This Hollow Sacrament (2007, Greg Stechman)

A movie about a serial killer who preys on female rape victims sounds like a foolproof premise for which to base a film. Turns out, "This Hollow Sacrament" is an excruciatingly boring piece of shit that many misguided horror fans pictured as the be-all end-all of "cutting edge" film making.

An OJ Simpson look-alike police detective is on the hunt for a killer who is snatching up women around Northern California.

For some reason, the movie drifts into some indecipherable bullshit involving the detective's wife and her pregnancy complications. The film jumps around inanely to random scenes with very little explanation. The goriest thing about This is a pregnant woman's stomach being sawed apart. Other than that, there's really no memorable death scenes or "extreme" gore. All I can think to say about "This Hollow Sacrament" is that it is a horrendously dull, digitally shot, clumsily written and edited, disappointing MESS. I'd go so far as to recommend "Murder-Set-Pieces" over this... Avoid.

Bereavement (2010, Steve Mena)

"Bereavement" is, apparently, a prequel to director Steve Mena's 2004 slasher flick "Malevolence", which I saw back then and don't remember anything about it to this day. As downright deplorable as "Malevolence" was, I assumed Mena couldn't have improved as a film maker THAT much. I was right, but still, "Bereavement" is moderately better than the director's prior shit.

A young child with the inherited disease CIPA (Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis) is kidnapped from his yard by the former employee of a meat packing plant that has since become condemned. Five years after the initial kidnapping, the deranged madman sees the kid as an otherworldly entity, due his total lack of nerve sensation. He brings young women back to the factory and slaughters them in front of the boy, as some kind of sacrificial ritual for his cow skull "god".

There's an uninteresting sub-pot involving a teenage girl moving in with her uncle's family after her parents are killed in a car accident. The uncle doesn't want her dating the local boy because his mom's suicide messed him up... blah, blah ,blah. None of it matters in the end, that's all I'll say.

Firstly, "Bereavement" is really nothing all that "new" or exceptional in terms of serial killer-slasher flicks, especially those from recent years. There's a few decent gore scenes mingled into it, but everything involving Michael Biehn was a complete fuckin' snoozer with poorly written, schlocky dialog and didn't pertain to anything! The end is a total bloodbath, which was cool, but it was still incredibly predictable.

One thing, however. Brett Rickaby, who played the killer, should win a fucking Oscar for 'Best Serial Killer Performance'. Seriously. The dude pulls out all the stops in this role and knocks it out of the goddamn park! Watch the movie JUST for his performance. Otherwise, "Bereavement" is just okay.

Big Tits Zombie (2010, Takao Nakano)

 

a.k.a. "Big Tits Dragon" (for some stupid reason). Am I crazy for thinking that a movie called "Big Tits Zombie" would be, at least, moderately sleazy and, perhaps, entertaining? Boy, my hopes were dashed early on during this putrid shit heap of zero-budget Jap-horror garbage!

A group of exotic dancers find the Necronomicon and stupidly bring the dead to life. In horrible, Z-grade fashion, the girls fight back against the herd of undead while one of the broads learns how to control the zombies using the book...

What sucks about "Big Tits Zombie"? Well, the lack of tits is a good place to start. A total of two scenes feature brief glimpses of mediocre breasts. That's it. Tits are referenced in the title, thus I expect copious amounts of bouncing jugs on screen throughout the film! Not the case, as it seemed. What a gimmicky fucking title! Fuck this movie!

They also utilize some insanely awful CGI graphics that any dumbass junior high student could drum up in 5 minutes on their home computer. The extent of these effects, however, are strictly limited to blood spray and a pulsating sushi. Ugh. The rest of the not-so special effects are done with simple face paint (worn by a rather small cast of zombies who are all hacky, over-acting, Thriller video douches)  and strings (mind you, these strings are shown in close-ups for a total of, maybe, ten of THE laziest shots). Also, the sets at times are clearly covered in plastic sheets to avoid any possible messes that post-production blood may have made. What the fuck?!

