamn shame that a legend like Ralph Bakshi is reduced to crowd funding campaigns to produce - what I can only imagine will be - his last animated film. The man who pioneered adult, hand-drawn masterworks like "Heavy Traffic", "Fire and Ice" and "American Pop" came out of retirement after close to 20-years - having penned a concept for an all new film that, no doubt, would've so perfectly rounded out an amazing and innovative career. But what happens? He's shot down by the limp-dicked studios who want to shove all of their animation funds towards another inane "Minions" or Jack Black as a talking panda. So, along with his son, Bakshi went ahead and crafted "Last Days of Coney Island" into a 22-minute short film that, for what it is, is excellent, though could've easily amounted to SO much more had he been given some more solid backing.

The film follows parallel story-lines set in 1960s Brooklyn - one having to do with the son of a carnival psychic who's indoctrinated into the mob after slaughtering his mother and her lover - a clown - who he discovers having sex. He gets his revenge further by 'shaking down' the Coney Island clowns. There's also a cop whose girlfriend - an exotic dancer - is busted in a raid that he has a hand in, causing him tremendous guilt and depression. The two stories eventually intersect - leading into a pretty dark ending.

The look of the film is MUCH rougher than any of Bakshi's past films. Having pretty much been drawn solely by Ralph - the lines are sketchy and loose and there's no 'in-betweening' - making for a less-than fluid animation style. Despite this, however, the look of film is full of charm and is awesome to look at. I've always heavily admired Bakshi's versatility in his movies themes and, as much as I love his fantasy stuff like "Fire and Ice", "Lord of the Rings" and "Wizards" - it was really cool to see him return to the sleazy 'urban decay' style that he so well depicted with "Fritz the Cat", "Coonskin" and, my favorite of all of his films, "Heavy Traffic". It's just disheartening that such an important name in animation is rejected by today's studio system who are afraid to take on adult animation on a broad scale.

Better Watch Out (2016)

There seems to have been a bit of an influx of Xmas-themed horror flicks in the past year or so with "Red Christmas" and "All Through the House". I was trying to get at as many as I could around the last holiday season, though I didn't end up getting to "Better Watch Out" until just recently. I found it to be fairly enjoyable despite some flaws.

A twelve-year-old boy and his hot babysitter - who he's desperate to 'hook up' with - are interrupted by an apparent home-invasion scenario...

...And, honestly, that's about as far as I feel I should go with my synopsis; seeing as how there's quite a heavy game-changing 'twist' very early on in this flick. I typically manage to avoid most info on films I may intend on seeing in the future, so I went into this one not knowing of what was to come so I think that definitely boosted the enjoyment factor for me. The darkly "Home Alone" 'vibe' is well delivered (that movie is directly referenced several times - along with a paint can booby trap scene with a more 'realistic' outcome) and the child leads pull it all off very well. The gore could've definitely been 'upped' in a few particular scenes, but, in all, "Better Watch Out" is a solid enough holiday horror film.

Things (1989)

Sorry, but in no way does this one fall into the "so bad it's good" category for me. "Things" is about as amateurish and ponderous as you could possibly imagine and I failed to find even the slightest glimmer of a redeemable quality behind it.

Failing to impregnate his wife, a guy apparently allows a mad doctor to perform fertility experiments on her which prove disastrous when a vicious insect-like creature erupts from her abdomen. At the time, he has a couple of drinking buddies over who, along with him, are forced to slay what becomes a horde of killer bugs.

Not only is this movie poorly shot and acted - many scenes are so horribly edited that you literally can't tell what's going on; such as when a guy has his fingers chopped or chewed off. I can only assume it was a bug creature, but no indication of it is shown on screen. On top of that, there's an abundance of incredibly drawn-out, go-nowhere scenes of walking around a house with flashlights, paper-mache effects and unintelligible dialog, thanks to some top-notch sound recording. Perhaps this one works better when seen with a group of people and a hefty supply of liquor, however, I watched it alone and was kinda tired so I'm ruling this one a total bomb of a low-budget horror effort that is irritating, headache-inducing and completely BORING.

A Chain of Cursed Murders (2006)

There's not a whole lot out of the 'norm' to be found with "A Chain of Cursed Murders"; as it pretty much falls in line with many of the other supernatural 'tech-horror' movies that came out of Japan around this time - like, "One Missed Call" and "Pulse". Not to say it's one of the worst. It's actually a tad better than a lot of these types of flicks I've seen over the years. However, it's just, in essence, more of the same.

Some schoolgirls start receiving a mysterious text message from someone looking for a "criminal" who had raped and beaten a pregnant girl. It claims that if they fail to forward the message to a certain number of people, they'll be murdered. They initially write it off as bullshit, until one of them turns up dead. Then a few more girls are brutally killed so one of them pairs up with her perverted teacher to track down the source of the message before it's her turn.

Aside from the basic premise, I found the end reveal(s) to be a bit clunky and convoluted. That said, there's a few fairly tense scenes and one decent and kinda gory kill - though most of it is off-screen. In all, it's not quite as cliched as a lot of movies of it's kind, but there's really nothing here that's all that original or enthralling. I'd say it's one you can safely pass up.

The Cottage (2008)

"The Cottage" is a British 'backwoods' horror-comedy that has more working against it than for it. It seemed like certain things could have been taken out and this would've worked a bit better, but, as is, it's basically an inept hodgepodge of crappy humor and lame-ass cliches.

Two brothers kidnap a crime boss's stepdaughter and hold her for ransom in a cottage out in the country. Both guys - though opposites as far as personalities; one being a spineless pansy and the other being a more 'tough' guy - are incredibly incompetent, with their captive repetitively getting the better of them. Things become more bungling when her fat idiot brother - who is in on it for a portion of the ransom money - shows up and things go to shit even further when she escapes and they all happen upon a deformed psycho farmer living nearby...

Had it not been for the completely out-of-place, kiddie-comedy sounding music popping up a bunch during the first half of the film, I felt the humor aspects (which take up a considerable amount of the film) would've worked better. The interactions between the brothers and the third accomplice is actually the best thing the movie has going for it, aside from the aforementioned musical accompaniment that's straight out of a fucking "Home Alone" movie. When things shift over into "horror" territory, however, things start feeling very unoriginal and forced; almost like the movie, as a whole, could've done without it and just been a 'dark' crime-comedy. The few kill scenes and gore are pretty basic and the killer is generic, if not SILLY looking. "The Cottage" is pretty much a bore-fest that fumbled heavily with its "horror" material.