 The only redeeming moment involved a zombie chick shooting fire out of her twat. Still, I couldn't get amused. Stay away from this banal piece of shit!

Hesher (2010, Spencer Susser)

 

"Hesher" is kinda like Takashi Miike's "Visitor Q" without all the weird shit. It's a more comprehensible and clear-cut version, if you will - not to say that was necessarily the intention, but the similarity is there. That said, I actually really enjoyed "Hesher" for it's tenebrous proclivity and the odd interpretation it reveals as up-lifting.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt terrifically pulls off the role of Hesher, a mysterious drifter and loner with a rough looking van and a serious liking for heavy metal who ensconces himself in the home of a father, son, and grandma who are all in a grief-stricken rut after the death of a close loved one. The kid is subjected to constant bullying, the dad is a depressed pill-head who sleeps all day, and the granny is seemingly oblivious to her family's extreme tribulation. As Hesher sits on their couch, eats their food, plays loud, shitty guitar riffs in their garage, he absorbs the apathetic routine of the pathetic household and begins helping them adjust in his own lawless kind of way. This tends to entail fully lashing out at those who wrong you...

All of the performances are stellar, namely Levitt who formulates a very compelling and enigmatic character who is clearly a mixed bag of unpredictable temperaments. He can be calm and reasonable, insane and frightening, or wise and cunning. The best thing about his character, for me personally, was the random metaphor usually pertaining to graphic sexual experiences in his past. Natalie Portman is also pretty good as a grocery store cashier who becomes involved in Hesher's antics every-so-often; however, her character is a bit pointless, if you ask me. Rainn Wilson once again pops up as the obvious "niche" character he was born to play: the depressed, wife-less suburban man. And, of course, that kid was amazing! I've never seen a child SO abused throughout a film...

I'd definitely recommend "Hesher". It's not a perfect film by any means, but those who like melancholy films, such as myself, will certainly get a kick out of it.

Red State (2011, Kevin Smith)

I consider myself a moderate fan of Kevin Smith's earlier brand of slacker comedies and the idea of the pudgy, stoner film maker conceiving a horror film left me fairly interested, though mostly skeptical. What I got out of "Red State" was a garbled attempt at low-budget horror from a director who was obviously FAR out of his element.

The idea behind "Red State" consists of a cult of religious wackadoos - led by a Fred Phelps type of "fag hater" - who lure homosexuals and perverts to their ritualistic demise, via internet message boards. A trio of high school boys begin as the focal characters who think they're headed to gang bang an old hag, but quickly find themselves in the clutches of a very deranged family of God fearing killers...

This portion of the premise seems promising enough, though Smith's intentions of straying from the norm in his pursuit of making an "unconvential" horror film ultimately led to disaster. With the inclusion of John Goodman's character, who appears about halfway through the film, things take such a ridiculous turn that my neck got sore from unthinkingly shaking my head in disgust. At this point, Smith attempts to wedge in a staggeringly rushed and banal amount of "twists", such as an endless shootout, FBI agents attempting a "no witness" type of cover-up, heavenly trumpets (??), and inane metaphors.

Other than that, "Red State" is an over-blown jumble of ignorance shown through stereotypical southern characters with that typical one-dimension that western culture likes to endlessly stigmatize. Smith's desire of illustrating religious fanaticism just made for a horridly laughable and shallow motif for the basis of the film. From what I saw, it all stemmed from the awful writing that actually failed at making Michael Parks and John Goodman's performances even remotely memorable. And I love those fucking actors!

Overall, it's clear to me that Kevin Smith is looking to do away with his lowbrow raunch comedies and wants to "grow" as a film maker. Unfortunately, "Red State" is FAR more disjointed and childish than ANY of the dopey comedies he has done in the past, showing that Smith has not yet found his footing in the horror genre, as much as he clearly wants to. Everything about "Red State" reeks of desperation and sloppy writing. Pass on it, folks.